The straw - he's gone, pg 7 - The DIS Discussion Forums

SleepyMom · 10-21-2009, 12:48 AM

Wow

the weirdest thing happened yesterday.

Tell me who should be apologizing here...

Person A gets a phone call from Person B, Person B wants to have the Christmas gift exchange list (they draw names at Christmas for the next Christmas) e-mailed to her.

Person A says who Person B has for a name, but says she can't e-mail the whole list because the family decided last year that they wanted to have it be more like a secret Santa exchange, with no one knowing who has who's name.

Person B gets angry and hangs up on Person A, and then starts calling other family members to go off on Person A. Mean, nasty, horrible things were said (by B, not A... A is kind of confused and doesn't understand why B is mad because it was a family decision to keep the list a secret, and A is only doing what they were asked when they were given the only copy for safekeeping) and now Person B says they will not ever speak to Person A again unless they apologize. Person B even changed her travel plans for this weekend because they do not want to be around Person A at all.

Because of a silly Christmas list

It's going to be an awkward Christmas this year.

Anyways, should Person A apologize? Or should Person B?

Octoberbride03 · 10-21-2009, 12:53 AM

OK, I'm just heading to bed, but i think i actually understand this.

IMO Person B should apologize, but person A should not their breath because they will probably drop dead waiting. And yes, you're going to have an awkward Christmas. Good luck.

Ember · 10-21-2009, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Octoberbride03

OK, I'm just heading to bed, but i think i actually understand this.

IMO Person B should apologize, but person A should not their breath because they will probably drop dead waiting. And yes, you're going to have an awkward Christmas. Good luck.

I completely agree. Person B is clearly not the sort to apologize... Person A will most likely have to suck it up and be the much bigger person. Person A should not have to do this, but for the sake of family harmony probably will. (At least this is what would happen with the B-type person in my family...)

Sorry person A.

aprilgail2 · 10-21-2009, 06:11 AM

I would be crossing person B off my list of people I invite to anything at my house- they sound like a nutter!

Liberty Belle · 10-21-2009, 06:15 AM

If Person A was diplomatic and kind when she spoke, Person A does not need to apologize. However, if Person A feels just maybe her tone was off and/or she would like to keep the peace with Person B, then Person A might want to issue an apology and explanation. If Person B still is angry and just wants the list, that's Person B's problem.

Wouldn't other family members that Person B called tell Person B that it was a unaminous decision?

The Mystery Machine · 10-21-2009, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SleepyMom

Wow

the weirdest thing happened yesterday.

Tell me who should be apologizing here...

Person A gets a phone call from Person B, Person B wants to have the Christmas gift exchange list (they draw names at Christmas for the next Christmas) e-mailed to her.

Person A says who Person B has for a name, but says she can't e-mail the whole list because the family decided last year that they wanted to have it be more like a secret Santa exchange, with no one knowing who has who's name.

Person B gets angry and hangs up on Person A, and then starts calling other family members to go off on Person A. Mean, nasty, horrible things were said (by B, not A... A is kind of confused and doesn't understand why B is mad because it was a family decision to keep the list a secret, and A is only doing what they were asked when they were given the only copy for safekeeping) and now Person B says they will not ever speak to Person A again unless they apologize. Person B even changed her travel plans for this weekend because they do not want to be around Person A at all.

Because of a silly Christmas list

It's going to be an awkward Christmas this year.

Anyways, should Person A apologize? Or should Person B?

Person B is controlling and using a nasty tactic to get what they want. Probably not a surprise to Person A that Person B is behaving this way.

Which leads to the question....why is there is list that is known to person A?

Most of the time when you do secret santa you draw names and no one knows.

As far as what to do....

I would email the list to everyone and say that the secret santa is off. It obviously was not agreed upon by everyone.

rie'smom · 10-21-2009, 06:51 AM

If all happened the way OP stated it did, B should apologize. Cancel the gift exchange because it seems to be messing with the holiday spirit.

coolbeans · 10-21-2009, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Mystery Machine

Which leads to the question....why is there is list that is known to person A?

OOHHHH!! I wanna answer this one... Because people FORGET whose name they drew for Secret Santa!!! and then get ticked off because they forgot whose name they had and have to call someone to get the name or the poor person they choose will be left without a gift....

That's why we don't do it that far in advance... my family and dh's family can't remember normal stuff let alone a Secret Santa from last year.

Carly_Roach · 10-21-2009, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SleepyMom

Person A gets a phone call from Person B, Person B wants to have the Christmas gift exchange list (they draw names at Christmas for the next Christmas) e-mailed to her.

Person A says who Person B has for a name, but says she can't e-mail the whole list because the family decided last year that they wanted to have it be more like a secret Santa exchange, with no one knowing who has who's name.

Person B gets angry and hangs up on Person A, and then starts calling other family members to go off on Person A. Mean, nasty, horrible things were said (by B, not A... A is kind of confused and doesn't understand why B is mad because it was a family decision to keep the list a secret, and A is only doing what they were asked when they were given the only copy for safekeeping) and now Person B says they will not ever speak to Person A again unless they apologize. Person B even changed her travel plans for this weekend because they do not want to be around Person A at all.

Because of a silly Christmas list

It's going to be an awkward Christmas this year.

Anyways, should Person A apologize? Or should Person B?

Person A has no reason to apologize since he/she is following the family's wishes. Person B will never apologize so don't expect one.

It would behoove Person A to get an attitude of gratitude that Person B Drama King/Queen will not be bringing their drama into Person A's life anymore. If person B brings their drama to Family X's Christmas, then Person A needs to allow person B to show their true colors and keep repeating, "It's what the family wanted."

Best of luck to Person A.

luvsJack · 10-21-2009, 07:06 AM

If I was person A, I would take the list, put it into a sealed envelope and give it to one of the many family members person B called (the ones that should have defended A for not giving the names due to the decision that was made) and say, "here, you deal with it." Then if C wants to give B the list, so be it. I would be out of it. And for the sake of family "harmony", I would let B know that I no longer have the list and I am sorry she got into such a silly snit over it but if she wants the list she can call C. (notice I would not be apologizing for anything I said but rather for her own behavior)

Sounds like B is a bit childish, to say the least.

mtemm · 10-21-2009, 07:39 AM

person b has real problems.

but person a can always ask the rest of the family for guidance. If I were person a I would email everyone and ask if, since person b would prefer this not to be a secret santa, if anyone else had changed their mind on the subject and what as a group they think you should do.

lovemygoofy · 10-21-2009, 07:47 AM

I would switch family members for whomever has person B so I had person B. I would frame that stupid list and give it as a present.

momof1princess · 10-21-2009, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovemygoofy

I would switch family members for whomever has person B so I had person B. I would frame that stupid list and give it as a present.

best suggestion EVER!

ETA: oh yeah, and person B is a controlling, manipulative nutjob and i'd gnaw my arms off before i'd give her that list! maybe it's confrontational of me, but i just don't give in to that BS.

agnes! · 10-21-2009, 08:01 AM

I think Person B wants to know who is getting the gifts for people, she wants to keep track. There's something more going on here than what's on the surface. Maybe person B thinks she's going to get stiffed, maybe she doesn't want to get bigger presents for her family's gift-receivers than they are going to get out of this Secret-Santa deal.

When "B" called around to the family, did *no-one* defend "A"? Is "B" always like this, causing drama and generally acting like a...well, like a....like a "B"? (I mean, seriously, every family has one...the person that gets referred to in hushed tones

...)

Good riddance to bad rubbish says I, but ymmv. If "B" is the gatekeeper for her family unit, if she will cause scenes at gatherings for eternity over a CHRISTMAS EXCHANGE LIST, then "A" has to decide if this is the hill she want to die on. She could always apologize without apologizing, y'know, something along the lines of "B, I'm sorry you're so upset". (In this case, "A" is not apologizing for what she did with the now-infamous list, she's just saying she's sorry "B" is so upset.)

I have to say..."B" is really showing the spirit of the season, eh? I'm sure Jesus is so proud that "B", a grown woman, chooses to celebrate his birthday by throwing a childish tantrum over presents.

agnes!
PS - I like lovemygoofy's suggestion.

loveysbydesign · 10-21-2009, 08:28 AM

B needs to grow up...or Santy Clause won't be bringing B any Christmas presents!

10-21-2009, 12:48 AM	#1
SleepyMom DIS Veteran Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: S D Posts: 1,655	The straw - he's gone, pg 7 Wow the weirdest thing happened yesterday. Tell me who should be apologizing here... Person A gets a phone call from Person B, Person B wants to have the Christmas gift exchange list (they draw names at Christmas for the next Christmas) e-mailed to her. Person A says who Person B has for a name, but says she can't e-mail the whole list because the family decided last year that they wanted to have it be more like a secret Santa exchange, with no one knowing who has who's name. Person B gets angry and hangs up on Person A, and then starts calling other family members to go off on Person A. Mean, nasty, horrible things were said (by B, not A... A is kind of confused and doesn't understand why B is mad because it was a family decision to keep the list a secret, and A is only doing what they were asked when they were given the only copy for safekeeping) and now Person B says they will not ever speak to Person A again unless they apologize. Person B even changed her travel plans for this weekend because they do not want to be around Person A at all. Because of a silly Christmas list It's going to be an awkward Christmas this year. Anyways, should Person A apologize? Or should Person B? __________________ SleepyMom February 2009 ~ Girls Trip 10/07 Our family of 4 and Brothers family of 5 6/05 Family trip - DL & DCA 11/04 Girls trip - WDW 9/02 Family trip - US/IOA, SW & DC, WDW 12/99 Family trip - WDW & SW 7/91 First Family trip - DL Last edited by SleepyMom; 11-22-2009 at 11:19 PM.

10-21-2009, 12:53 AM	#2
Octoberbride03 I think Tweetie done gone Cuckoo Been there, done that, married the man! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Chesapeake, VA Posts: 4,896	OK, I'm just heading to bed, but i think i actually understand this. IMO Person B should apologize, but person A should not their breath because they will probably drop dead waiting. And yes, you're going to have an awkward Christmas. Good luck. __________________ Maureen&Richard Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

10-21-2009, 06:11 AM	#4
aprilgail2 Ikea- Swedish for CRAP Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: NY Posts: 14,033	I would be crossing person B off my list of people I invite to anything at my house- they sound like a nutter! __________________

10-21-2009, 06:15 AM	#5
Liberty Belle I'm terrified my first tag will be "W's cousin" Hey, I warned you. Now go have a drink. It's the only thing that takes it away Makes sleestack noises when her throat itches Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 8,736	If Person A was diplomatic and kind when she spoke, Person A does not need to apologize. However, if Person A feels just maybe her tone was off and/or she would like to keep the peace with Person B, then Person A might want to issue an apology and explanation. If Person B still is angry and just wants the list, that's Person B's problem. Wouldn't other family members that Person B called tell Person B that it was a unaminous decision? __________________ You can be active with the activists or sleep in with the sleepers, while you're waiting for the great leap forward

10-21-2009, 06:51 AM	#7
rie'smom "Always let your conscience be your guide." I cannot look at my hamburger after I've taken a bite Toilet paper must come over the top! Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 13,923	If all happened the way OP stated it did, B should apologize. Cancel the gift exchange because it seems to be messing with the holiday spirit. __________________

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10-21-2009, 07:06 AM	#10
luvsJack DIS Veteran Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: My own little corner of the world Posts: 2,980	If I was person A, I would take the list, put it into a sealed envelope and give it to one of the many family members person B called (the ones that should have defended A for not giving the names due to the decision that was made) and say, "here, you deal with it." Then if C wants to give B the list, so be it. I would be out of it. And for the sake of family "harmony", I would let B know that I no longer have the list and I am sorry she got into such a silly snit over it but if she wants the list she can call C. (notice I would not be apologizing for anything I said but rather for her own behavior) Sounds like B is a bit childish, to say the least.

10-21-2009, 07:39 AM	#11
mtemm Doubly blessed Ever just have one of those days? I occasionally make a split breast for dh Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Eastern MA, USA Posts: 4,984	person b has real problems. but person a can always ask the rest of the family for guidance. If I were person a I would email everyone and ask if, since person b would prefer this not to be a secret santa, if anyone else had changed their mind on the subject and what as a group they think you should do.

10-21-2009, 07:47 AM	#12
lovemygoofy Man I shot myself in the foot I got new moves and everything ready for some serious tips No, in case you ever wondered, golf carts can't float Loved by many! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: N.VA/DC and stuck in traffic Posts: 7,134	I would switch family members for whomever has person B so I had person B. I would frame that stupid list and give it as a present. __________________ Tina Proud Army Wife Love doesn't make the world go around, it makes the ride worthwhile...

10-21-2009, 08:01 AM	#14
agnes! sigh He had a yowl that could peel paper I would never joke around about making money My AI Loser Tag Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: South of Old Town Posts: 8,406	I think Person B wants to know who is getting the gifts for people, she wants to keep track. There's something more going on here than what's on the surface. Maybe person B thinks she's going to get stiffed, maybe she doesn't want to get bigger presents for her family's gift-receivers than they are going to get out of this Secret-Santa deal. When "B" called around to the family, did no-one defend "A"? Is "B" always like this, causing drama and generally acting like a...well, like a....like a "B"? (I mean, seriously, every family has one...the person that gets referred to in hushed tones ...) Good riddance to bad rubbish says I, but ymmv. If "B" is the gatekeeper for her family unit, if she will cause scenes at gatherings for eternity over a CHRISTMAS EXCHANGE LIST, then "A" has to decide if this is the hill she want to die on. She could always apologize without apologizing, y'know, something along the lines of "B, I'm sorry you're so upset". (In this case, "A" is not apologizing for what she did with the now-infamous list, she's just saying she's sorry "B" is so upset.) I have to say..."B" is really showing the spirit of the season, eh? I'm sure Jesus is so proud that "B", a grown woman, chooses to celebrate his birthday by throwing a childish tantrum over presents. agnes! PS - I like lovemygoofy's suggestion. __________________ Happy Valentine's Day this spot still sacred to Those no longer here - you are not forgotten........... (also remembering all the pets who have owned me, including "James", "Sugar", "Gabriel" & "Nancy") This part of my signature is basically meaningless and I have no "BOOs" but I do have a seasonal smilie

10-21-2009, 08:28 AM	#15
loveysbydesign DIS Veteran Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Alburtis, PA Posts: 2,359	B needs to grow up...or Santy Clause won't be bringing B any Christmas presents! __________________ May 2006-1st family trip to WDW! Loved Windsor Hills! Total cost including airfare, condo. rental at WH, park tix and rental car =$1800 Nov. 13-22 2007-2nd trip to WDW with Baby Hartley #3-it's a boy!!! Total cost including airfare, condo. rental at WH, park tix and rental car =$2200 May 2009- 3 nights in a 2 bedroom at SSR and then our 1st Disney cruise on the Magic! Total cost for 2 Cat. 12's -upgraded to Cat. 10's=$2900 1st trip with the in-laws(their 1st trip ever) Nov. 2010! WAHM to Richie, Becca & Ryan

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