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Old 07-25-2009, 12:19 PM   #31
pfishgirl
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I wish I could give you a real hug. You are not a burden on anybody - you re hurting and it helps to talk while healing. If you ever need to talk about it (well, write about it since we're online) feel free to send me a PM. I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it. It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.

Weren't you on the Double Dip trip last September? I remember your name.

Take care.
Thanks

and Yes, we did the Double Dip.. I was in charge of handing out FE lists
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Old 07-25-2009, 12:22 PM   #32
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Dear niece Stacy. I am glad you found this forum. You are not a burden. I know Damien was your life. Feel free to email me or call me every day. I am here for you.
Aunt Michele
Thanks Aunt Michele,
I know you are here for me and us. Sometimes its just too hard to talk about so writing is a bit easier..
Are you going to Scott & Beth's for the BBQ thing?

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Old 07-25-2009, 12:29 PM   #33
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I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I watched what my mom went through when my sister suddenly died. I pray that you will know Gods peace and comfort in the days ahead.

I am glad to hear you are in the support group. We are here for you too. I pray also that your dh and you will find strength in each other in the days ahead.

My mom did a few things to honor my sisters memory. People gave her money donations and she used them to put on a childrens play in her memory and the rest went to a childrens orphanage as my sister loved children so, even though she wasnt married. I pray you will find a special way to honor your son, Blessings to you.
I am sorry for your loss as well..

Damien was a volunteer EMT for our town so a lot of people sent donations in honor of our Son which was really nice..

We are also getting a monogrammed Brick, in a special garden from the Compassionate Friends, which is the support group I go to once a month..

Oh and there are now 2 separate scholarships given each May in Damien's name. One to a nursing student, because Damien was in school for Respiratory Therapy.. and the other given to a most improved student..

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Old 07-25-2009, 01:12 PM   #34
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Thanks

and Yes, we did the Double Dip.. I was in charge of handing out FE lists
I thought so...
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Old 07-26-2009, 12:29 AM   #35
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Stacy - Amy (DisneyGirl02) just told me about your post regarding the loss of your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Every one experiences grief in different ways and there is no right way to deal with it. Don't feel that you need to be strong for everyone. Tears may be what you need to cope. Whatever you need to do (whether it's crying, meeting in a group, or posting on here) is the right thing for you.
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Old 07-27-2009, 10:06 AM   #36
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I am so, so sorry you lost you son. I dont know what else to say. I am so sorry.
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Old 07-30-2009, 10:21 PM   #37
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i am so sorry for your loss. please turn to us whenever you feel the need to talk.
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Old 07-30-2009, 10:43 PM   #38
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Thank You everyone.. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated.. I'm trying to be strong but some days it is very difficult to even smile
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Old 08-03-2009, 02:42 PM   #39
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Stacey - managing a smile even once in a while is good. It's a long process just to learn to live with your loss.
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Old 08-06-2009, 05:05 PM   #40
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VENTING!!! Beware!!



Why can't my Husband Understand and Accept the fact that I do NOT want to go to MNSSHP this year??

It would be the 1st one we've ever done without our son and I am Not ready for that!!!!

I even told him NO!!! and Why and he just does Not get it!!

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Old 08-06-2009, 08:20 PM   #41
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Ohhh...this is a touchy one...I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to let you know that between DH and I we have had many times in the past year and half just like what you are going through now.

I want to say that I completely understand how you feel and I also understand your DH. There have been many "firsts" we have had to conquer without our son. It always helps more if we talk honestly and openly about how we feel. Sometimes we fight, but I find it's far less frequent than it used to be. There have been moments when I have felt like I was on the verge of divorce, but we have been lucky enough to move through most of our issues.

Notice I said "move through". Neither one of us will ever "get over it", so we just try our best to move through each issue as it comes along as a FAMILY...not as separate people dealing with separate issues. It's hard and I have shed enough tears to drown the entire family, but I try to stay open to ideas of my DH's and he to mine.

Our son died in Dec. of '07. We had a trip to WDW planned for Feb. of '08. DS had just moved out on his own, started a new job, and was enjoying his new freedoms. He wasn't going with us on our trip, but just a few days after he passed, I had to call and cancel that trip. The last trip we had been on, he was with us (and he dearly loved our trips to WDW!). There was just no way I could face going back so soon.

Well, a few months passed and DH thought that if we went it might help us. At first I didn't want to, but we talked through it and kind of convinced each other that it was the right thing to do. We went in early May and had an awesome time. We were there for my bday and Mother's Day. Of course we had our moments. On our 1st night, we went to the P&P party and I stood right in the middle of Main St. looking at the castle during the fireworks and cried like a baby. DH managed to go to DHS for a few hours one morning, but he seemed "antsy" and was ready to go after only a little while. He later told me that just seeing the ToT (one of DS's faves) made him feel like his heart was coming out of his chest.

Our youngest DS was unable to go to DQ. He and his brother loved to go there together. When he got next to the bldg., he suddenly became short of breath and had to rush to a bathroom to throw up. He still says he will NEVER go there again.

I don't mean to depress you and I definitely don't want to "hijack" your thread, just wanted to let you know that I understand not wanting to do something and feeling like everyone else is "pushing" you to do it. But, I do want to caution you to remain open and understanding where others are concerned also. As bad as you may not want to go, it may be just what your DH needs. Our grief can cloud our judgement and sometimes the things other people do just seem cold and heartless to us, but just remember that your DH is probably having just as hard a time as you are and he is dealing with things in his own way.

I sincerely hope you all reach the conclusion that brings you both peace.
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Old 08-07-2009, 09:12 AM   #42
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Thank You for the advice and your story. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

We are leaving on DCL Magic on Sept 12th and That Alone is going to be Very hard on me but we are going with 8 other people and I am forcing myself as is because I won't make them have a bad time.

I'm giving what I can but Halloween was always a HUGE thing for us. Bigger then even Christmas. We would do the MNSSHP at least once each year and at home we have an LGB train * like in Germany in Epcot* that runs completely around the outside perimeter of our house. DS Loved to run the trains and help me make the outside of the house spooky for the Trick or Treaters. The candy stays on the train and He was the Train Conductor. He'd stop the train in the train station and give the kids time to get the candy from the train carts.

I know I'm not ready and I shouldn't be forced to do it but he doesn't understand. He may be ready so he can feel free to go without me, but I would of much rather him to support me and what I'm feeling and let our friends go to MNSSHP and have him stay with me. It's not like they can't do it without us.

I went to the boadwalk and cried watching their kids and niece and nephews on the same rides that my son had been on at their age. It was too much for me and I needed a half hour to control my crying. And I really do not want to have that happen in Disney and then leave the next day for the cruise.

I don't think he is thinking of me, or taking what I am feeling into consideration, so why do I need to be the one to sacrifice my feelings and needs to suit his? It's not very fair.

Plus the fact, he doesn't dress up and he doesn't trick or treat during MNSSHP so paying $50 a ticket the night before already spending $5,000 on a cruise, seems a little wasteful to me.

I just don't want to be a wreck at MNSSHP and then have to be all smiles and "ok" in front of everyone for a week cruise..
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Old 08-07-2009, 06:14 PM   #43
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I am so sorry. I really hope you don't think I was telling you that you should sacrifice your feelings for everyone else's. I am totally respectful of your feelings and if you really think you cannot handle the MNSSHP then I would definitely avoid it.

I think I was trying to make the point that we have each learned to respect the other's feelings in our home. We spent a lot of time at first "flying off the handle" and attacking each other for feelings that no one could help. Those first few months were very rough. We still have rough patches when new situations come up. Your wounds are still very new and it will take time for you all to adjust to each other's new feelings and emotions with each new situation as it arises.

If my DH can never go to DHS again, then I will respect him for that and NEVER ask him to do it. If my DS cannot go to DQ ever again, then we just won't go. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even want to go back to WDW...he says it is just too hard without his brother. I am completely respectful of that and I will not make him do it.

I truly wish only the best for you and your DH. I sincerely hope you don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to do. Your feelings are very legitimate and no one else should EVER tell you how you should feel or act in any situation. I have been thinking about you a lot and sending lots of prayer and good thoughts out for you. Please don't take anything I say as personal...or an attack on you in any way....I just wanted you to know that there are lots of us out here dealing with the same types of issues everyday and no one handles it the same.
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Old 08-07-2009, 09:47 PM   #44
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No, No, I didn't take what you said as an attack on me at all

I'm upset at Him not You for not accepting the fact that as of today I do not think I can handle MNSSHP in a few weeks..

I just wish he'd "get it"
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Old 08-07-2009, 10:45 PM   #45
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Stacy, I'm just sending you a hug to let you know that I'm thinking about you!



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