I need help/insight/advice/knock over the head-custody issues!

[squirrlygirl]

My son's father and I have legal and physical joint custody. There is not one person in charge of medical care. For the past five years, my son has visited the same pediatrician my other three children have for well-child visits, I have taken him to the orthodontist, and I have taken him for his eye exams. Dad takes him to the dentist for cleanings.

Last year I asked the ped. about a suspicious mole and she referred us to the U of M. Dad's new wife called them up, pretending to be me, and canceled the appointment. After my attorney got involved, dad took him to a local dermatologist, who removed the mole (as well as half his scalp it seems) and left a quarter-size scar (no hair) on the side of his head. The mole was precancerous.

Then in December DS got his braces removed. Dad called up the orthodontist office and asked to have my overpayment (insurance paid more than expected) sent to him, and the office refused. His wife called, pretended she was me, and "changed" my address and phone number, saying I had moved and had just realized the check would go to a bad address. Luckily the office is pretty sharp, and they turned around and called my phone number on file and asked if this was true.

A few weeks ago DS was seen at the pediatrician for headaches. Dad showed up, trying to claim I was lying about the headaches, and DS's blood pressure was 157/85 when they took it. Ped. determined it was allergies causing the headaches, and prescribed a new medication for him. She said she'd follow up at his already-scheduled well-child visit ( which was supposed to be next Wednesday). Also said she may have to do some bloodwork if his blood pressure was up on future readings (average for someone his size/age is 108/74 or something).

Then today I receive a certified letter from dad. DS is at his dad's for the week, and Dad took him for a physical Tuesday. Dad also threatened to take me to court if I contact the doctor over this because the office told him I let them know he was seeing a pediatrician.

I called the office to ask about getting the records sent to the pediatrician, and was placed on hold. The office manager comes on the line and starts out saying that she thought she had explained this to me clearly last week that only one doctor could be in "charge" of a patient. I stopped her right there, and told her that I had not called this office in two years. Apparently after they were denied a physical appt., Dad's wife pretended to be me on the phone and "straightened out" the doctor problem and assured them he was not under the care of any other doctor To top it off, there is no mention of headaches, blood pressure, allergy medications, or follow-ups.

Dr's office is quite upset that Dad lied, and that his wife impersonated me. The manager feels DS should only be seen for urgent care, and then the records sent to the pediatrician. I'm waiting for a call back on how the doctor wants to handle it on their end. I haven't responded to dad yet, and I haven't talked to the pediatrician yet. I can't afford to hire an attorney AGAIN--my child support review last year ended up costing me three years worth of child support because dad lied to the court about his pay (even doctoring pay stubs) In the past 12 years I've paid my attorney enough to make me cry. I have three other children that need to be thought of--I can't let their life suffer to fund a never-ending fight with my oldest's dad.

And now they're insisting they'll take me to court if I don't hand over the physical address of the exact villa we're staying in when we go to Disney next month. I'm terrified this woman is trying to find a way to cancel our reservation

So short of hiring an attorney, how do I handle this? Any thoughts? If I thought Dad could actually take DS for needed doctor visits (as opposed to ones designed to make my life difficult) I would just let him be in charge.

[DWGal210]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your ex and his wifey sound like real prizes.

I don't really have any advice to offer, just read your post and wanted to say I'm thinking about you and praying this gets resolved soon. Take care!

Katie

[keetmommy]

Can you call the cops about her impersonating you, my thought that would be fraud, she sounds like a piece of work!

[MidgeD79]

I would go to your local Friend of the Court and fill out a complaint form based on step-moms behavior and Dad's unwillingness to cooperate. Make it a very sterile/unemotional statement. Is there a reason why you don't want them to have the address of the villa you're staying at while at WDW? Do you have consent from dad saying it's ok for ds to go to WDW in writing? Maybe you could give the address and phone number to one of your family members and if there is an emergency, Dad could contact your family who could then in turn contact you.

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Document everything - get written statements from all of these doctors, orthodontists, dentists, etc...

Sadly, I think you are stuck going through an attorney for this. You need to fight for full custody since the father doesn't seem to have your son's best interests at heart.

DH's ex-wife constantly drags us in and out of court so I definitely feel for you about the attorney's fees. They are absurd and sometimes I wonder what on earth we pay him for since nothing is ever settled even after numerous trips to court over the same issues.

[The Mystery Machine]

I do not understand why they are not protecting your son from fraud.

This cannot be legal, can it? Doesn't this violate HIPPA?

[lfontaine]

Originally Posted by MidgeD79

I would go to your local Friend of the Court and fill out a complaint form based on step-moms behavior and Dad's unwillingness to cooperate. Make it a very sterile/unemotional statement. Is there a reason why you don't want them to have the address of the villa you're staying at while at WDW? Do you have consent from dad saying it's ok for ds to go to WDW in writing? Maybe you could give the address and phone number to one of your family members and if there is an emergency, Dad could contact your family who could then in turn contact you.

I think she's hesitant to give this information to her ex and his new wife because of the wife's previous behavior of impersonating her. She's afraid she will call Disney and screw with her plans (cancel trip, ADRs, etc).

I can't say I blame her.

[squirrlygirl]

I don't think FOC can help me because they can only enforce what is in the order, and I do not have an order that says that step-mom is not allowed to impersonate me

I don't need permission from dad to take son to Disney World since it's within the United States and we have joint physical custody. Can you think of any reason dad needs the villa address ?(which frankly I don't even have yet). He has my cell, my husband's cell, DS's cell, and my mom's contact info. What's he going to do--write me a letter if there's an emergency? With his wife coming along behind me and canceling things, it just doesn't seem like a good idea. Dad already knows when we leave and when we come back, and knows we're staying at Windsor Hills while we're down there ( I wish we were onsite this trip!)

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally Posted by squirrlygirl

I don't think FOC can help me because they can only enforce what is in the order, and I do not have an order that says that step-mom is not allowed to impersonate me

Yes, but that is a crime outside of your order, not to mention a violation of HIPPA.

[JoiseyMom]

Can you talk to your Doc's office and ask to set up a password, so that they know they are talking to you and not the psycho step-mom?

Is there a reason why your ex is being so unreasonable about this with your DS?? I mean you have joint, what is his problem?? Is it a control issue or is he hoping you just give up so he gets all custody and not have to pay any child support and instead receive it?

I am sorry you are going through this!! I am so grateful my ex decided to just disappear 24 years ago!

[ginna74]

double post

[ginna74]

well hate to say it but would get everythign situated with son first and if you have to cancel and REDU or REMAKE trip then that is what you might have to do sense they already know that you are staying in a villa and such. I know I would do anything for disney but these people are trying to get you! and I would be calling the police and doing whatever I could like YESTERDAY!!!! A protection order maybe?? DO this nowwwwww. Even if they say no you can't well at least EX will KNOW you mean business. Don't be a victim anymore They are playing with your sons health and life!!!!! DO what you have to to protect him!!! Take everything you said to us and go to police... and get a protection order, they are not only messing with his health, but trying to steal your money, what is it called (mind freeze here?)where they said they were you and took there add as yours forget what it is called forgive me, just go to police and see what they have to say... make a report, you can do that no matter what, go today... don't stop at go, donot let them collect any of yur money (ok funny shouldn't have been in there)

[squirrlygirl]

Doc's office said they'll set up a password when they call me back. I couldn't think of anything on the spot that the ex would not have access to, but I can do something numerical.

The ex was ordered to pay child support last year after a routine review, and it was retroactive for the year he fought it. I also found out during the course of that time that I was definitely legally eligible to claim DS on even tax years, so I claimed him this past year, and amended 2006's return (stupid me let him bully me into not claiming him). Ex claimed him, anyway this past year (I let him know I was following through), so in addition to him owing the IRS for those two years, they also took this year's return to cover his arrears. Aside from that, there is a massive control issue.

[ginna74]

are you going to go to the police and make a report for identity theft (remembered the word) and get the papers rolling heck you even got the docs off as backup.

[squirrlygirl]

Originally Posted by ginna74

are you going to go to the police and make a report for identity theft (remembered the word) and get the papers rolling

I'll have to wait and hear back from the office manager at the doctor's office and see if she will even cooperate. While I'm sure she will (she was quite angry because this Dr. could be held liable if something were to go wrong!) you just never know. The orthodontist was a few months ago and I don't think that woman even works at the office anymore. The dermatologist appt. it's only my word that I didn't call.