I need advice!! Am overthinking life and just need some input.

[sunshine girl]

I'm stressing myself out!! I need some advice and I think some external opinions and/or experiences could really help.... I am WAY overthinking things. I'm nervous to even post all this but i could use your thoughts.

My saga:
I lived in Florida but moved a year ago to Michigan (which is where I grew up and went to college) because I lost my job in FL, and the job I found in Michigan was quite a bit better than anything I could find in Florida. So after much debate and many tears, I left Florida.

To clarify -- I hadn't planned on looking for a job in Michigan, but my sister found the job posting, and my family encouraged me quite strongly to apply... so I submitted my resume not thinking anything would ever come of it. Well, now, long story short-ish, here I am. I'm close to my parents, my sister and her 2 kids, and I have a comfortable job. My family is thrilled to have me back.

Everything sounds great, and I'm thankful. (I know I am a lucky person to be well-employed and with a loving family. Very very very lucky. I realize mine are not major struggles. I still need advice, though!)

Anyway, it's just .... I miss Florida so much! It's been a year and I haven't settled back into things here in the north. I just keep wishing I were back in Florida. I really loved living there, but my job was really crazy while I was there. Now, I live somewhere I don't love but have a good job. Life is ironic, right?!!

One other big caveat, as long as I'm letting it all out: I'm 34. My boyfriend of 3 years and I recently broke up (sigh...I have been thru this one too many times...). I'm running out of time to start a family and I wonder if I should make that my very top priority and stay in Michigan just to accomplish the goal of a family?? But then am I going to be stuck here????

Should I just let it go? Settle in here and be happy to have a job, and just hope that one day I'll feel happy to live here? Plow forward and hope that I meet someone and forget about Florida (or hope that maybe I meet someone who might be willing to move to Florida with me someday?)? That seems to be the logical, sensible conclusion but I haven't been able to accept it.... but then when I think of leaving and making a serious effort to move back to Florida, the feelings of guilt about leaving my family behind are really overwhelming.

So I have a lot on my mind. Am feeling confused. I know I'll have to decide things on my own, but any advice or personal experiences (even if only peripherally related) would be so helpful...... thanks!

[mjkacmom]

I remember when dsil moved there from NJ - she was depressed for a few years, but things got better after she had a baby (she was 40), and met other families. It's harder to meet people when you are single, or don't have children. So, no advice, but I remember how miserable she was.

[FSUDisneyGirl]

It seems like you are happy to be near family...I guess you should think...if you go back to Florida, and find a great job, are you going to be happy being away from your family? Or can you deal with maybe working hard in Michigan, being near family, but making the $ to take a trip or two to Florida each year?

As someone once told me...when you stop searching for the right guy, he will wander into your life. It happened to me! I would let it ride for a bit, focus on the good things in Michigan...spend time with family, and maybe visit Florida! If you're not happy again in a year, maybe it would be time to change things. Is it the weather you don't like up there? What do you like about Florida? LOL I'm in Florida now, have been my whole life...and I want to move north!

Hope you figure it all out!

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I think you have make a priority list.

If family is your #1 priority you may seriously consider staying, especially if you have thoughts of raising a family on your mind.

If your financial position is solid think about buying a small vacation condo in Florida. I wouldn't put solid employment at risk, especially now.

[iwrbnd]

I've lived "up north" all my 42 years & have ALWAYS wished I lived in the south! I'm married w/kids in school & established jobs in our community. I know now I'll never move. It makes me sad but it seems once you're settled you stay. Now I've had to start dreaming of retiring somewhere south. Sometimes I wish we had started our careers where we wanted to live forever. But, I guess we go where the job is! I'm happy but hate the winters! Good luck on your decision. I can see why that stresses you!

[DMickey28]

Did your ex boyfriend live in Florida as well? Where is he know?

I do not think that right now is the time to make any major changes, honestly. I finally recognized that my "homesickness" of missing previous locations was not so much about the location itself but my life at the time. Who I was at the time, where I was in my life at the time, how things where in general. I wonder if that could be part of it ... going back to live in Florida now, without your boyfriend, in a different situation will it be the same? Will it be as much fun? Will it feel as 'right'?

I am 31. We moved away from family 6 years ago, from Massachusetts to Indiana to Chicago and then to S. Florida for the last 3 years. When we first moved to S. Florida I desperately missed Chicago. We were there for only a year. It took me about a year to realize that it wasn't so much Chicago I missed but it was were I was in my life. We had a cute house. We had finally become nicely financially stable. We had started trying to have kids. I LOVED my job. I transfer my job but it wasn't the same at all. I didn't like my co-workers at all. DH went from a work at home job to being gone from 7-7.

We just moved back to Massachusetts and bought our first house. So far so good. I will miss the warm weather of Florida in the winter but it's the right move for us to be near family.

Sorry about the novel but I think I have an idea of how you feel. Florida is a tough place with the economy. I think that your best bet is to stay put, take that financial security and plan some vacations. Focus on yourself and you will find someone to share that with. Odds are, who you find to settle down with will LOVE visiting the warm weather.

Good Luck.

[sunshine girl]

Originally Posted by FSUDisneyGirl

It seems like you are happy to be near family...I guess you should think...if you go back to Florida, and find a great job, are you going to be happy being away from your family? Or can you deal with maybe working hard in Michigan, being near family, but making the $ to take a trip or two to Florida each year?

As someone once told me...when you stop searching for the right guy, he will wander into your life. It happened to me! I would let it ride for a bit, focus on the good things in Michigan...spend time with family, and maybe visit Florida! If you're not happy again in a year, maybe it would be time to change things. Is it the weather you don't like up there? What do you like about Florida? LOL I'm in Florida now, have been my whole life...and I want to move north!

Hope you figure it all out!

Thank you! Lots of good points here. Right now I'm doing just that ... taking trips to FL when I can. And I am trying to "wait and see." If my family didn't live here in Michigan, I would not be here. (And yes, the weather here is not my cup of tea. At all!!) It can be very beautiful here, so i'm not knocking it at all... I just can't stand 5-6 months out of the year feeling semi-trapped indoors (even though I try to run outside, even when it's snowing, at least until we get to the below-zero months and the point where my eyelashes freeze). Scraping the car, driving on ice, seasonal allergies, etc.... ugghhh. I did not miss these things in Florida. My family's favorite passtime is complaining about the weather!!

Originally Posted by NEVERENOUGHWDW

I think you have make a priority list.

If family is your #1 priority you may seriously consider staying, especially if you have thoughts of raising a family on your mind.

If your financial position is solid think about buying a small vacation condo in Florida. I wouldn't put solid employment at risk, especially now.

I agree, and that's why I decided to move here in the first place (making family a priority), but it's been way harder than I thought. I can't quite afford a condo in FL, but maybe way down the road... thanks for your thoughts!

Originally Posted by iwrbnd

I've lived "up north" all my 42 years & have ALWAYS wished I lived in the south! I'm married w/kids in school & established jobs in our community. I know now I'll never move. It makes me sad but it seems once you're settled you stay. Now I've had to start dreaming of retiring somewhere south. Sometimes I wish we had started our careers where we wanted to live forever. But, I guess we go where the job is! I'm happy but hate the winters! Good luck on your decision. I can see why that stresses you!

Thanks for your input. I worry about this. When I lived in Florida, I looked forward to flying home after a vacation. I enjoyed waking up every day and seeing green, flowers, tropical birds and (usually) sun. I even liked the grocery store (Publix!!) better!! The 6 months of gray here is very sad after having experienced the Florida lifestyle....!

Thanks again everyone, I appreciate the input!!

[RadioNate]

Originally Posted by DMickey28

Did your ex boyfriend live in Florida as well? Where is he know?

I do not think that right now is the time to make any major changes, honestly. I finally recognized that my "homesickness" of missing previous locations was not so much about the location itself but my life at the time. Who I was at the time, where I was in my life at the time, how things where in general. I wonder if that could be part of it ... going back to live in Florida now, without your boyfriend, in a different situation will it be the same? Will it be as much fun? Will it feel as 'right'?

I am 31. We moved away from family 6 years ago, from Massachusetts to Indiana to Chicago and then to S. Florida for the last 3 years. When we first moved to S. Florida I desperately missed Chicago. We were there for only a year. It took me about a year to realize that it wasn't so much Chicago I missed but it was were I was in my life. We had a cute house. We had finally become nicely financially stable. We had started trying to have kids. I LOVED my job. I transfer my job but it wasn't the same at all. I didn't like my co-workers at all. DH went from a work at home job to being gone from 7-7.

We just moved back to Massachusetts and bought our first house. So far so good. I will miss the warm weather of Florida in the winter but it's the right move for us to be near family.

Sorry about the novel but I think I have an idea of how you feel. Florida is a tough place with the economy. I think that your best bet is to stay put, take that financial security and plan some vacations. Focus on yourself and you will find someone to share that with. Odds are, who you find to settle down with will LOVE visiting the warm weather.

Good Luck.

This is 100% true IMO. I'm 34 and for the past 11 years we have moved and moved again and moved again....

Each new location brings new challenges and eventually they've all become home. With the exception of our current location, Florida, that is.

Now, at 34, with a family of my own, I long for home. I'm not looking forward to Chicago winters and everything that comes with living north but as you get older, having family around becomes much more important.

[johnsontrio]

Originally Posted by sunshine girl

I'm stressing myself out!! I need some advice and I think some external opinions and/or experiences could really help.... I am WAY overthinking things. I'm nervous to even post all this but i could use your thoughts.

My saga:
I lived in Florida but moved a year ago to Michigan (which is where I grew up and went to college) because I lost my job in FL, and the job I found in Michigan was quite a bit better than anything I could find in Florida. So after much debate and many tears, I left Florida.

To clarify -- I hadn't planned on looking for a job in Michigan, but my sister found the job posting, and my family encouraged me quite strongly to apply... so I submitted my resume not thinking anything would ever come of it. Well, now, long story short-ish, here I am. I'm close to my parents, my sister and her 2 kids, and I have a comfortable job. My family is thrilled to have me back.

Everything sounds great, and I'm thankful. (I know I am a lucky person to be well-employed and with a loving family. Very very very lucky. I realize mine are not major struggles. I still need advice, though!)

Anyway, it's just .... I miss Florida so much! It's been a year and I haven't settled back into things here in the north. I just keep wishing I were back in Florida. I really loved living there, but my job was really crazy while I was there. Now, I live somewhere I don't love but have a good job. Life is ironic, right?!!

One other big caveat, as long as I'm letting it all out: I'm 34. My boyfriend of 3 years and I recently broke up (sigh...I have been thru this one too many times...). I'm running out of time to start a family and I wonder if I should make that my very top priority and stay in Michigan just to accomplish the goal of a family?? But then am I going to be stuck here????

Should I just let it go? Settle in here and be happy to have a job, and just hope that one day I'll feel happy to live here? Plow forward and hope that I meet someone and forget about Florida (or hope that maybe I meet someone who might be willing to move to Florida with me someday?)? That seems to be the logical, sensible conclusion but I haven't been able to accept it.... but then when I think of leaving and making a serious effort to move back to Florida, the feelings of guilt about leaving my family behind are really overwhelming.

So I have a lot on my mind. Am feeling confused. I know I'll have to decide things on my own, but any advice or personal experiences (even if only peripherally related) would be so helpful...... thanks!

I moved to Michigan from the South at the age of 24 after having lived in Texas and Tennessee leaving behind a boyfriend that I recently broken up with. I also moved to be with family members that had slowly moved up here for job opportunities. The transition for me was slow and painful. I was single for 5 years after moving here but worked in a place where there were lots of young professionals and I found plenty of things to do. Getting used to the weather was the worst and adapting to a Northern culture and mindset was a close second. It took many years for me to adapt and there are still days when this doesn't feel like home. This seems worse after being down south on vacation and in the winter... As my Mom says "no one misses Detroit in February" I always tell people I could have my whole house packed up in 30 minutes.

Now almost 25 years later, I am married to a wonderful guy. We have a DD in high school and I am busy with tons of activities. I have made a few good girlfriends, but none like you make when you are younger. I still HATE the weather in the winter but summers here, for the most part, are gorgeous. People in Michigan have their own characteristics that make them special and unique. Michiganders are hard-working, generous, salt of the earth type people but they are also insular and don't venture out into the world much except for an occasional trip to Florida. Most folks I know spend their summer vacations in Michigan at their cabin, lake house etc.. Our family spent one summer vacation out west and people couldn't understand why we were going to Colorado and Utah. Generally they are not on the cutting edge of fashion and would not be confused with folks from the left or right coast in regard to style and appearance. Men here don't have highlights or get waxed. More commonly they can be found wearing plaid shirts, facial hair and baseball caps.

That said, I moved here to be with family, found a great job and married a sweetheart of a guy. When we discussed where we were going to live, we decided to stay here but agreed to vacation where it is warm anytime we have time off school/work. We have been lucky to do that pretty much all the way through to high school, now we have some limitations due to DD's schedule. We even spend one week of our summer in Mexico. We like hot weather and it never really even gets hot here.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. It's difficult to learn to live somewhere completely different from anything you have known. Get out and get involved. Find some community groups that do things that interest you. Join a bowling league, professional organization or euchre club (Euchre is required if you are going to successfully transition to life here!). Attend sporting events etc... You can build a successful life here and when you marry and have children you will make an entirely new group of friends that also have children the same age as yours. When you get to that stage, pick your church and school communities wisely, these people will be your circle for 20+years.

Good luck to you.

[Handbag Lady]

Why not stick it out in Michigan, enjoy your life and family, date around (have you tried the Supermarket? That's where my sister found the most normal people.) but still look at the job market in Florida.

You never know. That perfect job might open up in Florida. You might find Mr. Right in Michigan.

[sunshine girl]

All this advice has been great. And the stories you all have shared so far have all been helpful. Really, really helpful. I am so glad I turned to the DIS for advice!!

I do think I should stay in Michigan and "stick it out" ... but every time I think of spending 5-10-20 years here I get weepy and my gut reaction is negative. I grew up here, I know how nice Michigan can be and I appreciate it for what it is. But for me... I wouldn't independently choose to live here.

I'm probably just grabbing at straws, because with the economy as it is, and as someone pointed out in a previous post, it's not the time to leave a stable job. I am dreading the winter, though!!

[minkydog]

First, let's just take a deep breath. You are NOT running out of time to start a family. Lots of women have babies well into their 40s--I had my last two at 38 & 40. It will happen when the time is right.

For now, I'd suggest that you sit tight, enjoy your job, save up some money. Give it another 12 months and really try to throw yourself into your community. If after 12 months and you've really tried to adjust, you *still* are unhappy and pining for Florida, then you might want to consider moving back there.

I think it's sometimes harder to "move back home". We have lived 400 miles away from our families most of our married life. We were transferred to my DHs hometown in Florida for 15 months. It was the worst period of our lives. I thought it was going to be so great being with family. We had a 2yo son and I thought the family would gather around, that we'd spend quality time together. But it didn't turn out that way. They were very jealous of us, wanted us to be there for them constantly, to the exclusion of any other friends. I had a lot of trouble adjusting to the weather--Im a 4 seasons girl and I really cant tolerate the summer humidity. In short, "moving back home" meant different things to us and our families. We wanted that warm fuzzy Big Fat Greek Wedding feeling, and they wanted to control our lives, like we were little children again. Needless to say, when DH had the opportunity to transfer, *I* jumped at it.

We are now back in Georgia where we have lived for the bulk our our marriage. All of my family is scattered across the U.S. All of DHs family lives in Florida. They do not understand why we don't move "home." In their minds it would make everything "right"--no one in the family had ever moved away until we did. We *still* get hounded to move home, after 28 years. They don't get that "home" for us is Georgia. Our choice.

Give yourself some time, and if it's not right, you'll know it. Good luck.

[Frantasmic]

I don't have any answers. I live in Texas and know I wouldn't leave. Still, what is interesting is that your future that you envision isn't anything like the past you have lived. What I mean is that you have moved a lot in the past and yet you see yourself in MI in 5-10-20 years? That's worst case scenario thinking and it doesn't reflect the relatively mobile past you've lived so far.

Hopefully, the economy will recover somewhat and do so soon. Then, you can at least feel better about possibly looking for work in the south again. So, instead of seeing a bleak 5-10-20 year future, give yourself 2 more years and then try to return to the south.

In two years, you may meet and have a family you want and find your goals/wants have changed, etc. If not, you have a plan to return to the area of the country you enjoy. Start saving money so you can have a 2-3 month nest egg to rely on in 2 years when you can leave and look for work without the stress of worrying about a job. Make it a quest.

[FireDancer]

Reading your thread sounded a lot like the situation I was in a few years ago, and am kind of still in now. When I graduated college in 2003 I was working for a company that had their head quarters in FL. I went to school for I.T. and at the time they had an outside company doing I.T. When I graduated they offered me a job as their Information Technology Director if I would relocate to the Tampa area. It was a no brainer. I always wanted to live in FL, getting a first job out of college was always difficult so passing it up would be hard, and my two best friends from high school had both moved to the Tampa area 3 months prior.

I took the job and left Ohio with the intention of staying in FL. The weather was great, the job was challenging and fun, and I had an annual pass to Disney...what could be better!?! Well, I felt down there much like you feel now. I didn't really meet anyone because I was working in a small company where I was the only person under 50. One of my two friends down there was married and lived 45 minutes away and the other worked the exact opposite shift I did. I felt isolated from my friends by the distance and even though I spoke to them often I felt like I was missing a lot being 1,200 miles away. My dating life down there was a disaster and then to make things worse the owner of the company became the most difficult person in the world to deal with when there wasn't an entire country buffering you from her.

I made the decision to move back to Ohio and while I definitely miss Florida on some days I am happier now because I feel like Ohio is home. That being said I would gladly work from FL for 3 months a year if I could.

My advice on where you should live is to live where you feel at home. If that was Florida I would say go back, but be sure. You don't have to plan out 5 years at a time. Life finds a way of working itself out if you let it. I never regretted going down there because you learn a lot about yourself outside of your comfort zone, but I know I am happier here. I would make sure you really think about it though. From time to time I have contemplated moving back because we as humans generally remember the good stuff about a past memory and forget the bad. Make sure you aren't looking at FL through rose colored glasses.

As for the looking for a guy thing, I am sort of at the same place, only the opposite. I would love to have a family but it just hasn't worked out. I think when the right person comes along it will happen and I wouldn't force it. My mom was 28 when she met my dad and felt much like you say you do, that time was running out. There were some red flags thrown up by my dad but because my mom felt like she was getting old and all her friends were married she over looked some of them. I grew up in a house with one real parent and one, uh, DIS boards unfriendly word. That is a whole other thread but I learned from that situation that settling for good enough might work when buying a car, but not looking for a person to marry. I hope I find someone that I marry, but I would rather be happily single than miserably married.

I hope this helps...if not sorry for wasting 5 minutes of your life .

[ticktock]

Little different perspective. I grew up in S.Fl and had to move up north for a few years. It was HELL. Seriously, I hated it. The people are very insular, there is no Publix, it is cold, seriously cold, never been that cold in my life cold, plus I discovered I have seasonal affective disorder so the sun going away for four months out of the year was a horror to me.

People up there didn't understand what I was talking about when I said there wasn't enough sun. I didn't mean there wasn't as many hours of sunlight I meant it wasn't strong enough. That whole Earth tilting on it's axis thing? What a nightmare.

I also discovered I didn't want to be that close to my relatives. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and I'm sure they feel that way about me too.

Now I'm in N. Fl. which is a strange cross of the two. Historical homes and rednecks like up north but lots of LIGHT and no snow.