OT: Years between siblings

[emmiesmom]

I know this is OT but DH and I are now seriously considering trying for #2 and are hoping to time it with his slow winter season at work (so aiming for sometime between Nov 2010 and Feb 2011 since we're past the window for this winter!).
Our DD will turn 5 this April so she'll be 5.5 if a sibling comes along in that window. Do you have experience with that? What is it like to have a Kindergarten student and an infant? Advice? What about Disney trips with this age gap?
Thanks for your thoughts/advice!

[dougsmom98]

There are five years between my twin boys and their sister. It has been great. My daughter has always gone with the flow. She had no choice. If the boys had baseball, soccer, basketball, swim lessons... she has always had to go and be good, and she always has been. Disney trips are fine. For the first two years, she went with the flow and did whatever the boys did, no big deal. I started to feel guilty about her not having a day focused around her, so on this past trip, we split up for part of the day. My DH took the boys on splash and thunder mountain, while I took her to see Ariel and Tinkerbelle. There are some things I force the boys to ride for her sake, like It's a Small World. They roll their eyes when we are in line, but then when we are on the ride, they point out pretty dolls to my daughter. All of my boys dote on their sister and they have since the day she was born. She is spoiled rotten by everyone. The boys were old enough when she was born so that they could appreciate how little and cute she really was.

[nmmom95]

My boys are 5.5 years apart. It has worked out wonderfully! With the older child in kindergarten, you get a lot of one on one time with the baby. Also, the older one was old enough to understand that a baby takes up a lot of time, and never got jealous. We always set aside special time for both of them, but the older one understood that we could play after I fed the baby, etc. They are 11 & 6 now and get along really well. To be honest, it is really easy since a 5 year old is more self sufficient that a toddler. My little one is also very easy going, which helps. My older son was not! I think it may be like a PP said, it's because they "go with the flow" due to the older child's activities. Our first Disney trip with both boys, they were 7 and 21 months. It was great! Disney has so many family rides and attractions, we almost never had to split up, but when we did, DH and I would each take one and meet afterward.

[tinkerlisa]

I have 2 boys that are five years apart. It has it pros and cons with having them spaced that far apart.

DS(7) has taught DS(2) so many things that my older son didnt do at 2. Like jumping off of things. But the monkey see/monkey do affect is that DS(2) FOLLOWS DS(7) everywhere...Like the road because he wants to ride big brothers bike too.(we live on a very quiet street) So when we are outside, and big brother wants to ride his bike, I am on edge. We fixed that problem though, when little bro is outside, they play in the back and when he is inside, big bro can do whatever.

We live in a small 2 bedroom house and they go to bed at different times. But that is a pro because we can spend a little more one on one time with our 7 year old. This helps him from being a bit jealous of the attention that his brother gets.

Dealing with school was a different matter. My older son was parent pick up in kindergarten and DS(2) was napping so I had to interupt his nap every day. But now that he is in first grade, he is all day and I dont have to pick him up anymore.

Sometimes I wish they were closer in age. But, they get along so perfect together. My older son likes to help out with taking care of his brother. He recently wanted to learn how to cook simple stuff and he loves making oatmeal or toast for breakfast and easy mac for lunch for his brother!

He won't change a diaper though!!!

Sorry this has been so long...

[rt2dz]

I have two (three?) viewpoints here. I grew up with age differences between myself and my siblings. I have children close together and spaced.

Between my oldest sister and I are seven years, four years between my next sister and I and eight years between my little brother and I. My kids are spaced with three years between #1 and #2, a little over a year between #2 and #3 and about five years between #3 and #4. Having children close together and having them far apart each has its pros and cons.

Growing up, I had nothing in common with my sisters. Not such a big deal when we, and I mean I, were littler, but the older they got and the older I got, the more friction there was. My mother complains that family vacations were always difficult; finding something that would make everyone happy. That is also the reason we all always had friends traveling with us.

I don’t even remember my brother’s childhood. I was off with my friends, doing my thing, and he was doing whatever he was doing. My mother was talking about his lazy eye, and I was surprised. She told me he wore an eye patch for a year. I have no memory of this, but I was in high school. I have adult relationships with my oldest sister and my brother now, but we’re not super close. We didn’t grow up together and we live in three separate states. We’re in three different stages of life—my sister is a divorced, single mom, my brother is single and dating, and I am rooted deeply in my family. We only see each other once a year, if that.

My older three are all close. We make sure of it. Conscience decision on my part. It’s nice having time alone with a child and only one in diapers. Although, honestly, two in diapers isn’t that big of a deal. It’s actually easier to go to a larger diaper bag than no diaper bag back to a diaper bag. It’s starting all over again, and I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. But, not having two in college at the same time is a nice bonus. Heck, even not having two in preschool at the same time is a nice bonus. You do become quite split as they have little kid and big kid interests. You are always shifting gears. The least amount of jealousy is actually between the two that are closest in age. They want to do the same things at the same time, so they are happy to be together; it’s a big play date. It can be hard on the older ones to suddenly have to give up things they are used to having or to stop when baby needs something, like a diaper change.

I don’t mean to make it sound bad to have age gaps, it isn’t. Whatever you have, it works for you. It’s not like you have a choice. You have to find ways to connect your children. You have to be flexible with younger children--make sure they can nap wherever they are. Know the little one will do whatever the older one does so they have a shorter childhood. Make sure each has time for their activities; switch off which parent goes where (mom takes oldest to baseball one week, dad the next). Don't make the littler one skip everything for the older ones activities.

As far as Disney goes, it’s a lot of baby swapping at rides. Which is a nice bonus for the older child, who gets to ride twice in a row. Disney is for all ages, so it works well.

[emmiesmom]

Thanks so much to everyone posting! It's so nice to hear from other parents who are doing this and from people who grew up with an age gap. It's helping me get a better grasp of what we'll be getting into!

[roliepolieoliefan]

My kids are 5 1/2 years apart. DS April 1998...DD September 2003

It was nice that DS and I had our time together when he was little , then DD was born and her and I have our time also.

DD will start kindergarten this year and DS will start 5th grade. Its hard at times for them to play together because of the different genders and age group. But they play the Wii, play on our swingset, and play games together.

When DD was younger and we did trips to WDW, usually DH would take our DS and ride the bigger rides while DD and I stayed in Fantasyland.

Our trip in November will be the 1st time she will be tall enough to ride everything minus RnR. She's pretty much of a daredevil and hates for her brother to outdo her in anything so fear is never an issue with her.

Its worked out good so far. I just hope they stay close as they grow older.

[kalc12345]

My daughter turned 6 right before my son was born. I LOVE the age difference!!! I wouldn't have it any other way. She was at a great age where she was able to do most things on her own. She was also a great little helper to me with getting diapers and such. They do play together even though there is a 6 year age difference. They have lots of fun playing with each other. I have no regrets in how we spaced them out

[Normangirls]

We have DD13, DD8, and DD3.

On the one hand, it was nice to only have one at a time in diapers/daycare/car seats/bottles/potty training. On the other hand, just when we thought we were finally through with diapers and everything, another one would come along, and we had to start all over again!

That being said, I can't imagine doing it any other way. I always felt that the older girls had a chance to really be the focus of our attention as long as they needed it, and by the time a new sister came alone they were already starting to stretch their wings, ready for a little more independence.

Good luck!

[Fintastic]

Our baby is due next month and I'm really excited about the age difference between him and his big sister. They'll be five years and ten months apart. The good things about this is that we've had lots of time to get to know DD and enjoy her alone before adding another child to the family. She had time to reach her milestones with no pressure from us - i.e., forcing her out of the crib so we could put a sibling in it (she's been in a big bed for a long time) or potty training her before she was ready so we didn't have two in diapers. She's old enough to remember waiting for her brother and old enough to enjoy the experience of being a big sister. All in all, I think it's going to be great.

[pls5286]

My son is almost 13, my DD is 6 1/2. I love the age difference. No kids in diapers at the same time. My son had me alone until he was 4 and I married DD's father (we are now divorced and then he got a stepsister that was the same age he is). I have health issues, so I am a stay at home mom, but I have the help of my son with my dau when I am having a really bad day. He is at the age where he can baby-sit for short periods of time when necessary.

My kids get along really great and are super close. I make sure big brother does get time without little sister tagging along, because she does worship the ground he walks on. If he has an activity to go to, she comes along and up until he turned 12, he came to her activities and still comes to most. If they had activities at the same time as baseball and t-ball seemed to do, he would get dropped off, and I would go with her.

[3_disprincesses]

There are 12 1/2 years between my two girls. It has been so great having this age difference. (Each child from seperate marriages) The oldest had all my time and attention until she was going out on her own more and the baby (she hates it when I call her that) has my attention now. It's our family and it fits us perfectly!

[Snow Shoe]

Well our boys are three years apart, their 32 & 29 now. Back in the late 70's when they were born, that was the typical time between kids. Then came our daughter, she just turned 20 last week. Raising a pair of boys was so much different then raising a girl. It made for some very interesting times. She was the youngest barrel racer at our horse club for a long time.

[3boymthr]

I have 6.5 years between my oldest and my youngest while my middle and youngest are 2 years apart. In some ways it is great. Oldest is able to babysit for short periods of time. He likes to show things he knows to his little brothers but...

There is a huge disparity in interests which definitely puts a wrinkle in relations around our house. The youngers want to play and the oldest wants his stuff and his space to be his with no little brothers bothering him. They get into his stuff (take things out, use his guitar, mess up his papers, etc.) which causes fights. He wants to watch more grown up programming and gets mad when he has to watch little kid stuff because his little brother's are up. We can't do some vacations because the younger boys just aren't ready for them but oldest was ready for them several years ago. The list goes on.

Do I regret having my kids far apart - no. Kids come if and when they come and despite our best efforts without a lot of control on our parts (despite DH having a vasectomy 2 years ago we are facing the possiblity that baby number four might be on the way ). Does it cause difficulties - sometimes. As long as you are prepared it all works out.

[powellrj]

My kids are 26,18 and 13 so I know a little about this!

My middle and my youngest are 5 years apart and its great. They are both interested in the same things and share many of the same friends.

It wasn't always like this. It was great when they were young. I had 2 kids in school so my youngest was like an only child during the daytime.

The grade school years were the roughest. They really did have different interests and really didn't along that well, but the last 3 years have been great.

I am surprised how many of their friends also have brothers and sisters the same age difference. My middle son was a senior last year and DD was in 7th, but whenever we went someplace they both always knew kids to hang out with. DD is on a mission trip now with one of DSs friends and another one of his friends has been giving her private tennis lessons while another helped her with her costume when she was in the musical.

My oldest DS is 26 and married and he is even very close to his little sis. He will come over and pick her up to just hang out with them at their house. His wife has been ill this summer and my DD stayed with her to help out. They really bonded. She has been the sister that DD never had. She can talk to her DSIL and tell her things she doesn't want to share with me.

The big downside is you have kids at home forever it seems! DH and I have been married 31 years and most people in our age group have grand kids, not kids in middle school! It does keep you young.