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View Poll Results: Which flower colors/options do you like best? (see photos at bottom of page)
Light to Medium pinks with blue hydrangeas 10 45.45%
Light to Dark pinks 2 9.09%
Dark pinks/magentas with some cornflowers & gerbera daises 7 31.82%
No pink - pick another color 3 13.64%
Voters: 22. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-06-2009, 09:45 PM   #61
acomasdiaz
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Originally Posted by LeesyUD View Post
I know that it will be hard for my DF bc they have been friends for 15 years. However, my DF knows that his best man has not been a very good friend in the last few years and I think this has been the last straw for him. At this point we have decided that we will be taking him and his family out of the wedding (and univited unfortunately). His best man has not responded to his phone calls the last two days even though DF has made it clear that it is important and that he needs to talk to him right away. At this point, DF will be writing an email and leaving a voicemail to let him know they are out if he doesn't hear back from him tonight. It is really unfortunate and I feel really bad that it is coming down to this.

To be honest I have never been crazy about his friend bc I have always know him to be a very self centered guy. But I never let that on and did my best to make him my friend as well. At this point he and his family not only slapped my DF in the face but they offended me as well.

DF has talked to his family and even his own mother says to dump his "friend" (she also wondered if the guy was sniffing glue ) I did express my feelings to DF that I was concerned about them making the next 4 weeks and the wedding miserable. However, I also let him know that it was his decision and I would stand by it as long as things got worked out with his best man (bc there is no way we could leave things as is and enjoy our wedding). Unfortunately, his best man has made no attempt to do anything and we just don't see any chance of this being repaired before the wedding (especially with this guy's attitude).


DF's father is 72 and has heart problems, so we think since it is so last minute we will have my father stand in as best man bc my DF and him get along great, and we think he could do a great speech.
I think you have made the right decision by letting your DF make the final decision and supporting whatever that decision is. I think having his dad as the best man is a great idea. It will definitely be more meaningful for both of you. Please let us know how it goes...
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Old 07-06-2009, 10:23 PM   #62
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I know that it will be hard for my DF bc they have been friends for 15 years. However, my DF knows that his best man has not been a very good friend in the last few years and I think this has been the last straw for him. At this point we have decided that we will be taking him and his family out of the wedding (and univited unfortunately). His best man has not responded to his phone calls the last two days even though DF has made it clear that it is important and that he needs to talk to him right away. At this point, DF will be writing an email and leaving a voicemail to let him know they are out if he doesn't hear back from him tonight. It is really unfortunate and I feel really bad that it is coming down to this.

To be honest I have never been crazy about his friend bc I have always know him to be a very self centered guy. But I never let that on and did my best to make him my friend as well. At this point he and his family not only slapped my DF in the face but they offended me as well.

DF has talked to his family and even his own mother says to dump his "friend" (she also wondered if the guy was sniffing glue ) I did express my feelings to DF that I was concerned about them making the next 4 weeks and the wedding miserable. However, I also let him know that it was his decision and I would stand by it as long as things got worked out with his best man (bc there is no way we could leave things as is and enjoy our wedding). Unfortunately, his best man has made no attempt to do anything and we just don't see any chance of this being repaired before the wedding (especially with this guy's attitude).


DF's father is 72 and has heart problems, so we think since it is so last minute we will have my father stand in as best man bc my DF and him get along great, and we think he could do a great speech.
That is very similar to what my DFi has been going through. His ex-best man wouldn't return his calls, texts, anything, so we had to cut him. The worst part was that he was splitting the villa we are staying at, so we are having to dig up money to cover that portion. But I do have to say that since we have cut him, and he is having his dad stand for him, it just makes things easier and just takes the stress away. It sucks to have to do it, but it all works out in the end. I totally feel for you and wish weddings didn't bring out these things.
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Old 07-06-2009, 10:45 PM   #63
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Gosh Lisa, this is really awful. Do you think that the best man's mother might have spilled the beans to him and that is why he isn't responding to phone calls? I can't imagine what would cause him to treat you guys this way. You are getting married very soon and he had an important role in the wedding! What the heck?!?
sorry for the confusion, I meant DF talked to DF's mother...not best man's mother....i think he is bitter bc DF did not want to do the bachelor party on the day that he wanted to....i don't know maybe he doesn't like me...but if he doesn't he should say something to me and not act that way towards DF
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Old 07-06-2009, 10:47 PM   #64
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That is very similar to what my DFi has been going through. His ex-best man wouldn't return his calls, texts, anything, so we had to cut him. The worst part was that he was splitting the villa we are staying at, so we are having to dig up money to cover that portion. But I do have to say that since we have cut him, and he is having his dad stand for him, it just makes things easier and just takes the stress away. It sucks to have to do it, but it all works out in the end. I totally feel for you and wish weddings didn't bring out these things.
i read on your thread that you had to do that and felt bad that you were dealing with that and now we are in the same boat...hopefully this will just make things easier
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Old 07-08-2009, 05:20 PM   #65
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I have an update on the best man situation....DF emailed his best man after no response to his phone calls. DF let him have it (more that i thought he would...but all deserved). Anyway, best man's response to DF's hurt feelings was to defend his artistic reasons for not giving us the photos and of course to show of his oh so extensive knowledge of photography that he was gained in one short year. He also blamed it on the fact that, because we were late that day (due to bad traffic) he wasn't able to shoot us as much as he would have like (bc apparently 100-150 shots and an hour in a park is not enough?) He actually makes me sick...he is really cocky and thinks that in like 6 months he is a professional??? wow is he up for a rude awakening. i found out that he even let his own sister pay for his airfare and hotel room for taking pics of her wedding in florida!! what lack of class!!

Anyway, best man and flowers girls (his 2 daughters) are officially out and univited to the wedding. All our friends and family are supporting us in this and in fact encouraged us when they heard what was going on. Best man is upset because he is out $500 for dresses and other stuff. He just doesn't get that it is about friendship....arrggg.

On a brighter note, we both feel relieved and best man confirmed with his uncaring email that we were making the right move.

I now feel like alot weight has come off our shoulders from this!!
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Old 07-08-2009, 08:50 PM   #66
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Good job taking care of a crummy situation!
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Old 07-10-2009, 12:50 PM   #67
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I'm glad everything worked out. It just allows you to focus on what matters and let all that other stuff go.
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Old 07-10-2009, 03:56 PM   #68
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oh lisa! im so sorry you gus have went through this!!! im glad your df has dealth with it...as if weddings arent stressful enough!!! i went through a very similar situaltion. actually with two different bridesmaids!!!

my moh who i grew up with agreed to do our flowers and charges us only for the flowers not labour....then three months before the wedding- she up and moved and didnt tell us!!!! so i had to replace her....then my former coworker was going to stand with me, went off work(was then fired for shop lifting!) and wouldnt return our calls etc much like you guys....one of my other bridesmaids steped in and called her and said wth? get your butt in gear and stand up or back out... thankfully she backed out then proceeded to give us a hard time over her deposit. oy! it was so stressful! i think that was 1 month before we got married. thankfully another dear friend stepped in and when she was married i served as her bm. shes now godmother of my kids!

keep your chin up! surround yourself with those that love you and want to be part of your lives! those are the friendships that count and last!
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Old 07-10-2009, 06:53 PM   #69
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thanks guys for all the support...we both feel really relieved

I do have an additional update regarding my friend...she is still in the hospital since last wednesday...i have seen here 3 times this week...it has been really stressful because we thought we were going to have to get her to a shelter bc there was a mix up with the police and we were told her husband was released but we were just told 2 days ago that he is actually still in jail and so she will not need to go to a shelter right now. I was so mad bc she was in such distress about going to a shelter and him coming after her ugh. Physically she is doing better but not mentally she is not doing very well. Unfortunately, she has been through 15 years of control and different forms of abuse by her husband. (alot the male dominance comes from their culture, but he is just absolutely crazy)

I have been trying to help her cope through things and have been helping deal with some things at work for her. I have talked to her almost everyday this week on the phone. I would go see her more but it takes me almost hour to get there between driving, parking an getting to her room. In fact I left early from work two days this week so I could get down there at a reasonable time before visting hours ended. My manager was very understanding since he knew I have been helping her.

Anyway it has been a very stressful week but things are starting to calm down...we are still waiting to see when my friend gets out of the hospital.
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Old 07-18-2009, 05:39 PM   #70
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Well, I thought the drama couldn't get any worse, but I was wrong! Before I share the new drama..let's quickly recap drama in recent weeks and the updates:

1. Major Family spat over cousins wedding -family made up & issue resolved (for now anyway)


2. My friend in the hospital for a week bc her abusive husband tried to kill her - she is home now and doing a bit better - trying to help her out as much as I can.

3. Best Man (DF's best friend of 15 years), Wife & two kids (the flower girls) removed from wedding party and uninvited from the wedding.


So what could be more drama than that you ask? Here it is, number 4:

4. DF had to give his two week resignation to his job this week!

DF has been working at his job (as a tech for audience response) for almost two years now. When he was hired he was told that he would be in the office most days checking equipment and planning jobs etc.; that he would be on the road maybe once or twice a month for one or two nights each, maybe a three night mixed in there. Boy was that a big lie (we quickly learned). They have sent DF out on jobs that were anywhere from 1 to 6 nights long, back to back, no time to rest. Sometimes he would come home at late at night and have to fly the next morning to somewhere else with no rest. He was often working 10 to 16 hour days. And then they expected him to be in the office the next morning after his trip many times.

In addition they expected him to be on call 24/7 because they pay for half of his cell phone bill. His manager is crazy and would call him while he was on an airplane or in a conference doing his job, and leave voicemails dropping the F bomb; screaming at DF bc he didn't have his phone on. Um hello? How is he supposed to answer at those times.

To add to everything they only give the techs 10 days vacation which they can only use within 3 months in the summer, or if jobs are slow over Christmas. Also recently, it has become worse and worse bc they would give him less than 24 hours notice for alot of jobs, and when we had made plans for the weekend or he thought he was going to relax, he now had to fly on another job somewhere on the other side of the country. Df had to leave on jobs when his father was in the hospital with heart problems. They didn't have any expectations of their tech's having any sort of personal life. They also asked him to do ridiculous things like paint walls in the office and go to walmart and buy one of the managers a vaccuum cleaner "because he needed one"(no joke...DF told him to go to hell)

So you would think from this description that DF makes alot of money right? Wrong. He was making $35,000 a year for this. Other jobs with these requirements would normally pay at least twice this much around here.

Well the company crossed the line this week. First his manager scheduled him coming back the night before the wedding! DF said he would quit if he was not taken off that job, and so they did. However, they scheduled him on a 5 night job this week last minute (probably to punish him bc there were other people available to do the job). He left early Monday morning and isn't getting back late tonight (Saturday night). Three days ago DF looked at his schedule again while he was away. We new at that point they were trying to screw him over purposely, because they took one tech off a job (who already had the corporate travel agent book $800 nonrefundable airfare) and put him in the office for the week, and put DF on the job instead which leaves Sunday (tomorrow) and doesn't get back until Thursday night...they even booked his airfare for him which they never do...the techs always book their travel through the corporate travel agent or the client books it. We are sure they did that so he couldn't get a replacement.

When we realized all the traveling involved in this job early on, I told DF that it was not worth the salary he was getting and expressed my frustration with the job and the whole situation. Unfornately, DF didn't listen for a while and waited too long to look for another job. Now he has been trying to get another job for a while and has been having a tough time.

While talking to DF the other night, and having a big fight over everything, we came to the realization that he didn't have any other choice but to quit. We knew it was going to be him quitting his job, or postponing the wedding (which you really can't realistically do 2 weeks out). Last year they screwed with a tech and had him come home on a job the night before his wedding and now his wife has been talking divorce.

We knew they were going to try to do the same thing. I do suffer from major anxiety and have been diagnosed with a form of bipolar disorder. We knew that we wouldn't be able to go into a wedding under these conditions and that his job had some sort of agenda in doing this to him (perhaps to make him quit). So DF let his company know the other day that he is resigning and needed to stay locally for his two weeks notice. They agreed to let him take his two weeks vacation as his last two weeks and he will be giving the official resignation letter on Monday.

If we had any question whether he was doing the right thing, we were assured we did a few hours later. Df rcvd a call from a coworker not long after he made his resignation phone call. He coworker informed him that just a few hours before he called about his resignation, his manager put him on a job that came back the day of our wedding and there would be no way for DF to be at the wedding. The coworker also actually inquired to their manager why he was trying to screw Dave over. The manager apparently said "that is none of your concern"!! They are such slime balls ugh!

The positives of all this; DF has a part time radio offer that should be coming through this week that will get us through for now. Even better though is that he has a phone interview on Monday with a research company that is two builidngs over from where I work and would be a supervisory position. He said the woman on the phone said the work his doing right now seems like it would be a great fit for their company. She also told him they believe in family first, job second and having a well balanced life, not all work!! MUSIC TO OUR EARS!! We are trying not to get our hopes up but they seem very interested and it would be at least a little bit more than what his making now.

I have been through so much stress the last few weeks, I thought that I was going to be pushed over the edge and lose control of my emotions (bc I have before bc of my bipolar). Df realized that both he and I were not going to be able to handle this job any longer and be able to start our life together as a Happily married couple. Now we have two weeks to regroup, finish everything up, and have a wonderful wedding!! At least now we can enjoy this part together!!

Sorry for the long rant! I am done now - DF is coming home tonight and last night was the last night, for at least a long while, that I had to be in what felt like an empty and lonely apartment without him!! It will be a very happy homecoming this time!!

Ok ok one more thing - what goes around comes around. Since DF has quit everything is apparently going crazy at the company. There is only 4 techs now to cover what 11 techs used to cover and 2 of them are definitely quitting very soon as well, which will leave them with 2 techs - can't wait to hear what happens once that takes place!

Writing all that wore me out!
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Last edited by LeesyUD; 07-18-2009 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 07-18-2009, 06:17 PM   #71
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Wow... just wow! I wouldn't have even told them I was quitting, I would have just stopped showing up! I hope that company implodes... for your sake! Glad to hear that situation is all over and done with however. Good luck!
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:02 PM   #72
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So sorry about the drama. I only hope that after these lows you'll get some great highs!
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Old 07-18-2009, 08:24 PM   #73
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Wow... just wow! I wouldn't have even told them I was quitting, I would have just stopped showing up! I hope that company implodes... for your sake! Glad to hear that situation is all over and done with however. Good luck!
DF was so tempted to walk out in the middle of the job he was on and I think he would have if it weren't for the fact that we need his next pay check for some last minute stuff for the wedding!

People probably think I am making this stuff up from reading it- but there has been 2 years worth of stuff just like that! They are some real wackos there!!

I hope the company implodes too - oh what sweet joy would that bring us!! I am evil

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So sorry about the drama. I only hope that after these lows you'll get some great highs!
We think with all the crap of the last few weeks off our shoulders now...the wedding is going to be awesome....and we can't wait to have a life together without someone telling us when we were aloud to have that life!! Even if it means ramen noodles for a little while
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Old 07-18-2009, 10:30 PM   #74
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ok, i am all caught up with the drama. Lots of drama!

So gald you booted the BM. Do not need that kind of friend on your special day.

SO glad he has given his notice. Nothing can replace time together.

So now smooth sailing to the big day Lisa!
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Old 07-18-2009, 10:59 PM   #75
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ok, i am all caught up with the drama. Lots of drama!

So gald you booted the BM. Do not need that kind of friend on your special day.

SO glad he has given his notice. Nothing can replace time together.

So now smooth sailing to the big day Lisa!
we are doing everything we can to ensure that the next two weeks are as stress free as possible!
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