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Old 02-08-2012, 11:52 AM   #1
yoopermom
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Vent:Email/text not *always* appropriate

I'm sorry, just had a rough night dealing with this, and have to vent. My DH's BF died last year of cancer, and his beloved hound dog was by his side until the very end. His wife had to move 20 miles into town for senior housing, because of her health afterwards, and could not take the dog, which broke her heart. Her son offered to keep it, and take good care of it. Yesterday she called us crying hysterically because her son had texted her (and his siblings) the message that the dog had died. Why could he not go down and tell his elderly, ill mother this in person (he drives by her house on the way to work every day!)? When she finally got him to answer his phone (he prefers to text or email, he's always telling her), he told her that all young people do that nowadays, and that it's no big deal. Somehow I think that in the case of hospitalization/death/other traumatic events, at least a phone call wouldn't kill ya .

So is it just me, or have phone calls/visits gone the way of the dodo?

Terri
PS Guess who had to pick up the body this am, take it to the vet for cremation, etc, etc...not Mr Texter....
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:58 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by yoopermom View Post
I'm sorry, just had a rough night dealing with this, and have to vent. My DH's BF died last year of cancer, and his beloved hound dog was by his side until the very end. His wife had to move 20 miles into town for senior housing, because of her health afterwards, and could not take the dog, which broke her heart. Her son offered to keep it, and take good care of it. Yesterday she called us crying hysterically because her son had texted her (and his siblings) the message that the dog had died. Why could he not go down and tell his elderly, ill mother this in person (he drives by her house on the way to work every day!)? When she finally got him to answer his phone (he prefers to text or email, he's always telling her), he told her that all young people do that nowadays, and that it's no big deal. Somehow I think that in the case of hospitalization/death/other traumatic events, at least a phone call wouldn't kill ya .

So is it just me, or have phone calls/visits gone the way of the dodo?

Terri
PS Guess who had to pick up the body this am, take it to the vet for cremation, etc, etc...not Mr Texter....
My momma always said "well, if everyone else was jumpin' off a cliff..." Course, I was sayin' "everyone else..." when I was 5 years old.

Mr Texter ain't a Mister.
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:58 AM   #3
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How heartless. Yes, I mostly send texts - "hey, are you busy this weekend?"; "CVS has x on sale for y this week"; "when is the kids' event?"; etc. Sorry, but texting "hey, the dog you've loved for sooo many years up and died last night" is just heartless. News like that should be passed in person or, at the VERY least, via a phone CALL!

to you and to your friend.
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:00 PM   #4
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Mr Texter ain't a Mister.
Are you psychic? The dog's name really was "Mister"! (Go buy a lottery ticket, quick )

Terri
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:03 PM   #5
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Are you psychic? The dog's name really was "Mister"! (Go buy a lottery ticket, quick )

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Old 02-08-2012, 12:06 PM   #6
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That's so sad. I hope the mother isn't really set back by this news.

I guess I need to make sure my kids know that texts and tweets are not meant for important news.
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:31 PM   #7
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That is so awful. I had a similar experience. When I was in law school, I received a voicemail message from my cousin that my grandfather had died. I was in a dorm room with roommates who got to listen to it with me. I burst out into hysterical tears (we were very close); and I will never forget what she did. although in my head I know she didn't do it to be mean, it still makes me mad to think about and it's been 17 years.
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:45 PM   #8
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That is so awful. I had a similar experience. When I was in law school, I received a voicemail message from my cousin that my grandfather had died. I was in a dorm room with roommates who got to listen to it with me. I burst out into hysterical tears (we were very close); and I will never forget what she did. although in my head I know she didn't do it to be mean, it still makes me mad to think about and it's been 17 years.
A pony ain't a grandpa, but my family did something similar when I was in college. I came home for Christmas break, went running out to the pasture to see my childhood pony, and she wasn't there . They had had to put her down a few weeks before, and everyone assumed someone else had told me.

Terri
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:59 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by RadioFanatic View Post
That is so awful. I had a similar experience. When I was in law school, I received a voicemail message from my cousin that my grandfather had died. I was in a dorm room with roommates who got to listen to it with me. I burst out into hysterical tears (we were very close); and I will never forget what she did. although in my head I know she didn't do it to be mean, it still makes me mad to think about and it's been 17 years.
I found out by voicemail that my father had dropped dead of a heart attack or stroke. The police after trying numerous times to reach me finally ended up leaving me a voice mail. I was home alone with a 5 year old and a 6 month old. My 5 yo did the best she could to comfort me by giving me a 1/2 eaten Starburst and her baby sisters blanket.
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Old 02-08-2012, 01:17 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Caropooh View Post
I found out by voicemail that my father had dropped dead of a heart attack or stroke. The police after trying numerous times to reach me finally ended up leaving me a voice mail. I was home alone with a 5 year old and a 6 month old. My 5 yo did the best she could to comfort me by giving me a 1/2 eaten Starburst and her baby sisters blanket.
awwwwww that's so adorable

OP that's just lame, I'm sorry she found out that way, there's no way that's acceptable to text! things like that need to be told in person, or at least via phone call, not by text.
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Old 02-10-2012, 07:26 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Caropooh View Post
I found out by voicemail that my father had dropped dead of a heart attack or stroke. The police after trying numerous times to reach me finally ended up leaving me a voice mail. I was home alone with a 5 year old and a 6 month old. My 5 yo did the best she could to comfort me by giving me a 1/2 eaten Starburst and her baby sisters blanket.
So awful!
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9/06 - Pop Century; 9/07 - ASMo; 9/08 - WL; 9/09 - OKW 9/10 - POFQ/Star Wars Convention; 11/10 - BLT/Wonder/AKL; 1/12 - BCV; 1/13 - FW and MARATHON; 1/14 - BLT and 2nd MARATHON

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Old 02-10-2012, 07:45 AM   #12
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leaving a voice mail isnt good either. If I didnt get you in person, I would leave voice mail and text you to call me it is important. The actual notification of death would not be a message
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Old 02-10-2012, 08:55 AM   #13
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I haven't had that happen to me, but I did have a similiar situation. DH and I had been married for about 1.5 years and living in an apartment. I get home from work and check the answering machine. There was a very long message to Kelly from Dad that somebody in their family had died. The dad was sobbing through most of the call so it was very hard to understand. Obviously, I am not Kelly and it was before caller id so I have no idea where the call came from. I always felt terrible about it, but what could I have done?

I guess we did have a situation where we needed to get "big" news to people and had difficulty. My in-laws moved across the country three weeks before our second child was due. They planned on visiting friends along the way since there was a gap in between the time they had to be out of their house up here and when they could take possession of their new house. DS ended up arriving exactly a week after his grandparents left and we could not get ahold of them. They weren't answering their cell phone and we did not really know where they'd be. We also tried calling dh's sister who lived near where their parents were moving. We could not reach them either. My dh did not want to leave the news that our son had arrived on a voicemail.

DS was born on a Friday afternoon and we were not able to reach my in-laws until Sunday afternoon. My dh was very irritated at them. He's still mad nearly 13 years later.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:35 PM   #14
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While not texting which my dear mother doesn't know how to do, she did e-mail us both times with very bad news about my father's serious illnesses. She did this to all 5 children none of whom lived close by at the time. She had a lot of explaining about the diseases she wanted to do but I was horrified.

I didn't tell her about hating to find out this way until last year and these things happened in 2000 and 2003. Her answer: "It was just easier than saying it all over the phone." Well, that hasn't stopped her from constantly telling us about her diagnoses every few months over the phone for 20+ years.

I still hate opening an e-mail to find devastating news like that but I agree, texting would be worse. Hate to say it, but many people under 30 communicate almost completely in that manner!
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Old 02-13-2012, 08:47 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by yoopermom View Post
I'm sorry, just had a rough night dealing with this, and have to vent. My DH's BF died last year of cancer, and his beloved hound dog was by his side until the very end. His wife had to move 20 miles into town for senior housing, because of her health afterwards, and could not take the dog, which broke her heart. Her son offered to keep it, and take good care of it. Yesterday she called us crying hysterically because her son had texted her (and his siblings) the message that the dog had died. Why could he not go down and tell his elderly, ill mother this in person (he drives by her house on the way to work every day!)? When she finally got him to answer his phone (he prefers to text or email, he's always telling her), he told her that all young people do that nowadays, and that it's no big deal. Somehow I think that in the case of hospitalization/death/other traumatic events, at least a phone call wouldn't kill ya .

So is it just me, or have phone calls/visits gone the way of the dodo?

Terri
PS Guess who had to pick up the body this am, take it to the vet for cremation, etc, etc...not Mr Texter....

I am going to play devlis advocate for a minute with a disclaimer that I wouldn't do what this person did.

Did he even realize it was inappropriate? I ask because when my Mother died, and it was a long time ago before cell phones, email and texting, my sister was calling some family because my mom was not ill and died suddenly, and she left messages on a couple of answering machines without thinking. I spent the next several hours trying to head off those messages. She did it because she didn't think before she did. She didn't intend to upset anyone but really didn't think about it until she told me and I had the most horrified look on my face. My point is he may not have realized it was wrong.
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