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Old 04-17-2009, 08:09 AM   #1
jennz
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My mom has a few weeks left...

We just found out Wed that my mom has 2 -3 weeks left to live. She went into the ER Tuesday and into a hospice center yesterday. This just sucks. I don't know how to get through this. DD (11) and I are going down today. It's like there's a timer counting down and every second counts. Do I spend every minute of every day with her? I want to, but do I? She's in Orlando and I'm in Indy. My dad is a mess. I know this is rambling but that's pretty much my thought pattern right now. This is such a shock, so unexpected. It's cancer, back again...ovarian...it's spread everywhere. She's been in the ER multiple times over the past few months and they've always had a reason for her pain, but also they NEVER told her oncologist. Finally they did this last visit and he ordered a cat scan and now we know what's been going on. My last few days have been lists of what she will never do again...never go home, never send me 3 page emails, never even check her emails, never go to her favorite store Wal-mart ...they told her she had 50% chance of a year of life if she went back on chemo immediately. She declined and is at peace with choice. While I respect it I DON'T like it!!
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:45 AM   #2
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jennz, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom's illness. You and everyone in your family is going to be on a horrible rollercoaster for the next several months so don't burn yourself out. Ask for help, give yourself permission to be angry, to grieve and just take care of you for a little while sometimes. There are no right or wrong answers about what you do or don't do during this time.

It is very hard to lose a parent. Be glad that you do have time to speak with your Mom about things and that she will be there at least part of the time to help you come to terms with this stage of your life. When my Dad passed away it was sudden and we didn't get to say our goodbyes. That is something that I will always regret.

to you and your family. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:53 AM   #3
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Thank you so much Lisa. And you're right these weeks we have are precious and I'm so grateful that we have them.
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Old 04-17-2009, 09:53 AM   #4
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jennz, I am so sorry your family must go through this difficult time. My heartfelt thoughts and prayer are with you.

We had a very similar time with my dad... he was in Chicago, we were in Boston. I went for a week, home for a week and as I was planning the next visit, he passed.

During that 21 days I did everything I could for my parents - in person and on the phone. Made calls for them, went to the funeral home with my mother...any way I could help or support them. It made the most intense time more tolerable for me because I was focused on helping them.

Be gentle with yourself.
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Old 04-17-2009, 12:58 PM   #5
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I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Do what your heart tells you to do. If it says go spend time with her go do that. Losing a parent isn't easy. It does get softer over time.

I will keep you all in my prayers.
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Old 04-17-2009, 01:23 PM   #6
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Prayers for peace and comfort during this most difficult of time.

May the time you and your dd dpend with your mom be precious for all of you. Blessings to you.
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Old 04-17-2009, 06:53 PM   #7
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Dear Jennz...i am truly sorry to learn about your mom. I know how very sad and difficult this is for you and your family. It is important in the end to let them go to the light...for they will be at peace. I will pray for her and your family. My best.
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Old 04-17-2009, 07:02 PM   #8
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I am so sorry! When my mom declined more chemo it hit me hard. I did not understand why she would want to leave us. I was soooo hurt. But she was ready to go and tired of the suffering of cancer. Just sit and talk to your mom. Hold her hand. Don't be afraid to take pictures.

I am sooo sorry. I have been there. My mom passed away last July. I miss her everyday and always will.
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:54 PM   #9
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I am so very sorry for what your family is going through. Cancer is such an ugly monster! We lost my grandmother exactly 3 weeks after she received the diagnosis of lymphoma. We thought she had more time but unfortunately we were all wrong. The best part of it was that gma didn't suffer. Even after her diagnosis she taught me what strength really was.
I miss her terribly just as you will miss your mom. Gma was my best friend. I still cry from time to time but I hold on to what she told me. "It is a win-win situation. If I beat the cancer, I stay here with all of the people that love me. If I try to fight it and it beats me, I go home with all of the people who have loved me and I'll wait there for you all."
Enjoy the time that you have with your mom. Don't look at the passing days as a count down to the final day look at them as more memories. Besides, doctors only "practice" medicine. Only God knows the final day, hour & minute.
I pray that you will have the strength to deal with what comes your way.
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Old 04-18-2009, 12:35 AM   #10
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Jennz in my family we have cancer also. I was there when my grandma passed away. She went peacefully. Always remember to cherish every minute, every second you spend with her. Never forget all that she taught you. As this becomes a trying time with the stress of not knowing when it's going to happen. know that we all suffer and we all heal. Your mom was a wonderful woman, she gave you the greatest gift she could- life.. the best thing you can do is just let her know that your there for her. and that you love her. I'm sorry about the news. if you need a shoulder to cry on or to vent, im here and im sure others are here to help you and your family if they want it ..
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Old 04-18-2009, 08:00 AM   #11
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Jennifer, it is so hard to know what to say or what to do when faced with the impending loss of a parent. I would say just be there when you can, do the best you can and always speak from your heart.. Please know that you can come here and vent if and when you need to.

Cancer is a terrible beast, a rollercoaster ride for the family that they cannot get off as getting off usually means the end of the ride. Please stay strong for your Mom and support her decision to stop treatment. It is what she wants..

Hugs to you.
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Old 04-18-2009, 09:41 AM   #12
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Jennifer, I am so sorry for what you are going through. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and she also decided not to have chemo or any kind of treatment. Although I never voiced it to her, I was so angry that she didn't even want to try to fight. She sadly died within three months. The best advice I can give you is to follow your mom's lead; my mom didn't want to talk about her cancer, she wanted to keep things as normal as possible for as long as she could. We spent our time together remembering funny stories and laughing. (I was lucky that I live only 15 minutes from my parents, so I didn't face the dilemma of when I should go, etc.) Don't forget to take care of yourself; it's important and I'm sure your mom would want you to. Know that your mom and you are in many prayers. I often came to this board to get me through the tough times. It's amazing how comforting strangers can be during difficult times.

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Old 04-18-2009, 12:47 PM   #13
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I am sorry you have to go through this. You will all be in my prayers!
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Old 04-18-2009, 06:33 PM   #14
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So very sorry. Had similar thing happen with my mom. And I will always remember those last few weeks. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 04-19-2009, 12:32 AM   #15
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I don't know what else to say, but I'm sending you a hug.
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