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Old 07-17-2009, 12:31 AM   #1
pfishgirl
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Dealing with The Loss of a Son

I have never posted here before. I never even paid close enough attention to see this thread existed.. I just really needed somewhere to turn. I am having a very hard time trying to be strong for our family and friends.

My Story:

On May 6th, our son, our only child turned 19 years old. On May 13th he passed away and it's been 9 weeks and we still don't know exactly why..

He was an EMT for our hometown and attending college to be a Respiratory Therapist.. He went through 2 years of Vocational School and graduated with High Honors for Medical Assisting.. Graduated HS in 2008...

He spoke to his girlfriend at 11:30am, never said he didn't feel well, no headache, nothing.. He told her he was going to take a shower, and get ready for his last final exam of the semester.. but, When I got home around 1 pm from grocery shopping and errands, he was already gone.. I found him on his bed, unconscious, pale as can be and cold.

I've been to a support group, but it only meets once a month. I've been to 2 so far. It helps, I guess, a little, knowing They know my pain of losing a child.

I cry every day, even though I don't let my husband see me cry, I know he knows I do. He puts up a brave front for me as well. We have cried together maybe 3 times since it happened.

I just miss my son so much and I feel helpless because I can't fix this. I can't take everyone's pain away and make it okay again..

thanks for listening

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Old 07-17-2009, 12:36 AM   #2
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 07-17-2009, 12:45 AM   #3
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So very sorry about the loss of your son.
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Old 07-17-2009, 05:25 AM   #4
jerseygal
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Smile Pfishgirl, May God Bless You and Your Family with Comfort!

So very sad to read this tragic story about your beautiful 19 year old son.

May God Bless You and Your Family With Comfort and Support During This Most Difficult Time!:flowe r3::flower3
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Old 07-17-2009, 07:47 AM   #5
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I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:35 AM   #6
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Thank You
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:45 AM   #7
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I am so very sorry.

Treat yourself gently, and your husband. Remember there is no time line to "get over" a death. People seem to think that after a set amount of time you are now "over it" and on the way to being better with things. But that just isn't the case and there will never be a time when you are "over it."

Try not to judge yourself. It's too east to do and it's very unproductive. And keep talking - to us, to your husband, to anybody.

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Old 07-17-2009, 09:49 AM   #8
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Im so sorry for the loss of your son.

I don't normally post on thread but this really touch me and it feels just like what happened to my close friend.

Last year my friend a young 22 year old male died very suddenly, no health issues, it took a few weeks for them to find out why he had died, Sudden Cardiac Death (SCD); Sudden Death Syndrome (SDS, SADS).

Stay strong and remember the memories that you had together and that he will always be with you and your family.
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Old 07-17-2009, 01:10 PM   #9
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Stacy,

I don't think you need to be strong for everyone. It is ok to feel this grief. It is ok to cry, even in front of people. You have experienced a profound loss.

In the grief group that I have participated in (I lost my DH several years ago) - they describe grief like the waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves almost knock you down, but sometimes it is calm. Sometimes you can recognize that you are in the big waves.

I know very well how it feels like you can't fix it. It is very hard to accept that ...

I think it is good to reach out to a support group. It is unlikely there are others in your circle of friends who have experienced a loss like this. It does help to know that you are not the only one going through something like this.

If anything, going to a group helps give you time to think about it and talk about it. Sometimes the people who are around you every day can't deal with that kind of talk. I always felt like a burden around my friends when I wanted to talk about my DH's illness/death - they did not know what to say. When I am with the group though - they all have been through something like I have.

you might also find support groups on the internet for others who have lost a child.


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Old 07-17-2009, 06:48 PM   #10
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this is a poem that I have placed on here before. My sister found it when my Mom passed away. I found it to help me...I hope it can ease your pain


To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, ""I welcome you.""

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......""My day was not in vain.""
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:57 PM   #11
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Thank You
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Old 07-17-2009, 10:18 PM   #12
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Oh my gosh, Stacy, I am so sorry to hear about your loss!

There is an online community that I joined after my car accident I had a few years ago and it has helped me. I'm pretty sure there is a bereavement group. It is called dailystrength.org.

I am so sorry again...
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:36 AM   #13
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I am so sorry to read this Stacy...as a Mom myself, I was so upset.

I participate in an online support group for caregivers of cancer patients and it helps me so much. I am glad that you are reaching out and finding a place to talk where you feel comfortable.

Take care of yourself and come here if you need to talk, but also maybe do some research online where you might find a bereavement group to participate in..

Marsha
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Old 07-18-2009, 02:13 PM   #14
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Goodness what a sad situation. I feel very sorry for you. To lose a son at that age without knowing why is horrible beyond belief. I guess the best that you can so is to take each day as it comes, and try to cope as best as you can and not to expect too much too soon.
Lean on those here, and rest assured that everyone will support you.
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Old 07-18-2009, 03:21 PM   #15
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm happy you have some type of support group. I know there are alot of professional therapists who specialize in grief counseling. How ever you decide to deal with your pain, please know you are in my prayers. When my brother died, someone mentioned to me that no 2 people grieve the same. Even if they are grieving the exact same person, same situation. It helped me to remember that... and still does.
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