OT: SAHM going back to work...how to cope?

[DISNEYNV]

I worked full time up until I had my DD who is now 5. Then I worked three nights a week at the same company. Then I had DS who will be two in two weeks and went to two nights a week (boy, thats a lot of twos in one sentence) and now a job opportunity and a need for more money financially has come up. I took the day job at 30 hours a week 5 days a week, but now I am scrambling for childcare for both my kids, finding out quality care costs a fortune, and am not too happy about my decision!!! I need to go back to work for the benefits (my DHs insurance cost a fortune to go on for me) and we need more money to live comfortably, but...I dont want to leave my kids during the day (DD is in AM kindergarten so she will go to after school care a at the Y). I feel guilty already and I have never had them in daycare EVER. I will be working 6 hours a day but 8 with commute times. Has other SAHMs been through this and how did you cope? Does it get better after you get into a routine? I know I will like my new position and being with other ADULT coworkers during the day, but am worried that I will miss out on being with my son during the day. HELP!

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am in a similar, yet different situation.

I have been a SAHM for 15 years (next week) and before that I was a homemaker. I have not worked since high school. My DH and I married 2 weeks after I graduated and we moved cross-counrty and I did not find a job, then we started our family and we always wanted me to stay home.

So, I have not worked since late May 1993. My whole identity has been as a SAHM, it's who I am, and who I was happy being. BUT, a little extra money wouldn't hurt to put towards the kids' activities and other extras (Disney ) Well, last week a job fell into my lap. It is as a pre-school teacher (right up my alley). It is 2 afternoons a week, follows my kids' school schedule, and if they have a school event my friend is the morning teacher and will sub for me. It is perfect, I loved my first day, am excited about tomorrow and yet I am having a hard time adjusting to it.

It isn't a time thing, it is all about the who am I now thing. Am I still a SAHM, not exactly, am I a working mom, how can you call 5 hours a week playing with cute little kids work? It really is a weird feeling, don't get me worng I am not complaining. I was very lucky to be home for all these years. My kids are in 10th, 5th and 2nd grade so I never missed anyting, yet going to work still feels weird.

Anyway, I don't have any help for you except to say we have to do what we have to do for our families. I am certian it will take some time to adjust, but change always does. I wish you luck to a smooth change over.

[kpgriswold]

In my 16 years as a mom, I have been a SAHM, worked PT, worked FT (both as teacher) and worked from home (as a daycare provider). I've switched back and forth according to what my kids needed and what our financial needs were.

FT work was hard on me, as I missed my kids so much and felt so guilty about leaving them in day care. I loved being a SAHM, but then the financial stress was all on my DH and, subsequently, on our marriage. I find that PT work is just right for me, a good balance of $, time with adults doing meaningful work, and time with my family.

Despite what some people say, day care will NOT ruin your kids. I think it was much harder on me than it was on them! Kids in day care learn social skills and independence, and they learn to be flexible. Plus my kids learned to like foods they refused to eat at home! Just be sure to pick the very best provider you can afford, and stay in close contact with her.

Going back to work IS really hard at first,. For the first week or so, your head and heart will still be at home with your little people. But it is OK to do work you enjoy and get paid for it! Give it all at least 6 months before you decide that it is or is not working. You can re-adjust as needed.

Just my 2 cents.....

[stacy6552]

My husband was a gov't contractor and my son was 3 when the gov't shut down. No pay and back pay later. I went back to work full time and a little while. You do what you've got to do.

[dvcnewgirl]

I was home for 5 years and went back to work when my son was two and my daugfhter was 5. I t is so hard, I love my job but I miss my son all of the time. Like PP said you do what you have to do. But just realize you were lucky to be able to stay home at all. Good Luck!

[happymommy]

I'm a SAHM, but tried going back to work part time a couple of years ago. It didn't work out, as DS got migraines in aftercare (he was in 5th grade) - the days he went, he wouldn't eat a snack (he's got food allergies, but brought his own, just wouldn't eat it). Took 6 months for them to go away, after I quit work (it was helping my DH out at his office).

What it took away from our family life, and the little money, really made that decision not worth it. I decided that not until they are out of the house is it worth it for me to work.

That being said, we get our insurance from DH's company (he's the owner). It's not too bad, and we can afford for me to stay home.

If I were you, I'd definitely run the numbers - what will it cost in gas, child care, etc... versus what you'll make. It may be worth it, or you may look for something with less hours. Sounds like you are a bit unsure of whether it's quite worth it right now.

Good luck!