Bachelorette party question - The DIS Discussion Forums

Jennasis · 10-12-2009, 08:24 PM

Your opinions or personal experience needed. Bachelorette party...Mother-of-the-bride/groom invited or not? Is it an event for just the bridesmaids/brides friends?

I can see both sides of the argument. Bride may engage in some "not-so-proud" moments that maybe she doesn't want her mom or MIL-to-be to see. She wants to cut loose with just her friends.

BUT I can also see the MOB/MOG wanting to party down with the ladies and celebrate the bride. My mother attended both mine and my sister's bachelorette parties. In fact, so did all of my female cousins and aunts (and it WAS at a "male revue"). EMbarassing sure, but my mom and I are super close and it wouldn't have been a party without her.

My cousin is getting married this weekend and this issue has cropped up with the MOB. Apparently the MOB is being an ogre...a mother-of-the-bride-zilla. So I thought I'd put it out there. MOB/MOG at the bachelorette party yay or nay?

Stacerita · 10-12-2009, 08:28 PM

Ive been to both types. Having the MOB there can be awkward for both the bride and MOB. I have seen one where the MOB was out of control and crazy. Wasn't pretty at all. Seen others where the Bride didn't fully enjoy herself because she didn't want to upset anyone either.

IMO...Nay.

powellrj · 10-12-2009, 08:35 PM

I was the mother of the groom last year and I had no desire to attend. It wasn't my night and I didn't want to cramp her good time.

bouldertcr · 10-12-2009, 08:41 PM

Future MIL at bridal shower, not at bachelorette party. Hit the wrong button.

redlight · 10-12-2009, 08:52 PM

I think the MOB should not feel entitled to go to the bachelorette party, but if the bride and her mother have the right type of relationship, I can see her going.

PatsGirl · 10-13-2009, 07:06 AM

I said No but after thinking about I'm switching to a positive "it depends"

If the party is going to be a PARTY with clubbing and risky stuff (yeah!) I'd say no. But, I've also been to very subdued (read uptight) bachelorette parties where a dozen or less women went to a fine dining restaurant and in this case I would invite them.

jen0610 · 10-13-2009, 08:39 AM

When my neice had hers 2 years ago, MOB wasn't living in the state where the bride was, so she wasn't at the bachelorette party.

Now the MOG was at the party.....for the first part. The grooms mom and a couple of the younger aunts were there for the 1st couple of hours and stayed for the 1st hour that the "firefighter" was there, then left. The party contiuned for several hours, moving from her place to one of the bars.

During the party, I took almost 200 pictures for my neice. MOG saw some of the pictures that were taken after she had left and her response was that she should have stayed and gotten to enjoy the entertainment even more. Besides her sisters, I was the only one from the brides side of the family there. And they all knew, that Aunt Jennifer wasn't going to see or hear anything.

Although I did keep the almost 18 year old next to me while the firefighter did his thing.

The Mystery Machine · 10-13-2009, 08:41 AM

Other....it depends.

If the MOB/MIL are party types then sure why not.

If they MOB/MIL are going so they can report back to gossip then no.

Frankly I guess if I had to pick either yes or no, I would pick no.

Traditionally that is really the time for the bride to go out with her friends and have a good time without having "mom's" scrutinize them.

MIGrandma · 10-13-2009, 09:32 AM

Well, I voted "heck yeah", but there really should be an "other" category because I think it should depend on how close the bride and her mother, and soon to be mother-in-law, are. If they're not close then they probably shouldn't be invited. But if they are, then they should.

My DD got married in 2000 and I was invited, as was her soon to be MIL. It was great fun and I appreciated being able to participate.

TinklednPants · 10-13-2009, 09:59 AM

Based on the ones I've attended.... NO WAY.

robinb · 10-13-2009, 10:17 AM

I didn't have a bachelorette party, but I think they are for the young people involved in the wedding and is an opportunity to "cut loose" one more time before getting married and settling down. Mothers of the bride and groom have no place in a situation like that ... they are bound to "harsh the buzz" of the celebrants.

dakcp2001 · 10-13-2009, 12:03 PM

No way! No moms and no teens/kids!

pearlieq · 10-13-2009, 12:26 PM

In our circles we do the compromise party. Moms/aunts/older girls in the wedding party come to the dinner that kicks off the night. This usually starts around 7 and we all just eat and talk and celebrate together.

After dinner, they're out! They all go home and then the "adult" part of the party gets started around 9-10ish. Sometimes extra friends join up at that point.

I've always found it to be nice that the family can be included in the ladies' celebration while still allowing the bride and her friends a chance to cut loose.

Jennasis · 10-13-2009, 12:41 PM

The sentiment being expressed here pretty much matches the sentiment of the bride in question. The MOB is insisting on going to the bachelorette party. She is something of a "festive" person, and the bride and company are worried mom will embarass herself/them. From what I understand, the MOB also called the DJ and changed all of the bride's music selections (luckily the bride found out, made them change it back and threatened to kill the DJ if it happened again!). MOB also rearranged the bride/grooms home furniture while they were at my house visiting for the weekend. She said she thought it looked better HER way and couldnt' understand why my cousin and his fiance were being so ungrateful. MOB also forbid her daughter (the bride) from wearing cowboy boots under her dress. The bride is a southern tom-boy and this whole girlie girl wedding thing is entirely her mother's doing...she'd wear jeans and a t-shirt if she could. I suggested she liven up her dress with the boots she loves so much and her face lit up ("you can DO that??"). MOB got wind of the plan and threw a hissy.

I gather, the bride is the ONLY girl in the family. MOB must be running roughshod over this wedding to make up for her own sucktackular wedding years ago. I feel badly for both my cousin and his fiance. My cousin put his foot down about most things. I am totally going to sneak her cowboy boots to her, JUST before she walks down the aisle!

disykat · 10-13-2009, 12:54 PM

I hang out with what some here would consider a very subdued (read uptight

)crowd, but we still behave differently and discuss different things when our mothers are present. I'm getting closer in age to MIL than bride and if any DIL to be of mine ever invites me to a bachelorette party, I'll laugh and then tell her to go have fun with her friends.

View Poll Results: SHould the mother's of the bride/groom be invited to the bachelorette party
Heck yeah!	4	7.84%
Not on your life!	47	92.16%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

10-12-2009, 08:24 PM	#1
Jennasis It's a miracle! I stayed awake during the El Rio Del Tiempo ride! Let's not even TOUCH the whole Dog vs. dawg vs. Dowg thing! PLINKO baby! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: The Triad, NC Posts: 8,625	Bachelorette party question Your opinions or personal experience needed. Bachelorette party...Mother-of-the-bride/groom invited or not? Is it an event for just the bridesmaids/brides friends? I can see both sides of the argument. Bride may engage in some "not-so-proud" moments that maybe she doesn't want her mom or MIL-to-be to see. She wants to cut loose with just her friends. BUT I can also see the MOB/MOG wanting to party down with the ladies and celebrate the bride. My mother attended both mine and my sister's bachelorette parties. In fact, so did all of my female cousins and aunts (and it WAS at a "male revue"). EMbarassing sure, but my mom and I are super close and it wouldn't have been a party without her. My cousin is getting married this weekend and this issue has cropped up with the MOB. Apparently the MOB is being an ogre...a mother-of-the-bride-zilla. So I thought I'd put it out there. MOB/MOG at the bachelorette party yay or nay? __________________

10-12-2009, 08:28 PM	#2
Stacerita AKA the Lexus TinklerMy bad-its Miss Understood. Sorry. Got my drag queens mixed I guess I did look more like a Hooter's girl than I wanted to Join Date: May 2004 Location: Anaheim, Ca Posts: 13,782	Ive been to both types. Having the MOB there can be awkward for both the bride and MOB. I have seen one where the MOB was out of control and crazy. Wasn't pretty at all. Seen others where the Bride didn't fully enjoy herself because she didn't want to upset anyone either. IMO...Nay. __________________ Diva Las Vegas Inappropriate graphics will be deleted from signatures. Please remember this is a family-friendly site

10-12-2009, 08:35 PM	#3
powellrj I am wide awake and on the dis boards My db and I usually fight over the turkey bones It was so bad, it was funny Note to self, never make anyone suffer with thirst Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Central Indiana Posts: 11,976	I was the mother of the groom last year and I had no desire to attend. It wasn't my night and I didn't want to cramp her good time. __________________

10-12-2009, 08:41 PM	#4
bouldertcr Mouseketeer Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lehigh Valley, PA Posts: 235	wait, i hit the wrong button Future MIL at bridal shower, not at bachelorette party. Hit the wrong button.

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10-12-2009, 08:52 PM	#5
redlight DIS Veteran Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 2,334	I think the MOB should not feel entitled to go to the bachelorette party, but if the bride and her mother have the right type of relationship, I can see her going. __________________

10-13-2009, 07:06 AM	#6
PatsGirl Kids will write the darndest things I'm a fan of the Red Sox and anyone who beats the Yankees I can't believe my parents lived through my shenanigans Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: South of Boston, Very north of Magic Posts: 3,092	I said No but after thinking about I'm switching to a positive "it depends" If the party is going to be a PARTY with clubbing and risky stuff (yeah!) I'd say no. But, I've also been to very subdued (read uptight) bachelorette parties where a dozen or less women went to a fine dining restaurant and in this case I would invite them. __________________ Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug!" So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. Brenda , Jacob 19 and Alexandra 12 We booked Boardwalk Villas for April ~ three weeks after my Girls' Trip to Isla Mujeres

10-13-2009, 08:39 AM	#7
jen0610 DIS Veteran Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Ft Wayne IN Posts: 1,557	When my neice had hers 2 years ago, MOB wasn't living in the state where the bride was, so she wasn't at the bachelorette party. Now the MOG was at the party.....for the first part. The grooms mom and a couple of the younger aunts were there for the 1st couple of hours and stayed for the 1st hour that the "firefighter" was there, then left. The party contiuned for several hours, moving from her place to one of the bars. During the party, I took almost 200 pictures for my neice. MOG saw some of the pictures that were taken after she had left and her response was that she should have stayed and gotten to enjoy the entertainment even more. Besides her sisters, I was the only one from the brides side of the family there. And they all knew, that Aunt Jennifer wasn't going to see or hear anything. Although I did keep the almost 18 year old next to me while the firefighter did his thing.

10-13-2009, 08:41 AM	#8
The Mystery Machine Grease can't be good Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: In Missouri somewhere Posts: 29,656	Other....it depends. If the MOB/MIL are party types then sure why not. If they MOB/MIL are going so they can report back to gossip then no. Frankly I guess if I had to pick either yes or no, I would pick no. Traditionally that is really the time for the bride to go out with her friends and have a good time without having "mom's" scrutinize them. __________________

10-13-2009, 09:32 AM	#9
MIGrandma A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she's in hot water~Eleanor Roosevelt I have a toilet problem 33 people looked, and not one followed the rule! Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 866	Well, I voted "heck yeah", but there really should be an "other" category because I think it should depend on how close the bride and her mother, and soon to be mother-in-law, are. If they're not close then they probably shouldn't be invited. But if they are, then they should. My DD got married in 2000 and I was invited, as was her soon to be MIL. It was great fun and I appreciated being able to participate. __________________

10-13-2009, 09:59 AM	#10
TinklednPants DIS Veteran Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Key West Florida Posts: 597	Based on the ones I've attended.... NO WAY.

10-13-2009, 10:17 AM	#11
robinb DIS Veteran Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Madison, WI Posts: 19,840	I didn't have a bachelorette party, but I think they are for the young people involved in the wedding and is an opportunity to "cut loose" one more time before getting married and settling down. Mothers of the bride and groom have no place in a situation like that ... they are bound to "harsh the buzz" of the celebrants. __________________

10-13-2009, 12:03 PM	#12
dakcp2001 DIS Veteran Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,262	No way! No moms and no teens/kids!

10-13-2009, 12:26 PM	#13
pearlieq They can sit & spin Imagine my shock when my cat slipped me the tongue I've never been all that worried about getting cooties I don't need chewy chunks Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montgomery, IL Posts: 7,628	In our circles we do the compromise party. Moms/aunts/older girls in the wedding party come to the dinner that kicks off the night. This usually starts around 7 and we all just eat and talk and celebrate together. After dinner, they're out! They all go home and then the "adult" part of the party gets started around 9-10ish. Sometimes extra friends join up at that point. I've always found it to be nice that the family can be included in the ladies' celebration while still allowing the bride and her friends a chance to cut loose. __________________ Coming Up: BLT/GF - Feb 2010 Happy Memories: AKV - 4/09, Dolphin - 4/09, BWV - 5/08, POFQ - 12/07, WL - 2/03, 10/07, POP! - 5/07, DLR/GC - 11/06, OKW - 5/05, 12/05, 1/07, YC - 12/04, DCL - 9/04, 5/06, 10/07, 1/10, CR - 9/04, AKL - 7/04 & 3/06, DLR/PP - 4/04, Poly - 1/04, 10/09, Swan - 12/03, BC - 2/03, CSR - 10/01, ASMu - 5/01 (Honeymoon!)& 5/02 "Chicago attacked the weather with bare arms and Saints QB Drew Brees with naked aggression. They knocked him down, sacked him, beat him, pounded him and caused a fumble, an interception, a safety and probably post-traumatic stress disorder. " - Dan Wetzel

10-13-2009, 12:41 PM	#14
Jennasis It's a miracle! I stayed awake during the El Rio Del Tiempo ride! Let's not even TOUCH the whole Dog vs. dawg vs. Dowg thing! PLINKO baby! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: The Triad, NC Posts: 8,625	The sentiment being expressed here pretty much matches the sentiment of the bride in question. The MOB is insisting on going to the bachelorette party. She is something of a "festive" person, and the bride and company are worried mom will embarass herself/them. From what I understand, the MOB also called the DJ and changed all of the bride's music selections (luckily the bride found out, made them change it back and threatened to kill the DJ if it happened again!). MOB also rearranged the bride/grooms home furniture while they were at my house visiting for the weekend. She said she thought it looked better HER way and couldnt' understand why my cousin and his fiance were being so ungrateful. MOB also forbid her daughter (the bride) from wearing cowboy boots under her dress. The bride is a southern tom-boy and this whole girlie girl wedding thing is entirely her mother's doing...she'd wear jeans and a t-shirt if she could. I suggested she liven up her dress with the boots she loves so much and her face lit up ("you can DO that??"). MOB got wind of the plan and threw a hissy. I gather, the bride is the ONLY girl in the family. MOB must be running roughshod over this wedding to make up for her own sucktackular wedding years ago. I feel badly for both my cousin and his fiance. My cousin put his foot down about most things. I am totally going to sneak her cowboy boots to her, JUST before she walks down the aisle! __________________

10-13-2009, 12:54 PM	#15
disykat DIS Veteran Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Washington State Posts: 12,189	I hang out with what some here would consider a very subdued (read uptight )crowd, but we still behave differently and discuss different things when our mothers are present. I'm getting closer in age to MIL than bride and if any DIL to be of mine ever invites me to a bachelorette party, I'll laugh and then tell her to go have fun with her friends. __________________ DL - 1966 DL - 1974 WDW - 1987 (off site) WDW/Big Red Boat - honeymoon 1990 (Grosvenor) WDW/DCL - 2001 (SOG) 10th anniversary with kids! DL - August 2007 (Park Vue Inn)

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