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Old 07-08-2009, 07:59 PM   #601
Angelrose
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Today was a strange day. I don't really know how I feel. I didn't cry today. I just feel tired. I didn't sleep well last night but I did take a nap this afternoon for about an hour. Chuck called and told me he will pick me up tomorrow morning to get the car. It will be nice to have the car again.

The man who called is legitimate. He is from the firm that we have our accounts with. Chuck always goes by Ronald when he is doing business. But it did take me back for a second.

I have been thinking about going to grief counseling, but I guess I am just not ready to do that yet. Karen's grandmom told me that I could come to her and talk if I want to. She lost her husband a couple of years ago. I think I may do that sometime soon. She was so kind to me at the viewing. She told me I was strong and I would get through this. I don't know how strong I am, but I looked into her eyes and I believed her. It's just that I can't seem to talk about Ron without crying. She will understand.

I don't remember if I said THANK YOU to all of you for posting on Ron's funeral website. I printed them all out and I read through them every day. It has helped me a lot and gives me comfort. As does the thread. You are all so wonderful to me. Here's a hug to all of you.
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Old 07-08-2009, 08:18 PM   #602
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back to you.

Just know that you had more in your short time with Ron than most people have in a lifetime, and while it will never be enough for you, it will really be over. You will still have the wonderful memories you both made.

When my Grandfather passed away, my Grandmother started talking to the Pastor that did his service. The only time my Grandmother ever stepped foot into a church was for a wedding or a funeral. He gave her alot of peace, and answered alot of questions for her that no one else could. He was with her when she died, and we all took great comfort in that.
She had talked to him about what she wanted at her service, and her last words were, "Keep it short, stupid."

Find someone, anyone, just to listen when you're ready.
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Old 07-10-2009, 07:36 PM   #603
Angelrose
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Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
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I was cutting up an onion slice for my salad today and you know what comes next. I cut my finger. But not like a normal person would do. I cut right through the middle of the nail right to the skin. I put some antiseptic and a bandaid on. All I could think of was Ron telling me to be careful with that knife. I guess I will have to wait until the nail grows out.

Yesterday I didn't cry at all. I was just sad. Today I went out to get some things. I forgot my list because Ron wasn't there to remind to to take it. I did get everything but the light bulbs. I even found a couple of nightgowns on sale and got them. I couldn't wait to get home. It used to be such fun going shopping with Ron. Everything used to be fun with Ron. I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my life. I enjoy being with the kids and my grandson, but at the end of the day, I have to go home to an empty house.

I watched Grease tonight because it's a happy movie. But then I thought of how happy and in love we were and I started to cry. I keep trying to be strong. It's just that sometimes I'm not strong. I'm afraid one day I will start crying and won't be able to stop. Memories right now are too painful. I know that someday they will bring me peace, but not right now.
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Old 07-10-2009, 07:42 PM   #604
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I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time..I cannot imagine. I pray that every day gets a little easier..
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Old 07-10-2009, 07:49 PM   #605
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Hugs and Prayers for you tonight (and always) Angelrose~take care of yourself~
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Old 07-10-2009, 07:50 PM   #606
Angelrose
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Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
Drives me even crazier than I am
 
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Thanks minnie56 and wvdisluv2. I hate to sound so down all the time. But this is my only outlet. I know in time I will be able to deal with this better.
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Old 07-10-2009, 09:11 PM   #607
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Don't worry about sounding down. You will get happy again. You will not cry forever. You cry as long as you need to. One day the tears will slow down. One day the gap between the tears will get longer. The next day they will get even longer. The gaps will grow. It will take time.

My finger hurts for you right now too! Think about how raw and painful your finger is where you hurt it. It will take time to heal. But if you have to keep using it, just like emotions and your brain and time to sit and think, it will take longer to heal. You could have cut it just the right way where when you move your finger or hand you bust the cut open just enough where it bleeds a little every day. Some days it bleeds a lot, some days little. Does this make any sense? I'm trying to compare the cut to your heart and feelings. I know I'm not good with words. I go on way too long. It takes time, lots and lots of time to heal your emotions and especially your heart.

Do you have a pet? I can't remember you talking about a pet. How do you feel about pets? I think it would be good for you to consider finding a companion. It might do you some good to come home to "someone" and not an empty house. It was always comforting to me to have "someone" waiting for me when I got home when I first started living on my own. As I was reading about you coming in from shopping I was thinking it may be a huge help for you to have a great furry friend waiting when you arrive home.

Glad to hear the financial guy was legitimate. Sorry that I worry so much. It's a bad habit of mine.

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Old 07-10-2009, 09:20 PM   #608
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chell View Post
Don't worry about sounding down. You will get happy again. You will not cry forever. You cry as long as you need to. One day the tears will slow down. One day the gap between the tears will get longer. The next day they will get even longer. The gaps will grow. It will take time.

My finger hurts for you right now too! Think about how raw and painful your finger is where you hurt it. It will take time to heal. But if you have to keep using it, just like emotions and your brain and time to sit and think, it will take longer to heal. You could have cut it just the right way where when you move your finger or hand you bust the cut open just enough where it bleeds a little every day. Some days it bleeds a lot, some days little. Does this make any sense? I'm trying to compare the cut to your heart and feelings. I know I'm not good with words. I go on way too long. It takes time, lots and lots of time to heal your emotions and especially your heart.

Do you have a pet? I can't remember you talking about a pet. How do you feel about pets? I think it would be good for you to consider finding a companion. It might do you some good to come home to "someone" and not an empty house. It was always comforting to me to have "someone" waiting for me when I got home when I first started living on my own. As I was reading about you coming in from shopping I was thinking it may be a huge help for you to have a great furry friend waiting when you arrive home.

Glad to hear the financial guy was legitimate. Sorry that I worry so much. It's a bad habit of mine.

I agree with everything Michelle has said here (what a great way with words you have Michelle) Hang in there Angelrose, we all love to hear from you and are here for you~I'm a worrier too Please don't be afraid to post and let us know how you are doing/feeling~we all care about you
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Old 07-10-2009, 10:04 PM   #609
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wvdisluv2 View Post
I agree with everything Michelle has said here (what a great way with words you have Michelle) Hang in there Angelrose, we all love to hear from you and are here for you~I'm a worrier too Please don't be afraid to post and let us know how you are doing/feeling~we all care about you
Glad you understand my rambling. Yes, we are all here for you!
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Old 07-10-2009, 10:07 PM   #610
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My heart goes out to you




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Old 07-11-2009, 11:07 AM   #611
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Angelrose remember we are your Dis family and we want to know how you are doing? We all are praying for you.

It broke my heart to read Ron had passed, I cried and wished I could be there to give you and big hug. We will always be here for you and I know I am looking forward to reading about you getting out, laughing and smiling.

You hang in there.

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Old 07-11-2009, 11:40 AM   #612
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AngelRose, I'm thinking of you and sending you warmth. You are such a strong woman and you're doing just great.
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Old 07-11-2009, 07:26 PM   #613
Angelrose
Likes to dance in golden sun beams
Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
Drives me even crazier than I am
 
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Thank you Michelle, you always know the right thing to say to make me feel better.

I am glad my DIS family isn't tired of hearing me whine. I love you all and appreciate all your support and prayers.

Today was a busy day. This morning I spent with Karen at the bank and then at home getting a budget I can live with and other financial things settled. What would I do without her and Chuck? We were finally done around 1:30 or so and I remembered I wanted to go to Hallmark and get some Christmas ornaments. So Karen said the Chuck and Jesse were going to the mall to get haircuts, so I just went along with them. Oh Jesse was very brave getting his haircut. He only cried a little bit and didn't squire too much. That could possibly be because I was making funny faces at him to make him laugh. The man who cuts their hair, is one Chuck has been going to since he was a little boy. Well, he went to his father and then when the father retired he went to the son. Now it has been YEARS since George saw me and yet he knew me immediately. He said he always told Chuck to remember him to me. Now isn't that sweet? While we were at the hair place, I remembered one more ornament that I wanted to get, so I got up to leave, and Jesse cried. AWWWWW that made me feel better. I finally got home around 5. I had a good day. We all talked about our trip to Disney and that always gives me something to look forward to. I know there will be tough moments there, but I think I will have a wonderful time watching it through Jesse's eyes.

I think I will have an easy heart tonight.
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Old 07-11-2009, 07:32 PM   #614
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Just sending you a hug.
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Old 07-11-2009, 08:12 PM   #615
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Hi, Angelrose! I was away for a few days so didn't see your newest posts. I just want to echo what others have said: come to this thread anytime. We'll read it and offer encouragement, or just a shoulder.

Hang in there.
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