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Old 04-07-2009, 08:43 AM   #1
TashaRVT
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OT - daughter in basketball getting made fun of

Hey all -

I need some advice; and so, I'm once again turning to all of you fellow DIS'ers to add in your two cents worth!

DD9 (almost 10) started basketball classes through Parks and Rec 2 weeks ago; she's never really played before, but was PUMPED. It just so happens that she's the only girl in the class - no biggie, she's aware of it, but it's not a huge deal to her. Unfortunately, after 2 classes, she's taking quite a beating in terms of the teasing and being made fun of by the other boys. She hasn't been scared away from class yet, but now they've (the boys) really started making fun of her, how she runs, etc. They're even moking her for drinking out of er Hannah Montana water bottle!

I understand what's going on and that it's just a bunch of little boys doing what's natural for them, but I don't know a) how to put a stop to it (it that can e done), and b) how to help DD deal with it. DH and I have explained the "why" behind their behaviour to her as best we can, but being the mama bear that I am, I don't want my baby having the put up with that ****!

Help!
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:55 AM   #2
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Is this an opening program or are there instructors?

I would speak to who ever is running the program and the instructor about the bullying. Learning how to play a game is also about being a good sport. The behavior of the boys is the class is unacceptable but not surprising since adults in the seats at hockey games are not stellar examples.

My youngest DD took a dodge ball a last year was only one of 2 girls and there we no bullying issues.
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:02 AM   #3
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Well you can talk to the coach but it will just continue behind his back. I'd say if she is bothered by this then you should pull her out. If she just started two weeks ago than you should be able to recover the rest of the money.

Kids can be cruel and it's like a bad disease that spreads from one kid starting it and the rest following.

Look for a girl's basketball camp where she will better fit it.

Being bullied can really take a toll mentally on a child.
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:44 AM   #4
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I agree

Quote:
Originally Posted by LSmith View Post
talk to the coach

I'd say if she is bothered by this then you should pull her out.

Kids can be cruel and it's like a bad disease that spreads from one kid starting it and the rest following.

Being bullied can really take a toll mentally on a child.
Thats too bad where something that should be fun turns into this
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:51 PM   #5
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I wouldn't take her out- only if it becomes really, really bad. Show her some of those girl power movies where girls have had to play on teams with boys. Talk to her and make sure she knows that what the boys are doing is something called 'sexist.' Talk to the instructor/coach. You would actually be amazed at what coach's/instructors can do...Be there during practice and if you see it perhaps talk to their parents. It pisses me off like nobody's business when girls are treated differently b/c of their sex. It also isn't fair that she should have to quit. The boys will never change unless they are taught that it is wrong. They will grow up and continue to bully women. We all know where that can potentially lead. If this was happening on my team, I would talk to the whole class and tell the kids that if I ever caught wind of it again they would be out of the program. I would also talk about the social and legal ramificiations if it did not stop immediately. They will get it- I teach this age group. I had a group a few years ago that were my 'hockey boys.' At the beginnning of the year they tried to pull a few things with the girls during phys.ed. class. I made sure that it stopped. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:04 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ham Ham View Post
Is this an opening program or are there instructors?

I would speak to who ever is running the program and the instructor about the bullying. Learning how to play a game is also about being a good sport. The behavior of the boys is the class is unacceptable but not surprising since adults in the seats at hockey games are not stellar examples.

My youngest DD took a dodge ball a last year was only one of 2 girls and there we no bullying issues.
I agree...speak to the instructor. Since this is a co-ed program it is the responsibility of the instructor and parks & rec to keep things under control. I would make it painfully clear to them that they must provide an acceptable environment for your DD.

I also agree with CDN Gal....be present during the classes.

It sounds like you have told your DD all the right things about the behavior of others. Just keep it up. Unfortunately, this might be one of those hard lessons. Sometimes if you have to just put up with other people. That's just the way life is.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:06 PM   #7
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Agreed. This needs to be brought to the attention of the folks organizing this so the boys can learn a lesson about respect and bullying.
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:17 PM   #8
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Well, I don't know where your Parks and Rec is but in Toronto most programs are run by a bunch of teenagers. Most of my kids coaches are teenagers and aren't going to know how to react to that kind of situation. The supervisors, at least in Toronto, takes care of at least 3 or 4 different community centres. You aren't going to get the best response there for sure.

You could speak to the parents but how many parents will admit their kid is a bully?

If you keep your daughter there watch her the entire time.

And don't wait for it to get really bad. That doesn't make sense to me at all. Take her out and demand a full refund
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:16 PM   #9
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Thank you everybody for your input - keep it coming!!

I'm so upset about this - it may seem like such a silly thing to some of you for me to be mad about, but I'm hoppin' mad!! Why should my daughter have to give up something she really wants to do just because she's a girl?! I thought we were past this kind of thing, you know?
In actuality, it never even OCCURED to me that she might be the only girl when I signed her up; I guess maybe I'm naive, I've always tried to instill in my kids that they are no "girl" or "boy" toys, just toys. Or that there are no "girl" or "boy" games, there are just games. I'm not an idealist by any means, and I totally recognize that there are going to be things that DD9 and DS7 will classify as either too girly or too masculine or whatever, but I never really thought basketball would be one of those things!

The guys that "run" it are just kids themselves; 16 or 17 maybe. I just don't really feel that talking to them would do much good; do you guys think it would change anything, or possibly make it worse??
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:25 PM   #10
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Do parents stick around while the kids play?

I don't think it matters if the coaches are 17 or 27-they are being paid to do a job-if they don't yet have the capabilities to handle the situation they need to take it up to their supervisor and figure out what to do, they can't be allowed to turn a blind eye to it-kwim. It could be a learning experience for them and they would know they need to be keeping a eye on things.

I hope this gets resolved and indeed I would be feeling just like you are-it is not something to be taken lightly and I can see you feel that way!
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:39 PM   #11
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Just don't get caught up in the fact that they are bullies because they are boys and she is a girl. Bulling is very common. Boys bully boys and girls and girls bully boys and girls. Basically if you are a bully you are going to pick on anyone that you deem cannot kick your a@@. My son was bullied for years for being the shortest in his class. He is now 6'3 but was the shortest kid until grade 10. It was brutal.

My daughter has been bullied by other girls because she excels in everything she does and she is beautiful and sweet too. Luckily for her she can take it much better than my older son ever could.

I have seen girls bully boys severely. Not funny. Most of the time kids don't even have a clue that they are bullies. I guarantee that their parents will never see their children that way.

It sucks and I feel for you and your daughter. Just protect her any way you can.
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:41 PM   #12
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Most City run rec programs have a zero tolerance to bullying--definately I would talk to someone in charge.
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:46 PM   #13
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Quote:
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Most City run rec programs have a zero tolerance to bullying--definately I would talk to someone in charge.

Ha ha. In theory only and always.
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Old 04-08-2009, 05:35 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LSmith View Post
Just don't get caught up in the fact that they are bullies because they are boys and she is a girl. Bulling is very common. Boys bully boys and girls and girls bully boys and girls.


These were my EXACT thoughts after reading all the posts.

A male child in my son's class has just recently transferred to another school because he was being so severely bullied....by a girl.

OP, I'm sorry your daughter is having such a bad experience. Here's hoping you'll find some way to resolve the issue so she can enjoy her extracurricular activities. I agree with many of the PP's who say to stick around during the class.....you may find this is all that it takes.
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Old 04-08-2009, 07:06 AM   #15
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I agree that girls can be big bullies, no point in taking your DD out and doing a girls only class!

Speak to the organizers, also, if you don't think they are able to do anything, maybe ask if you can speak to the group regarding bullying and explain what it does to a person, chances are some of the boys will have been bullied and will understand when it is pointed out to them.
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