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Old 03-31-2009, 09:01 PM   #1
brytorlyn
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A Warning TO Parents of Teens

This morning my daughter, who just turned 18 last month called me from school. She was hysterical because she just learned that an ex-boyfriend of hers who she has remained very close to was dead. He died last night at 1:30am in a single car crash on the highway minutes from our house, minutes from his own house.

Tests have confirmed what we all knew already-- that alcohol was NOT involved. He wasn't really that kind of kid. He was a nice, charismatic beyond his years, ambitious 17 year old. Less than 3 months from graduation and prom.

A nicer kid you couldn't find. He seemed mature beyond his years. He owned his own business and had won awards for his entrepreneurial skills. He was so alive. Always on the go with his business, his fathers business or his many friends.

I would never want to blame his parents for what happened but I can't help sit and wonder why this happened. I guess it is natural to try to comfort ourselves by thinking that it can't happen to our kids because we don't allow them in unsafe circumstances. I have a 22 year old DS and 18 year old DD and 7 year old DD. I still can keep my DD7 safe most of the time but I keep having to face that I can't always be sure that my older kids are okay. I still try to have some rules and guidelines for the 18 year old but as they both remind me "they are adults and can make their own decisions".

He was an only child to very well to do parents. He acted like and adult and they treated him as one. He had a $45,000 car, no real limitations from his parents, no curfew. I can't help wonder why a 17 year old was allowed out on a school night at 1:30 in the morning? Why he had a a huge car with a roll cage in it that made him feel invincible? Why someone wasn't protecting that child....

HE drove a Jeep Wrangler that was all souped up and had some kind of roll cage in it...he used to say even if he had an accident he would be fine since his car was a huge SUV with all kinds of safety features. No one for saw him loosing control at excessive speeds, going off the highway flying into the air and barreling into a bridge abutment.

We may never know why he lost control. He had dropped off a friend at 1:20 and was one exit away from home when he died so falling asleep seems unlikely. He was well known to text message multiple people at the same time while driving and like most kids his age he was obsessed with music and his fancy audio system. Maybe he was texting or switching tunes.

I guess my warning is about speeding or texting while driving or playing with the tunes in the car. But I guess I am reminded that even young adults need guidelines and rules because their judgment is not always the best.

Sorry this so rambling but I am so shaken by this hitting so close to home. My daughter would go places with him and I would comfort myself by thinking even if there was an accident it would be here in town at low speeds in this HUGE over grown SUV. The first time he took her out I looked him in the eye and said "Drive carefully with my baby" and he said he would.

RIP Thomas
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Old 04-01-2009, 07:19 AM   #2
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What a sad ending to such a promising life.

I know that you're upset and wish that your child can be spared the pain she's experiencing with this sudden, tragic loss. My three children are now in their 20's and went through similar situations during their teen years.

Right now, your emotions are high and you're looking for a reason for this senseless loss. Teenagers have a built in feeling of being invincible. Whether they're driving a tank or a piece of junk, they never see themselves as being vulnerable.

No one may ever know why this happened. His parents are coping with an unimaginable loss and are probably wondering if they could have done something different to prevent this. Sadly, it sounds like they did what they could to keep him safe by getting this vehicle.

One of my daughter's classmates was killed on her way to get her hair done for the prom. A pickup crossed into her lane and collided with her head on. Could it have been prevented had her parents provided her with a better car that could have have withstood the impact?

What I'm trying to say is, while trying to make sense of this tragedy, please don't blame his parents. It sounds like they raised a young man who had a promising future who's life was cut short by this horrible accident.

I'll pray for Thomas and for all of you who's life he touched.
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Old 04-02-2009, 10:11 AM   #3
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Sorry to hear this. Would this be the accident they would have been talking about in the Toronto news. It was so sad to hear what happened but now if it is so sad because now you see the person and not just a news head line.

So often we assume when I young person is in a accident that they were just trouble waiting to happen. From you post on him this is not the case ;(. It is so sad that he had so much promise.
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Old 04-02-2009, 07:59 PM   #4
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Belle

Yes...That was the accident. It happened on March 31. It is so sad. All I can think about is that his poor parents are going to live with loss forever. You never expect attend your child's funeral.

Last weekend we attended the funeral of husband's uncle. We knew it was coming...he had cancer and he was 69. Not that that is very old but it isn't the same as losing a17 year old. It was sad though because my husband's grandmother was there. She is in her 90s and has lived with her son and his family for the last 30 years. It was hard for her.

But Thomas death is just so hard to take. He was there only child. I can't imagine the void this must have left for them. I still can't get over it.
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:04 PM   #5
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Oh and yes. He was a wonderful young man. Last weekend he had planned a sweet sixteen birthday party for his step sister. Apparently he organized everything. Rented a party bus and invited 20 of their best friends and they went to Niagara Falls, and the movies and dinner. He was one of the most charismatic young men I have ever met.
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Old 04-03-2009, 08:33 AM   #6
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Most kids feel invencible unless something tragic happens to them. I think this is the one good thing that came out of my daughter getting cancer at 14.....she knows not to take life for granted....a hard lesson to take.
My heart goes out to the boy's family....the pain is unbearable.
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Old 04-12-2009, 03:31 AM   #7
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A similar thing happened in my sister's town several years ago. A great young kid about seventeen years old went around a corner too fast and died in the accident. I know this sounds crazy, but it almost made one wish he had been drinking. Not really, but it just seemed so senseless to die for no reason at all, not even a bad one.

It's so easy for a life to end, and very painful when it happens at so young an age. It makes us hold those who we still have all the closer, as your tender-hearted words make clear.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:25 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Regina View Post
What a sad ending to such a promising life.

I know that you're upset and wish that your child can be spared the pain she's experiencing with this sudden, tragic loss. My three children are now in their 20's and went through similar situations during their teen years.

Right now, your emotions are high and you're looking for a reason for this senseless loss. Teenagers have a built in feeling of being invincible. Whether they're driving a tank or a piece of junk, they never see themselves as being vulnerable.

No one may ever know why this happened. His parents are coping with an unimaginable loss and are probably wondering if they could have done something different to prevent this. Sadly, it sounds like they did what they could to keep him safe by getting this vehicle.

What I'm trying to say is, while trying to make sense of this tragedy, please don't blame his parents. It sounds like they raised a young man who had a promising future who's life was cut short by this horrible accident.

I'll pray for Thomas and for all of you who's life he touched.
Regina, this was beautifully written, As a parent whose child died much too young at age 25, I know what these parents are going through.

brytorlyn, I know it is difficult for those close to the situation to deal with the schock of such a tragedy, especially when it was the friend of one's child. I understand you are writing from such a place.

I can only pray that no one here ever receives that knock on the door we all so dread. Rarely, is a parent to blame.

Our hearts are united in loving prayer for Thomas, his family and all those who cared about him.
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Old 05-04-2009, 12:25 AM   #9
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I had such a hard time coping with the thought that my baby may not live through this cancer. She is in remission now, but there are no guarantees in life. A parent should never ever have to think about their childs funeral.

My prayers are with Thomas' family and you and your family and everyone else that has lost a child or loved one.
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Old 05-05-2009, 12:25 PM   #10
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So sorry. And...thank you for the reminder.
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