do you tell your friend that her DD is not being honest? (GIRL DRAMA)

[Minnie's Pal]

I am friends with several of my DD's classmates' moms. One in particular always feels like her DD (let's call her "Lucy") is treated badly. Not by my DD but every other of their mutual friends. My mom friends complain that "Lucy" treats their DDs because they are friends with more than just her. I just stay out of it.

Now my DD has came home upset saying that "Lucy" has lied to her. That "Lucy" has always said that the other girls are mean to her. And her other friends told her that "Lucy" was mean to them. She was just friends with everyone. Well, last week she caught "Lucy" roll her eyes & talking really ugly to her other friends. So my DD confronted her & asked her what was going on. She got really mad & now she has turned her anger onto my DD. She hasn't, so far, said anything directly to her but my DD said when she tried to talk to her she just walks away. And everytime she sees her, "Lucy" rolls her eyes or gives her the "stink eye."

Now "Lucy's" mom once again feels like another girl has turned against her's for no reason. I, personally, just told my DD to always be nice. If "Lucy" doesn't want to talk, leave her alone but always be nice. I feel like it's best to let them work it out. But "Lucy's" mom has started making ugly comments again about how her DD is treated. I'm really biting my tongue because I know now it's directed at my child too. My DD is the 4th that has now turned "evil" per "Lucy."

I know my DD is not perfect but I do feel like "Lucy" 'is getting carried away with all of this. When her mom talks crap again, should I address the latest episode (the one involving my DD) or should I just ignore it? I'm ok with "Lucy" not talking to my DD (they'll live) but I hate that her mom feels that her child is being outcast because it's just not true. "Lucy" is alienating herself by her actions.

[Tinijocaro]

No, you shouldn't talk to the other mom. These are the types of things parents should stay out of. Just teach your daughter how to react-that's all you can do.

[JESW]

How old are the girls? Their age would matter to me if I said something or stayed out of it. My dd is 10 and in the 5th grade. I stay out of her battles but try to help her deal with different situations. If you are REALLY close to the Mom you may be able to say something, but for the most part parents aren't real keen on hearing bad things about their kids - and she may not even believe you.

Jill

[just4today]

You should stay out of it. That will be good practice for middle school because it just gets worse.

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd's are 18 and 13. My advice is to stay out of it & ignore it. There will always be a "Lucy's mom" wherever you go. You will just be fanning the flames and giving her ammo.

Unless they are planning to meet in the back alley for a rumble, you pretty much stay out of the "he said, she said" stuff.

I would just tell your dd to never put anything negative in writing thru emails, FB, texting. Gossip needs to be keep in words and never in text. That is my golden rule of survival no matter how old you are.

[Minnie's Pal]

Originally Posted by The Mystery Machine

My dd's are 18 and 13. My advice is to stay out of it & ignore it. There will always be a "Lucy's mom" wherever you go.

Thank you all for the great advice. Especially the above one. That one really struck me. You're right, there probably will always be someone like that. My gut told me to continue to ignore it but I was worried about our friendship (since it's obvious the other mom is not ignoring any of it - she is taking names FOR SURE.) If she chooses to do that, that is a burden she will have to take on. My DD seems comfortable with it all (other than she, like any of us, doesn't really like anyone to be mad at her.) She also, from her perspective, doesn't have any guilt so she can move forward.

Thanks again.

[agnes!]

Honestly? I don't think Lucy's mom sounds like a very good friend, she (and her daughter) just sound like trouble.

agnes!

[clutter]

Originally Posted by Minnie's Pal

Thank you all for the great advice. Especially the above one. That one really struck me. You're right, there probably will always be someone like that. My gut told me to continue to ignore it but I was worried about our friendship (since it's obvious the other mom is not ignoring any of it - she is taking names FOR SURE.) If she chooses to do that, that is a burden she will have to take on. My DD seems comfortable with it all (other than she, like any of us, doesn't really like anyone to be mad at her.) She also, from her perspective, doesn't have any guilt so she can move forward.

Thanks again.

Ok, I've been in your shoes.

I'm really good friends with "Lucy's" mom, and we carpool, of necessity, to activities together.

I have had some conversations with the mom about Lucy's behavior. It's usually after the fact, allowing the girls to work it out. Because I am a good friend, and I know the mom wants to know both sides of an issue, not just hear her dd's side, I have let her know a few of the problems that have arisen. And she does the same for me. However, this does not sound like a mom that wants to hear this.

You might try the simple solution the next time she complains by saying "you know, there are two sides to every story" and leave it at that. It lest her know that you're not totally buying into her special snowflake story!

[mjkacmom]

Originally Posted by clutter

You might try the simple solution the next time she complains by saying "you know, there are two sides to every story" and leave it at that. It lest her know that you're not totally buying into her special snowflake story!

Actually, there are usually three - I'd stay out of it.

[Terry36]

I've been in your shoes for the past 3 months now since my dd and my good friends dd started the same new school. I think part of the problem between them is they're both only's and are total opposites....my dd is headstrong and hates whineyness and the other girl is very whiny and not as outspoken. It doesn't help that they're always together, same grade at school (not same class though -whew) carpooling and gymnastics. My good friend always twists whatever goes wrong to the advantage of her child however I've tried telling her there are two sides to everthing. Her dd tells her every little thing that occurs at school/gym with the girls however I have told my dd to not bring any pettiness back to me unless someone is being really mean or hurting you. My alternative in all of this has been to eliminate as much interaction between the two as possible unless absolutely necessary. This has seemed to cut down on the issues between them.

Bottom line if this is a good friend of yours then yes if not let it go. DF and I tell each other it we are aware of issues however I have backed off unless it's absolutely necessary. IHTH

[luvmy3]

I can relate, my dd has a friend Lucy as well. I happen to be very good friends with Lucy's mom so I have no problem letting her know that Lucy's version of the story is not always the version I have heard. Now when our dd's were first beginning their friendship I would never have said anything but we are close enough to be able to let eachother know when something is just not quite right. I don't know how close you are to the mom, if not very I would just help your dd through and not say anything to the mom. Chances are she knows how her dd is and its only a matter of time where she can't ignore it anymore.

On a side note, there was a time when my dd was very hurt by Lucy's behavior toward her but she has learned that this is how Lucy is, and she even talks about it with the little eyeroll (ya, know 6th grade dramaqueen). I know that even though they are still friends, they aren't quite the BFFs they once were. Since starting middleschool, dd has found friends that are more like her and less like Lucy.

[Green Tea]

I've sort of been there and my advice is to not say a thing. Nothing good comes from it.

[Mom23Disneybelievers]

Originally Posted by just4today

You should stay out of it. That will be good practice for middle school because it just gets worse.

You are spot on!

This will not be your last time dealing with this "girl drama". Try to stay out of it......just communicate to your daughter what behavior you expect from her. If you say something to the other mom...it will not go well.

[Mermaid02]

She wouldn't believe you anyway- just stay out of it!