Bringing Friends - Rules

[Sherlee]

We are in the early planning stages of my daughter's 16th Birthday trip. She gets to bring three friends. I will be sending out a "Save the Date" letter to the girls and parents. In this letter I will spell out exactly what I am paying for (airfare, hotel, park tickets, and meals) and what they will need to cover (snacks, souvenirs, etc.). I am also going to include a list of rules that are unconditional - luckily I am already known as the "overprotective" mom in her group of friends.

I would love it if any of you could offer any suggestions to my "RULES" list.

Thank you!

[soccerchick]

I would want regular check in times, both via phone and in person.
Stick to curfew.
They may not leave the park, go into hotel rooms, etc. with folks they meet.
I would also give a general schedule - park of the day, sit down restaurants/ADRs, etc. so that there is a general plan.

I hope they are all good kids and you won't have to worry too much. What an awesome 16th birthday party.

[minniebeth]

What a wonderful mom your DD has for such a nice 16th birthday celebration!
I'm the big rule mom, and although I really can't think of any other rules other than they must stick together at all times, my 2cents is: where there's rules, there needs to be consequences...what happens if the girls don'tfollow the rules?
I'm sure the other parents will be appreciative of your clear communication.
Best wishes!

[DIS-OH]

Don't forget to get a medical release for the other girls--with their medical insurance info and a statement that their parents authorize you to sign for medical treatment.

[AmberHeartsDisney]

Originally Posted by DIS-OH

Don't forget to get a medical release for the other girls--with their medical insurance info and a statement that their parents authorize you to sign for medical treatment.

Great idea. I agree make sure you have the girls medical issues and find out what there allergic too (if anything) dont forget the sunblock either some medications react to sun.

[TMB1203]

Wow..what a great mom!

[Dervis]

On my next trip, I'm going with 4 of my friends...in total, my parents will be dragging 3 guys and 2 girls...all 19. Obviously, my parent's golden rule is nothing past kissing or your on the next flight home. No messing up the hotel room, treat it as if it was your own home. If we get on each other's nerves or have a fight, either we work it out, or someone goes home (no negativity allowed). Of course, on our last trip (same group minus one of the guys) we didn't have to worry about anything, and everyone was well behaved as always. Its Disney World...everything will be fine.

[prncess674]

What is your contingency if one of the girls decides after you purchase airplane tickets that she doesn't want to go or she gets in a fight with your daughter. Are the parents responsible for the cost of the ticket?

[seashoreCM]

The hosting parent needs to make sure an "us versus them" situation does not develop with the friends/guests.

Part of this involves making sure in advance that budgeted items have indeed been covered, for example everyone's tickets have the hopping feature, etc.

Last minute plans involving extra expense (fancy schmancy restaurant, behind the scenes tour, etc.) should require unanimous approval, not majority approval, unless the hosting parent is willing to advance the extra money and the hosting parent orchestrate the re-imbursement arrangements with the guest parent as desired.

I would prefer an arrangement when the guests buy their own airplane tickets.

In the event guests cancel out and a hotel room is involved, my opinion is that the hosts pay for what they would pay for had the guests not come, and the guests pay the extra person charges etc.

[poohbear8]

I would help your DD plan ahead on how to deal with "I don't want to do that". What will happen and where will the odd girl go or sit? I really wanted to ride ToT, but DD didn't. I obviously couldn't let her sit alone, so she had to wait with me, then take the exit at the last minute. I think the girls need to do the same thing.

I would make sure one rule is at no time do they split up. If one needs to use the bathroom, they all go. If one is feeling sick, then the plan should be for them to call you for help. Be sure you have all of their cell phone numbers in your phone. (be sure to get them to pack the cell phone chargers)

I would also give info to the girls on the flight and let each one pick the one thing in each park they "have" to do. Though you are paying for it (WOW, wish I had a 16th party like this!!), this will give the guests the feeling that they are doing things they want to do also.

I did the same thing with my dd last year on our trip. We both picked the 1-2 things we "had" to do in each park. Once they were done anything we did above that was a bonus. Of course, we did tons more, but after you do that "one thing" that is most important.....it's all good.

I'd also have the girls be sure to bring whatever medicine they would need for a headache or aches and pains. Not all kids can take pills or take the same stuff. Each girl should pack some, so she will have it and you don't need to make a run to Walgreens.

[Flametamr]

Originally Posted by DIS-OH

Don't forget to get a medical release for the other girls--with their medical insurance info and a statement that their parents authorize you to sign for medical treatment.

Just wanted to add that you need them to at a minimum have the letters notarized. Personally I would prefer to have a limited power of attorney from them but thats probably overkill. In an emergency situation a hospital will perform life saving procedures without a parent present. But for minor issues like breaks or stiches and stuff you will have problems.

I'll stay out of the rules part since Im a very over protective parent.

[Disneyholic]

Originally Posted by DIS-OH

Don't forget to get a medical release for the other girls--with their medical insurance info and a statement that their parents authorize you to sign for medical treatment.

Have the parents get their signature notarized. (most banks have a notary service - free if you bank there, so check there first)
Type up identical forms for everyone and send them out to the parents.
We took DS GF a few years ago and her mom had a form made up & notarized. It was nice having it with us, but thank goodness we didn't have to use it.

[dormouse72]

My thoughts:

- pick your time of year carefully: OK if you want to get the "free birthday admission" maybe you can't do that but with 16 year olds I'd try to avoid Pop Warner time in early December. They don't have the best reputation as a whole (although most are probably great kids individually) - who needs the hassle?

- Screen potential invitees: My 14 year old daughter has some friends that I like, some I don't particularly care for, one I'd leave adrift in the open ocean, and a couple I'd take in trade for my own flesh and blood. Guess who I'd want to spend loads of money one? And guess who would be first on HER guest list? Make sure you agree on the guest list.

- Approach the parents of the selected girls BEFORE your daughter spills the beans to her friends: you are obviously the COOLEST mom in the universe but other parents may not feel their child is ready to make that big a trip without them and they should be given the opportunity to "opt out" without having their child hate them FOREVER!

- Written behavior contracts: I work with teens and I have to say - as corny as they are, they work. Ask the parents what limits and boundaries they have for their children (so all of the girls have rules that are familiar) and then ask the girls for their input as well (what is a "fair" curfew? What about inviting new friends to their room? etc). Type them up and provide them to the parents. If the parent is comfortable with the rules and consequences (such as curfew and what would get the kid on the next flight home), the girl signs. If not, they don't go.

- Regular check-in times: Not just call-ins. Depending on your daughter and her friends I might say "no park hopping" - you don't have to stay by my side all day but every hour or so I want to see your bright shining faces, we eat at least one meal a day together, and we are all in the same park. In return, I would promise to pretend not to know them if I passed by and saw them talking to a REALLY cute guy in line.

- NO DITCHING FRIENDS: The buddy system works when you are swimming...

Definitely notarized medical authorization letters with name and contact info of their doctor, any allergies or medical alerts, and parents insurance information (including a xerox of the front and back of the parents insurance card).

allears.net has a whole article about bringing your child's friend...it's good reading.

[KandD]

I know you asked for rules but something you may want to consider...if any of the girls have never been to Disney they may have no idea what to expect so a loose list of what they are going to need may be necessary. If they are going to need dressy clothes, extra changes of clothes for waterparks, etc. A schedule and list of restaurants you are planning to go to may help. Maybe even give them the link to the Allears menus so if there is someone who really doesn't like something on the menu you can switch ADRs before you get there instead of having a hungry unhappy girl once you are there.

I also agree with the PP who said to talk to the parents before the girls find out about the trip. The parents may not agree to it or not feel that their daughter is ready for a trip away.

What a great bday present!! Have fun!

[izzie-wizzie]

I would suggest, if possible, have an evening at your home with all the people going and their parent(s). kind of like a little meeting and you can go over the basics, perhaps play some videos of disney, if necessary go over all the parks / what they offer.
Once everyone is familiar with what is involved in Disney, and your all talking about it this will give you an idea of what the group will be more interested in doing (shows/thrill rides/shops etc) and knowing this plans can be made, and as a group you can all decide what rules to set.

Im thinking as 16 year olds, they may be more responsive if they come up with the rules themselves (perhaps with some points in the right direction from you/other parents to make sure everythings covered) - if everyone agrees, they may be more likely to stick to it/respect it and feel more grown up and responsible for their actions if they had input rather than being told what to do

Can i just say what an amazing thing for you to do