Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 06-26-2009, 08:05 AM   #1
frannn
please stop the madnesssss already & tag me
From the TF...someone pls call 911 for Frann, she held her breath until I tagged her and she apparently turned blue and fell down. :)
 
frannn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 5,350

Wow, felt like I was back in High School

Today is DD6's last day of school. She is in a small, specialized class, so there are just a few mothers who I socialize with (small chit chat) during drop off & p/u. Today, there was a breakfast (serve yourself, cafeteria style) for the parents. Now, I'm generally an extremely shy, non outspoken person who is constantly working-running-working, with three daughters, one with a learning delay and the other two with emotional issues. Imagine the appts! So, I very rarely socialize. None of the moms from my daughter's class were at the bkfast room, so I glanced around, grabbed a bagel & coffee, and walked home with my breakfast. While I was at the bkfast, no one spoke to me. Even my neighbor, who was standing near me (but in conversation with someone else). Guess I could have approached her, but I don't think they like us anyway. There are the "in" crowd, we are not...or we've been so out of the loop that we haven't been out with others in a long while. Just wanted to vent. Guess its partially my fault, since I could stand to be more outgoing. Its just difficult when you're so busy that the days seem to run into one another. This felt like a watered down version of Mean Girls and Sixteen Candles and {insert your favorite teen movie here}. Thanks for listening, need some Dis .
__________________
frannn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 08:15 AM   #2
mickeyboat
Nothing like the cream and chocolate combination
Thank you for omitting the footwear today
Moons are a sign of intelligence and beauty
 
mickeyboat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Here!
Posts: 20,921

I am sorry you felt badly.

I do, however, think you need to put forth a little effort if you want people to socialize with you. It is awkward, especially if you are joining an ongonig conversation, and it takes a little gumption, but if you don't make an effort, people will assume that you just want to be left alone.

Denae
__________________
Enjoy yourself. These are the "good old days" you're going to miss in the years ahead. - Author Unknown

So couldnít we all come to the conclusion that itís not the PLACE that counts, itís the people who contribute to it? - Delswife
mickeyboat is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 06-26-2009, 08:15 AM   #3
SDFgirl
Weekend spelunker
Cutting up foods makes me happy
Shared a flight with Carol Brady
Warning! If I don't know you I might bum a ride to get a haircut!
 
SDFgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,411

Perhaps they are wondering why YOU don't speak to THEM?

One of my best friends is super shy, she doesn't talk to people unless approached. And although she's super nice, people think she's a bit of a snob. Just saying, the perception of you that's "out there" may be different than the person you really are.
__________________
Our Happy Family
Me DH DD5yrs DD3yrs DS Just a little baby
"Everything will bring a chain of love..."

May 2005 POR - First trip as a couple
September 2008 POR - Found out we were expecting our middle DD on the last day
September 2009 BCV - Grand Gathering!
April 2010 FW - Tent Camping!
Next trip, February 2013 - Surprise for our 3 kids!
SDFgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 08:16 AM   #4
NMAmy
Can speak food in German
He seemed so normal when I met him
It's not like I'm getting any special sanitation type service
I'm old school-I like my cartoon rodents to be mice
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Lansing, MI
Posts: 15,225

Quote:
Originally Posted by frannn View Post
Today is DD6's last day of school. She is in a small, specialized class, so there are just a few mothers who I socialize with (small chit chat) during drop off & p/u. Today, there was a breakfast (serve yourself, cafeteria style) for the parents. Now, I'm generally an extremely shy, non outspoken person who is constantly working-running-working, with three daughters, one with a learning delay and the other two with emotional issues. Imagine the appts! So, I very rarely socialize. None of the moms from my daughter's class were at the bkfast room, so I glanced around, grabbed a bagel & coffee, and walked home with my breakfast. While I was at the bkfast, no one spoke to me. Even my neighbor, who was standing near me (but in conversation with someone else). Guess I could have approached her, but I don't think they like us anyway. There are the "in" crowd, we are not...or we've been so out of the loop that we haven't been out with others in a long while. Just wanted to vent. Guess its partially my fault, since I could stand to be more outgoing. Its just difficult when you're so busy that the days seem to run into one another. This felt like a watered down version of Mean Girls and Sixteen Candles and {insert your favorite teen movie here}. Thanks for listening, need some Dis .
Maybe I'm reading this wrong but it sounds like you didn't give them much of a chance to include you. You said you glanced around and grabbed a bagel and left.

To make friends, you have to be friendly and approachable. Start a conversation--I know it can be hard. I'm naturally shy myself but people are always surprised to hear this. I've learned to ask people questions about themselves--people love to talk about themselves. DH says I'm a genius at coming up with follow up questions. I'm uncomfortable so while the person is speaking, I'm already coming up with my next question so there are no pauses in the conversation. Open ended questions are best.

I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable but I really think you should have given them a chance and made more of an effort.
__________________
NMAmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 08:16 AM   #5
Luvmy4boys
DIS Veteran
 
Luvmy4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 504



I've been in situations like that. It does feel like high school. We are grown women and should be able to handle it, but still it is awkward and pulls at your heart strings.
Luvmy4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:18 AM   #6
EthansMom
spare yourself from asking me to do karoake
The experience reminds me somewhat of the ancient Chinese practice of foot-binding
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 7,457

The cliques here (mostly between the women) remind me of Jr. High.
__________________
EthansMom (and Molly's too)
EthansMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:25 AM   #7
Cindy B
Have taken some furniture polish and sprayed it in the air, so it smells like I was cleaning
I have been known to eat cookies for dinner
Grew up on Stove Top Stuffing
 
Cindy B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: My New House! which doesn't have a tricky oven!
Posts: 27,755

I never bothered with the elmentary school mothers either. They were such shrills. When I picked up my daughter, I usually just put my headphones in just so I didn't have to deal with them.. I was in there with my Ipod just listening away.

However, I can read lips (I've worked with hearing impaired students). If the mothers were talking about me or something important, I would just pause the Ipod and watch them. Then if it warranted it, I would just casually mention something on my way out.. noting that I could hear them!

Now that my kids are in middle and high school, I don't have to deal with the witches as much..
Cindy B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:30 AM   #8
bjgrazi
I remember those days fondly
WL is also my dream
Applied for a job at a clothing optional office
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,828

Quote:
Originally Posted by frannn View Post
Today is DD6's last day of school. She is in a small, specialized class, so there are just a few mothers who I socialize with (small chit chat) during drop off & p/u. Today, there was a breakfast (serve yourself, cafeteria style) for the parents. Now, I'm generally an extremely shy, non outspoken person who is constantly working-running-working, with three daughters, one with a learning delay and the other two with emotional issues. Imagine the appts! So, I very rarely socialize. None of the moms from my daughter's class were at the bkfast room, so I glanced around, grabbed a bagel & coffee, and walked home with my breakfast. While I was at the bkfast, no one spoke to me. Even my neighbor, who was standing near me (but in conversation with someone else). Guess I could have approached her, but I don't think they like us anyway. There are the "in" crowd, we are not...or we've been so out of the loop that we haven't been out with others in a long while. Just wanted to vent. Guess its partially my fault, since I could stand to be more outgoing. Its just difficult when you're so busy that the days seem to run into one another. This felt like a watered down version of Mean Girls and Sixteen Candles and {insert your favorite teen movie here}. Thanks for listening, need some Dis .


It may not be "them" but it may be you. You have to extend yourself and make time for others if you want them to make time for you. They probably feel you don't want to be bothered with them.
bjgrazi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:34 AM   #9
frannn
please stop the madnesssss already & tag me
From the TF...someone pls call 911 for Frann, she held her breath until I tagged her and she apparently turned blue and fell down. :)
 
frannn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 5,350

Now I definetly would've found you fun in HS!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy B View Post
I never bothered with the elmentary school mothers either. They were such shrills. When I picked up my daughter, I usually just put my headphones in just so I didn't have to deal with them.. I was in there with my Ipod just listening away.

However, I can read lips (I've worked with hearing impaired students). If the mothers were talking about me or something important, I would just pause the Ipod and watch them. Then if it warranted it, I would just casually mention something on my way out.. noting that I could hear them!

Now that my kids are in middle and high school, I don't have to deal with the witches as much..
Not saying they're all witches, just that many of them are not people in our circles. Many have maids, work PT if at all (not that being a SAHM is bad), etc etc. Many are fully made up with manicures. Lucky them. BTW, I always try to make sure I smile at the mommies & daddies when I pass, even if I don't know them.
__________________
frannn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:41 AM   #10
RitaZ.
Move on don't hesitate
Breakout
 
RitaZ.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: FL
Posts: 11,131

Quote:
Originally Posted by SDFgirl View Post
Perhaps they are wondering why YOU don't speak to THEM?

One of my best friends is super shy, she doesn't talk to people unless approached. And although she's super nice, people think she's a bit of a snob. Just saying, the perception of you that's "out there" may be different than the person you really are.
That's a good point.

OP, we're all busy. Next time you're in a similar situation start by smiling and saying hello, ask about an upcoming school event, etc. There are some moms that are cliquish, but there are many that are not. You have to step out of your comfort zone to find those moms that are genuinely nice.

If you leave the gathering right away, you are not giving anyone the opportunity to get to know you and vice versa. Give it a try!
RitaZ. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:42 AM   #11
MUFFYCAT
Sorry, I'm a spaze
Nevermind I see it, my eyesight is going
Which Spice Girl can I be?
Jealous of Christmas Tags
 
MUFFYCAT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Polynesian
Posts: 31,135

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy B View Post
I never bothered with the elmentary school mothers either. They were such shrills. When I picked up my daughter, I usually just put my headphones in just so I didn't have to deal with them.. I was in there with my Ipod just listening away.

However, I can read lips (I've worked with hearing impaired students). If the mothers were talking about me or something important, I would just pause the Ipod and watch them. Then if it warranted it, I would just casually mention something on my way out.. noting that I could hear them!

Now that my kids are in middle and high school, I don't have to deal with the witches as much..




Frann, don't worry about them. You'll find a few mothers you feel comfortable with.
I use to laugh at all those mothers and their cliques. They were worse then middle or high school.
I was the evil mother who worked full time so a babysitter would bring my kids to school. On the days I was home, the looks they would give me.

Most of these mothers need to get a life.
__________________
Joanne
MUFFYCAT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 09:58 AM   #12
Nie0214
DIS Veteran
 
Nie0214's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,981

Quote:
Originally Posted by MUFFYCAT View Post


Frann, don't worry about them. You'll find a few mothers you feel comfortable with.
I use to laugh at all those mothers and their cliques. They were worse then middle or high school.
I was the evil mother who worked full time so a babysitter would bring my kids to school. On the days I was home, the looks they would give me.

Most of these mothers need to get a life.
You can look at it as cliques, or you can look at it as SAHMs spend so much time with their children that they want adult interaction too. They have these "cliques" with other SAHMs so their kids play together while they have some (much needed) adult interaction during their day.

Of course, they could just be shrews, but just remember you're (collective, not you personally) injecting personal bias / judgement into the personality of a person you don't really know.

@OP I realize being shy is sometimes difficult to overcome, but if I saw someone alone, away from the group, I'd just assume they wanted to be left alone. I'm not an overly social person, and I know that. If nobody speaks to me, I wouldn't take offense when I'm the one who turned them away with my social cues. If I want to socialize, I will. If I want to be left alone, I will be.
Nie0214 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 10:05 AM   #13
merryweather20
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,310

Huh?? You said you glanced around grabbed a bagel and left? What did you want the other parents to do, chase you out the door?

If the other parents are sitting having conversations with each other they might not notice every person who walks in the room. Who cares if they have a manicure? What difference does this make?

I used to work with someone who insisted there were cliques in the office. I said no, the girls she was referring to went to lunch together because they sat together. Big deal. I made a point of asking them to lunch the next time and they came. It was nice, but we were into different things, which was no surprise to me. It ended up being only a once a year thing. I don't think anybody owes it to me to be my friend, or to entertain me at a luncheon (or breakfast in this case).
__________________
merryweather20 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 10:05 AM   #14
BCDisneyFanatic
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 1,508

There seems to be a lot of judgmental comments being made on this thread.

My kids have attended four different elementary schools so far, and I have had to get to know four different groups of mothers. With a little bit of effort on my part (going up and saying hello, making it known that I am new), I've always found the vast majority of women to be welcoming and friendly. Often, the women who left me with a first impression of being snobs were really just shy, or busy, or distracted.

Yes, there are exceptions, but if someone finds that ALL of the mothers they meet are "witches"...well, perhaps the problem doesn't really lie with the other mothers (just sayin' ).
BCDisneyFanatic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2009, 10:08 AM   #15
bunny
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Posts: 1,128

There are definitely cliques in elementary school moms. You are not imagining that. I think a lot of the moms meet at the classroom parties, field trips, etc., so if you work and can't attend, you are out. They also like to arrange playdates over the summer when school is out, so if your child is in daycare, you are out again.

My oldest son's class is like that. A couple years ago I took a vacation day to attend his field trip with him. I only get 3 weeks a year, so I try not to take days off here and there and prefer to use them for vacations or holidays. When we were waiting for the bus to pick us up, the homeroom mom jokingly said in front of all the other moms, "Well, it is about time you showed up to help out with our class. Where have you been hiding? Maybe now you will start showing up for more stuff like our parties." Well for some reason that really made me mad, so I said, "Actually I had to take a vacation day from work today to be here, so next summer when you are with your family at the beach, think about me sitting in my cubicle, since I am using my vacation day today." Her face turned red and all the moms walked away. So if I wasn't an outcast before that, I turned into one then. The SAHM's hated me. A few weeks later the homeroom mom sent me a really nice e-mail and has been super friendly to me ever since then. I guess she felt bad.

The mom brigade in my youngest son's class interrogated me about why I didn't come to their class parties. I told them I decided it wasn't worth wasting a vacation day to attend a 2 hour kindergarten party. I have been ostracized every since then. I guess because I said their party wouldn't be worth it.


So, don't worry about it. It isn't about you.
bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Goodys are going back to Disney! Update:Page 19 & Checklist added! my2disneyboys Pre-Trip Reports and Plans 398 02-10-2010 02:36 PM
OCT 16 2010......7 Night Western.... "BRING BACK THE MAGIC"! dizzi Disney Cruise Meets 3149 08-08-2009 06:47 PM
Back from our very first trip to WDW!!! M_I_C_K_E_Y Creative DISigns 158 08-04-2009 03:52 PM
Just back from Windsor Hills! Teacher03 Orlando Hotels and Attractions 12 06-27-2009 12:10 PM
Woolworths Is Back Online...... Snowy-girls UK Community Board 14 06-26-2009 11:43 AM

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:46 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.