What was this judge thinking - The DIS Discussion Forums

Freyja · 07-10-2009, 08:36 PM

A woman I know has been in a custody battle with her ex for the past 1 1/2 yrs. She´s Icelandic and living in Iceland (since she couldn´t get a permanent green card for the US) and he´s American and living in the US. When they divorced they were both living temporarily in the US. The little girl they have been fighting over was 2 at the time of the divorce and is 4 now.

The woman has another child from a previous relationship, a 6 yr old boy who lives with her here in Iceland.

The woman has a very close knit family here, a job, good home, etc.

The father, has never really shown much interest in his daughter. Not even during the custody battle. The child seemed to be living with his parents almost the entire time. They have been very mean spirited toward the childs mother but do seem to have treated the child well and the child seems to have been happy with them although she has missed her mother and brother extremely much. She has only been allowed to see her mother a few times over the past 2 yrs.

Finally, after a long court case the judge came up with a verdict and in fact one I find unbelievable.

The child is to spend her time 50/50 between both parents, who live on seperate continents. She is to start her first year of school in Iceland and then the second one in the US, third one in Iceland...and so on and spend all holidays in the country where she is not going to school. After she becomes a teen she is supposed to spend all school years in Iceland.

How can this possibly be good for a child? Wouldn´t it have been better for her to reside in one country and just have one school and then spend her holidays with the other parent?

Piglets Mommy · 07-10-2009, 08:39 PM

What a horrible "resolution"!
Doesn't seem to be in the best interest of the child AT ALL.

Freyja · 07-10-2009, 08:50 PM

I agree. Even her mom says she didn´t know whether to laugh or to cry when the they read the verdict. She feels so bad for her daughter to have to go through this.

happygirl · 07-10-2009, 08:56 PM

I think I would appeal that

diznygirl · 07-10-2009, 09:28 PM

I would wait until she was in my custody, THEN I would appeal it.

And I'm really not feeling too friendly towards men this week. Dumb judge.

Stacerita · 07-10-2009, 09:35 PM

Does not sound good for the child or in her best interest at all.

dahirsh · 07-10-2009, 09:58 PM

I had a friend growing up whose parents lived in different states. She and her sister switched year to year. Through high school. As far as I'm aware it worked fine for them. But this was two neighboring states not two continents. I was also before the internet and texting.

MichelleinMaine · 07-10-2009, 10:15 PM

While I don't know alot about Icelandic schools, I know German/French schools are set up so much differently as they are in the states. I can't imagine how she'd get a decent, continual education flopping back and forth like that?

Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess?

lillygator · 07-10-2009, 10:18 PM

are there other circumstances? Seems as though the mother did not have custody before or am I reading the post wrong?

My sister's princess · 07-10-2009, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleinMaine

Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess?

Must be a Maine thing I was thinking the exact thing

Belle0101 · 07-10-2009, 11:01 PM

Curious, the daughter resides in the U.S.? This was a U.S. judge? Has mom had to come to the U.S. for the court appointments? Who is to pay for the travel expenses?

I can see this becoming a real mess.

JR6ooo4 · 07-10-2009, 11:37 PM

and where did I miss that this was male judge?

Mikeeee

FireDancer · 07-11-2009, 12:07 AM

It isn't the judge I question but the parents. At some point the hate they have for each other needs to take a back seat to what is best for their child. There are some problems that our court system isn't designed to solve.

What he did may be the law, I don't know, but the parents need to agree to something on their own. Maybe it is best if she stays here, maybe it is best if she goes to Iceland. Keep in mind you are hearing the story through the filter of the mother, which may not be the whole truth. We all tend to distort a story to make ourselves look better, it is human nature.

PatsGirl · 07-11-2009, 07:37 AM

The question is, which parent is going to be a real Mom or Dad and put the child first?

Personally, I think if I'd exhausted all possibilities of having the child for the school year each year, I'd move closer to the ex and share custody where we could both nurture and care for her. I don't think I could be apart from my child at that age for months at a time and it certainly can't be a good thing for her.

Freyja · 07-11-2009, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleinMaine

While I don't know alot about Icelandic schools, I know German/French schools are set up so much differently as they are in the states. I can't imagine how she'd get a decent, continual education flopping back and forth like that?

Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess?

That was one of my biggest concerns too and a thing her mother worries greatly about. The school system here is quite different from the US and I´m afraid the poor child will spend most of her time "catching up" in each country.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lillygator

are there other circumstances? Seems as though the mother did not have custody before or am I reading the post wrong?

While they were still in the process of splitting up, the mother´s visa ran out and she was told to leave the country. The child is a US citizen and she was told she could not take her with her until the custody had been determined.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belle0101

Curious, the daughter resides in the U.S.? This was a U.S. judge? Has mom had to come to the U.S. for the court appointments? Who is to pay for the travel expenses?

I can see this becoming a real mess.

Yes, the daughter resides in the US and this was a US judge. The mother came to the US for all court appointments. As far as I can understand the parent "recieving" the child is to pay for the travel expenses at each time. I agree, this will probably become a real mess.

And those who have said I might be biased because I only know one side of the story. This is true. However, I don´t neccesarily feel that mom should get custody instead of dad. I just wish they child had one primary residence.

07-10-2009, 08:36 PM	#1
Freyja Formerly known as Sleepless in Denmark - now Wide Awake in Iceland? To cure your insomina, stop thinking about tags! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Reykjavik, Iceland Posts: 7,052	What was this judge thinking A woman I know has been in a custody battle with her ex for the past 1 1/2 yrs. She´s Icelandic and living in Iceland (since she couldn´t get a permanent green card for the US) and he´s American and living in the US. When they divorced they were both living temporarily in the US. The little girl they have been fighting over was 2 at the time of the divorce and is 4 now. The woman has another child from a previous relationship, a 6 yr old boy who lives with her here in Iceland. The woman has a very close knit family here, a job, good home, etc. The father, has never really shown much interest in his daughter. Not even during the custody battle. The child seemed to be living with his parents almost the entire time. They have been very mean spirited toward the childs mother but do seem to have treated the child well and the child seems to have been happy with them although she has missed her mother and brother extremely much. She has only been allowed to see her mother a few times over the past 2 yrs. Finally, after a long court case the judge came up with a verdict and in fact one I find unbelievable. The child is to spend her time 50/50 between both parents, who live on seperate continents. She is to start her first year of school in Iceland and then the second one in the US, third one in Iceland...and so on and spend all holidays in the country where she is not going to school. After she becomes a teen she is supposed to spend all school years in Iceland. How can this possibly be good for a child? Wouldn´t it have been better for her to reside in one country and just have one school and then spend her holidays with the other parent?

07-10-2009, 08:39 PM	#2
Piglets Mommy New Rule: The first person to reply on any thread needs to quote the OP. That way when someone does the delete of nevermind edit we know what was there. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Pennsylvania....way too far north of the Mouse! Posts: 5,573	What a horrible "resolution"! Doesn't seem to be in the best interest of the child AT ALL. __________________ DH Me DS ,10 DD,6Thanks, Grumpy Pirate! Thanks, Minnie&Nana!!!

07-10-2009, 08:56 PM	#4
happygirl Wishing upon Okay this is starting to get freaky Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 6,861	I think I would appeal that __________________ hubby Richard 37 me Jenny 32 daughter Ashlyn 6 son Brady 4 Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

07-10-2009, 09:28 PM	#5
diznygirl I have a symmetry thing It is always important to know what team the whackjobs are playing for! It was the wedding with a two-meatball limit Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Celebration, FL Posts: 7,783	I would wait until she was in my custody, THEN I would appeal it. And I'm really not feeling too friendly towards men this week. Dumb judge. __________________ The Official Webkinz Thread http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1674222

07-10-2009, 09:35 PM	#6
Stacerita AKA the Lexus TinklerMy bad-its Miss Understood. Sorry. Got my drag queens mixed I guess I did look more like a Hooter's girl than I wanted to Join Date: May 2004 Location: Anaheim, Ca Posts: 13,782	Does not sound good for the child or in her best interest at all. __________________ Diva Las Vegas Inappropriate graphics will be deleted from signatures. Please remember this is a family-friendly site

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07-10-2009, 08:50 PM	#3
Freyja Formerly known as Sleepless in Denmark - now Wide Awake in Iceland? To cure your insomina, stop thinking about tags! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Reykjavik, Iceland Posts: 7,052	I agree. Even her mom says she didn´t know whether to laugh or to cry when the they read the verdict. She feels so bad for her daughter to have to go through this.

07-10-2009, 09:58 PM	#7
dahirsh DIS Veteran Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,355	I had a friend growing up whose parents lived in different states. She and her sister switched year to year. Through high school. As far as I'm aware it worked fine for them. But this was two neighboring states not two continents. I was also before the internet and texting. __________________ Deb April 1978 Offsite April 1979 Offsite Dec 1999/Jan 2000 All Star Movies May 2002 All Star Sports Oct 2003 All Star Movies June 2006 All Star Sports October 2007 Pop Century January 2009 Pop Century

07-10-2009, 10:15 PM	#8
MichelleinMaine DIS Veteran Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,048	While I don't know alot about Icelandic schools, I know German/French schools are set up so much differently as they are in the states. I can't imagine how she'd get a decent, continual education flopping back and forth like that? Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess? __________________ 1977 FW, 1986 offsite, 1998 SoG, 2000 WL, 2003 CR, 2008 SoG April 2010 will be SoG

07-10-2009, 10:18 PM	#9
lillygator Mom of two Princesses! Grew up wanting to be a can can girl let's just say my whoop whoop's woke the sleeping giant! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: The World's Best Sand ~ Siesta Key, FL Posts: 28,838	are there other circumstances? Seems as though the mother did not have custody before or am I reading the post wrong? __________________ *V's Bad Girl Guide to Partying Through Panama!* Join my 2006 trip and planning adventures ~ *Bad Girl* style! Yo ho, yo ho A Pirate's Life for V ~ Comandeering the Disney Magic 12/9-12/16 Hide the rum, the 2007 Bad Girl Adventures have begun! '04 ~ Pop, AKL, ASMo, WL & Wonder Cruise! '05 ~ ASMo, CBR, CSR, ASMu, Pop, Poly & Eastern Cruise! '06 ~ POR, ASSports, ASMusic x 2, AKL, BWI, POP & Double Dip Cruise! '07 ~ CBR, ASMo, BCV x 2, OKW, Orlando Breeze, POP!! '08 ~ Offsite Knight's Inn YUCK! ~ Stealing the Magic ~ May Repo! Candy Cane Inn! '08 ~ May DCL Western!

07-10-2009, 11:01 PM	#11
Belle0101 New Rule: The first person to reply on any thread needs to quote the OP. That way when someone does the delete of nevermind edit we know what was there. Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Somewhere between here and there Posts: 2,675	Curious, the daughter resides in the U.S.? This was a U.S. judge? Has mom had to come to the U.S. for the court appointments? Who is to pay for the travel expenses? I can see this becoming a real mess. __________________

07-10-2009, 11:37 PM	#12
JR6ooo4 The Dr. Seuss of Poo Using kerosene lanterns for light? Kerosene, who are you kidding? When did they invent kerosene? Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Arlington Heights, Illinois (26 miles Northwest of Walt's Birthplace) Posts: 11,032	and where did I miss that this was male judge? Mikeeee __________________ Please check out my WDW photo galleries if you have time. I love to share! July 01 - Honeymoon @ Carribean Beach ~ April 05 - Offsite Ramada ~ March 06 - AllStar Movies ~ August 06 - Allstar Sports / Corronado Springs ~ March 07 - Allstar again but free ~ December 07-Coronado Springs~ Q Fred x8

07-11-2009, 12:07 AM	#13
FireDancer "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." - Lance Armstrong Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Suburban Cleveland, OH Posts: 3,660	It isn't the judge I question but the parents. At some point the hate they have for each other needs to take a back seat to what is best for their child. There are some problems that our court system isn't designed to solve. What he did may be the law, I don't know, but the parents need to agree to something on their own. Maybe it is best if she stays here, maybe it is best if she goes to Iceland. Keep in mind you are hearing the story through the filter of the mother, which may not be the whole truth. We all tend to distort a story to make ourselves look better, it is human nature. __________________ - Frank DIS Races: 2006 WDW Half Marathon - 1:42:37 2006 Disneyland Half Marathon - 1:32:04 2008 WDW Half Marathon - 1:34:07 Aiming for the WDW full in 2011

07-11-2009, 07:37 AM	#14
PatsGirl Kids will write the darndest things I'm a fan of the Red Sox and anyone who beats the Yankees I can't believe my parents lived through my shenanigans Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: South of Boston, Very north of Magic Posts: 3,092	The question is, which parent is going to be a real Mom or Dad and put the child first? Personally, I think if I'd exhausted all possibilities of having the child for the school year each year, I'd move closer to the ex and share custody where we could both nurture and care for her. I don't think I could be apart from my child at that age for months at a time and it certainly can't be a good thing for her. __________________ Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug!" So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. Brenda , Jacob 19 and Alexandra 12 We booked Boardwalk Villas for April ~ three weeks after my Girls' Trip to Isla Mujeres

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