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Old 08-06-2009, 12:14 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
You and others can tell yourself that all you want but you are wrong. It is no different than gay or retard or the 'n' word.

It's really sad that you can't see that.
It is sad that you cannot see that languages evolve. A word can mean one thing today, and another thing 10 years from now. It can also mean more than one thing at any one time, depending on its use. You may choose to be insulted, but that would be your choice if no insult is intended.

It is not the words, themselves, that matter - it is the meaning behind the words. And most words are capable of carrying more than one meaning.

Also, when I lived on Long Island, Jewish girls often considered this a compliment (something that I still do not completely understand)...
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:17 PM   #32
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tell your DD to hang in there...I was one of the VERY few non-jappy ones in my town and got treated badly for it for most of junior high and high school.

I didn't wear the trendy clothes, carry the right hangbag, wear the right shoe, have the right haircut, wear the best make-up, etc. The other girls from my Hebrew school class had all the "right" stuff and looked down on anyone who didn't have it all.

I care less now (I' in my 30's), but it was hard then. I felt like an outcast and had trouble fitting in b/c I wasn't ever sure of who I was, since I couldn't fit in with the crowd I was supposed to fit in with.

The Moms of those kids were no better - in fact they encourgaed the behavior and looked down (really obviously) on anyone who wasn't exactly like them (think Barabra Streisand nails, hair and clothes - the right cars - the most expensive bat mitzvahs - $$$$$).

It's worse that's it family, but please do your DD a favor and stick up on her behalf. I didn't have anyone really do that for me and it really really hurt my self esteem for a long time. Make sure she really is ok - I "ignored" it too - but inside I was torn up that I was so harshly judged by people for such materialistic reasons.

(and I'm not from Long Island - I grew up in North Jersey)
Sounds very familiar!! There are alot of kids here like that..but thankfully not all!!

Kids have asked DD where she got her clothes, and DD has always said, I have no idea..mom shops for me! And her clotehs were all nice..Kohls, TCP, JCP, lots of Disney jeans too!! LOL. It is harder know that she is in junior sizes..but the prices at Aero are really nice, and Kohls has tons of sales! She likes what she wears and what I buy her, and appreicates it too .

When DN told her all those things about dressing, I was like..you look great the way you are!! Your hair is gorgeous, and she said thanks..I like it too!! I have told her that I think her cousin is jealous of her because of how pretty and thin that DD is. But just to be herself and be fine. She understands and knows I am there for her.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:17 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyBamaFan View Post
It is sad that you cannot see that languages evolve. A word can mean one thing today, and another thing 10 years from now. It can also mean more than one thing at any one time, depending on its use. You may choose to be insulted, but that would be your choice if no insult is intended.

It is not the words, themselves, that matter - it is the meaning behind the words. And most words are capable of carrying more than one meaning.

Also, when I lived on Long Island, Jewish girls often considered this a compliment (something that I still do not completely understand)...
No, perception is more important than the intention.

This is no different than saying "you are so gay." Is that acceptable to you as well?
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:18 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Ignorance is no defense. And a slur is a slur.

As I tell my children, if you don't know what a word means, you darn well better not use it.

Jap is not a slur. I am Jewish, I find nothing offensive in that word. I can give you a list of Jewish slurs...but Jap is not one of them.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:19 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
No, preception is more important than the intention.

This is no different than saying "you are so gay." Is that acceptable to you as well?
yes, PERception is important - and it's PERceived as a compliment around where I grew up (and actually where I live now as well).
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:21 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by JoiseyMom View Post
Sounds very familiar!! There are alot of kids here like that..but thankfully not all!!

Kids have asked DD where she got her clothes, and DD has always said, I have no idea..mom shops for me! And her clotehs were all nice..Kohls, TCP, JCP, lots of Disney jeans too!! LOL. It is harder know that she is in junior sizes..but the prices at Aero are really nice, and Kohls has tons of sales! She likes what she wears and what I buy her, and appreicates it too .

When DN told her all those things about dressing, I was like..you look great the way you are!! Your hair is gorgeous, and she said thanks..I like it too!! I have told her that I think her cousin is jealous of her because of how pretty and thin that DD is. But just to be herself and be fine. She understands and knows I am there for her.

You sound like a good Mom She's a lucky DD to have you in her corner!
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:23 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
You and others can tell yourself that all you want but you are wrong. It is no different than gay or retard or the 'n' word.

It's really sad that you can't see that.

Oh my, what is really sad is that you, for whatever reason feel there is something wrong wtih the term Jap. Now I would be annoyed if I was called it, because I am not one!! Now call me a witch (well add the B) and I will be all smiles!!

And there is a world full of difference with the n word and retard and gay and other words.

Retard was a word that was used way back when, and now is not. Gay..what the heck is wrong wtih the term GAY??

Hmm..I think you are drowing in a world of political correctness!!
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:23 PM   #38
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Joiseymom, I am also Jewish, and although I'm not sure I would say JAP or jappy is a nice word - it certainly isn't a slur on the order of the "n" word, especially since it's being used in this context by a Jewish person as a way to say what her daughter isn't, rather than calling anyone anything.

I think it's a little silly for people to be telling someone what a word means to a group when they are not part of the group and the person using the word is.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:28 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frndshpcptn View Post
You sound like a good Mom She's a lucky DD to have you in her corner!

Thanks, I am trying!! We still have that love/hate mother/daughter relationship, but I want her to know I am here for her. Life today is so different then when I was a kid and I want a different relationship then I had with my mom. I mean I loved my mom, and she loved me, but I couldn't talk to her about anything! DD and I talk about everything.

MY dh actually complimented me when DD became a young lady and said she was very well prepared and I did a great job with her . She wasn't anxious or scared but ok, I have it.
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2004 August - My surprise trip (no kids)!!! Pop/Poly/GF/AKL; 2004 Nov - Jersey Week AKL & Timeshare
2005 August - Surprise Trip for kids!! CSR; 2006 August - Surprise Trip for kids at CSR again!! 2007 August - 3 nite Wonder & AKL FD 3peat!!
2007 December 8 - 7nite Eastern on the Magic! 2008 August 17 DCL Magic EB Panama Canal; March 2011 WDW trip with friends. 2012 Aug 25 DCL Bahamas Magic from NYC;2012 Sept 12 DCL Canadian Magic;2013 Aug AKL Kidani;2013 Aug DCL Fantasy

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Old 08-06-2009, 12:33 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneymoonJess07 View Post
Joiseymom, I am also Jewish, and although I'm not sure I would say JAP or jappy is a nice word - it certainly isn't a slur on the order of the "n" word, especially since it's being used in this context by a Jewish person as a way to say what her daughter isn't, rather than calling anyone anything.

I think it's a little silly for people to be telling someone what a word means to a group when they are not part of the group and the person using the word is.

LOL...welcome to the world of DIS!!

I agree, now I can take it as in insult since I am not one!! My DH started teasing me about becoming a JAP about 18 months ago. You see I started to get my nails done!! LOL...my therapist told me to do something for just "me". So that was what I picked!! And I kept it up, since my nails were crappy and kept breaking..now they don't!! LOL!!

Now I have always considered it more of an attitude.. think Housewives of NJ!! LOL...now I have only seen the commercials..but they would fit the term nicely!!
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2001/2 Dec/Jan - First family Poly trip; 2003/4 Dec/Jan - Extended Family Trip Rented 4 bed house
2004 August - My surprise trip (no kids)!!! Pop/Poly/GF/AKL; 2004 Nov - Jersey Week AKL & Timeshare
2005 August - Surprise Trip for kids!! CSR; 2006 August - Surprise Trip for kids at CSR again!! 2007 August - 3 nite Wonder & AKL FD 3peat!!
2007 December 8 - 7nite Eastern on the Magic! 2008 August 17 DCL Magic EB Panama Canal; March 2011 WDW trip with friends. 2012 Aug 25 DCL Bahamas Magic from NYC;2012 Sept 12 DCL Canadian Magic;2013 Aug AKL Kidani;2013 Aug DCL Fantasy

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Old 08-06-2009, 12:47 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by DisneymoonJess07 View Post
I think it's a little silly for people to be telling someone what a word means to a group when they are not part of the group and the person using the word is.
I think that if you really think about your post, you will realize that you are far from correct.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:49 PM   #42
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Whew, I am standing right next to you in this corner, mom. My DD13 is of the super-sensitive, sweet type and when we moved last summer she started school with some of the most heinous, evil, ROTTEN teenaged girls I have ever encountered... and we live in farm country! She has definitely learned a lot in this past year, and has grown a tough outer shell that all of their crap just rolls off of, thank goodness. I know that the rottenness still hurts; I can only imagine how much worse it is that it's a relative.

So, no advice from me (other than to keep your own "outer shell" up to deflect the junk being flung at you here! ) but lots of sympathy, to be sure!
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Old 08-06-2009, 01:06 PM   #43
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I just want to throw out a big: Bullies Suck! And I am sorry your daughter is going through that.
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Old 08-06-2009, 01:10 PM   #44
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It never ceases to amaze me how cruel kids can be. DD13 first 2 weeks of camp this year was great!! Then a girl who went to the camp last summer for part of it, and who DD has known all her life showed up. She asked if she could hang with DD and her small group of freinds. DD of course being nice said yes.

First this girl told DD that she should wear shorter shorts (DD wears normal size shorts, I don't buy her things where her butt is hanging out), more tank tops and she should wear bikinis! She also told her she should straighten her hair. Now my DD is a beautiful young women, nicely proportioned with gorgeous long wavy hair. She dresses very appropriately for a 13 year old girl. In style, but not ****ty or too grow up. Now this other girl is pretty, but chubby. She is also one of the rudest children I know. I am always shocked at the way she talks to her parents, and how they let her get away with it.

DD came home yesterday complaining about her and she said some really nasty things to DD. She told DD that kids won't be her freind at school once they find out DD is her cousin !! Yes, this mean girl is my DN. Now, DD has a very small circle of good freinds. DD is not the jappy, makeup, designer type of kid.
!


I stopped reading when I got to this part. I see it's been addressed already, so I'll move on. But...wow.
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Old 08-06-2009, 01:16 PM   #45
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Your DD seems to be growing into a lovely, confident young woman - kudos for you!

The only thing I would suggest to you is to show your DD that you will stand up for her. If your SIL ever says a word to your DD again, you must protect her. Go to SIL and say, very softly, "You will NOT speak to my daughter like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" If she continues, have her and her family escorted from the property. Keep your cool, do not appear angry, just cold and collected. Do not respond to your SIL's allegations of rudeness, etc. "If she appears to me to be rude, I will deal with it. You will NOT speak to her like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" Repeat as necessary. Don't be afraid of "making a scene"; your SIL already made one. But your daughter must know that you will protect her from the bullies you can deal with - and your SIL is certainly one.
I agree with this 100%. My house, my rules. No one will behave in a manner that I find unacceptable at my home and I don't care who they are.

And quite frankly, if I am elsewhere and someone is behaving in a manner that is unaccpetable to me, I have no problem saying "I am not tolerating cousin Susie's bad behavior" and leaving. Clearly, these people don't care what you think about them so why would you care what they think about you?
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