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Old 07-16-2009, 08:55 PM   #631
Angelrose
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Hi again. Today it has been one month since my darling Ron left me. It was a very hard day. I tried to keep busy, but I just cried all day. I can't believe it's been a month and yet it seems like he has been gone for such a long time. I miss him so much.

Tuesday I went over to my cousins pool and we had a nice swim. I can talk to her about Ron and most of the time I don't cry. She is helping to keep me sane this summer.

Sometimes I have a good day and I get along pretty well. Not today. I still have my temper tantrums and yell that it wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be here for me for a lot more years. I want him back here. I want to go back in time and change things. He was so handsome and strong. It's not fair that he is gone. He was such a good man, so sweet and funny. It's just NOT FAIR.

I did receive a wonderful PM from someone whose family went through the same thing. Only the wife couldn't let her husband go. He woke from his coma but with a lot of brain damage. Now the poor woman has to care for him 24/7. It is very sad for both of them. So I know I did the right thing for my Ron. He wouldn't have wanted that. It did give me some peace of mind. So THANK YOU again for that PM.
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:01 PM   #632
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Thank you for updating us. I'm sorry, I didn't realize today was a month since his passing. You have every right to scream and still be angry. Go through any emotion you feel, don't hold them back. I'm just glad to know you are safe and sound.
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:02 PM   #633
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:03 PM   #634
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Praying for a good outcome..
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:21 PM   #635
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I was wondering how you were too...getting used to the nightly 'check-ins'..

Goodness, a month already. Early days in the grieving process still...
We're all keeping you in our hearts and thoughts as you make the journey from here. Tears are expected...keep one foot in front of the other and know Ron is still with you, always.

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Old 07-16-2009, 09:52 PM   #636
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...one day at a time....

Sorry today was rough. I'm so glad you have your cousin, and your DS, DDIL & DGS.

Hang in there.
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Old 07-16-2009, 10:35 PM   #637
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Dear Angelrose

I am one who started reading your story early on. It seemed things were going to end differently than they did. I caught back up tonight. I would like to thank you. You came in search of support, but instead you are a source of inspiration. You have always spoken so sweetly of you dear Ron. I am posting to tonight to say Thank You. You are an amazing woman and teacher. LOL, Ron knew it the whole time. If you don't see him in your dreams, it is because he is in your heart. He never truly left you. Take care and God Bless You.
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Old 07-17-2009, 08:53 AM   #638
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelrose View Post
Hi again. Today it has been one month since my darling Ron left me. It was a very hard day. I tried to keep busy, but I just cried all day. I can't believe it's been a month and yet it seems like he has been gone for such a long time. I miss him so much.

Tuesday I went over to my cousins pool and we had a nice swim. I can talk to her about Ron and most of the time I don't cry. She is helping to keep me sane this summer.

Sometimes I have a good day and I get along pretty well. Not today. I still have my temper tantrums and yell that it wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be here for me for a lot more years. I want him back here. I want to go back in time and change things. He was so handsome and strong. It's not fair that he is gone. He was such a good man, so sweet and funny. It's just NOT FAIR.

I did receive a wonderful PM from someone whose family went through the same thing. Only the wife couldn't let her husband go. He woke from his coma but with a lot of brain damage. Now the poor woman has to care for him 24/7. It is very sad for both of them. So I know I did the right thing for my Ron. He wouldn't have wanted that. It did give me some peace of mind. So THANK YOU again for that PM.

Angelrose,
My heart aches for you over your loss. You're in my prayers for Peace and Comfort.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:00 AM   #639
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It is the first milestone, next as the seasons turn there will be more. But he is in your heart & in the leaves & the wind.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:19 AM   #640
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Old 07-17-2009, 08:32 PM   #641
Angelrose
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Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
Drives me even crazier than I am
 
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Today was a better day. Mainly because I didn't give myself time to think. I went to Walmart and picked up a few things and then I went to IHOP for breakfast. It seemed so strange to be eating alone. It was so hot and the humidity was about 1,000%. Chuck came over around 1 to do some yard work for me. Poor kid was sweating bullets. I helped just a bit and I was one big drop of sweat. He was done around 3 and I went in and got a shower and then watched a Fred Astaire movie. Ron bought me a lot of Fred Astaire movies because he knew I loved them. He was always so thoughtful that way.

Eeyore's-tail-tack, thank you for the compliment. I just want everyone to know how wonderful my Ron was. I try to be strong for the kids and for Ron's memory. I know he would want me to be smiling. It's just that I can't do that right now.
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Old 07-17-2009, 08:37 PM   #642
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelrose View Post
Today was a better day. Mainly because I didn't give myself time to think. I went to Walmart and picked up a few things and then I went to IHOP for breakfast. It seemed so strange to be eating alone. It was so hot and the humidity was about 1,000%. Chuck came over around 1 to do some yard work for me. Poor kid was sweating bullets. I helped just a bit and I was one big drop of sweat. He was done around 3 and I went in and got a shower and then watched a Fred Astaire movie. Ron bought me a lot of Fred Astaire movies because he knew I loved them. He was always so thoughtful that way.

Eeyore's-tail-tack, thank you for the compliment. I just want everyone to know how wonderful my Ron was. I try to be strong for the kids and for Ron's memory. I know he would want me to be smiling. It's just that I can't do that right now.
I have been following your story since the beginning. I want you to know what an inspiriation you are. I think reading about the love that you and your darling Ron had inspires me in my own relationship. I don't really know you or your Ron but I grieve for you and with you. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that one day you will find your smile again especially with you are thinking about your beloved. Best wishes you to you in this time. You have handled it with a grave and dignity I could only hope to strive towards. God bless your family
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:54 PM   #643
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We had the same humidity today! I wonder who left the heat on? They need to turn it off.

Dining alone can be scary and fun at the same time. At first I was terrified to go out to eat alone. After a few times it wasn't so bad. Now I've gotten to where I love to people watch. I like to try to figure out their story. Well, I like to make up stories about what is going on in their life based on what I see. I can make up some real interesting ones.

You really are an inspiration to all of us; you and Ron both are. I keep Larry updated on your posts and we talk about you two.
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Old 07-17-2009, 10:10 PM   #644
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My MIL lost her husband in Nov 07, to cancer, but it was a bit unexpected because he was supposed to live a long time with it. She has grieved, but she has also gone about her life, like you, in small steps...a visit with a friend, breakfast out, etc. Now, 18 months later, she says she's not as sad, that she can remember him, but still go on.

I know you will get to that place also. There is a difference between sad and depressed, and I can see that you are very sad, but you are still trying to live your life. You will feel better in time. Next year will look much better for you.
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Old 07-18-2009, 08:15 PM   #645
Angelrose
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Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
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I hope you are right DisTeach1. Right now every time I think of Ron and our life together I cry. Today our little bridge was out and I wanted to go home and tell him about it. It was so strange. I kept thinking wait until Ron hears about this. They just "fixed" it last year. Today was a busy day. I went to the dump right at 8am and was home in half an hour. I called Karen because I got the life insurance check but they didn't take out the expense for the funeral. We will just have to make out a check to them. Karen thought it would be better if I deposited the check immediately. Not good to have a big check laying around the house. So I got dressed again and went to the bank. On the way there, I thought when I get done, I will do my grocery shopping so I don't have to go out tomorrow. I got home and had lunch and Joan called to tell me to come over earlier to get in the pool since her garage door isn't in yet. He called and told her maybe next week. So I jumped in my bathing suit and went out again. I stayed in the pool until 4:30. Then I came home, showered and washed my hair and had dinner. I actually laughed today with Joan. I can't remember exactly what I laughed at but it felt good. I did cry a bit when we talked about Ron's last days. Now I am home and just catching up on email before I get dressed to go to see Harry Potter. Chuck is picking me up at 9pm. I have a feeling that I will sleep very well tonight.
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