My mom - what a piece of work (update post 84/125/149/154)

[jen0610]

She took a mole hill and made a MOUNTIAN out of it. Sorry this is gonna be long.

DD12 is going into 6th this year. She is EXCITED beyond words. She has been counting down the days for weeks now.

Since the end of the school year, she has been asking if she could get her hair cut. She has a beautiful head of thick, curly hair. With the dance classes she takes, her hair has to be long enough to go into a bun. Growing up, I had hair to my waist. Other than when she wore bangs and trimming off split ends, she has never had a hair cut.

She and I had gotten a magazine to look at all the different styles. She picked out the ones she liked the best, keeping in mind what she had to keep for the dance bun requirement. DH and I told her that we would get her hair cut this coming week.

On saturday, when I went in for my cut and color, she went with me and took in the magazine. The lady who does my hair looked over what she had picked out and the three of us agreed what would look best and what she could take care of best.

Once KD got my color on and had me tucked under the dryer, she didn't have anyone else, so instead of having me make a trip back up there, she went ahead and did DD's cut as well. NOT AT ALL AN ISSUE WITH ME.

OMG...does she look cute. She never stopped smilling. Kept running her fingers thru it. Didn't want to roll down her window...it might get messed up. DH and DS both gave their approval....for DS14 say that he liked it is impressive.

DH and I had plans to go out to eat and a late movie Saturday night. The kids have not spent anytime over at my mom and dads this summer. Mom had asked if she could keep the kids and spend some time with them, so that was the plan.

We get over there and my dad was out cutting the grass. DD got out of the car and walked over to him. He had a shocked look, then a big smile. He told her it sure was different, but he liked it and gave her a hug. We went on into the house. DD and I had to go back to my mom and dads bedroom to find her. And when we did, the day of happieness made a u-turn and headed for hades.

My mom started crying. Would barely look at DD. Just glared at me. DD kept trying to hug her grandma, but she just kept pushing her away. Telling her, she couldn't believe we would do that to her. Go away, leave her alone. Finally, DD turned and walked out and I followed her...didn't say a word to my mom. DH was standing in the hallway, he heard what was said, he followed us out to the family room. We had barely gotten into the family room, when the bedroom door was slammed shut and the wailling began. We proceeded on out the door. We stood outside with my dad and the kids for about an hour talking. Mom never once stuck her head outside. DS went into the house once to get some water and when he came out, said she was still in her room carring on.

Dad said to just go ahead and leave the kids. Once he finished mowing the grass, they would go get something to eat and stay outta her way. We left, dad was heading across the street to finish the mowing and DS and DD were outside messing with their bikes.

DH and I get home, takes us only about 10 minutes. Once I get in the house, I pull my cell out of my pockets and it starts ringing before I can set it down. Call id shows that is my mom and dads house. I answer it and it is DD whispering you need to come get me. I can hear my mom screaming in the back ground, so I can barely hear what DD said. She then says grandma go away, I'll be out in a minute. She starts to say something, but all I hear is my mom screaming don't you dare shut this door and hang up the phone. I can hear DD start to tell her who she is talking to when the phone goes off. I call back, DH is already putting his shoes back on. When DS answers the phone, I asked what is going on. He says, "mom, she's gonna kill her. she's chasing her through the house." DH is already standing in the doorway, as soon as he heard that she is being chased, he was out the door and in the car. I told DS to just stay outta the way, because if you try to interfer, she'll turn on you. He stayed on the phone with me, until DH got there. Me not being there is/was for the best, because I know it would have gotten a whole lot uglier had I been there.

About 10 minutes after I know DH has gotten there, my cell starts ringing. It's my mom. I refuse to pick up. She called back a dozen times, leaving 4 messages. Once DH and the kids were in the house, I finally answered one of her calls. She is screaming and sobbing....Bring them back...don't do this to me.....WHY......just bring them back. Then hangs up. Calls back a few minutes later, we are not answering. This goes on for another 1/2 hr. Left another 6-7 messages.

According to what we can only partially guess at, as she is sreaming and sobbing in her voicemails, we are guitly of:
1 - not asking her permission
2 - stabbing her in the back. She once held a beauticians license. Hasn't worked in a salon since before I was born, I'm 41. Tell me what she know about the modern styles and trends.
3 - taking to much off. We already know the hair cut can go up into a bun. Did it before we left the salon.
4 - said she would have cut DD's hair. But we would have done a little at a time so she could get use to it.
5 - taking the kids from her and turning them against her.

I won't go into what all she did or said to my DD before DH got there. But needless to say, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE OR FORGET what this woman did to my beautiful daughter over a haircut. I don't think that DD will ever get over it either.

And for the record before everyone says she needs physic help.....we all have known it for years. Getting her to go, that's another story. She's just fine....everybody else has issues that we need to deal with. This is the first time she's lost it on the grandkids. She can lose it on me all she wants...I can have it out with her, but the kids can't do that nor should they have to do that. Dad, DH and I need to talk, but she took his cell phone and I won't call the house number for her to either scream at me or listen to our conversation. This may just have been the straw that broke the camels back with Dad. Before she took his cell, we had already told him that until her issues are being treated, the kids will not be anywhere near that house.

[RadioNate]

yeah - I'd say you mom has some serious issues.

That would be the end of the line for me. She cut her hair! Since when is a grandmother even entitled to an opinion on that? Or really anything else regarding the raising of their grandchildren.

Maybe she'll get help but I wouldn't count on it. I can't imagine your kids will want to see her anytime soon anyway,

[KandD]

Wow...I am really sorry for what you and your family are going through. I have to say that you must have done an excellent job raising your kids because they handled the whole situation very well.

I can't believe that a grown woman would act that way, before I got to your last paragraph I wondered if she was mentally balanced. If she has refused to get help all this time I doubt if she will start now and it doesn't sound like you can reason with her at all. It is unfortunate that she may have ruined her relationship with her grandkids especially since you all live so close.

Good luck to you and your family and I hope that everything works out for you and the kids as well as your husband.

PS I hope your daughter doesn't think her new "do" is ugly or anything because of the incident....after all of that planning I am sure she looks amazing!

[tikkipoo]

Wow.

You're poor daughter. You're poor mom too. Sounds like she does need some help. I'd hate to try explain that to my kids. I wouldn't blame you for keeping the kids away for a while. Hope things get better for you all!

[OK!]

I'm sorry; I don't have any advice or anything because I've never been in a situation like that one, but to you and your family.

On the positive side, glad your DD loved her haircut!!

[piglet too]

Wow. All I can say is that I am sorry you all are having to go through this. Many hugs to you, your kids and your dad. I hope she will get the help she needs.

[ms.yt]

Wow. I'm so sorry this happened. I think anybody who reads this post would agree that your mother is mentally ill. Until she gets help, I would not speak to her if I were you, and I'd certainly keep my kids clear of her. If she tries to contact them, I would seriously consider taking out a restraining order because her behavior towards your daughter is frightening. I'm surprised that if you knew your mother had serious issues, you left your kids there with her after she reacted so insanely after seeing your daughter's hair. There is absolutely no reason why a grandmother should behave this way about anything, much less a haircut.

[C.Ann]

Whoa!! Serious, serious issues..

Your poor DD - being terrorized like that by her own grandmother.. I would be so far beyond furious, I think my head would have exploded by now!

I don't normally advocate children being kept away from their grandparents, but your mom sounds like a loose cannon.. Make sure grandpa can see them often - at your house.. I would tell grandma that if she doesn't seek professional help, she will either have to have supervised visits or no visits at all.. How sad..

[TeresaNJ]

My goodness I feel for you and your children! I so know where you are coming from. Sounds alot my my mother, although I would say my mom hasn't behaved quite as badly as your mom did. To this day my 23 yo daughter has no relationship with her grandmother because of the type of behavior you have described.

[tikkipoo]

Originally Posted by ms.yt

I'm surprised that if you knew your mother had serious issues, you left your kids there with her after she reacted so insanely after seeing your daughter's hair.

Harsh and unhelpful.

[java]

Oh boy and I thought my mom was a piece of work. I'm so sorry your children had to deal with that. I think it best that they don't be alone with her again. I'm so sorry

And I would love to see the haircut! My dd is almost 12 has looooong hair and wants to get it cut. Just can't decide how.

[sbell111]

Your mom has definitely gone out-of-round, in my personal opinion. I would not allow my kids to be with her unsupervised.

[ols386]

Oh my gosh, that is unbelievable. I'm really sorry your dd had to go through this with your mother. I hope everything will work out for all of you, with your mother.

[babytrees]

I am so sorry for your DD....my grandma has done things like this on a smaller scale to me and my girls so I can empathasize. You are so right to cut off contact, I hope your dad does follow through as my Grandpa hasn't ever...in fact we think he's just happy somebody has else that is her whacko focus.

Keep strong!!!

[mousetravel]

Originally Posted by C.Ann

I would tell grandma that if she doesn't seek professional help, she will either have to have supervised visits or no visits at all.. How sad..

Originally Posted by sbell111

I would not allow my kids to be with her unsupervised.

This is the first thing I thought of, too. Supervised visits from now on, and only by you.