Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 06-26-2009, 11:39 AM   #1
suejai
DIS Veteran
 
suejai's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Central Alberta
Posts: 1,457

Question re: kids getting Honours in school

DS was telling me that his friend gets grounded if he doesn't come home with Honours and that there are quite a few kids in his class with the same consequences. DS has gotten Honours every year, except Gr5, and we have never used punishment as an incentive to do well. If his marks look like they are slipping we talk about it and he pulls them up, but he is the driving force behind it.

I guess my question is, do you think that punishment/consequences work as an inducement to doing well in school.

As a side note, I don't think that getting Honours is the only way to suceed in school, people have different capabilities and to pressure with unrealistic expectations just leads to problems. My only expectation is that they do the best they can and put in the best effort they can.
__________________
DH: Me: DS:
suejai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 11:52 AM   #2
JessicaR
DIS Veteran
I wanna shoot aliens in the AM too!
The Grinch is rude in a funny sorta way
run to the hams!
 
JessicaR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 15,825

Quote:
Originally Posted by suejai View Post
DS was telling me that his friend gets grounded if he doesn't come home with Honours and that there are quite a few kids in his class with the same consequences. DS has gotten Honours every year, except Gr5, and we have never used punishment as an incentive to do well. If his marks look like they are slipping we talk about it and he pulls them up, but he is the driving force behind it.

I guess my question is, do you think that punishment/consequences work as an inducement to doing well in school.
As a side note, I don't think that getting Honours is the only way to suceed in school, people have different capabilities and to pressure with unrealistic expectations just leads to problems. My only expectation is that they do the best they can and put in the best effort they can.
I believe punishment is ineffective. I don't think punishment teaches a child to do better next time. Rules come with punishments, not rewards. My children respond to positive reinforcement and working toward a reward for their best effort. So far, so good.
JessicaR is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 06-26-2009, 11:59 AM   #3
Disney Doll
DIS Security Matron
 
Disney  Doll's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Too far from WDW!! :(
Posts: 29,030

Well, it might work as far as getting the kid to work hard to get honors so they don't get punished, but it will certainly not instill a lifelong love of learning. So, there will be a short term (honors in school) but not a long-term (lifelong love of learning) gain.

My parents always said that we should just do our best. If we got a bad grade (which were very few, since we both were always pretty good in school, although Math & I were not the best of friends!), they would ask "Do you think you did the best you could? You studied, you applied yourself? If you can say to me that you did your best, then the grade is fine". I tended to be a much harsher critic of myself than my parents ever were.
__________________
Disney Doll
Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child.
Stop telling your God how big the storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is.
It's time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it!
Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.
There's no pill that cures stupid.
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~~In loving memory of Teddy~~1994-2007~~
Disney  Doll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:23 PM   #4
onelilspark
DIS Veteran
 
onelilspark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 7,145

I remember my parents giving incentives for grades and then a "bonus" if I made honor roll. My junior year I took an AP class and I really struggled with it, getting my first C. I was horrified and terrified they'd be disappointed in me. They weren't because they knew how hard I'd worked. I didn't get my bonus But they didn't punish me for not making honor roll.
onelilspark is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:24 PM   #5
saratogadreamin09
Derek Jeter = <33333333
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: watching the yankees (its baseball season :D)
Posts: 2,155

My parents get mad if I get below 90's. I get grounded if I get below a 90 for a quarter avervage.

It has defientley made me apply myself more in school and helps me to keep my grades up
saratogadreamin09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:30 PM   #6
DisneyLover83
DIS Veteran
 
DisneyLover83's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Pensacola, FL
Posts: 539

In high school my siblings and I were paid for our grades. A set amount for an A, lower amount for a B, nothing for a C and minus amounts for a D or F. My parents told us that school was our "job" and this was a great reward system for us. None of us ever did poorly. Every child is different though and that would not work for all kids. There was no direct punishment for lower grades, just "Do better in the future."
__________________
Me- Dh-

2007- All Star Music, 2008- POFQ, 2009- POFQ, 2010- AKL, 2011 - POFQ & CSR, 2012- POFQ & CSR, 2013- YC, 2014- POFQ
DisneyLover83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:32 PM   #7
saratogadreamin09
Derek Jeter = <33333333
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: watching the yankees (its baseball season :D)
Posts: 2,155

Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyLover83 View Post
In high school my siblings and I were paid for our grades. A set amount for an A, lower amount for a B, nothing for a C and minus amounts for a D or F. My parents told us that school was our "job" and this was a great reward system for us. None of us ever did poorly. Every child is different though and that would not work for all kids. There was no direct punishment for lower grades, just "Do better in the future."
I really like that idea.
saratogadreamin09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:38 PM   #8
RachelNinja
Sometimes I'd rather live in VMK than in real life!
 
RachelNinja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 3,462

I would understand being disappointed in a child not getting honors, but I believe punishment is too severe.

Of course, it depends on the child. My younger brother does not care about school at all. Punishing him for bad grades is understandable (I wish my parents kept to their word and had him suffer the consequences), but not in a bad way. It would be the removal of a luxury item (TV, Wii, PSP). It's not going to hurt him not to have those things. It's because we all know he could definitely do better than he is doing. Maybe he won't be a 100 student, but he could definitely be upper 80s and low 90s. His mentality is, "At least I passed."

However, as a teacher, I have also seen how detrimental it can be for parents to put such pressure on students. I have parents take away cell phone privileges (but come on now, what 6th grader needs an iPhone?). But I had this one student for the past 2 years who would suffer from anxiety because his parents expected so much more from him. He was probably an upper 80s student, but they expected high 90s from him. He would get a grade back, and he'd speak to me and earnestly ask, "Is an 85 good? Do you think it's a good grade?" And I have to explain to him that it is a good grade.

This kid put everything into his work. I know he studied thoroughly. I know he does all his projects once I assign them so he can spend all the time he has working on them. But he stressed about low grades because he doesn't want to show his parents.

With a kid like that, I think parents need to commend him for his effort (and good grades!) instead of EXPECTING him to get higher grades. Encourage, yes. Don't expect and then punish when they don't meet your expectations.
__________________
Always the Weird to my Ninja

Weird and Ninja Shout Out to You (Jan '15 TR in progress) // Mr. and Mrs. Weak Sauce Go the Distance (May '12 Disneymoon TR) // Delicious Indeed! (Feb '11 TR) // Saving Dole Whip Float Money (Feb '11 PTR) // Weird and Ninja’s Pre-Disneymoon (April '10 TR) // It's Better Than Stuffed Mezzaluna with Sausage! (April '10 PTR) // A DISer's Trip of Firsts! (Feb '08 TR) // The Flat Adventures of Weird and Ninja! (Living the Life Outside of VMK)

BLOG / INSTAGRAM / TWITTER - Msg me here if you want to follow
RachelNinja is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:38 PM   #9
jrmasm
Last time I checked, it was still the thought that counted
Wanna debate that topic?
So elegant but goofy!!
 
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 7,268

I don't know what you mean by Honours but I would punish my children for bad grades if I knew they were due to a bad attitude. Don't care about school? Fine, but there will be severe consequences.

And we pay for staight A's.
jrmasm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:40 PM   #10
ZephyrHawk
I can nicker too, but I'm not nearly as embarrassed about that
Please don't ski with your kid on a leash
I firmly believe in ghostly figments of my imagination
 
ZephyrHawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,822

I was not rewarded for being on the honor roll. It was just something expected of me, like making my bed every morning. I do not know if I would have been punished were I ever not on it, but I'm sure my punishment would have been my parents expressing their displeasure at my failure. They did occasionally berate me if I was getting a B in something and state that I'd never get into the college of my choice that way, but it was a rare event.

I remember complaining to them once or twice about other kids I knew who got paid for good grades. They said, "Why would we pay you for doing what you're supposed to?"
__________________

Polynesian Village (1983), Polynesian Village (1986), Grand Floridian (1989), All Star Sports (1997), Disneyland (1998), All Star Movies (2000), Port Orleans - French Quarter (2001), All Star Music (2002), Disneyland (2004), Wilderness Lodge (2007), Pop Century (2010), Saratoga Springs (2013), and Disney Land and Sea Extravaganza - Fantasy/Villas at Wilderness Lodge (coming Dec 2015)
ZephyrHawk is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:44 PM   #11
gina2000
anonymous
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: USA
Posts: 11,477

If a child has truly tried his/her hardest and does not come up to snuff, no punishment. If a child goofs off, then I'm all for consequences. A parent's role is to determine what a child's capability in a given subject and then help the child achieve.

I am a huge believer in goals and I think if more families instilled educational goals, children would understand, accept, and strive to meet challenges in their lives.
__________________
"The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.” ~Marilyn Monroe
gina2000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 12:59 PM   #12
Camicar
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,711

I can tell you that I would have been grounded if I didn't come home with honors. I was under immense pressure to get 4.0 every quarter. Immense. It did not make me study harder or do better since I was luckily good in school and always did my best anyway. It made me resentful. It also sucked the joy out of everything because a straight A was not good enough, it had to be an A+. I still remember very clearly my joy at getting the first 4.0 a very tough history teacher had ever given in all his years of teaching and being crushed by my mother's sole comment, "Too bad you didn't get an A+ in math" while throwing away my report card with my history teacher's glowing remarks.


My dd has a friend who is in a similar position as my teenager years. Poor girl is a total basket case. Whenever she does not get a 4.0, she has a panic attack at school. THEN, her mother comes to the school and browbeats the teachers into giving her a 4.0. Sadly, the mother always prevails. What horrible lessons this mother is teaching her dd.

With my own dd, I have always said that all I want is for her to try her best. As I learned from my own experience, you simply CANNOT do better than your best, so stop setting up unrealistic expectations that do nothing more than suck the joy out of life.
__________________
Camicar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 01:03 PM   #13
onelilspark
DIS Veteran
 
onelilspark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 7,145

For what it's worth, in my HS we had a huge problem with cheating. I never did. I know some of the kids who did cheat did it because there was so much pressure on them from their parents. They just simply couldn't come home with poor grades. Now, there's 20 other things wrong with that situation, but I think good parents know their kids. I posted above that I didn't get punished for bad grades, but my brother did. Because his bad grades were a result of not turning in homework. He did it, my parents knew he did it, he would just fail to turn it in. (Don't ask.) So he got in trouble for it. When you have kids who do try hard and study and it's just a difficult subject for them, I think it's a parent's responsibility to encourage hard work, not punish because you fall short of your goal. Added pressure isn't good for a kid.
onelilspark is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 01:34 PM   #14
RachelNinja
Sometimes I'd rather live in VMK than in real life!
 
RachelNinja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 3,462

Quote:
Originally Posted by Camicar View Post
I still remember very clearly my joy at getting the first 4.0 a very tough history teacher had ever given in all his years of teaching and being crushed by my mother's sole comment, "Too bad you didn't get an A+ in math" while throwing away my report card with my history teacher's glowing remarks.
I completely understand this situation. If I got a 98, I'd hear from my dad, "Where are the other 2 points?" Then if I got a 100, my dad would say, "There wasn't any extra credit?"

When I came home THRILLED that I was the salutatorian of my high school after a tough few months battling it out with the top 5 students or so (haha, in terms of maintaining our grades) during the last few months of the year, my dad said, "How come you couldn't be valedictorian?" I knew I wasn't going to be val; that girl was a genius. So really everyone was aiming to be sal ... and I still remember my dad asking me that question.

It sets this mentality of "Everything I do will never be good enough. I will never be good enough." I know I still struggle with that nowadays because it's ingrained in my mind.

Quote:
THEN, her mother comes to the school and browbeats the teachers into giving her a 4.0. Sadly, the mother always prevails. What horrible lessons this mother is teaching her dd.
Terrible! I know that when my fellow colleagues and I do grades, we say, "We're going to hear it from so-and-so!" because we know they won't be happy about the grades. Despite the demands to recalculate grades and write out an explanation for the grade, we stick by it. It's a shame though because the kids still know that mommy and daddy will bail them out (or at least attempt to). And in all honesty, it makes me think twice about giving a lower grade because I'll have to deal with the parent later on. However, we always remind ourselves ... teachers don't give grades, students earn them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onelilspark View Post
I know some of the kids who did cheat did it because there was so much pressure on them from their parents. They just simply couldn't come home with poor grades.
One girl this past year wrote info on her hand. I confronted her about it, but she claimed it was during studying that she did that. She was obviously lying about it so I had to report it to the principal. We sat her down for a meeting and asked her about it. The principal was very nice about it (this was a sweet girl in the 6th grade) and urged her to tell the truth, that that was what was most important (I'm in a Christian school).

She finally broke down crying that she had indeed cheated because she was tired of getting poor grades. Other students would shout out their high grades, ask about hers, or even sneak a peek at her test to see what she got. She was tired of dealing with those things. She didn't want the other students to keep thinking she wasn't smart. We commended her for telling the truth. She apologized to me for cheating, and that was it.

It's terrible to think about how kids have pressure from their parents AND their peers at school too. I know it's kind of OT, but even as a teacher, I think I sometimes do forget what it's like to be a kid. It's at this time that kids need the most encouragement from parents and teachers.
__________________
Always the Weird to my Ninja

Weird and Ninja Shout Out to You (Jan '15 TR in progress) // Mr. and Mrs. Weak Sauce Go the Distance (May '12 Disneymoon TR) // Delicious Indeed! (Feb '11 TR) // Saving Dole Whip Float Money (Feb '11 PTR) // Weird and Ninja’s Pre-Disneymoon (April '10 TR) // It's Better Than Stuffed Mezzaluna with Sausage! (April '10 PTR) // A DISer's Trip of Firsts! (Feb '08 TR) // The Flat Adventures of Weird and Ninja! (Living the Life Outside of VMK)

BLOG / INSTAGRAM / TWITTER - Msg me here if you want to follow
RachelNinja is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 04:35 PM   #15
Camicar
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,711

Quote:
It sets this mentality of "Everything I do will never be good enough. I will never be good enough." I know I still struggle with that nowadays because it's ingrained in my mind.
Me too. At age 47, I still struggle occasionally with feelings of inadequacy because no matter what I've accomplished, deep down inside I "know" it's not good enough. Because nothing ever was good enough. I know intellectually that I've done my best, but emotionally I'm sometimes still that kid trying to win her parents' approval. It's like Sisyphus.

That's why I get so mad at the mom of my dd's friend. I KNOW what she's setting her kid up for in life and I know this kid is less able to handle it than I was/am. I am very afraid that sooner or later this kid is going to have a breakdown or just tune out entirely.
__________________
Camicar is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Disboutiquers Part 15 Kids Disney Boutique / Customs Clothes psst..we sew teresajoy Disney for Families 3674 10-03-2014 11:48 AM
Military Ticket Offer - Questions and Latest Info CanadianGuy Theme Parks Attractions and Strategies 2035 12-26-2010 06:04 PM
Do I have a right to be upset? Pre-school question Gabes_mommy Community Board 39 06-27-2009 12:19 AM
Another Magical Express Questions Tink 0720 Transportation 6 06-26-2009 05:22 PM
I've never had kids with me on a cruise... Deemarch Disney Cruise Line Forum 14 06-26-2009 12:06 PM

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:20 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.