Why thank you, thank you very much. - The DIS Discussion Forums

phorsenuf · 08-30-2009, 02:30 PM

> I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
>
> I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
>
> I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
>
> I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
>
> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
>
> Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
>
> I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
>
> I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
>
> ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes..
>
> BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ..
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
>
> THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
>
> AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
>
> I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .
>
> Oh, by the way.....
>
> A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
>

perdidobay · 08-30-2009, 02:32 PM

sau418 · 08-30-2009, 02:37 PM

FroggyinArk · 08-30-2009, 02:40 PM

4's has way too much time on her hands now that hubby and alost all the kids are gone.....

teacups · 08-30-2009, 02:49 PM

Yes but did you ever drink from the water hose as a child?
GREAT post!

lajones81 · 08-30-2009, 03:25 PM

Love it!!

Beastlover · 08-30-2009, 03:41 PM

thats hysterical!!

SandrA9810 · 08-30-2009, 03:51 PM

It's amazing we haven't all died yet from those terrible things.

Mary Jo · 08-30-2009, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phorsenuf

> I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
>
> I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
>
> I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
>
> I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
>
> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
>
> Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
>
> I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
>
> I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
>
> ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes..
>
> BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ..
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
>
> THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
>
> AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
>
> I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .
>
> Oh, by the way.....
>
> A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
>

Boy, you sure know how to make following the "new" rule a challenge!! That's a mouthful... and speaking of educational threads - what about the new rule? I think that's quite significant

vegasnative · 08-30-2009, 05:18 PM

luvmy3 · 08-30-2009, 06:34 PM

candykisses · 08-30-2009, 09:55 PM

Very funny!

JR6ooo4 · 08-30-2009, 10:38 PM

Heheheheheeee, But I think you must fes up... you are not the author. I have read this before.

or I am the most confused person ever.

Mikeeee

bigmerle1966 · 08-30-2009, 11:27 PM

C.Ann · 08-30-2009, 11:36 PM

Phew! Thanks so much for those reminders.. Somehow I forgot a few and who knows what might have happened to me had I not read this thread!!

: rotfl:

08-30-2009, 02:30 PM	#1
phorsenuf New Rule: The first person to reply on any thread needs to quote the OP. That way when someone does the delete of nevermind edit we know what was there. Now Repeat after me. Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: NH and soon Palm Harbor, FL Posts: 12,645	Why thank you, thank you very much. > I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. > > I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. > > I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. > > I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. > > I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot). > > Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. > > I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. > > I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. > > ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. > > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. > > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. > > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. > > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. > > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. > > THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.. > > BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. > > I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. > > I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. > > I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. > > AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life. > > I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. > > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. > > I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. > > I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. > > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .. > > I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. > > THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. > > AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. > > I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! > > I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off. > > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . . > > Oh, by the way..... > > A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. > > Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. > __________________ IS TOTALLY DISGUSTED ---------> Parents owe their children two things.......Roots and Wings. God gave us children so we would have roses in December.

08-30-2009, 02:32 PM	#2
perdidobay Will work for travel ;-) Needs rescuing from Chunky Monkey!!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 6,011	__________________ Mort: "I like computers!" King Julian:"So you know?" Mort: "No, but I don't have to know to like!" Penguins Of Madagascar

08-30-2009, 02:37 PM	#3
sau418 Mouseketeer Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 190	__________________ Me DH Katie 3 Abby 2 Numerous trips growing up on and off site June 09 Wilderness Lodge DH said yes, we are coming back in 2011

08-30-2009, 02:40 PM	#4
FroggyinArk SPF's All Time Favorite Frog! We worry about you when you're AWOL... i'm seeing duct tape, hand cuffs, a lot of rope, a few chains, a hood and gaga.... Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: South East Arkansas Posts: 12,313	4's has way too much time on her hands now that hubby and alost all the kids are gone..... __________________ Post pirate extrordinaire Sir Kiltless, Knight of the Barbeque, Keeper of the Royal Family Jewels and Duke of Cornbreadington

08-30-2009, 03:41 PM	#7
Beastlover When leaving a room, make it dramatic...use Jazz hands! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: McHenry, Illinois Posts: 3,303	thats hysterical!! __________________ Michelle DeeAnne being a good aunt...teaching my grandson the finer things in life...

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08-30-2009, 02:49 PM	#5
teacups DIS Veteran Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: I love Portland, Oregon! Posts: 3,975	Yes but did you ever drink from the water hose as a child? GREAT post!

08-30-2009, 03:25 PM	#6
lajones81 DISneyLVR I think you need to add more details to your story! Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 3,411	Love it!!

08-30-2009, 03:51 PM	#8
SandrA9810 DIS Veteran Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: 15 miles away from the Castle Posts: 2,841	It's amazing we haven't all died yet from those terrible things. __________________ Disney Survival Bag - http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2202231

08-30-2009, 05:18 PM	#10
vegasnative DIS Veteran Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Spokane Valley, WA Posts: 2,534	__________________ (me) (DH) (DS's 8-year old twins) (DS 6)

08-30-2009, 06:34 PM	#11
luvmy3 When I drink I find its easier to watch my children because I see all 3 of them double, so all 6 of them of them take all my attention Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,692

08-30-2009, 09:55 PM	#12
candykisses Ask Me About My Sheltie Likes to cool off with the Tiki Birds Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Gibsonia PA, USA Posts: 3,667	Very funny! __________________ CBR-DXL-ASMo-ASMo-ASMo-FQ-FQ-FQ-FQ? 96 - 98 - 99 - 01 - 02 -04 -05 -07 -08

08-30-2009, 10:38 PM	#13
JR6ooo4 The Dr. Seuss of Poo Using kerosene lanterns for light? Kerosene, who are you kidding? When did they invent kerosene? Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Arlington Heights, Illinois (26 miles Northwest of Walt's Birthplace) Posts: 11,032	Heheheheheeee, But I think you must fes up... you are not the author. I have read this before. or I am the most confused person ever. Mikeeee __________________ Please check out my WDW photo galleries if you have time. I love to share! July 01 - Honeymoon @ Carribean Beach ~ April 05 - Offsite Ramada ~ March 06 - AllStar Movies ~ August 06 - Allstar Sports / Corronado Springs ~ March 07 - Allstar again but free ~ December 07-Coronado Springs~ Q Fred x8

08-30-2009, 11:27 PM	#14
bigmerle1966 OH MY STARS! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: MD Posts: 10,071	__________________ POR/AKL 12/02 POR(overnight stay)11/04 POR 6/21-6/29/05 POP 12/10-12/18/05 OKW 6/16-6/22/06 BWI 12/06 POP 9/7-9/10/06 OKW- Girls week May 07 POLY 7/5 to 7/9/07 POP 9/1 to 9/9/07 POP 11/1-11/6/07 POP 12/19 to 12/26/08 For Noah ... ........... Oh Chachi!..... Bird Flu Hits Trailer Park- News at 11 Duchess Ohmystars of Rearkickerstown

08-30-2009, 11:36 PM	#15
C.Ann We'll remember when... No time for green bananas When the going gets tough, she gets the Palmolive!! If I knew we were going to be graded here, I might try harder Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 28,920	Phew! Thanks so much for those reminders.. Somehow I forgot a few and who knows what might have happened to me had I not read this thread!! : rotfl: __________________ C.Ann ----------------- *"Scars remind us where we've been.. They don't have to dictate where we're going.."* "Life ain't always beautiful.....but it's a beautiful ride." "We won't be sad, we'll be glad for all the life we've had and we'll remember when...."

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