My DD hates her teacher ... how can I turn her frown upside down?

[robinb]

My 10-year old DD is in 5th grade and hates her teacher after only 3 weeks. I need help in getting her through the year without it turning into a nightmare. I have heard that in my DD's school district 5th grade is VERY important. It's when expectations start to ramp up for the kids before they move on to middle school. I want to finish laying the best foundation I can for my DD and I know it's HER I need to change.

First a little background on the teacher. She was the reading specialist at my DD's school and was assigned the classroom after the teacher my DD had been assigned to was basically asked to leave over the summer due to poor performance. She is an older lady (in her late 50's maybe) and acts like it, unlike my DD's last two teachers (both of which were in their late 40's themselves, but acted "younger"). She is also quite strict and this is her first time back in the classroom teaching in many years. I think her lack of "fun" and associated strictness are what bothers my DD the most.

I admit that I had my own reservations about the teacher mostly about her lack of experience in the classroom setting v/s one-on-one literacy training. We had a VERY bad experience with my DD's first grade teacher who moved from being the computer specialist to a full time teacher. He was HORRIBLE and I did not want something like that to happen again. I spoke to the principal about the 5th grade teacher and I also spoke to my DD's 4th grade teacher. This was about 3 weeks before school started when we found out about classroom assignments. I came away from those conversations convinced that the teacher is a good one and will actually be a good fit for my DD as she struggles with her reading. PLUS, the classroom is good socially for my DD as her best friend is in it. And yes, my DD knows that I talked to the principal and 4th grade teacher and she knows that after those conversations I support the 5th grade teacher 100%.

So, how do help my DD get over her dislike of the teacher? I know if she continues to dwell on how much she doesn't like the teacher it will effect her performance. She is the type of kid who needs to work FOR a teacher or coach. She is motivated by their approval and is not yet self-motivated. When she tells me she hates her teacher I tell her that she needs to get over it or it will be a very long year. Is there anything else I can do?

[kacaju]

If you ask your dd.. why do you hate this teacher? What is her answer?

[WantToGoNow]

My son was like this at the beginning of last year - 2nd grade. In 1st grade he had a teacher that he loved. He had heard all kinds of bad things about this teacher and how she yelled all the time and was worried when he found out he had her. He had been going through a lot of medical issues (asthma, migraines and lots of tests) and fell asleep on the first day of school - she made him stand up for the rest of the day (only about an hour). He came home that first day mad and said she was the meanest teacher ever. His dislike continued the first several weeks - he said all she did was scream and yell. After a few weeks I asked him if he ever game Mrs. X a hug (he was always giving his 1st grade teacher hugs) and he said no way. I told him to go in every morning and give her a hug whether he wanted to or not. That next day he came home and said Mrs. X was nice all day. Before the end of the year, he had come to really like her and she adored him. I think I had to change his attitude about her and I did that by forcing him to have a more personal relationship with her. And the hug probably didn't hurt her every morning either. He came home the 1st day this year and said "I have the best teacher in the world" - I was so relieved.

[robinb]

Originally Posted by kacaju

If you ask your dd.. why do you hate this teacher? What is her answer?

She says that the teacher is too "old" and too strict and that she yells at the kids a lot. You gave me an idea. I think I will have her write down 3 things she does not like about her teacher (so I can help her work through them) and 3 things she LIKES about her teacher. I really want to accentuate the positive.

[marlynnp]

It might also help to tell her what's it's like to work.
That while you will hopefully have a job doing work you enjoy, for most people work isn't 'fun' (it's called work for a reason, lol), and you will often have to work with people you don't like.
And even worse is when you work with people that don't like you and they let you know it, whether directly or through their actions. How does she think the teacher would feel is she knew she wasn't liked? How would she feel if it was her?

I would let her know that I don't want to hear her say she 'hates' the teacher ever again. Hate is for asparagus & beets. I would explain that it is acceptable to dislike the teacher but that she is expected to respect her, follow her rules, and do well in her school work.

[deedeetoo]

We went through something similar in 4th grade when my dd was assigned to the "worst teacher in the school". Dd actually came home from school crying on the last day of the third grade when they got their teacher assignments for the next year.

The problem with the teacher (if you want to call it that) is that she is older, and stricter. I don't know her age, but she is so old that the mom of one of dd's friends also had her for fourth grade. Basically she did not put up with any nonsense in the classroom. Kids that were not behaving got in trouble. I got the impression that a lot of behavior that was tolerated in other classrooms was not allowed in that one. I also think there was a certain amount of prejudice against her because of her age. The kids just expected her to be mean so they saw everything she did as mean.

So how did we get through it?. Mostly by being positive. When DD complained about something, we talked her through it and tried to take the side of the teacher. Truely we never found a problem with what the teacher was doing. I just think it was so much different than what the kids were used to. After awhile the complaining stopped and it just turned into a normal school year.

[DVC Sadie]

Originally Posted by deedeetoo

We went through something similar in 4th grade when my dd was assigned to the "worst teacher in the school". Dd actually came home from school crying on the last day of the third grade when they got their teacher assignments for the next year.

The problem with the teacher (if you want to call it that) is that she is older, and stricter. I don't know her age, but she is so old that the mom of one of dd's friends also had her for fourth grade. Basically she did not put up with any nonsense in the classroom. Kids that were not behaving got in trouble. I got the impression that a lot of behavior that was tolerated in other classrooms was not allowed in that one. I also think there was a certain amount of prejudice against her because of her age. The kids just expected her to be mean so they saw everything she did as mean.

So how did we get through it?. Mostly by being positive. When DD complained about something, we talked her through it and tried to take the side of the teacher. Truely we never found a problem with what the teacher was doing. I just think it was so much different than what the kids were used to. After awhile the complaining stopped and it just turned into a normal school year.

You handled your situation very well and I applaud you. It is so important to try to work through and find positive ways of handling these types of situations.

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I would skip having her write things she doesn't like, and just have her write 3 things that she likes. You should also try harder to foster a more positive attitude, yourself. Something about the tone of your post made me think you wouldn't defend this teacher and her style. Regardless of what you might be thinking and feeling, you should be presenting a positive attitude to your DD. If nothing else, this can be a learning experience, on dealing with different personalities and styles.

When my oldest was in 7th grade, she hated her math teacher. She complained about her all the time, she was too strict, her standards were too tough, etc. Well, she's now in 9th grade, and just last night, she told me how much she missed her 7th grade math teacher! That she was tough, but fair, and expected a lot, but got a lot out of her kids. It was a proud mom moment, that DD realized this on her own.

[figment3258]

When I was in the 4th grade a long time ago I had this teacher that everyone hated she was so mean ans strict and she made me hate school so much. I went from an A and B down to F's . I remember my mom made these appointments early once a week that I would have to go with her before school started to talk about my progress and what i was doing wrong. Half of the class failed from her. In the end it was not my fault it was her and no one believed me . I know that kids can be just get frustrated and say of I hate her and stuff like that but please listen and don't let this teacher take away her love of education.

[clutter]

I have to wonder how much of this is your dd actually disliking her v. a 'group-think' mentality. You know, the kids talk, they listen to their parents, etc.

In 5th grade, my dd heard that this one teacher was really strict and was prepared to not like her. While she never ended up loving her, she did end up respecting her. (This teacher managed to get a 100% pass rate on our state's SOL from the entire grade. She is good.) In fact, someone we know has her this year, and she was commenting about how good a teacher she is.

Contrast that to the new hire they had in 5th grade, a friend of the principal. This woman may have been a marvelous teacher, but she was so disorganized. Then they moved her up to 6th grade the next year!

I'd continue to push about why she dislikes her so much. And absolutely emphasize the positive. She will really help her with reading. She has good control of the class. It's probably a good idea to remind her that 5th grade isn't supposed to be 'fun' anymore. It's a lot of work, and it is to prepare her for middle school, where the teachers are all about the learning.

[K and K's Mommy]

Originally Posted by clutter

And absolutely emphasize the positive. She will really help her with reading. She has good control of the class. It's probably a good idea to remind her that 5th grade isn't supposed to be 'fun' anymore. It's a lot of work, and it is to prepare her for middle school, where the teachers are all about the learning.

I agree with all this. Kids don't have to love their teachers, but they need to respect them and learn from them. If she was a reading specialist, one can only hope that she can teach reading.

My own fifth grader isn't loving his teacher this year. She's strict and demanding. I think that's okay because my DS needs to be ready for middle school. My DS second grade teacher was also strict. In fact, I complained to my DH the first two months. Turns out, my DS considers her his favorite teacher so far. He did end up learning a ton.

Good luck!

[PollyannaMom]

Originally Posted by robinb

...She is the type of kid who needs to work FOR a teacher or coach. She is motivated by their approval and is not yet self-motivated...

We got a lovely letter from DS's new teacher over the summer. She used it partly to mention curriculum (to get them excited about certain things they would learn this year) but also to introduce herself outside of school - her hobbies, etc. I think it does wonders for kids who are motivated this way to find out they have something in common with their teacher! Could you write to her and search out things they both like?