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Old 08-05-2009, 08:22 PM   #691
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Just wanted to drop by and say that I hope you are having a good week. We've been so busy this week that I haven't had a chance to log in until tonight and I was looking for an update.

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Old 08-05-2009, 08:37 PM   #692
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Just popping in to send some more hugs to you Anglerose. One day at a time. I'm am so very sorry.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:37 PM   #693
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I had a busy day on Monday with Karen. We went to the bank to get some things signed and settled. I always enjoy my time with her. We laugh a lot. The kids are going to be away for a few days to go to Cedar Point in Ohio, I think. They are leaving early tomorrow and will be back on Sunday. It's some amusement park with lots of coasters. Chuck will have a ball with those and Karen and Jesse will have fun at the water park. I will see them on Monday.

I didn't do much today other than one load of wash. It's so hot and humid out I didn't even want to go out to water the flowers. I couldn't get motivated to do anything else. I sat in front of the tv all day.

I haven't had any temper tantrums lately. I just cry a bit now and then. I just feel sad that he isn't here when he should be. I could never understand the term "broken heart" until Ron passed. It's a real pain in the heart. I don't think even time will heal that. I will just have to learn to live with it.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:49 PM   #694
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Just started reading this post today and I am so sorry to hear about ron.

I lost my dad when I was 12 and my mother when I was 22 and to this day I am 43 and still think about them ever day.

Take care and be strong.

Ron.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:57 PM   #695
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Angelrose, I hope you have more good days than bad.

Hang in there.
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Old 08-05-2009, 09:33 PM   #696
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Hi Angelrose,

Just wantd to let you know I still think of your often and keep you in my prayers even tho I don't reply often. Sweetie, I don't think there is a time limit to heal a broken heart, but want you to know I am so proud at how far you've come. As you already know, there are bound to be good days and bad, as it's not easy to get over sharing 44 yrs with a loving soul mate. I think you are wise in the days you feel good, do something fun, the days you don't, it's ok. Altho I've never walked a mile in your shoes,
I can imagine it takes much courage, faith and heart to simply keep going. You are so blessed to have your loving family to lean on and your Jessie is as cute as can be and I know brings Gma much love and joy!

My dear friend lost his wife 2 weeks ago. She'd been ill a long time but he was so sure she'd pull thru like so many other times. He is devastated and it's difficult to know what to say or do, but just be there for him. Low and behold, later during the week he got the awful news his mother had passed. He is beside himself, as he was hoping to spend more time with his Mom, now that his wife is no longer here. What are the chances you lose two of the people you loved most in the world in the same week?! Sad as it is, I guess it's all written in the plan and we all must keep the faith and carry forward one step at a time as your partners are watching and smiling upon you from above.

Take care and know many hearts and prayers are still with you during these difficult days. Godspeed
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:03 PM   #697
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I hope you are having a good weekend even though Chuck, Karen & Jesse are out of town.

So you have had that terrible heat this week too. We went out of town to visit some family today and the heat was terrible. I couldn't be outside more than 5 minutes or so. Sounds like it is just as bad where you live.

It is a pain in your heart and that hole that is there will never go away; nothing can ever fill that void. But at the same time nothing can ever compare to all the joy and happiness that you two shared either.
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:22 PM   #698
Angelrose
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Hi chell. I had a good day yesterday. I went to my cousins pool for the afternoon. Then we went to Salad Works for dinner. Then we went to a coffee bar that just opened up. I went because they had gelato and I had never tried it. OH YUMMMMMMM! My cousin talked me into trying a cup of hazelnut truffle coffee. I have never tried coffee before and this was really good. But I was awake all night. LOL I rested though. This morning I went to Walmart and Target and I could feel the humidity starting to get bad. I was so glad to get home. Tomorrow we start in the 90's for several days and high humidity. Not looking forward to that.

I will be glad when the kids get back. I will see them on Monday. I can't get used to the silence in the house. While I had fun with Joan, in the back of my mind, I was thinking there is no one waiting for me at home. I try to remember all the wonderful times we had together but right now it only makes me sad and miss him. It's hard realizing that I will spend the rest of my life alone. Oh I have the kids and right now I have Joan, but in the fall she goes back to teaching and I probably won't see her until the holidays. I can't see the kids every day. They have their own lives. I will probably see them once a week or so. I can go for walks and see my friends in the fall and that will help. But still, there is no one waiting for me at home. Ever.
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:39 PM   #699
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I just found this thread today...read the first post and was saddened and shocked... skipped ahead to see what todays posts held...and I just want to give you a big hug

Take care of you!!
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:42 PM   #700
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In a way I know what you mean about no one being at home for you. Eventually you will find your way. I know you will always have that lonely piece of you, but you are a very strong woman and you will survive.

Have you thought about finding a club or group to join that would help keep you occupied this fall and beyond? You may even meet other women who feel just like you that need friends and support through the same heart break.

Or maybe you could volunteer a few hours a day or a few hours a week at a day care, assisted living facility, nursing home, women's shelter, hospital, etc. That would give you something productive to do that would get you out of the house. I know that would make you face the pain of coming home to an empty house more often but it would also help you work through the pain of it quicker too. But that would also help you to get out and socialize as well. And maybe by helping others you would heal. You are such a kind, loving woman that I honestly think it would do your heart good to do something like this. You wouldn't feel so lonely.

Too bad you don't live near us!

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Old 08-08-2009, 08:44 PM   #701
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Oh, I forgot to say that the coffee sounds real good even though I don't drink it. How was the gelato? I've never tried it before. No one around here sells it.
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:51 PM   #702
Angelrose
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Drives me even crazier than I am
 
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Thanks for the hugs and encouragement ryasnkaysmom. I'm trying.

chell, I've thought about volunteering, but I don't think I can handle that right now. I've never been a joiner. It took me over a year to get up the nerve to post here on the DIS. Ron could strike up conversations with strangers all the time. Standing in line or waiting for the parade at DW he would always start talking to people next to us. I would join in a little, but I was better at listening. I never seem to know what to say to people.

I got the amoretto gelato and it was heavenly. So creamy and much better than ice cream. I'd better not make a habit of going there!
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:54 PM   #703
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I think Chell had a great idea!! I am sure, absolutely, that there are so many other lovely ladies just like you whose hearts are broken as they struggle to make the next day alone. You could find a wonderful friend that shares and knows exactly what you are going through and might just find someone you can share time with and perhaps enjoy some outings? Even a visit a couple of times a week?

You have us waiting..to see all the time how you are doing. You have touched a lot of hearts here

We want you to have better times again..
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Old 08-08-2009, 09:20 PM   #704
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Would you believe I'm not a joiner either? I would much rather stand in the back of a room not saying a word. I'm no where near as shy as I used to be but several years ago I wouldn't talk to a stranger for anything. In the grocery store I wouldn't even talk to the cashiers. Start off by taking baby steps. That's what I had to do. Find a small project to get involved in. I know it may be difficult at first, but I do think it will do you and your heart good. It will help heal you a little bit. Of course nothing will completely heal your heart, but you will start feeling better.

Maybe a group of club would be better for you, something that you love to do. Maybe some sort of a craft club.

What about doing some volunteer work at an animal rescue? Are you allergic to dogs? I think I remember that you are allergic to cats. Is that right? Sorry, my memory isn't too great. It's not that I don't pay attention, I just take some medicine that messes with my memory - but I don't have migraines all the time. It's a good trade off.

If you did volunteer at an animal rescue you could spend some time with animals and not have to worry about dealing with people. That would be more my speed. Sometimes the just need someone to come in and pet them, walk them, brush them, etc.

Sorry I keep throwing so much stuff out here at you. You know I'm just trying to help you though. Like I've told you before if I could come heal your broken heart I'd do it in a heart beat!

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Old 08-08-2009, 10:04 PM   #705
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Evening Angelrose - know it sounds strange to say but I am glad you are going through all these stages. It is just fine to be angry, lonely, feel the need to be alone, yet miss those around you so much.
Trust me, about this time last year I would never have known that I would experience it too, but God had other ideas!
I was set to retire from teaching last December and enjoy retirement with my husband. Needless to say I am on my way back for my 33rd yr, determined to make this a great year for my students, my family and myself. I am learning that life does go on, that like you and many others, I have many valuable experiences to have, and so much to offer others.
Chell has offered some great ideas to keep your mind occupied -this is truly what you need most, less time to dwell and more activities to keep you moving. You'll come to understand that as I did. Think of all the wonderful things you have to offer others!
Just wanted to stop by and say hello -thinking of you!
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