Spin off - What exactly is a baby shower?

[TriMom]

Spin off of the 2nd baby shower thread...

Around here we have baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies, etc. all the time. No one thinks aything about it. No one considers it tacky - it's just what we do. In the 2nd baby shower thread, people mentioned that a small party with 5-10 close friends would be acceptable, but shower would not be. This got me thinking. I must not have any idea what a baby shower actually is!

For all babies (1st, 2nd) the girl's closest 2-3 friends host a shower at one of thier homes. They get a cake, cut up some fruit, and make some punch. The grandparents of the new baby are invited as well as about 10 other really good friends. We all get together, eat said cake, play silly games, and give the mother-to-be a gift that values about $10 - $25. Sometimes 3-4 people will go in together and get a bigger ticket item. Invitation are sent out via evites or on the phone.

It's all very low key - even for first babies. The people who are invited would be giving the new mom a gift anyway. These are all people who are good friends of the new mom and each other actually. We tend to celebrate everything though.

So given this discription, I am very confused why it ok to celebrate the first baby, but not second babies. That got me thinking - maybe I have no idea what a baby shower actually is - and we are doing it "all wrong"

Those of you who think that 2nd baby showers are tacky and rude - please explain to me what actually goes down at a baby shower, and then maybe I can understand why 2nd baby showers are tacky.

[Angelhalo]

Originally Posted by TriMom

Spin off of the 2nd baby shower thread...

Around here we have baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies, etc. all the time. No one thinks aything about it. No one considers it tacky - it's just what we do. In the 2nd baby shower thread, people mentioned that a small party with 5-10 close friends would be acceptable, but shower would not be. This got me thinking. I must not have any idea what a baby shower actually is!

For all babies (1st, 2nd) the girl's closest 2-3 friends host a shower at one of thier homes. They get a cake, cut up some fruit, and make some punch. The grandparents of the new baby are invited as well as about 10 other really good friends. We all get together, eat said cake, play silly games, and give the mother-to-be a gift that values about $10 - $25. Sometimes 3-4 people will go in together and get a bigger ticket item. Invitation are sent out via evites or on the phone.

It's all very low key - even for first babies. The people who are invited would be give the new mom a gift anyway. These are all people who are good friends of the new mom and each other actually. We tend to celebrate everything though.

So given this discription, I am very confused why it ok to celebrate the first baby, but not second babies. That got me thinking - maybe I have no idea what a baby shower actually is - and we are doing it "all wrong"

Those of you who think that 2nd baby showers are tacky and rude - please explain to me what actually goes down at a baby shower, and then maybe I can understand why 2nd baby showers are tacky.

I completely agree. It is definitely NOT considered tacky around here to have showers for 2nd, 3rd babies etc. Here in my part of the south I think it would be considered rude to only throw a shower for the first baby. As if the rest of the children are less important somehow......

[acename]

Our church threw our shower for the first baby. Everyone in the church was invited and they did the cake and all that too.

For our second child due in February, my sister wants to do something like what you described. I feel a little weird about it after some of the responses on the other thread.

[Bluestars]

I'm from the south too and it's not considered tacky where I live. I never thought a thing about it until I joined the Dis. The showers I have been to have always been casual events where we have a cake, play some games, and give small gifts to the pregnant person. Definitely not something I would have ever considered tacky just because it wasn't a first baby.

[Luv Bunnies]

The idea of any kind of shower (wedding, baby, new home) is to "shower" the couple and/or baby with gifts. It's intended to get them started with what they need so they don't have to pay for all of it themselves. Each person brings a gift which takes a lot of the burden off of the couple/parents.

A shower is also intended to celebrate the event, but if you accept an invitation it's basically an agreement to bring a gift. Baby showers are generally given only for a first child. By the 2nd or 3rd, it's assumed that the couple already has most of what they need or are in a better financial position to purchase it. Some people think asking for more gifts for a 2nd child is tacky because family members and friends already gave one. Subsequent children can still be given gifts, but just not at an organized shower. That's how showers are viewed here.

[Anne34]

Around here we do the same type of things -- we have a lunch, play games and give gifts to the mom-to-be. The gifts are usually a bit pricier and many people register. We only do showers for the first baby.

[minkydog]

I'm a full believer in having showers for 2nd and 3rd(and more) pregnancies. The shower is for the MOM not the baby. It's her last chance to sit around with her adoring friends and family, eating finger sandwiches and swilling non-alcoholic punch before her life turns upside down--again. And if the participants want to bring her a little something, well go ahead!

I had showers for my first 2 babies and a little get together with my 3rd. Sure, my 2nd baby could have worn her brother's 7 year old hand-me-downs, but thankfully she didn't have to.

My 3rd baby came hot on the heels of my 2nd and we didin't really need much in the way of clothes(poor 3rd babies!) Since DD was less than 2 and still in diapers a lot of people gave us diapers in every size. Three friends went together and got me a twin stroller.

I don't remember a lot about the gifts, but I do remember laughing and talking and relaxing with my friends.

[kilee]

Here we tend to only see a shower for the first baby, unless there is A LOT of years between babies (like 10+ years). The trend in the last year has moved towards co-ed showers. Even before that though, they've always been large. As in 50-150 people. Usually lunch is served, though they are trending more towards full out reception type parties.

I can count on 1 hand the number of people I've known to have a shower for baby number 2 or 3. They just don't happen. I guess it's expected that at the first shower you'll receive the large baby furniture items (stroller, crib, high chair, ect) and you'll keep them for an subsequent children.

[Meriweather]

Originally Posted by TriMom

Spin off of the 2nd baby shower thread...

Around here we have baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies, etc. all the time. No one thinks aything about it. No one considers it tacky - it's just what we do. In the 2nd baby shower thread, people mentioned that a small party with 5-10 close friends would be acceptable, but shower would not be. This got me thinking. I must not have any idea what a baby shower actually is!

For all babies (1st, 2nd) the girl's closest 2-3 friends host a shower at one of thier homes. They get a cake, cut up some fruit, and make some punch. The grandparents of the new baby are invited as well as about 10 other really good friends. We all get together, eat said cake, play silly games, and give the mother-to-be a gift that values about $10 - $25. Sometimes 3-4 people will go in together and get a bigger ticket item. Invitation are sent out via evites or on the phone.

It's all very low key - even for first babies. The people who are invited would be giving the new mom a gift anyway. These are all people who are good friends of the new mom and each other actually. We tend to celebrate everything though.

So given this discription, I am very confused why it ok to celebrate the first baby, but not second babies. That got me thinking - maybe I have no idea what a baby shower actually is - and we are doing it "all wrong"

Those of you who think that 2nd baby showers are tacky and rude - please explain to me what actually goes down at a baby shower, and then maybe I can understand why 2nd baby showers are tacky.

Sounds exactly how we do it around here too.

[luvmy3]

Baby showers are to get a family started on the things they need when they are having a baby. All the big equipment that a couple doesn't have prior to getting pregnant is given, along with anything else that is needed. There isn't a second shower because the parents pretty much have everything they need already. It doesn't mean the first baby, or any others aren't celebrated, its just done differently. I have a question for all the posters who live in regions where its the norm to have a shower as a celebration of the baby, is the father in attendance, and other male family and friends?

[Bluestars]

Luvmy3, out here where we have multiple showers, the father is usually never in attendance, neither are male friends. It's kind of just a female thing where I live.

[luvmy3]

Originally Posted by Bluestars

Luvmy3, out here where we have multiple showers, the father is usually never in attendance, neither are male friends. It's kind of just a female thing where I live.

Here either, where showers are given for the 1st and not (usually) for any after.
Poor men, I guess no matter where they are they don't get to enjoy the celebration

[Bluestars]

Originally Posted by luvmy3

Here either, where showers are given for the 1st and not (usually) for any after.
Poor men, I guess no matter where they are they don't get to enjoy the celebration

Who knows? They may like it that way.

[TriMom]

Originally Posted by luvmy3

Baby showers are to get a family started on the things they need when they are having a baby. All the big equipment that a couple doesn't have prior to getting pregnant is given, along with anything else that is needed. There isn't a second shower because the parents pretty much have everything they need already. It doesn't mean the first baby, or any others aren't celebrated, its just done differently. I have a question for all the posters who live in regions where its the norm to have a shower as a celebration of the baby, is the father in attendance, and other male family and friends?

I am really trying to figure this out! Are you expected to show up with a gift ranging from a $75 high chair to a $300 baby bed???

[remyandhollandsmommy]

Nea men are normally a no show around here..come on now, you know how fragile a southern man's ego can be..caught at a BABY SHOWER no way lol. That said if I get a baby shower for this baby then I am dragging the Boo aka DF with me..he's all about experiencing every stage of pregnancy hahaha...