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Old 02-26-2010, 09:05 PM   #1531
*Fantasia*
Nothing beats a nice clean-clear cold ice water!
I could google and google all day and compare.. but I want to hear from you guys of your experience
 
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Oh Fantasia, I'm so sorry for your loss too. He was so young to have passed away.

You are right, I just can't accept that he is gone. I don't WANT to accept it. I don't know if I will ever be able to accept it. But at least he didn't suffer and linger. That would have been horrible.

Did you ever get passed the place where you would cry every time you thought of your DH? Or looked at his pictures? That's where I am now. It just hurts too much. Sometimes I feel like he is here with me, but most times he seems so far away.

You have beautiful children to help you through this. My son is grown up and married. They do take wonderful care of me and my Jesse is the light of my life. But it is hard living without Ron.
It was very difficult for me to accept at first.. It was so hard to go to places where we've been. I pretty much stayed home most of the time. I get real sad when I see a "complete" family. After about 2 years, it got a little better. I'm okay now, but every now and then I would miss him terribly when I look at my children. Every wedding anniversaries, his birthdays and holidays and his anniversaries pass, I am back at that feeling empty mode. I know he is here.. in our hearts.. in our minds.. he is here in spirit.

At first, I just wanted to give up, like I just wanted to die and just be with him up in heaven. But then I realized how selfish that would be. I can't leave my two young children (they were 5 and 2 when their dad passed away). They need me and learned I need them just as much as they need me. They became my rock. My parents will always be my rock and they were there to to help me cope with my difficult times and I know they will always be there for me. It was my children who helped me keep on going. I had to be strong for them. I didn't want them to see my breakdown.. but they saw it and without a word, they understood.

After Gary's passing (my husband's name), he just made me a stronger person. And with the help of my children, I am who I am now.. a better person.

It is probably even harder for you because you spend many years with him. So there are lots of memories of him and lots of pictures. We were just starting our lives together and starting our own family. Unfortunately, my children didn't get the chance to spend more years with him and that angers me. Every now and then I talk about their dad and tell them how much they were loved and that he was a great father and a good person.

I'm glad you have your family to help you. I'm glad they are there for you. Just keep yourself busy. Find a hobby, go on a mini trip with your family, find something that will make you happy. If being on the DIS helps you with your grieving, so be it. I know this may sound silly, when I'm feeling down or have nothing to do, I just go on Facebook and play Farmville or Farmtown or Cafe' World. Between these three games, your mind will be occupied, and time will just fly by.

Just hang in there.. At this difficult moments, being with your friends and family is the best thing. Don't hold your emotions in. Share your grieving with them and this may ease your pain a little bit and you will somehow find comfort through them. Most of all.. Don't forget our Lord. Just keep praying.. He will comfort you always. May the Lord Bless you..
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Old 02-26-2010, 09:12 PM   #1532
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Fantasia...nobody could have said it more perfectly.
Bless you and your children...
Life is very cruel sometimes..
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Old 02-26-2010, 10:01 PM   #1533
*Fantasia*
Nothing beats a nice clean-clear cold ice water!
I could google and google all day and compare.. but I want to hear from you guys of your experience
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minnie56 View Post
Fantasia...nobody could have said it more perfectly.
Bless you and your children...
Life is very cruel sometimes..
Thank you.. Life can be cruel sometimes..
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:47 PM   #1534
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Thank you Fantasia. You give me hope that this terrible pain will ease someday.

I told my cousin about my dream. She had dreams about her mom for about a year and then her mom told her that she wouldn't come to her anymore because they were going to Florida. LOL That was where they always vacationed. She hasn't had anymore dreams about her mom, but she can feel her mom watching over her and her family. She told me I have to let Ron go now. That is what he is telling me. I don't know how I can do that. I still need him so much. But I guess I have to try. Maybe he needs to rest now and can't while I need him so much. I pray that he is at peace.

On a brighter note, Chuck came over to pump out the basement and brought Jesse. Jesse just ran into my arms shouting GRAMMA. Then he lifted his arms and said cars? LOL I had to give him his two Hot Wheels. He has to have two, you see. One for each hand. We played with the cars and some other toys while Chuck finished in the basement. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was just some big puddles. He pumped out what he could and put the fan on. I'll go down on Monday and moved the fan to help dry every room out. We all went into the big living room and I was sitting on the love seat with Jesse. He told me to "move Gramma". He wanted to lay down with the blanket over him with my bears under the covers with him. Then he was very happy. Chuck and I talked for a while and then it was time for them to go. Jesse did not want to leave. I told him he had to go by by. Then he jumped up because he thought I was going with him. After he got his shoes and coat on I told him I had to stay home. He wasn't happy about that, but he didn't cry. I got another big hug from the both of them and then they left. It was a good morning. I watched movies all afternoon. Tomorrow I will get my grocery shopping done. The snow has melted enough for me to get out of the house again. Note to self: Must get more Hot Wheels!
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:16 PM   #1535
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I love that: "note to self: Must get more Hot Wheels!" That's so sweet - his Gramma is his Hot Wheels gifter!
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:50 PM   #1536
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Anglerose don't ever think that Ron isn't at peace. I'm certain he is. He wants YOU to be the one who is at peace. I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult time. And sorry I haven't been around to help support you through.

Minnie56 I'm sorry to hear you had a dry socket. Those things are horrible and throat stuff they pack them with is nasty!

Fantasia I remember when your husband passed away. It is great to see how much you and your family have healed.

Sorry to everyone that I haven't been around in a while. I didn't realize how long it had been. I've been pretty tired. Then I've had a lot of pain in my right shoulder and arm making it difficult to spend any extra time on the computer. Thank you for thinking about me and missing me.

Just because I haven't been here doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about or praying for your all.
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:01 PM   #1537
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OOH - we FINALLY have kittens!!! Hayley had them early Friday morning. We were beginning to think that she was going for 9 months instead of 9 weeks. I guess the vet thought she was further along because she was so skinny.

Anyway, just before 3 Friday morning she was snuggled up behind my knees and started crying. I jumped out of bed because I just knew why she was crying like that. Sure enough baby #1 was partially out. She wanted to jump off the bed but I was afraid for her to jump off. At the same time I was afraid to try to pick her up or catch her. When I turned around she jumped. Baby #1 came out and she took off running. I wanted to panic but I didn't. Inside I was panicking thinking she wasn't going to take to the babies and we were going to have to care for them.

Larry brought me a wash cloth and I cleaned the baby up. I had to keep rubbing "her" to get her to breathe. A few times I was afraid she wouldn't breathe. But somehow I still stayed calm. Finally the baby started breathing. Whew! By then we got Hayley on the bed we had set up for her birthing and I got the baby to start nursing. Eventually #2 started to come out. I sat beside Hayley and rubbed her and talked to her. That birth went very quickly. She did MUCH better with baby #2. She cleaned "him" up all on her own. Whew! I was starting to feel much better.

By 5 am I was super tired and decided to go back to bed. When I woke up there were 2 more. Their bodies are white. They are adorable. I'll try to post the picture over here. One has some stripes on one leg like Hayley. And two have a little color on their heads like she does.

In December we had 2 cats. In January it went up to 4. In February it went to 8. March it can't go up any more.

This morning Hayley moved the babies to our closet because they were in too high of a traffic area. But this means we can't love on them. She has been fine with us touching them. She just doesn't want Galaxy or Luna looking at them. Silly girl!
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:07 PM   #1538
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awww.....Michelle - glad the kittens arrived safely! Nuthing is cuter than a bunch of kitties!

Glad to see you check in.

Angelrose - I hope you're having a good day.
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:14 PM   #1539
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Thank you!
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:43 PM   #1540
Angelrose
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Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
Drives me even crazier than I am
 
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Oh so good to see you chell! I'm sorry you have been feeling bad. I can't wait to see pictures of your kittens.

I have been more at peace these last few days. I just go through so many emotions. Sometimes I know he is with me and will never leave and other times I feel he is so far away.

But I had a wonderful day on Sunday. Chuck called and asked if I wanted to come over in the afternoon to go shopping and have dinner at Red Robin. Don't have to ask me twice. Jesse was having a bad day. He was very naughty at times. But he was so glad to see me. He ran and gave me a big hug and kiss. I got to hold him a while and read a couple of books to him. We went to BJ's and I got a few things. Then we went to the Christmas Tree Store which doesn't have Christmas things. It did have lots of craft things and some Easter things. I got a couple of things for Jesse and a couple of things for my decorations. Don't ask me why but somehow I bought blue sparkly bunny ears. Jesse thought it was very funny. By that time it was dinner time. I got the chili chili burger and strawberry lemonade. OH MY GOODNESS. I ate until I was stuffed. It was sooo good. Jesse was being naughty again in the car. He took off his shoes when they told him not to. But when we got home, I held him again and read him another book. He was running off the wall again, so it was definitely time for bed. Karen told him it was bath time and he didn't want to leave. She told him after his bath and brushed his teeth, he could come down and say goodnight to me. It was alright then. When he came down, he ran in to arms and said "MY Gramma" and gave me a big hug and kiss and said "I love you". MELTMELTMELT

He fell asleep as soon as they put him in his crib. I had a great time and we all had a nice talk about Ron and my dream. They said I do have to let him go to a certain extent, but not right now. In time it will be less painful and I can look at his pictures without crying. In the meantime, I do have to have some outside interest to get me out of the house. I have a number for a senior society that I will give a try. But I am going to wait a couple of weeks until I am certain of the weather. I think it will be nice to go out to do things with other people in my age group.

Thank you all again for your prayers and support. It means everything to me.
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Old 03-01-2010, 10:20 PM   #1541
minnie56
Whatever it is, he said it is prone to these pits
We iced it last night
And Fanny's your Aunt"
 
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Oh Chell so good to hear from you! You have been missed...I am sorry that you were feeling poorly. I hope that you find some relief soon. My husband has had a pinched nerve in his upper back and been suffering for a long time now so I have total empathy for you. I often think computers ans sitting at them too long cause a lot of our problems!!

Congrats on the babies awww....can't wait to see them. I love kitties..I bet they are precious little fluff balls. What a good heart you and your hubby have

Angelrose...glad your spirits are a little brighter..I think little Jesse has much to do with that!!! Little by little you will let Ron go, it will just happen. Not like we ever really let go ...just know we have to carry on as they would want us to. Baby steps...but you'll get there and I think getting involved with some other seniors is a wonderful idea. Who knows what friendships there are to be had and spend some good times with.

My tooth is still not great..but I think I am getting there. We are off to Florida this Wed for a week so everyone stay safe and be well and I will stop by when I get back. Hope I don't end up visiting any Dentists there!!!

Bye till next time...
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:21 PM   #1542
*Fantasia*
Nothing beats a nice clean-clear cold ice water!
I could google and google all day and compare.. but I want to hear from you guys of your experience
 
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Originally Posted by chell View Post

Fantasia I remember when your husband passed away. It is great to see how much you and your family have healed.


It was a slow process of healing.. but we made it.. and we're okay now.
Thank you chell.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:33 PM   #1543
*Fantasia*
Nothing beats a nice clean-clear cold ice water!
I could google and google all day and compare.. but I want to hear from you guys of your experience
 
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Location: Michigan
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I believe that one way he gets in touch with me is when he visits me through my dreams. I used to cry when waking up. Talk to him before going to bed. Just share what you have in mind or in your heart, just like when you pray to the Lord. I do that sometimes. I just let him know how the children are doing or whatever there is to talk about.

I know it's hard to let go. If you're not ready to let go yet, that's okay.. It is just part of grieving. I think you'll know when it's time to let go. I know it's easy said than done.. but time will heal the pain. However, there will be times where you're back to where you were again (feeling the pain) when special dates come around.
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:53 PM   #1544
Angelrose
Likes to dance in golden sun beams
Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
Drives me even crazier than I am
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Port Republic, New Jersey
Posts: 3,078

I do talk to Ron. Especially when I have seen Jesse. He would be so proud of how Jesse is growing up. I tell him even about the weather we are having this winter. I say goodnight to him every night. It does help.

I'm dreading this May which will be a year that he fell and this June when he passed. I think I will have to go out that day. Those two months are going to be unbearable. But I have to be strong. I know that.

Now last night I had a nightmare with a funny ending. I was hearing strange noises last night before bed and I guess that's what started it. Anyway in my dream I heard someone downstairs and I walked down the steps and I saw someone there and I screamed. Well I scared the intruder and he screamed too. With that I woke up laughing. He sounded like Goofy when he was falling down. After that I went back to sleep. Only I could have a dream like that!

minnie56 have a wonderful time!
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Old 03-06-2010, 08:37 PM   #1545
Angelrose
Likes to dance in golden sun beams
Knows too many details about Gnarf, Fnarfle, Grotchy and Ronkle....yep, she needs help!! ;)
Drives me even crazier than I am
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Port Republic, New Jersey
Posts: 3,078

Hello everyone. I have been getting out for walks a bit more now. That seems to help. I've started decorating for Easter now that all my St. Patrick's day decorations are up. I did something stupid today. I got up on the step stool to get some decorations down. With my socks on I slid right off the step stool. I only broke two fingernails but it sure scared me. I just sat there and said, "How stupid can you be??" I firmly resolve to wait until Chuck can get them down for me. No bruises or anything. I am very lucky.

Here's a picture of our Karen 12 weeks and 6 days pregnant.



I have a cute Jesse story to tell. He was eating his breakfast bar and looked over at the curio cabinet and said "No flamingo! This is MY cereal bar." Karen collects flamingos and I guess one of them looked hungry to Jesse.
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