Need advice on unmotivated college student.

[disneysnowflake]

I need advice about a 20 yo college student who is unmotivated.

He moved into an apartment in August to be closer to school. We pay for school, books, 1/2 rent, transportation, food. I had to cosign the apartment lease for a year.

He was to be in school full time and get a part time job on the weekends.

I now find out that last semester he dropped all classes except one. He goes to school for 45 minutes per week. Yes, on 45 minute class every Thursday. I paid $600 for books that have been unused. Sigh.

He also has had no luck finding a job. I'm not sure if he's even looking. He said he's tried part time at Wal Mart, Target, Kohls, McDonalds, Wendy's, Best Buy, convenience stores, but he doesn't really "want to" work at a hotel cleaning or anything. DH believe that any job is better than no job.

He also has been home every single weekend since he left.

I've spoken to him about maybe homesickness or depression, but he says he has neither.

I have had it. We are paying so much for everything and expect him to at least be part of our team to get through college. 45 minutes per week for school and no job and playing video games or chatting online all day is not being part of the team.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Next semester he's supposed to be back to his full time classes (I hope). It's past the middle of November. He moved out in mid August, and still does nothing all day. Extended family think I'm expecting too much from him. Sigh.

[Mouse House Mama]

Cut off the money supply. Stop paying for his apartment etc.

[disneysnowflake]

Since I cosigned the lease, I have no choice but to pay the apartment. I'll never cosign again, that's for sure.

[AKL_Megs]

Stop paying his way!!!

He's clearly showed that he is not deserving of your help! You stop wasting YOUR hard earned money, and let him find out how hard it is to make a buck, and how NICE it was to get it for FREE!

It's called tough love, and your son needs some.

[NHdisneylover]

Make him pay his own way up front and reimburse him for tuition, books, etc only for the classes he passes with a C or better. If he is not ready to handle college yet tell him to quit while he is ahead and get a fulltime job and you will still reimburse if he decides he is ready any time in the next 5 years (or however long you want to leave it open).

[AKL_Megs]

Originally Posted by disneysnowflake

Since I cosigned the lease, I have no choice but to pay the apartment. I'll never cosign again, that's for sure.

Then you stop paying for THESE things...

We pay for school, books ... transportation, food...

[disneysnowflake]

Originally Posted by AKL_Megs

Stop paying his way!!!

He's clearly showed that he is not deserving of your help! You stop wasting YOUR hard earned money, and let him find out how hard it is to make a buck, and how NICE it was to get it for FREE!

It's called tough love, and your son needs some.

I agree. I think my son is looking for a reason to quit college, but doesn't want to just quit on his own. He'd rather use the "my mean parents won't help me, so I had to quit" excuse.

[puffkin]

I wouldn't pay for anything. If he wants to stay in school, then he needs to take the initiative to get a job, get student loans etc.

As for the apartment, I would sublet it. At least then you won't be out the money on that until your lease is up. There is always someone looking for an apartment. Even if you lose a little money by maybe charging less rent than what you are paying, at least you won't be throwing it away at DS.

DS needs tough love quick. It won't get any better on its own. Trust me!

[NHdisneylover]

Originally Posted by disneysnowflake

I agree. I think my son is looking for a reason to quit college, but doesn't want to just quit on his own. He'd rather use the "my mean parents won't help me, so I had to quit" excuse.

If you go the reimbursement route he does not have that excuse He'll be forced to take responsibility for his own actions.

[disneysnowflake]

Originally Posted by NHdisneylover

Make him pay his own way up front and reimburse him for tuition, books, etc only for the classes he passes with a C or better. If he is not ready to handle college yet tell him to quit while he is ahead and get a fulltime job and you will still reimburse if he decides he is ready any time in the next 5 years (or however long you want to leave it open).

I like that idea. I may sound stupid, but I really didn't know what to do. We saved for years to college and want him to succeed. It's a shame he doesn't want to get an education when so many others would love that opportunity.

I think DH and I are going to have a long, long talk tonight.

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well, I find that if I was at risk for losing money for not meeting expectations, my act got in gear real quick.

I'd give him one more semester and if he doesn't meet a minimum # of class hours AND whatever you declare that should be a minimum GPA (3.0 ?), then it is time to cut the purse strings.

We hope to pay for our kids' college, but they don't get to be "unmotivated" on our dime.

FWIW--I got a 2.65 my first semester and was at risk for losing my scholarship. I needed a 4.0 to keep it. I almost made it, but had 2 A's dual enrollment classes that kept me above the minimum 3.2 required.

My parents did not have the means nor the desire to bail me out of the situaton. I had to bust it out myself and succeeded. I then never put myself at risk of losing that scholarship the rest of my college career, b/c obtaining a degree was very important to me.

Set some parameters and be willing to act on them for your student. IF he can't get motivated, then maybe college isn't the right choice for him for now.

[AKL_Megs]

And just to add FWIW, when I was 20, my parents only paid for school... I managed to pay for my books, food, and car... I also paid rent! I had a crappy job, went to school, did my homework, and then socilaized when everything else was done.

Your son seems to be living the life of Riley! 20 isn't 18... I am assuming he SHOULD be graduating next year? He should be much more mature and self motivated by now. Sounds like he doesn't want to be there, so stop wasting your retirement money!

[blissventure]

You do have options. It's probably time to break the lease. Sonny can't pay without your help... Get the details from the landlord what the penalty is, and pay it. It will be far less than wasting your money until next August.
As far as all the other multiple issues, you might find some support and help in counseling. You have a long road ahead of you starting to establish boundaries with this young man. Good luck to you.

[mjkacmom]

I messed up my first semester (2.4! - got it up to a 3.3 by graduation, but I worked hard). I also dropped some classes. My parents just told me they'd pay for 4 years - anything else was up to me, so if ended up taking me 5 years, I'd pay the extra year. I ended up having to take classes over the summer (and drive the hour each way). I didn't want to have to pay for the extra year!

[shirleyb]

Since I see you're in State College, assuming he has transportation, I saw a Help Wanted sign at Big Lots.