How do you let family know you like to do Disney alone?

[momofmikey]

My DH's family has suggested all going to Disney together. We've been before with his parents and that has worked out fine, but now it involves aunts, uncles and cousins. I know to some this would seem like so much fun, but we're just not into it. We like to do our own thing, and I feel like on vacation it's OK to be selfish. Even waiting for 10 minutes for bathroom breaks for everybody seems annoying to me . I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but at the same time, the thought of this grand gathering is not appealing at all. I know I sound horribly selfish , but to me the more people you have, the more opinions, the more issues and... it can't happen in my happy place

Suggestions?

[Malisa]

Can you go with them but get your own room and do your own thing except maybe meeting for dinners or something like that?

[eeyorethegreat]

I do not travel well with others for some of the reasons you mentioned. We avoid travel with other people. That being said what if your family group agreed to go at the same time staying at the same resort, planning some meals together but other wise each little family did their own thing. That would give a bit og together time and enough away time. Just a thought.

[BayouMickey]

Just come out and say it. It's family they'll understand.
I've always said that WDW trips should just be immediate family.
When you need to start coordinating and compromising the magic goes...

[rwdavis2]

Try working it this way. Just annouce what you plan to do and if anyone wants to come along and do it your way then fine. Otherwise split up through the day and maybe just have some meals together. I can't imagine the entire group will want to do rope drop. That may be a good way to split up the group.

I'm with you. Trips to WDW are too expensive to compromise very much. Keep us posted.
BD

[bratmomma]

I am so happy you posted this.

While we have no future trips in the works because we can't afford any for a while, when we DO go back I want to go without my MIL. I LOVE my MIL dearly on a day to day basis, at home. Vacationing with her is enough to make me want to pull my hair out. Even my DH was saying he will never vacation with her again. Besides, we want to do WDW alone, just the Mom, Dad and kids. No grandparents next time. Even if my Mom asked to come along next time (she has never been) I think I would have to respectfully ask her to stay home.

I hope you find a way to express your feelings without hurting anyone else's. I am going to be giving this a lot of thought once we decide we are going to go back. Good luck to you!

[geogat]

I think you need to be honest with them, and yourself. I trip to Disney is big expense and you have to be selfish. No matter how you look at it your going to either have to comprimise what you want, or you will have to have an uncomfortable conversation with family. Which one is more impotant for you to avoid? My feeling is the uncomfortable conversation will last 15 minutes, maybe 30 minutes? But if you end up comprimising your happiness you my kick yourself for a long time.

[crazycatlady]

I have a lot of friends who have wanted to vacation with us over the years and I always say the same thing...That my family vacations are for my immediate family to connect and share time together to make a closer family. You need this fun time with family because at home there is always other stuff intruding. I am very selfish with my vacation time. I want to spend time with my family, doing the things my family wants to do and I don't want to compromise for the sake of others. Vacations, especially Disney vacations, are too expensive and few and far between to do what someone else wants to do, because no matter how much a group says they are going to "do their own thing" there is compromise involved or people's feelings get hurt.

[Drusilla]

Being honest is the best approach. We went in 2007 for our first week long trip. The first 3 days was our family (me, dh, dd3 and dd6), my mother, my sister and her dd5, my other sister and her dh and ds6. It was fine until someone wanted to do something that others didn't; I couldn't walk fast b/c I had my knee replaced 6 mo. prior to the trip, etc. So we ended up splitting up and going our own way at our own pace and then meeting up for dinner or swimming. So that was OK.

After those 3 days, everyone else left and then my family had 4 days in the parks by ourselves - it was wonderful!!!

As much as I love my family, Never again!!! Maybe with just my mom since she goes at a slower pace like we do but not the sisters et al. Lesson learned.

Just be very clear and honest - feelings may get hurt momentarily but once they think about it they will probably agree with your feelings.

Edited to add: The other issue we encountered with a large group going together is that everyone had different budgets for the trip. Not to sound snobbish but we are more well off than my sister and her dd5. We wanted to stay at Deluxe, she could only afford Value. We wanted to do CRT/BBB, she didn't have that in her budget. So we ended up doing CRT/BBB after the group left but we did stay at a Deluxe and did not feel guilty about it.

[Princess Disney Mom]

I guess I am lucky I have solved this problem by going several times per year.
No way any of the family can keep up with us.

That said, when family does come I work up a spread sheet with ADRS and EMH that I plan on going to then go. I tell family we will be at MK for EMH if you want to go fine if you don't fine. I don't conform to anyone.

[bleeps]

We (DH, DS 11, and me) hold our WDW trips as precious to us. We have hectic lives, as I know most families do, and we count on our time at WDW to focus on being together and having fun.

We are upfront about this when people suggest going along with us because we "know Disney so well!" We say if it works out to be there and the same time and have a meal together or something we'd love to do that, but that otherwise our time at WDW is special family time that we save up all year for -- and that we wouldn't be fun to travel with anyway because we've been often enough that we're very particular and really do the trip our way (skipping attractions we're not interested in or are a little burned out on, etc.).

Being honest about what works for you and your family is really, really important.

[gayles]

Golly --- I feel your pain and feel the same way --- One way to solve having " Hook-on's " Don't tell when your going till the day you are leaving ====I had to nicely tell my SIL -- sorry this is our only time with DD DSIL GS - 4 Yrs. & GS- 2 Yrs. it took me weeks to say it and asking lots of advise but in the end it worked out --- she understood ...

[WDSearcher]

OK ... I'm going to be the dissenter here. I think you are being a little selfish.

From the look of your signature, you've been to WDW a LOT of times, and it's likely that you'll go a lot more. THIS ONE TIME, other members of your family want to join in. Would it really be that terrible to have to do some extra planning and maybe compromise on something this one time because you have other people along?

If, truly, you cannot bring yourself to even consider doing an extended-family trip at your "happy place", then definitely be honest. Don't try to talk around it, because they'll get it. But I'd also offer another option. Maybe your family goes to WDW alone and then you meet the rest of the gang at Cocoa Beach or some other Florida locale where you can all hang out as a big family gathering. Or, if they insist that they want Disney magic too, then plan your trip to start before theirs or end afterwards, and have a few "family days" in the middle. And then just let go of control for those two days.

Vacation time is important. Time with extended family is too.

[samshane]

Honesty is the best policy... we went back in 2005 with my side of the family. I tried to plan it out and make it a great time. It didn't go so well dealing with so many personalities and likes/dislikes. But - honestly, I think we all realized we got tired of eachother and no one has mentioned about a Disney World vacation since then. I haven't told them yet of our plan to go in March - but I know no one will be wanting to go along this time - LOL. We need short stays together - my family functions best that way.

DH's family is meeting us is Disney for 2 days since the live in FL. I can deal with that - it's 2 days and they haven't seen our children in about 4yrs (and I bet DH and I will get some alone time too while the kids get grandpa/nana time). For my family - we need to just go visit them in Vegas where they live and leave it like that. I think it all depends on the family dynamic you are dealing with - I love them, but can't vacation with them!

[princessmom29]

I would just be honest. I told my mom when she wanted me to take my early 20's sister with me last year that it was a disaster waiting to happen. Sis cannot afford to go by herself and mom wanted me to let her stay in our room and just buy tix. We have a 5 year old, get up early and hit rope drop. We are in the parks all day and go to bed early to do it all over the next day. Let's just say my sister is not a morning person, and likes to party. SO not going to work!