Need advice for 5 year old twins....

[Mickeyistheman]

Hello All,

I am watching 5 year old twins afterschool during the week. A boy and a girl. I have been having a bit of a time with them recently. The weather has been really great so we go to the park afterschool (Their mom said that it would be fine, she is a teacher and would take care of the homework after she got home)

They are good at the park but the girl is VERY VERY bossy. She has an attitude that is 6ft tall. The do not listen when I ask them to walk with me they run ahead and when I say stop they don't. I have tried the time out but it does not work.

I also would like some ideas for things to do indoors. I purchased a Playdough set (on sale at Target!!) Which they do enjoy but after a while they are tired of it.

It will be getting chilly soon and I was curious of things to do. They do have alot of toys but don't really play with them. I have let them ride their bikes but again don't listen.

I have seen their Mom let them do whatever they want and I feel that is part of the issue but since I am responsible for a few hours afterschool any advice would be helpful.

Yesterday they were tired and I only had them an hour so we went to their house and I gave them a snack but they put the TV on immediatly and were like zombies in front of it. That is something I would like to avoid.

Also they don't know their alphabet and they tell very tall "stories" and lie ALOT. Help please

[Mickeyistheman]

Anyone?

[mjkacmom]

My 6 year old twins are a piece of cake - they just play with each other. They play board games, block and legos, brio tracks, coloring - they're singing together right now! If they don't know their letters by now, I suggest the Leapfrog letter factory dvd. My kids watched it over and over starting at 2, and knew all of them before 3.

[Mickeyistheman]

Their Mom is a 3rd grade teacher and I had a Disney book with me one day. The little girl wanted to see it. Now the word Magic was in big yellow letters on the cover. She couldn't even tell me one letter!

I do not have children of my own, but I have younger cousins whom I have babysat for numerous times (ages 3 and 6) The 3 year old even knows some of the letters.

The 6 year old reads very well.

I am just concerned because well they seem to be very lazy. I try to do different things with them...they LOVE the park but I can tell they are already getting bored with it.

They have an older sister (14) who comes home and just watches TV and they want to do the same thing. I try to get them outside but they do'nt want to play tag or Simon Says. Most of their toys are broken and the few board games they do have do not have any parts left to them.

They do come home with schoolwork and it seems to be that they know their colors but it still concerns me.

They always want ice cream and throw fits when they don't get what they want. The time out is also not doing well because they had no idea what it was.

The little girl said to me the other day that she can do whatever she wants and I told her that is not always the case and she needs to listen to the adults because they know what is best for her. She told me to shut up.

Lovely isn't it.

[mtemm]

I have 5 year old b/g twins and my daughter is definitely the bossy one! but I nip it in the bud. at least I do my best!

some fun activities...mine LOVE board games. there are so many out there, and lots that help them learn their letters/start to read. even reading to them, letting them pick out books and such, can be so much fun and help them get started reading. any chance you can take them to the library and let them pick out books and spend some time reading them?

have to head out, but will think of some other things mine like. feel free to pm me!

[JEmaryland]

Personally, I'd look for a new gig. I hope you're getting paid well.

[K and K's Mommy]

Kudos to you for realizing they should not be in front of the t.v. all the time!

Here are some things my four year old loves to do inside - board games (although I am wondering how they would be if they lost), being read books (I'm not sure I would want to take these two to the library, but you could always bring a bag of books), legos, playing pretend with his pirates or castles, simple cooking (not even using a stove - snack foods that require a bit more than opening a bag), coloring

At that age, my DD would have loved anything craft related.

Good luck!

[lemondog]

As the mom of 5yo twins, I would say the problem is a combination of the girl's attitude and mom's not being firm enough. Their not responding to you outside is a safety issue and should be dealt with very firmly. I am a preschool teacher and I am pretty firm with my students about safety. Even if it's stuff they can get away with at home, at school I set the tone very quickly and they learn they cannot get away with certain things on my watch.

I am very lucky because my 5yo twins are a breeze. They play with each other almost nonstop. Of course, they're both girls so that helps, but at the same time they do have very different likes/dislikes. Some of their favorite things to do...

-read books with me
-color/make art
-dress up
-play outside on scooters/playset (I know this has been a problem for you)
-watch movies
-pretend play (with stuffed animals, barbies, etc.)

All that said, I also have an 8yo with a Texas-sized attitude so I do feel for this mom and for you. She can be exceptionally difficult to discipline, not to mention she is bossy and at times just plain mean. I would talk to the mom about what kind of discipline works in their house. You might also have them work toward a reward. For example, every day that they show you good behavior, they get a sticker on a chart. After they each have 10 stickers, you get to rent a special movie, go for ice cream, etc. Rewarding the good behavior often works better than punishing the bad.

[Mickeyistheman]

Thank you all and especially lemondog and mtemm!

They have a half day next week and I will have them from 1pm till about 530.

I told them that if they listen to me and follow the leader (peter pan) They will get to go see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

They were very excited but I told them that they must behave and listen. They each get 3 strikes.

I like the idea of a chart for them. Everytime I bring them something however they want to keep it at their house aka the Playdough, which I keep with me. The little girl gives me a hard time about things like that but she is getting better.

I thought that since Halloween is coming up there would be alot of crafts that we could do besides what they will in school.

I also like the simple cooking idea, they love to eat although that is not the greatest thing either due to the snacks that they have in the house. Mom says no soda so that is good.

I have a Disney Board game that is pretty simple, its a matching game. I am going to bring that today, maybe after the park they will wind down and play it.

[Mickeyistheman]

I was actually surprised that more people didn't respond to this thread.

I am not just looking for people that HAVE twins. I am looking for advice on how to handle these children. I am their Babysitter. I don't like the term I am 31 years old, but I am really in a bind.

Today was the worst day. I tried doing a point system and that seemed to work.......really well.....until we got to the playground. We were talking about Halloween and I had the Disney Halloween Craft book the little girl and I were looking at it, when her brother came over to take his turn on the slidey thingy and she jumped up screamed and then literally had a meltdown in the inner tube slide for 20 minutes.

Her brother says she does it all the time to just leave her alone.

Then we went back to their house, they were riding their bikes...waiting for dad who showed up a half hour late. They went into 2 other people's yards. I ran after them of course and I let the neighbors know I was their sitter. They all told me good luck.....they are a wild bunch.

Please help, its extra money and I am unemployed so I need this gig.

[NHdisneylover]

If they are this "wild" all of the time then they may not know how they should act (sounds like no one has taught them). Telling them to "be good" may not be enough information for them to know what you want. This does not mean you cut them a bunch of slack (they will learn to play you really darn fast), but it does mean you should tell them your expectations and consequences.

For example: before going to the park sit down with them and tell them that you have certain safety rules they mis follow when going to the park with you. Along the way they have to stay close enough to you you can touch them if you reach your arm out (or however colse but give them something tangible they can understand "close" is realtive) and they must stop at every corner along the way and hold your hand crossing the street. Etc.

I am a big fan of logical and natural consequences (in fact my own kids had never heard of time out until DD took a babysitting course--sometimes a consequence that made sense for her or her brother was havong to sit by herself away from her famioly until she oculd behave civilly but it was never called time out or used often). SO, if they run ahead going to the park I would hold their hands (to keep them safe) and turn around and go right back home. Tell them this (or wahtever the consequence is) when you tell them how to behave and then follow through. Don't give second and third chances, etc. If one misbeahves and ruins it for both, I would find something extra fun to do with the one who did not misbehave as soon as we arrive at home, explaining that child B did nothing wrong so deserves to have a good time to make up for missign the park. Meanwhile child A can entertain herself but not watch TV, etc.

As fas as activities: often kids that age WILL play with toys (and love to) if you get down and play WITH them. So, pull out their toys to play with them. I agree with the simple cooking as well. Cookies, muffins, etc are great at that age. They can take turns helping you meassure and pour in each ingedient (it can easily take 3 times as long as it would for you to make). Assume as you go that cleaning up is part of the experience and they likely will too. Do not say "clean up now" but keep cleaning items part of the steps: "Okay Suzy now it's your turn--you can put all of the bowls in the sink" "Johnny you can put the measuring cups in" "Who knows where the broom is kept?" etc.
You can find many great craft and game ideas at familyfun.com
Do you have a car/bus so you can try to find other parks?
Go to the library. Check to see if they have an afternoon story time also.

I'll post more later. Off to school and work

[flying_babyb]

I teach this age group:
Art- The messier the better. We recently painted with food colored water on bounty. BIG HIT
coloring pages- Dtlk-printables.com
moon sand- No clue why this works but it does
scavanger hunt- Simple clues



As far as behavior- Make a system and stick with it. wacth a few nanny 911 eppisodes. One thing that works is: You can do ___________ yourself or I will help you (then help them if they dont answer). I dont know why it works but it does. also dont ask stupid questions, I have been a teacher for 8 years and find myself still doing this. Dont ask "would you like to hold my hand" unless you can live with no for a answer. Dont worry if you hear I HATE YOU a few times when your working on setting rules. Make some rules and stick to them. I would also show them to mom or dad just so they know there fair rules.

[NHdisneylover]

More concrete advice now (I have some caffeine in me and can think straight):

TODAY (before you have the kids) come up with a basic routine to follow every afternoon (not for half days or school vacation days--just regular days). Stick with it for at least a month, even if it does not seem to be working at first. It can take that long for the routine to feel "routine" to kids and the results to start to show. There is a reason that most kindergarten and first grade classrooms spend huge amounts of time establishing routines early on Kids this age do better with routines and YOU will do better not having to wonder what to do next because it is all planned out. Something along these lines:

15-20 minutes: snack and talk about the day
1-1 1/2 hours: main activity
30 minutes: active play
20 minutes: reading stories
etc. depending on how long you have them. The above may well be enough.

For snack: sit WITH them. Prepare a small healthy snack and set it out family style. If you know their likes and dislikes try to make sure there is at least one thing each child will eat, but do not become a short order cook. Just set 3-4 things out and let them serve themselves while you chat. A HUGE part of this is you sitting with them and talking with them. Munch a bit yourself to set the example. If they ask for something else to eat just say "nope, this is what we are having today, maybe some other day." If they do not eat, don't comment. Alternate asking them questions about their days (if you just say how was your day, or ask both at once the girl may be so aaertive the boy never gets a word in!). Like this:
Suzy, what was the hardest thing that you did at school today?
Johnny, what was the funniest thing that happened today?
If one interupts, just look at the one who was trying to answer and say "I'm sorry Johnny I couldn't hear you, would you tell me again" (put the attention on the GOOD behaviour--not the bad). Also, tell them about you day in little chunks also "Something really funny happened to me too today . . ." As you get to know them better you can ask about specific friends or assembly or gym class, etc.


Main activities:
Try not to repeat anything specific in a week and most things not even every other week( An exception to this would be having a weekly library and park day). Figure out a schedule over the weekend (look up the weather online) and be prepared. I suggest going to the library every Monday and having each child choose 5 books for you to read (one per day per child) during the week. If they do not have library cards yet find out what needs to happen for them to get them. Get all the information for the parents and encourage them to get cards for the kids. In the meantime, use your card and then take the books home with you every day. Tell the kids when the books are on your card you have to be responsible for them so they have to go home with you. Some sample weeks:

Monday: Library Day (go to a park on the way home and make that your active play).
Tuesday: Art day (water colors butterflies from coffe filters and basic water color paintings plus play dough)
Wednesday: Make believe day (dress like pirates and play. follow their lead but be ready with some suggestions. Have snack be pirate themed that day. Hide some "treasure" for them to find, etc to get it going--play WITH them unless they make it clear they do not want you to).
Thursday Outing day (visit a local park; try to find new ones. Active play and main actiity are merged here)
Friday Bake chocolate chip cookies

MondayLibrary day w/ playground stop
Tuesday game day (bring or set up 3-5 games to play, take turns choosing what to play--you choose also. Try Uno, Chutes and Ladders, Memory, charades, simon says, follow the leader, etc.)
Wednesday Outing Day (visit a McDonalds with a playland. Buy just .99 cent fruit and yogurt parfaits to eat--active play and main activity are merged here)
ThursdayArt Day (shaving cream picutures on the kitchen counter (or cookie sheets) and colorin print outs realted to the season
Fridaymovie day (special DVD they picked out at the library on Monday)

MondayLibrary and park day
Tuesday Bake rolled sugar cookies
Wednesdaydecorate rolled sugar cookies with frosting and candies
Thursdaytake a nature hike (mergers with active play)
Fridayset up a "zoo" at home (make belive, plus art making sings, etc.). Have them use their stuffed animals, or draw animals and set up cages, draw maps, etc. Get them satrted and then let them take the lead)

[Mickeyistheman]

Thank you NHdisneylover!

This morning I got there and the boy didn't want to get dressed....Mommy was running late as usual.

I tried to get them excited and be upbeat and feed them breakfast.

While they were eating, they were watching Pinky dinky doo, they don't have any Disney DVD's "OH THE HORROR"

I will bring over a few of mine if they keep going with the point system which they did remember today so that was good

However, this again bothered me a bit. The boy asked his Mom to save a Gallon Milk Container actually 2 of them so he and his sister could do an art project. I was thrilled he remembered and Mom was happy and this is what she said to me "I am so glad you want to do these projects with them, I don't have the patience I'd rather just let them watch TV."

Now I know she is a 3rd grade teacher, but these are your OWN children. I felt bad for the kids right there.

So Mommy leaves yells goodbye and the little girl has another meltdown and she tells her that she will pick her up after school!!! She doesn't get home until 330pm! So now the whole way to school the little girl thinks Mommy is picking her up. I went along with it b/c I didn't want her to freak out before school.

Was that wrong? I don't want to be a pushover but at the same time disciplining them is very difficult. I feel that is all I do because they don't listen at all.

[NHdisneylover]

It sounds to me like the mom is clearly overhwelmed and the kids are starved for attention and consistency. It is hard to say "no" all the time. Hopefully as you and the kids get into a routine they will push less and you can be much more positive with them. It also sounds like the parents are making things harder by telling the kids they will pick them up when they cannot, etc. I don't blame you at all for playing along this morning (so hard on a kid to go to school already upset) but in the future I do not recomend it. The kids have probably learned they cannot trust Mom when she says she will be there for them. They need to know they can trust you. If it happens again maybe you can say something like "Hopefully your Mommy will get off early and be able to pick you up. Wouldn't that be awesome?! But I know sometimes Mommy's work doesn't let her leave, even when she really wants to, so I am going to make sure I am at school to pick you up anyway, just in case Mommy isn't." Something along those lines shows the kids you care and want to take care of them and can be reliable while still making their mom out to be the "good guy."

In the meantime, one good way to be more positive is to try to "punish" bad behaviour by ignoring it when possible and focusing on someone else exhibtting good behaviour at the time instead (so the kids learn they get attention for being good, not bad). This is like the example I gave earlier about ignoring an interuption by one child and instead then really focusing on the one who is supposed to be talking and asking him/her to repeat. If one child is throwing a tantrum (at home or the park or somewhere you can let it run its course), ignore it AND start something fun with the other ("do you want me to push you on the swings?"). This morning when you arrived and the boy did not want to get dressed you could have done this by ignoring him and talking to his (presumably dressed already) sister. "Hey Suzy, I see you are already dressed and ready! Way to go! Since you are so on the ball you can pick whether I make oatmeal or bagels for breakfast!" You can also get some "tickets" or "tokens" and have a point system that way as well. "Catch" them being good at random times and hand out a token for each incident (maybe different colors for each so no one is tempted to take someone elses) When they have a set number of tokens they can choose a treat pick a game, whatever you want to make the prize be. Don't "catch" them so often it ceases to matter, but often enough it is worthwhile. You could even set a random timer (on your cell phone?) for once or twice a day and whenever it if you happen to be behaving you get a token, if not too bad so sad (no second chances).

You can also head off a lot of behavioural issues by keeping kids busy. Don't give them time to get into trouble. We did this a lot when I worked in preschools and summer camps.

Finally, try to head some trouble off by avoiding situations you know will lead to problems. If you can (not sure how the 14 year old fits in), unplug the TV when you are there. If it will not turn on, you do not have to tell the kids to turn it off. Or, only play in the backyard--so they cannot run into the street. Little stuff like that.

Keep plugging away and establishing trust and routines with the kids and it WILL get easier eventually

Also, I forgot to mention something else earlier: yes, many 5 year olds know letters--but many kids start school without knowing them also. While it is admirable that you want to teach the kids these things, I think for now you have your hands full with routines, trust and discipline. Besides, simply "doing" things and reading to them will help tehm immensly in this area. Other than that, I would wait to stress any kind of "serious" learning until you have a firm base with them (probably hold off until at least Christmas).