Not WDW related...First Communion & autism

[irish_trip_mom]

I am Catholic, came from a very Catholic upbringing. Two of my triplets attend Catholic school. Despite our best efforts with religious ed (first a general ed class, then a special needs class), we found that it was extremely difficult for my son to attend religious ed the past two years (K & 1st grade.) I did much soul searching before pulling him this year, and both instances, I came to the realization that he was there each week for ME and what I wanted for him, and not for himself. I don't believe he understood the purpose of this experience.

Anyway, my other DS and DD will make their First Communion this year. I have already accepted that DS1 is not going to make it with his siblings, but now the questions are starting to come from family about it. I even had one brother tell me he "knew a priest" who would probably allow him to make his communion, even though I point out to him that it absolutely breaks my heart and makes it so very evident that he is not where his siblings are, and that if he doesn't understand why he is making this sacrament, I don't want him to. That maybe he'll be ready when he's 12. Maybe he'll never be ready.

I think that minus the triplet factor, this missed milestone wouldn't be as evident. This will be one of the first of I am sure many milestones that he won't do with his siblings. Is there any advice for me on dealing with this....other than to tell family to MYOB??

[KirstenB]

OMG, I have no advice, just many hugs!! Our youngest is nearly 4, and we are Episcopalian. Usually kids in our church start pre-school classes when they turn 3. I know at some point, she'll be asked to leave the nursery, but I don't think
1. she can function in a classroom with a non-special ed teacher
2. it's fair to the teacher

Anyway, I know it seems you and I are worlds apart, but I want Zoe to have a Christian upbringing and an understanding of God. This has been on my mind for several months. I would volunteer to teach her class, but she doesn't do well when I just visit her special ed school classroom to bring in cupcakes, etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know this is something I think and pray about often. Our church is very liberal, so I know our priest will find a way for Zoe to make her confirmation when she gets older. But I still wonder how much she'll (Zoe) understand, etc. I do think God made her the way she is, so he'll find a way for her to understand faith. The details just aren't clear to me yet.

[bookwormde]

DW’s family is RC, so I have some sense of what you are going through. If you can get a priest who will give your DS first communion and it makes the “family” feel better then go for it.

From a clinical point of view (trying not to step over the line into a general discussion of religion) it is important to remember that organized religion is substantially a “social contract” designed for NTs. My suggestion at his age is to focus on the core practical beliefs, in Christianity, the actual words and direct teachings (albeit someone else’s writing of them) of Jesus, without all the church “rituals” and “socialization”. These actually “mesh” quite well with nature of spectrum children, due to the “heightened sense and commitment to social equity”, “hyper-focus on mission” “non discriminatory nature”, not to mention “late in life blossoming”. Also our “faith” comes from logical understanding, so as he get older and understands the nature of the universe (particularly infinity, physics, mathematics and conservation of energy) that it is a virtual (and mathematical) certainty that there is a higher consciousness intertwined into the universe, so “God” is not in conflict with our “logical” nature, we just question all the religions constructs since they have very little logical about them, except for the value of providing convenient social NT way of arriving at the same understanding and values as we arrive at through our nature and logic.

Sorry if my clinical discussion offends anyone’s religious sensibilities, but hopefully it provides a perspective and maybe a practical road to foster “faith” within our children. Having studied most of the world religions the same “map” works with virtually all of them (which is an interesting “coincidence” into itself).


bookwormde

[irish_trip_mom]

And yes, I was not trying to spark a religious debate, because for me, it has nothing to do with the religion part of this, but my son's cognitive abilities and the true meaning behind the sacrament. (Not to mention his sensory issues, how he may totally reject the idea of the sacramental host.) And it was one sibling who has brought this up, and I am sure DH's family hasn't even thought of it, but I don't really care what they think because while they are Catholics, they are in name only, they only practice when one of their children is receiving a sacrament.

Incidentally, the one person who I thought would be the hardest to tell was my father, who is a very devout Catholic. He has been incredibly supportive, as I told him week after week how my son was getting absolutely nothing out of his religious ed (despite the best efforts of his wonderful instructors.)

I know we could go through the motions to appease, but again, that would be for me or for family members and not for the one person it is to be about, my son.

[bookwormde]

It is an interesting paradox, DW’s dad is also devout and was reportedly a “bear” (Irish) in his younger days, but DS and him are exceptionally close, and he accepts DS without conditions or reservations.

bookwormde

[fitzpa]

This was an article done on my child first communion class. Every Parish should offer this.
February 19, 2005
RELIGION JOURNAL
Dealing With Autism, Lesson by Lesson, in a Quest for First
Communion
By KATIE ZEZIMA
LAWRENCE, Mass., Feb. 12 - Jill Fitzpatrick cried when the older of her two sons made his first Holy
Communion two years ago, heartbroken that he would be the only one of her children to do so. Taking
the religious education classes necessary to receive the sacrament of the Eucharist, she thought, would never
be an option for her younger son, C. J., who is severely autistic and almost completely nonverbal.
In the Fitzpatrick family's Roman Catholic faith, the Eucharistic sacrament is literally the body and the
blood of Jesus Christ. Children often receive communion, in the form of bread and wine, around second
grade, after preparation that seemed beyond C. J.'s abilities.
But on a recent Saturday morning, he and two other autistic boys sat in a makeshift classroom at St.
Patrick's Parish Center here and learned that God is part of their families, a lesson in preparation for first
Holy Communion.
The boys are taking a class designed by Cathy Boyle, a mother from suburban Boston, that, Ms. Boyle says,
allows autistic children to explore spirituality, even if many cannot express it verbally, and gives them and
their parents a sense of participating fully in the Catholic community.
"Most parents feel very strongly about their kids' making their first communion," she said. "It's one of the
most basic, most fundamental sacraments in the church. In many ways, it's the ticket to being part of the
community of faith."
With autism diagnosed in an increasing number of children in recent years, more parents are seeking
religious education options. Catholic dioceses and churches around the country offer religious instruction
classes for handicapped children. While most of those classes are not specifically for the autistic, the
Archdiocese of New Orleans does plan to open an elementary school for autistic children in the fall. Shema
Kolainu in Brooklyn, a nondenominational Jewish school and center for autistic children, opened in 1998.
And classes for autistic children are also offered by Matan, a group based in New York that helps facilitate
Jewish education for disabled youngsters.
The curriculum being taught to C. J., 7, and his classmates was developed by Ms. Boyle to help her own
autistic son, Terry, who is now 13. There was no program for disabled children at her church, St. Mary's in
the town of Winchester, so she asked the Boston Archdiocese what a child needed to know to receive the
sacrament.
"They said, 'All he needs to know is who God is and who Jesus is, and when he eats it he gets closer to
God,' " Ms. Boyle recalled. "And I said, 'O.K., this may take a while, but we can do this.' "
Ms. Boyle received permission from the director of religious education at St. Mary's to teach a class for her
son, another autistic boy and a child with Down syndrome. She initially used a curriculum for mentally
retarded children, but found it not apt for her son and the two other youngsters. So she adapted it, week by
week.
Ms. Boyle chose pictures to represent various facets of the faith. Jesus is a bearded man in a brown robe,
God is a man whose long hair obscures his face, the Holy Spirit is a bird, and love is represented by a red
heart. That way, she says, the children are provided both the consistency and the visualization that many of
them require to learn.
Then, to demonstrate religious concepts, Ms. Boyle turned to literal interpretations that used the children
themselves as examples. Each child, with the help of a parent and a teenage aide, picks personalized cutouts
and places them on a small felt board. The child may be asked to pick up a photo of himself and his father,
and is then asked to place pictures of Jesus and God on the board. The child learns that just as he has a
daddy, God the Father is Jesus' daddy.
The classes vary in themes - "Jesus is our friend," for example, or "God loves us" - but are consistent in
structure. They are also limited to only two or three children, who light three candles at the beginning of
class to represent the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - before moving on to the felt board lessons.
After a snack, they use stickers to make posters about the lessons they have just learned.
Geraldine Dawson, director of the autism program at the University of Washington in Seattle, says Ms.
Boyle's strategy is not unlike those used to teach autistic children other concepts.
"They are visual learners and tend to be very concrete learners," Dr. Dawson said. "They really understand
things best when they're shown in a picture or in a way that's not abstract."
After three years, there are 17 students in three levels of instruction at St. Mary's, and the curriculum is
being used at five other churches in the archdiocese as well. The students are allowed to learn in their own
way, even if that means a few walk around or need to take breaks. The goal, Ms. Boyle said, is for them to
take the Eucharistic sacrament and ultimately become confirmed into the Catholic Church. Only Terry
Boyle has received communion, so far.
"There are many kids capable of understanding what they need to understand, but they haven't had an
opportunity to learn it in the way they learn," Ms. Boyle said. "We're trying to get those tools out there."
Ms. Fitzpatrick said that until she heard about the program, she had never thought those tools would be
available to her son C. J. As class started the other day, he and two other boys, Jon Pallazola, 6, and
Matthew Frangules, 7, lighted white candles with the help of their teenage buddy.
Their teacher, Peggy Oliveto, asked them by turn to place a picture on the felt board. Sometimes it took the
combined effort of Ms. Oliveto, the child's mother and the buddy to get him to concentrate. At other points,
the boys were eager.
As Ms. Oliveto taught the children that God loves them, she asked Jon to find his picture of God. He picked
it right up and put it on the felt board. She then asked him to find a picture of himself, and he pointed to his
chest.
"Jon," he said, and, when asked again to find his picture, pointed at it.
"God loves Jon," Ms. Oliveto said.
Mary Kae Marinac's 10-year-old autistic twins, William and Jeffrey Quirnbach, made their first penance,
the act of confessing sins before a priest, last year. Ms. Marinac, her husband and their 13-year-old daughter
watched the boys react to cards that bore a description of what penance is.
"I know Jeffrey got it," Ms. Marinac said. "I know he knew what he was saying. It was amazing. If you're a
believer, it's enough to give you goose bumps."
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[irish_trip_mom]

Fitzpa...thank you! What a beautiful article! I truly hope this is us someday soon. As I said, he's not ready yet, but I, too, have not given up hope that he will be ready SOMEDAY. It's just more evident that these two other kids that he's shared everything with, he won't share that day with. But then again, I know who will be his biggest cheerleaders for when he does make his!

His special ed RE, while with a good teacher and fantastic parent group, was just wrong for him. It was a lot of sitting and talking. He's more of a mover and a shaker! He'd love to talk about Jesus while jumping in a moon bounce, but can't discuss his feelings in a circle. But you did give me some ideas, we've always said if there is something he needs to learn, to make a song about it. There's a lot of that in religion, right?

[AJKMOM]

I'm not Catholic. The rest of my family is, and I made sure my 2 older kids went to everything as required to become an adult Catholic. Youngest is autistic and goes to church maybe once a year.

Many years ago, the parish priest said "All handicapped people are going to Heaven". That's all I needed to hear to convince me that First Penance, First Communion and Confirmation would be torture for my son and anyone who was resposible for teaching him.

[KirstenB]

FitzPa, thanks so much!! This article gives me some great ideas about explaining faith (that which can't be seen, but is everywhere around you) to Zoe. It was very important to me that both our girls be baptized early on (so early, my mom said to wait til they were a few months old, lol!!). I feel the same way about confirmation (sort of a re-affirmation of the vows taken at baptism, except the child takes the vows him/her self). I've been really worried about this, and now feel more at peace.

[mnosky]

I just wanted to add that I think you are doing the right thing - family or others who don't support your decision should mtob. (maybe give them a copy of the article fitzpa posted?) Too often people partake in sacraments for the social aspect of it - ie - friends who baptize their kids catholic just because it is expected but have no intention to raise them Catholic or getting married in a Catholic church because the church is pretty and grandma expects it. I think you have a lot of faith and strength to postpone your son's first communion until he is understanding of it.

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I believe there are homeschool curriculum for first communion -- could you use one of those? Then you could bounce on the moonbounce, or make up songs in the car, or do whatever you needed to do to help him learn what you think is important. Then maybe he could do first communion with just the family and the priest so that it would be faster?

I'm a special ed teacher and once, many years ago, I attended the first communion of one of my students with autism. The students filed in in pairs -- one little girl, and one little boy. My student's partner was his mother, she just walked right up there with him. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen, and it meant so much to him, you could see him beaming afterwards.

Good luck, and good for you for knowing that his ability to form a relationship with God is in no way related to his ability to sit still in a circle. You're a great mom.

[SueM in MN]

Since this is not a WDW related question, I am moving it to the disABILITIES Community Board, where it will be on topic.

Just a reminder, the DIS Boards don't allow religious discussions. As long as this thread remains focused on the OP's question and does not get into a debate about comparing one religion to another, it will remain open.

My take on it is that many religions make allowances for the ability of the person. They may require a lot more from someone who is capable of more, but may have a set of 'core beliefs' from someone who can't do all the 'work' that is required from more capable people. So, there is probably no reason he won't be able to do his First Communion when he is ready.

I agree that the artIcle posted was great and I wholeheartedly agree with what was posted by Mickey'snewestfan

I think you have a lot of faith and strength to postpone your son's first communion until he is understanding of it.

From what the OP has written, it sounds like you really want this to be a meaningful thing and not just an 'item checked off the list'.

Good luck to you in your journey.

[1stluvispooh]

Irish Trip Mom If YOU want your DS to have RE would it be possible for you to "home school" for this? In my parish this is an option. The lovely woman who is my DD's 1 on 1 help for RE home schooled her son for RE which included first communion. Last May my DD who is high functioning had her first communion and I was worried that she was just going through the motions because she wants to be like everyone else but to my surprise she would tell me about the meaning behind the sacrament after class or it would just come up. So I guess I am telling you not to give up hope but follow your gut because it is always right and tell your family to MYOB

[Bill_Lin]

We should all keep in mind that understanding things of a spiritual nature may not be so much a matter of intellect as a matter of spirit. I have found that intellectual abilities have little to do with an individuals ability to grasp the heart and substance of spiritual issues. Often intellectualism stands in the way of comprehending truth, love, justice, sacrifice and commitment.

Only a parent can look deeply enough into their child's heart to see if they are ready in their spirit. If there is no place for a child-like mind then something is wrong.

[irish_trip_mom]

We considered home schooling for RE a few years ago, as our church does offer this as well. Right around this time, I met someone who told me of the spec. ed RE class (it was another parish, about a half hour from our home.) From what she'd described, it sounded perfect....much movement, acting out the lessons, etc. But the teacher changed when we began, and it was a lot less movement and a lot more sitting and discussing. There was always a 1:1 accompanying each child, so it would be either myself, my husband or we'd have one of his therapists go. I got input from each person, esp. his therapist when we decided to drop out, that it wasn't the right format for him. I was heartbroken to stop, but knew it was the right thing for all involved and it wasn't fair to his classmates or the teacher for the behaviors he would have while in that group setting.

I believe it's just the first of many milestones that will make it evident to not only us but the world that he is not academically or socially with his siblings, nor is he likely to be in the near future. My sibling who "knew someone who could do the communion" just asked my daughter the other day if she was excited for her first communion. It will be a struggle to maintain my happiness for two of my children that day while in a way mourning what did not happen with my third as we'd always hoped. I am just not looking forward to the inevitable questions about why he isn't participating.

And I never suggested for this to be a religious discussion, it is truly a disabilities discussion for me. I do know that God knows how special my son is, and that he has some special people in heaven looking out for him and guiding him.