Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 10-21-2009, 10:07 AM   #1
Tiggeroo
Grammar Nazi
is looking for a funny tag to put under her name
How about..Eats all the peanut butter out of the chocolate ice cream?
Showed BestBuy her Best Pink Lace
 
Tiggeroo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Finally back on the sunny Jersey shore
Posts: 11,964

Our annual family fight over Christmas gifting begins

My siblings and I used to not get gifts for each other but we always bought for the nieces and nephews. There are now 15 total. I keep my gifts at an average of 25. After I remove my kids that means I have 12 to buy for which means I spend around 300. Sometimes if one of us saw something cute and little for a sibling we would pick it up, sometimes not. Several years ago we added an adult Polyanna. The limit for this is 40. If you add in birthday gifts for the nieces and nephews it gets expensive. Half of the nieces and nephews are now in college. Every year there are arguments about this whole exchange. Should the young adult children be put into the Polyanna? Cons against this are brought up such as the fact that sometimes there are adult themed joke gifts given here and the fact that these college kids are always broke. Should we stop giving gifts to the young adults? Two siblings get very upset about this because they have more young kids then older kids and they have been giving to other older kids and they think their kids will get ripped off. Every year I get stuck in the middle here as the two sides try to get me to side with them. I suggested a 13 and up Polyanna, I suggested a niece and nephew polyanna and we would draw per our number of kids and I would spend more on the gifts. (I believe the older kids would rather have one really good gift then 4 twenty buck gifts. My one sibling is really having financial stress. She can't afford to participate and really thinks it is ridiculous to be buying for so many older kids. I kind of agree with her. The problem is the two sisters won't compromise. They just say they are buying for everybody and if you don't want to do it fine. So last year there was a big fight. There was no adult polyanna, which I loved. One sibling bought a family dinner gift cert for all the other siblings and everybody else did the gifts for everybody thing. I would like to end the gifts for older kids but don't feel comfortable doing this if they are still buying for mine.
The other complication is that soon there will be engagements and weddings among the older kids. What then. I really hate confrontation, taking sides and conflict. I'm the oldest and I guess that's why they think I should solve this.
__________________

Flamingo Restored by Dan Murphy
Tiggeroo is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 10:20 AM   #2
Lisa loves Pooh
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,812

My husband's family was consistently doing gifts--then one year they thought it wise to draw names but still buy for the grandparetns and grandkids.

It was a subtle disaster. My gift didn't show up until April the following year.

And it seemed that several people--still got gifts for everyone else anyway.

Last year was back to "normal" and this year--I have been told...there will be NO formal exchange of any kind. (yeah right--it'll still happen to some degree!)

I still will do gifts, but I'm so over the formalities.

Giving is doing something b/c you want to and think the other person will enjoy it.

I've been with my husband since 1995 and they've done Christmas lists every year I have known the family. Old habits die hard, I'm telling you!

I hated the gift lists--b/c it's like--why don't we bypass the exchange and you use your money to go buy what you want?


In any case--it takes someone to make the first move and gift giving shouldn't be about feeling you have to reciprocate.

I really don't mind--I only mind the relentless begging lists.

Gift giving is only as complicated as you allow yourself to make it. Remove the mandatory tag and I honestly think everyone is much happier. Those who enjoy the spirit of giving will continue to do so and those who hate it more than anything will stop.
Lisa loves Pooh is online now   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 10-21-2009, 10:20 AM   #3
wdwfan16
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,931

If every adult has gotten a gift since they were kids then set the oldest age as the age they get put into the adult pollyanna and then do the same as before for the younger kids.
wdwfan16 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 10:21 AM   #4
EthansMom
spare yourself from asking me to do karoake
The experience reminds me somewhat of the ancient Chinese practice of foot-binding
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 7,457

Personally, I think it's a good time to stop giving to the kids who are over 18. Let the other family members know that's what you'll be doing this year. Don't be worry about what the other women in the family do. In a couple years, they'll likely all be doing the same thing as you, anyway.

(At least, that's the way it pretty much worked out when I suggested giving gifts to only the kids. We had one or two years where we gave no adult gifts and no one listened to us. Then, everyone else basically realized that adult gifts were kinda silly and stopped giving them.)
__________________
EthansMom (and Molly's too)
EthansMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 10:29 AM   #5
EthansMom
spare yourself from asking me to do karoake
The experience reminds me somewhat of the ancient Chinese practice of foot-binding
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 7,457

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa loves Pooh View Post
I hated the gift lists--b/c it's like--why don't we bypass the exchange and you use your money to go buy what you want?
That's why we stopped giving gifts to adults.... We all had enough money that if there was something we REALLY wanted, we could (and would) just go buy it. We found that we were spending several hundred dollars each holiday season on gifts (and shipping!) that people didn't really want/need. And they were doing the same on gifts that we know we didn't want/need.

Our last Christmas exchanging gifts with adults, DH and I were living on our own far from family. We opened our Christmas gifts (that had been shipped to us from across the U.S.) and literally had to get a box to start putting gifts aside for donation to the Goodwill as we opened them. That was how many gifts we go that showed no thought about us and our interests (an entire Christmas village made from candles... I don't care for candles; a butter knife with a plastic moosehead handle so uncomfortable it was unuseable; a used chia head....). We'd rather have our relatives call us to say that they are thinking about us then spend their money on junk to give us.
__________________
EthansMom (and Molly's too)
EthansMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 10:48 AM   #6
SpectroMouse
Mouseketeer
 
SpectroMouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 198

I am not sure of the ages of the younger kids in your group, but it may not matter. There are 16 neices and nephews in my family, and a few years ago we came up with a system that seems to really work. I have only one child and the group ages range from 2 - 15. We put all of the kids names in a pot and draw names, which is nothing special---- but we actually let the kids draw the names, which is a surprisingly fun for them! They get a big kick out of knowing that they are getting a gift for their cousin and watching them open gifts is amazing -- the giver is just as excited as the child getting the gift! I know that your situation is different with older kids, but I would think a college age person would have just as much fun picking out a gift for a cousin. You can set whatever price limit you like on the gift, and that way no one ends up buying more gifts than the number of children they have. I would say to keep older kids in until maybe 21??? After that I think it starts to get harder with boy/girlfriends, fiancees and that sort of thing! Our one stipulation has been that everybody buys for babies first christmas, and they are not included in the draw! (You cannot deprive an aunt of shopping for a new baby)

Adult gifts are a much harder situation, I am not sure what a pollyanna is, so forgive me if this makes no sense, but what about adults (21+) draw names. But rather than buying each other gifts, you can buy each other a christmas ornament. This gives everyone something to open, and is not very expensive. It also works as you can be as personal as you want. You can get your sister something special that will always be treasured, but on the year you have your neices boyfriend you pick up an ornament of a favorite sports team or hobby! Adults could just opt out if they don't like the idea. I think it would be nice for the young adults as they would not have to spend a lot of money to buy gifts for family during the 'young broke years', but they would also be building a priceless collection. Who wouldn't love to be able to open a box of memories every year as they decorate their christmas tree!

This post is much longer than I intended, sorry if I rambled! Hope that helps a little!
SpectroMouse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 11:04 AM   #7
SC Minnie
Are we there yet???
Buying toilet paper is like flushing money down the toilet.
The folded over ones are the absolute best!!!
 
SC Minnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Fort Mill SC, VWL, and HHI
Posts: 9,175

DH's family is very large and have done the draw names for the adults for years and years but children were up to the parents to buy for. Now that the children are getting older, once they graduate from high school they can opt in to the adult name draw. Some have chosen to opt in at that time and some have chosen to wait.

My family is small, only 4 grandchildren- my bro has 3 and I have 1 so I always end up spending more but that's OK. As the kids have gotten older I tend to just get them GC because I have no idea what they want/need.


Maybe you can suggest that once the 'kids' reach 21 or marry which every comes first they are thrown into the adult category.
__________________
SC Minnie is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 11:17 AM   #8
HM
A tag from the TF is better than a personalized licence plate
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 6,978

I feel your pain. Here's how we do it.

In my DHs family, we bought for everybody for years. I was the last marriage edition to the family and unfortunately had to be the one to suggest a swap after several years of being overwhelmed with buying for people we saw seldom (which was greeted with gusto....thank god).

We changed to an exchange for the siblings and spouses. Pick a name, buy them a gift.
We continued to buy for each of the (grand)kids.

Then we changed it so that the adults still did the swap, but we also added a child swap amongst the (grand)kids.

Now my kids are the youngest (14 and 16 this year) and last year I suggested (me again!) that we add all the kids in with the adults and just swap amongst the group. Also met with gusto! So I now only have to buy four gifts a year for my DH's side of the family (where I used to have to buy 15).

The only people we all continue to buy for are the grandparents (my husband's parents). But last year all their 'kids' went in together on a group gift.


On my side of the family. Swap between siblings and spouses. Still buy for each kid (range from my 16 yr old to a 6 month old).
HM is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 11:34 AM   #9
SpectroMouse
Mouseketeer
 
SpectroMouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 198

If you can believe after all that, I have another idea! I have a group of friends that still purchased gifts for each other, but things were getting harder as we added fiancees, husbands and kids. We were also now working and mostly just purchase the things we want for ourselves, so we ended up buying each other unneccessary or useless stuff! Four years ago, we decided to put an end to that and instead use the money we would have spent on adopting a family in need! It has been extremely fun for us, and I imagine very special for those we help. In these tough economic times even a little would go a long way!
In the past we have 'adopted' a single family (mom with kids) and purchased some needed items (snow pants, gloves, pjs), some fun stuff (games, toys, beauty products for mom), and provided a meal for the holiday (either prepared or just groceries). The family will provide whichever agency you go through a wish list for you to work from!

Another year we 'adopted' from a local home for children in our area. The agency provided us with Christmas lists for about 10 children. In our case the children we were shopping for were the most severly abused children in the facility, they were in such danger that many were kept there anonymously so family could not locate them. We just split the money we collected evenly between each of the children and tried to purchase as much from their list as possible. It was heartbreaking to see an 8 year old boy with a gold heart necklace on his list (he wanted to give it to his mom for Christmas).

Another year we provided the stockings for each of the children in the home, about 40. This was pretty simple, we tried to choose one small personal item from each of their lists, and then provided age appropriate items, and some practical items like fun toothbrushes and of course candy!

I don't know if you and your family are all in the same area, but if you are, this can be really fun for your whole family. We have always designated a leader, sounds like that would be you in your family. All the other participants donate whatever dollar amount they would like to spend and then the leader and 'the team shoppers' go out and purchase the items. We are all in the same area, so we all get together the week before the delivery and wrap each gift and assemble gift bins for each child/ or personalize and put together the stockings.

This option may work out for your family, as each member can contribute what ever amount they want. Even the college student can go to the local dollar store and pick out some stocking stuffer items.

I apologized for rambling before, but apparently that is just my style
SpectroMouse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 12:20 PM   #10
Tiggeroo
Grammar Nazi
is looking for a funny tag to put under her name
How about..Eats all the peanut butter out of the chocolate ice cream?
Showed BestBuy her Best Pink Lace
 
Tiggeroo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Finally back on the sunny Jersey shore
Posts: 11,964

Thanks for the many good suggestions. The problem is I just don't see everybody ever agreeing. The two sisters are determined to keep buying for the nieces and nephews forever. One of them is in a much higher income bracket then everybody else and kind of likes to flaunt it. My brother's wife is determined to end it. She claims that nobody she knows buys for this many people. They are stressed financially, sort of. They have had several big setbacks this year. They spend huge amounts of money on their own children for Christmas. At least 1000. apiece. So it looks bad when they say they can't afford gifts for their nieces and nephews. What happens is on the holidays we all gather in a big room and their is a hugs production as each aunt and uncle hand out their gifts to individual kids. They open them and show them around. For the person who opts out it would look terrible. When we say no gifts for adults there is always one person who does it anyway. It's a mess. I need spiked egg nog already thinking about it.
My SIL has already approached me about getting this settled. She gets quite upset about it. She doesn't want to go to our family gathering because of this.
__________________

Flamingo Restored by Dan Murphy
Tiggeroo is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 12:24 PM   #11
wdwfan16
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,931

Can you get all the siblings together soon to work out what to do and then the majority rules?
wdwfan16 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 12:28 PM   #12
luvmy3
When I drink I find its easier to watch my children because I see all 3 of them double, so all 6 of them of them take all my attention
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 20,034

We have 16 nieces and nephews on one side of my family and a few years ago we decided to pick names. All of the kids at the time were under 18 so there wasn't an issue but now there are a couple that are over, one is 20. I haev no idea when we will stop doing it for the older kids, but at this point its not too much of a hardship for any of our families. I am so thankful that everyone agreed that buying for 16 kids was just too much.

OP, what about family gifts, like a board game, movie tix, video game, something that all the kids in one family along with their parents can use.
luvmy3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 12:30 PM   #13
dzorn
DIS Addict
 
dzorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,663

If they are still in school then we buy for them. Otherwise they are considered adults and only get homemade things from DDs.

Denise in MI
__________________
Off Site, SSR 2014 (with the Marching Band), ASMu,AKV, BLT Aug/Sept 2012, AKV April 2012, BCV/AKV November 2011, BB April 2011, CBR,BCV,BWV Aug/Sept 2010, ASMu,VWL Nov 2009, CSR September 2009, AKV August 2009, CSR April 09 ,AKV/VWL/OKW Feb 09, TL April 08, DCL January 08, POR August 2007, POR May 2006, ASMo May 2005



dzorn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 03:09 PM   #14
sue1013
Haven't had a good Yodel in years
I know I'm the odd one
We need to be snow birds!
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,018

It took years of trying for the gift giving to change in DH's family. The last 3 years everyone's name goes in the hat and everyone picks one name, adults and children. DH's sister was the big complainer that her kids wouldn't get enough (she has the youngest kids). Until I told her we all knew MIL bought extra gifts for her kids and gave them on the sneak. My side we have done the same thing for quite a few years. We started because of my Mom she had 16 grandkids to buy for it was just too expensive for her on her fixed income. It works out very well even the younger kids get a thrill out of picking out a gift for their aunt or uncle.
sue1013 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2009, 03:19 PM   #15
2binak
DVC Owner
 
2binak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,232

I come from a very large family. We used to buy everyone gifts for Christmas and it got very time and money consuming. A few years ago, my siblings finally got on board with my suggestion to do a polyanna as you call it, for anyone over the age of 18. Anyone under 18 still gets gifts from the adults.

We all put our names in a hat and everyone draws a name. A parent cannot get their child though so if they draw their child's name, it goes back in and they draw again. It's really very simple.

DH's family does the same thing with the same age cut off - 18. As the kids get older, they get really excited to be a part of the gift swap.
__________________


11/90 Offsite, 11/97 PO, 5/99 DL, 1/00 CS, 1/04 PC, 12/05 SSR, 5/07 AKL, 10/08 SSR, 5/09 POFQ, 11/09 AKV Kidani, 11/10 AKV Kidani, 10/11 BWV, 10/12 BWV, 11/13 AKV Kidani, 5/14 BLT, 11/14 BWV
2binak is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
ºoº My krewes 3rd annual free dining trip, 14 days @ pop Lots of photos!! bentleygirl22 Completed Trip Reports 73 12-19-2009 09:55 PM
CHRISTMAS VACATION (The Trip, Not the Movie): 12/19 - We're back, TR link on p. 25 annnewjerz Completed Trip Reports 369 12-19-2009 06:19 PM
Where to exchange voucher for annual pass?? mimmiepnp DVC-Mousecellaneous 7 10-22-2009 03:12 PM
Annual Passholder Tickets...why are the actual tickets so cheap knieriem Theme Parks Attractions and Strategies 39 10-22-2009 07:04 AM
Is MVMCP different than what folks will get the week of Christmas? ogreenlee Theme Parks Attractions and Strategies 3 10-21-2009 10:00 AM

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:55 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.