Please tell me whst you think of this - The DIS Discussion Forums

dyna · 10-07-2009, 12:58 PM

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Handbag Lady · 10-07-2009, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Oh, it is a shame you have that thing at that place that you must attend that evening.

(I find invites like this very rude, unless it was someone really close and it came up in a group setting with everyone agreeing ahead of time that everyone would want to pay for their own dinner to celebrate a good friend who happens to be skint.)

hrh_disney_queen · 10-07-2009, 01:07 PM

If it were me, I would politely decline. I think it's rude to invite someone to a party and expect them to pay their way. And probably a gift would be expected on top of that. I could come up with a really good excuse as to why I could not come, and use it.

This is just me, I'm from the old school where you were invited to a reception or celebration or whatever they wanted to call it and you were a guest, not a customer.

RitaE · 10-07-2009, 01:07 PM

Well, no it is not necessarily a normal thing to do and Miss Manners would probably have a conniption over it. But it isn't unheard of either and in some places it happens often.

I suggest you put your opinion of the food aside and look at a couple of issues. The food at these things is always terrible and always a bad deal monetarily - believe me, we'd ALL rather be at the Outback having a good steak.

#1. Do you have the money? If you can't afford it, then you just can't afford it and there is no shame in that. Send them a nice card and maybe a small gift if you feel okay about it - a gift card to Target or something.

#2. How important is this branch of the family tree to you? Try not to think about they didn't go to this party or that party for us -- just think -- is this a relationship that I'd like to nurture? If so then certainly attend if you can find the money. If not then well... see above about sending a nice card.

a1tinkfans · 10-07-2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Goodness, what will people think of next????
Seriously, just send a "thank you for the invite" but we can't make it note/call. Sounds like you have no interest in the people or the food! As far as sending a gift, that'd be you choice too, personally I would, but thats just me.

DawnM · 10-07-2009, 01:27 PM

Good grief. I would feel NO obligation to go at all.

I find it very odd.

Dawn

kathyell · 10-07-2009, 01:31 PM

I would take a deep breath and then, as politely as you can, decline their invitation to their thinly-veiled fundraiser they are running so that they can extract some money from the people they didn't invite to the wedding. I can't imagine (well, I can, actually, I just wish I couldn't) the mindset that leads you to trying to think of ways to soak people you didn't invite to the actual wedding for more gifts.

I think this is a slap in the face, personally, and that the only favor I would be able to do for anyone who might think to send me an invitation to something like this is to decline to give them a piece of my mind over just what exactly they were thinking when they decided to hold this event.

luvmy3 · 10-07-2009, 01:49 PM

I would decline the invitation. It is rude to invite people to a celebration (of any event) and expect them to pay for their meals.

andrews_dad · 10-07-2009, 01:57 PM

Please tell me that the invite/menu actually says "mashed taters." That would be AWESOME!

C'mon, don't be so cheap and sensitive, people. I think it is a fine idea. Everyone gets together and the young couple does not go $10-15 thou in debt feeding everyone and putting on a show. Go and support the neice. See some family members you rarely see. Have a good time. It is only $20 a pop. Not like is is huge money. Go enjoy those 'taters.

wdwfan16 · 10-07-2009, 02:04 PM

This is so odd and so wrong. I would just turn it down and send a card.

Nina1 · 10-07-2009, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Considering that these people never attended any of your dd's events, nor did they have the decency to send a gift, I would not feel one bit obligated to attend this party nor would I send a gift. I would politely decline (if you feel you must, say you have another commitment that night). Not only would you have to pay for your own dinner, you'd have to bring a gift. I think this kind of "invite" is just plain rude and tasteless.

The Mystery Machine · 10-07-2009, 02:14 PM

Since they decline your invites and do not give gifts to your family, I would reciprocate in the same fashion.

In addition if these are people that ignore your invites and never send a RSVP, I would file the invite in the special circular file and not think about it again.

aka-mad4themouse · 10-07-2009, 02:19 PM

Moving to the Community Board.

My personal opinion:
I'd spend the $40 and wouldn't care if they were serving dog food with a dishwater chaser if it was to celebrate a special occasion honoring someone I love. Family and friends are important to me and it's a small price to pay to make someone else happy. I'd find the money somehow.

Now if this bride is closer to being a stranger than she is a beloved niece, then send the couple a pretty card and your regrets. But don't be surprised if this puts your DH in a bad place with his DBro (or DSis?).

Lisa loves Pooh · 10-07-2009, 02:20 PM

It is very odd to issue a formal invitation to celebrate anything and expect the guests to pay.

If WE were doing something where we wanted to get together with folks at a restaurant (but not pay) it would be very informal.

Maybe they don't know proper etiquette. I don't know.

But I would be inclined to decline as well.

Please tell me that the invite/menu actually says "mashed taters." That would be AWESOME!

Quote:

C'mon, don't be so cheap and sensitive, people. I think it is a fine idea. Everyone gets together and the young couple does not go $10-15 thou in debt feeding everyone and putting on a show. Go and support the neice. See some family members you rarely see. Have a good time. It is only $20 a pop. Not like is is huge money. Go enjoy those 'taters.

Noone is ever obligated to go into debt over nuptials. One is not obligated to put on a show.

A duncan hines cake and grape juice would be more hospitable and not a budget killer for the bride and grooms parents.

Chelley00 · 10-07-2009, 02:20 PM

One word:

Tacky

Never should you invite people to a party and expect them to pay their way. I would send a card and call it a day.

10-07-2009, 01:07 PM	#3
hrh_disney_queen My DH has the hots for Stacey Momma wuvs her little kitty-kitty, oh yes she does, oh, yes she does I knew what he was before I touched him, just never thought they could MOVE that fast Join Date: May 2004 Location: In my laughing place Posts: 10,760	If it were me, I would politely decline. I think it's rude to invite someone to a party and expect them to pay their way. And probably a gift would be expected on top of that. I could come up with a really good excuse as to why I could not come, and use it. This is just me, I'm from the old school where you were invited to a reception or celebration or whatever they wanted to call it and you were a guest, not a customer. __________________ .... "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Dean Wormer

10-07-2009, 01:27 PM	#6
DawnM Dawn Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Californian living in NC Posts: 5,414	Good grief. I would feel NO obligation to go at all. I find it very odd. Dawn __________________ Dawn DS 12 DS 10 DS 6

10-07-2009, 01:31 PM	#7
kathyell Mouseketeer Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 268	I would take a deep breath and then, as politely as you can, decline their invitation to their thinly-veiled fundraiser they are running so that they can extract some money from the people they didn't invite to the wedding. I can't imagine (well, I can, actually, I just wish I couldn't) the mindset that leads you to trying to think of ways to soak people you didn't invite to the actual wedding for more gifts. I think this is a slap in the face, personally, and that the only favor I would be able to do for anyone who might think to send me an invitation to something like this is to decline to give them a piece of my mind over just what exactly they were thinking when they decided to hold this event. __________________ 2009: May: CR, Aug: BLT, Nov/Dec: POR (Trip Report!) Next trips: Feb. 1-5, AKV & Sept. 20-25, 2010, BLT \| Our Disney Memories Share Site

10-07-2009, 02:04 PM	#10
wdwfan16 DIS Veteran Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,583	This is so odd and so wrong. I would just turn it down and send a card. __________________ January babies (1973) DH and DW, DD(5/06), DS(3/09)

10-07-2009, 02:14 PM	#12
The Mystery Machine Grease can't be good Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: In Missouri somewhere Posts: 29,656	Since they decline your invites and do not give gifts to your family, I would reciprocate in the same fashion. In addition if these are people that ignore your invites and never send a RSVP, I would file the invite in the special circular file and not think about it again. __________________

10-07-2009, 12:58 PM	#1
dyna DIS Veteran Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: barely indiana nearly kentucky Posts: 1,502	Please tell me whst you think of this DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation) The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix. Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests? Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

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10-07-2009, 01:07 PM	#4
RitaE If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions. Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 1,507	Well, no it is not necessarily a normal thing to do and Miss Manners would probably have a conniption over it. But it isn't unheard of either and in some places it happens often. I suggest you put your opinion of the food aside and look at a couple of issues. The food at these things is always terrible and always a bad deal monetarily - believe me, we'd ALL rather be at the Outback having a good steak. #1. Do you have the money? If you can't afford it, then you just can't afford it and there is no shame in that. Send them a nice card and maybe a small gift if you feel okay about it - a gift card to Target or something. #2. How important is this branch of the family tree to you? Try not to think about they didn't go to this party or that party for us -- just think -- is this a relationship that I'd like to nurture? If so then certainly attend if you can find the money. If not then well... see above about sending a nice card.

10-07-2009, 01:49 PM	#8
luvmy3 When I drink I find its easier to watch my children because I see all 3 of them double, so all 6 of them of them take all my attention Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,692	I would decline the invitation. It is rude to invite people to a celebration (of any event) and expect them to pay for their meals.

10-07-2009, 01:57 PM	#9
andrews_dad DIS Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 760	Please tell me that the invite/menu actually says "mashed taters." That would be AWESOME! C'mon, don't be so cheap and sensitive, people. I think it is a fine idea. Everyone gets together and the young couple does not go $10-15 thou in debt feeding everyone and putting on a show. Go and support the neice. See some family members you rarely see. Have a good time. It is only $20 a pop. Not like is is huge money. Go enjoy those 'taters.

10-07-2009, 02:19 PM	#13
aka-mad4themouse Budget Board Co-Host Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Between a rock & a hard place Posts: 9,302	Moving to the Community Board. My personal opinion: I'd spend the $40 and wouldn't care if they were serving dog food with a dishwater chaser if it was to celebrate a special occasion honoring someone I love. Family and friends are important to me and it's a small price to pay to make someone else happy. I'd find the money somehow. Now if this bride is closer to being a stranger than she is a beloved niece, then send the couple a pretty card and your regrets. But don't be surprised if this puts your DH in a bad place with his DBro (or DSis?). __________________ -insert clever observation here-

10-07-2009, 02:20 PM	#15
Chelley00 DIS Veteran Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 1,793	One word: Tacky Never should you invite people to a party and expect them to pay their way. I would send a card and call it a day. __________________ Me, DH, DS16 DS14 DD8 DS5 No Boys Allowed: The birthday girl and mom take on the world! http://www.disboards.com/showthread....8#post34445498 The birthday girl and mom take on the dining plan http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2337229 Our "Worst Vacation Ever" trip report http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2009224

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