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Old 08-06-2009, 11:25 AM   #16
jrmasm
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Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:25 AM   #17
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Never mind - already covered. It is a slur and I agree, tells more about the person that throws it into a conversation.

OP - It sounds like both you and your SIL are convinced your daughters are being tormented by the other, as each of them are complaining to their moms about the other one.

As parents, we know that our children are not perfect and the truth often lies somewhere in between.

From your point of view, it does sound like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. But if it continues, I would take DD and DN out for lunch and try to get to the bottom of it.

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Old 08-06-2009, 11:29 AM   #18
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I'm sorry your DN is being such a teenage witch!

You DD is handling it just right. She should just ignore her and walk away. I bet she is doing this when others are around to get attention, and a reaction would make her escalate. Maybe your DD and DN need to have a one-on-one conversation. Sometimes getting a bully alone and talking to them helps. If that doesn't work, your DD will just have to keep avoiding, ignoring and walking away. People that count will appreciate her not getting involved in the name calling and all that. People that join in with your DN would not be people she would want to be friends with anyway.

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Old 08-06-2009, 11:35 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.
Actually, in many places it is just an adjective used by many with no knowledge of its original meaning (the part associated with Jews). I would not assume that a person who uses this word is using it as a racial slur. Most use it to mean diva or spoiled brat...
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:40 AM   #20
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tell your DD to hang in there...I was one of the VERY few non-jappy ones in my town and got treated badly for it for most of junior high and high school.

I didn't wear the trendy clothes, carry the right hangbag, wear the right shoe, have the right haircut, wear the best make-up, etc. The other girls from my Hebrew school class had all the "right" stuff and looked down on anyone who didn't have it all.

I care less now (I' in my 30's), but it was hard then. I felt like an outcast and had trouble fitting in b/c I wasn't ever sure of who I was, since I couldn't fit in with the crowd I was supposed to fit in with.

The Moms of those kids were no better - in fact they encourgaed the behavior and looked down (really obviously) on anyone who wasn't exactly like them (think Barabra Streisand nails, hair and clothes - the right cars - the most expensive bat mitzvahs - $$$$$).

It's worse that's it family, but please do your DD a favor and stick up on her behalf. I didn't have anyone really do that for me and it really really hurt my self esteem for a long time. Make sure she really is ok - I "ignored" it too - but inside I was torn up that I was so harshly judged by people for such materialistic reasons.

(and I'm not from Long Island - I grew up in North Jersey)
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:41 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by DisneyBamaFan View Post
Actually, in many places it is just an adjective used by many with no knowledge of its original meaning (the part associated with Jews). I would not assume that a person who uses this word is using it as a racial slur. Most use it to mean diva or spoiled brat...
Ignorance is no defense. And a slur is a slur.

As I tell my children, if you don't know what a word means, you darn well better not use it.
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:42 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.
I disagree - its a term commonly used by the people who are PROUD of being this way (at least where I am from).
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:44 AM   #23
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Ignorance is no defense. And a slur is a slur...
Whatever works for you...
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:59 AM   #24
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Just to stick up for the OP, I asked my boss (who is Jewish and a woman) what jappy meant and she said it was to decribe a Jewish girl who is high-maitenance, bratty, princess-wanna be. She said in her Jewish community it is not considered a slur, but just a simple term to describe someone. Just like she would say her daughter is a brat or a diva. It may have a negative connotation, but it is not an ethic slur- everyone in her community uses it. And the girls who are considered to be "jappy" are proud to be called that.

Maybe it is different in other places though.
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:59 AM   #25
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From link...

LOL ...thanks for answering.. A quintessential Jewish American Princess: naggy, ultra-high maintenance, whiny, always wanting their way, extremely moody, spoiled rotten

Jappy is the above. I live in a very upper middle class area. And yes..my DD is my little JAP... she isn't into the trappings like all the kids she goes to school with, and yes you can be jappy but not be Jewish!! LOL.

Some of the girls DD goes to camp with don't want to swim since they will ruin their makeup!!

DD is allowed to wear lip gloss!! She can reapply as needed!!
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:03 PM   #26
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oh bother.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:03 PM   #27
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Your DD seems to be growing into a lovely, confident young woman - kudos for you!

The only thing I would suggest to you is to show your DD that you will stand up for her. If your SIL ever says a word to your DD again, you must protect her. Go to SIL and say, very softly, "You will NOT speak to my daughter like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" If she continues, have her and her family escorted from the property. Keep your cool, do not appear angry, just cold and collected. Do not respond to your SIL's allegations of rudeness, etc. "If she appears to me to be rude, I will deal with it. You will NOT speak to her like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" Repeat as necessary. Don't be afraid of "making a scene"; your SIL already made one. But your daughter must know that you will protect her from the bullies you can deal with - and your SIL is certainly one.

I do stand up for my DD, and I know when to deal with my SIL. There would have been a scene if I went up to her, and I was not going to ruin my DS and my FDIL day. I told DD she did fine, and if her Aunt approaches her again to just again walk away and to come to me. The only way to deal with a stupid shrew is to ignore her, and that is what I did. My sil made a fool of herself in front of my family and lots of strangers. I was not going to make the matter worse, especially when talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. She will never admit that her DD is even a tiny bit to blame at all.

But I do understand what you mean ...thanks .
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:05 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.

It is not a slur. It is used the same as another poster said as brat or diva.
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2004 August - My surprise trip (no kids)!!! Pop/Poly/GF/AKL; 2004 Nov - Jersey Week AKL & Timeshare
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:07 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by JoiseyMom View Post
It is not a slur. It is used the same as another poster said as brat or diva.
You and others can tell yourself that all you want but you are wrong. It is no different than gay or retard or the 'n' word.

It's really sad that you can't see that.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:10 PM   #30
JoiseyMom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickey's Minion View Post
Never mind - already covered. It is a slur and I agree, tells more about the person that throws it into a conversation.

OP - It sounds like both you and your SIL are convinced your daughters are being tormented by the other, as each of them are complaining to their moms about the other one.

As parents, we know that our children are not perfect and the truth often lies somewhere in between.

From your point of view, it does sound like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. But if it continues, I would take DD and DN out for lunch and try to get to the bottom of it.

Well my SIL knows nothing of what is going on at camp. My DD and I talk about everything (geez I hope it keeps up!!) and we have a very close relationship. I know my DD is not perfect and can say the wrong thing at times, but she is raelly honest and tells me what was said on both sides.

I am the type of parent that if someone says well your child did this, I am like ok...lets ask. I ask both sides and tell them all to behave. I have been a mom for 26 years and know how kids are and know that they aren't perfect. If this wasn't my DN I would be taking lots of steps at camp, but I am in a tight place. We actually did talk to camp last year before DN started and asked the counselors to keep an eye on it, since there are issues.

Taking DN and DD out to lunch together will do no good. My DN is not a nice kid and would lie to my face, and has!! When she has been over to my home, she is not allowed to behave the way she does at home. I also have told my DD that if she ever talked to me and treated me and her father they was DN does, that it would be the last thing she ever does!! So DD knows her cousins behavior is unacceptable.

It is nothing I can control, accept to keep their contact at a minimum. Hoepfully my DN will grow out of it.
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2001/2 Dec/Jan - First family Poly trip; 2003/4 Dec/Jan - Extended Family Trip Rented 4 bed house
2004 August - My surprise trip (no kids)!!! Pop/Poly/GF/AKL; 2004 Nov - Jersey Week AKL & Timeshare
2005 August - Surprise Trip for kids!! CSR; 2006 August - Surprise Trip for kids at CSR again!! 2007 August - 3 nite Wonder & AKL FD 3peat!!
2007 December 8 - 7nite Eastern on the Magic! 2008 August 17 DCL Magic EB Panama Canal; March 2011 WDW trip with friends. 2012 Aug 25 DCL Bahamas Magic from NYC;2012 Sept 12 DCL Canadian Magic;2013 Aug AKL Kidani;2013 Aug DCL Fantasy

I am Poohtiful and Poohlicious!!!! Have you had your Spanx today???
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