I can't believe what just happened....

[hinodis]

Here is the background. DS21 and his GF21 just had a baby girl 9 days ago. He is a senior in college and lives an hour and half from here. GF lives near us. GF live with her Dad and has no relationship with her mom. We all went to family day at DS's school yesterday. GF came here on friday and stayed overnight and we left early in the morning to see DS. We came home last night at 11:30pm. GF still had all her and baby's stuff here. She was very tired and went right to bed with her baby when we got home. Today she mostly hung out in Ds's bedroom napping on and off with the baby. This afternoon she came down and said do you want to take me home or should I have my Dad come pick me up? I said it does not matter. She said Okay you can take me home. I said fine. DD12 asked if she was staying for dinner and she said yes. Fine with me. I went to the sore, came home and was just about to start dinner and she said I am really tired I am going to lay down while the baby is sleeping. She is really tired she has been nursing around the clock. I fix dinner and she is sleeping. We were eating and sheis still sleeping. I am not going to wake her up for dinner she was so tired. Well, she finally came down and ate and got ready to go and we left. I pulled in her driveway and her Dad came flying out the door yelling at me. He was furious that I did not bring her home the night before. I tried to explain that she was tired. I said did you talk to her? He said yes she told me she was spending the night at your house. I thought she would be home in the morning. I said did you call her?? No, he did not. He just kept yelling at me about keeping his daughter at my house. ( I am fuuly equiped for the baby). He said she is only allowed at my house if my son is there He kept yelling she is in my van crying, my dd12 is with us....it was not good. He accused me of puposefully keeping her at my house. I have known her for three years...she is like my own daughter. I just do not get it. Did I do something wrong here? Now she called my DS and was crying and he was in the middle of working on a research project (he is premed). Now he said he is having a hard time concentrating cause her dad got everyone upset and he is now upset. So instead of doing school work he is on the phone with GF. The one thing we wanted was for him to get through school. He cannot have any distractions or problems at this stage of his education. He needs to get into med school here so he can take care of his baby. I have no idea what to do. I guess I will never see my grand daughter, cause DS can't come home very often with work and school.

[JessicaR]

It seems to me that these kids your son and his GF have lots of helpful family members in their lives that they should be grateful for. I cant figure out why the heck her dad freaked out but someone should ask him what the problem is. Does he own the daughter and grandchild and delegate every-one's where-abouts?

What the heck was he yelling about? Sounds more like he should have been thanking you.

A bit of a control freak? I can see him being upset if he tried and had no contact with his daughter over the past two days, maybe that freaked him out.

OK, upon reading it over again, the dad is alone. Maybe he is jealous of your relationship with his daughter and maybe he feels like he may be losing her a little bit to you and your house?

[hinodis]

He only called her once. He sid that is his daughter and she should be at his house.

[hinodis]

And just for the record she got pregnant at her house, cause he was either never around or not checking up on them when he was home. They were not even aloud in DS's room with the door shut in my house.

[JessicaR]

Originally Posted by hinodis

He only called her once. He sid that is his daughter and she should be at his house.

Did he care to elaborate why? How does she and your son feel about it?

[KristaTX]

Does her dad resent your son for not being with his daughter and their baby?

[hinodis]

Originally Posted by KristaTX

Does her dad resent your son for not being with his daughter and their baby?

No, he told my son that he can't marry his daughter until he graduates.

[dismom2]

Originally Posted by hinodis

Here is the background. DS21 and his GF21 just had a baby girl 9 days ago. He is a senior in college and lives an hour and half from here. GF lives near us. GF live with her Dad and has no relationship with her mom. We all went to family day at DS's school yesterday. GF came here on friday and stayed overnight and we left early in the morning to see DS. We came home last night at 11:30pm. GF still had all her and baby's stuff here. She was very tired and went right to bed with her baby when we got home. Today she mostly hung out in Ds's bedroom napping on and off with the baby. This afternoon she came down and said do you want to take me home or should I have my Dad come pick me up? I said it does not matter. She said Okay you can take me home. I said fine. DD12 asked if she was staying for dinner and she said yes. Fine with me. I went to the sore, came home and was just about to start dinner and she said I am really tired I am going to lay down while the baby is sleeping. She is really tired she has been nursing around the clock. I fix dinner and she is sleeping. We were eating and sheis still sleeping. I am not going to wake her up for dinner she was so tired. Well, she finally came down and ate and got ready to go and we left. I pulled in her driveway and her Dad came flying out the door yelling at me. He was furious that I did not bring her home the night before. I tried to explain that she was tired. I said did you talk to her? He said yes she told me she was spending the night at your house. I thought she would be home in the morning. I said did you call her?? No, he did not. He just kept yelling at me about keeping his daughter at my house. ( I am fuuly equiped for the baby). He said she is only allowed at my house if my son is there He kept yelling she is in my van crying, my dd12 is with us....it was not good. He accused me of puposefully keeping her at my house. I have known her for three years...she is like my own daughter. I just do not get it. Did I do something wrong here? Now she called my DS and was crying and he was in the middle of working on a research project (he is premed). Now he said he is having a hard time concentrating cause her dad got everyone upset and he is now upset. So instead of doing school work he is on the phone with GF. The one thing we wanted was for him to get through school. He cannot have any distractions or problems at this stage of his education. He needs to get into med school here so he can take care of his baby. I have no idea what to do. I guess I will never see my grand daughter, cause DS can't come home very often with work and school.

If the girl lives with her father, and has a 9 day old baby, he probably wants to know of her plans. It's a communication issue between her and her father.
In a perfect world, she would be living with your son, and they would take care of their baby together, and not have to answer to anybody (since they are over 21). But, when you choose to live at home, or have a baby and live an alternative lifestyle (at her fathers home, without the father of the baby there, etc...), unfortunately, you have to live by your parents rules. She will have to work it out with her father. I don't know why he would blame you....unless he is afraid you will take her (and the baby) away from him, or something. There has to be more to the story, and the girl should talk to her father and find out how he really feels and why, and try to figure it out from there. It sounds like your DS has a lot on his platter, but he is a father now, so he also has that responsibility, too.

[java]

Um she's an adult. Is he footing the bill for the baby? Does your son contribute? It seems like he had a freak out out of proportion- there might be something else the matter.

[JessicaR]

Originally Posted by hinodis

And just for the record she got pregnant at her house, cause he was either never around or not checking up on them when he was home. They were not even aloud in DS's room with the door shut in my house.

They're 21, where there was a will there was a way. Could have been the car for all anyone knows. That part is really neither here nor there since the bambino is HERE.

It sounds like a meeting of the minds should be sitting down and making a loose plan that makes all parties involved as happy as possible with the situation at hand.

[KristaTX]

They're adults. I'm not getting why he has so much power over what she does and doesn't do. Unless dad is her primary support financially. If he is, then it's kind of his house, his rules.

So they made plans to get married when the pregnancy happened, but it was just her dad's opinion that stopped them?

[java]

Oh and I forgot to say- you took a 9 day old baby to a family day at a college? The germaphobe in me is Maybe the Dad had a disagreement about that as well- leading to his overreaction?

[hinodis]

Originally Posted by java

Um she's an adult. Is he footing the bill for the baby? Does your son contribute? It seems like he had a freak out out of proportion- there might be something else the matter.

My son is taking responsibility. He is working and helping her financially. He Dad lost his job 8 months ago. He is putting a roof over her head. She was at my house everyday all summer. I fed her twice a day. I took her to her Dr. appointments. Her Dad got dumped by his GF the day before the baby was born.

[dismom2]

Originally Posted by hinodis

And just for the record she got pregnant at her house, cause he was either never around or not checking up on them when he was home. They were not even aloud in DS's room with the door shut in my house.

No offense, but I don't think it's the father's fault that his daughter got pregnant. Do you know everywhere your son and his GF had whoopie? Even if the moment of conception did happen there, two 21 year old's did the deed, and are ultimately responsible; nobody else. That's not to say that parental supervision isn't important....it is. But, they are both adults (21 years old), too. If the father has a job, he can't be there 24/7 to make sure the young lovers aren't doing something in his house while he's at work. And while he is home, maybe he doesn't care because they are both of age...or, maybe he didn't know. Who knows? But again, you really can't blame him.

ETA: by the time I posted this, you already answered that the father did not have a job. But, I still don't think it's his fault that his 21 year old daughter got pregnant. And, it's kind of irrelevant at this point.

[hinodis]

Originally Posted by dismom2

No offense, but I don't think it's the father's fault that his daughter got pregnant. Do you know everywhere your son and his GF had whoopie? Even if the moment of conception did happen there, two 21 year old's did the deed, and are ultimately responsible; nobody else. That's not to say that parental supervision isn't important....it is. But, they are both adults (21 years old), too. If the father has a job, he can't be there 24/7 to make sure the young lovers aren't doing something in his house while he's at work. And while he is home, maybe he doesn't care because they are both of age...or, maybe he didn't know. Who knows? But again, you really can't blame him.

He was at his girlfriends house all the time, not work. But this does not give him the right to yell at me. And why does he have a problem with her being at our house. She likes it here.