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Old 03-09-2009, 01:35 PM   #16
DISNEYNV
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I have two kids that are three and a half years apart. DD (my first) was and still is a high maitanance child! We were older in our early thirties when she was born and I had a heck of a time convincing DH to have another. Well we eventually did and DS is a completely different kid than DD. He is east going and slept through the night at five weeks! After DS was born DH said he didn't want any more babies. We had two a boy and a girl so I felt content and happy that we had the two. DH had a vasectomy as his lovely fathers day gift to himself last year and I am longing to have a third! I always wanted three kids but I a getting older ( I will be 35 on Thursday) so I don't know what I would do if I had a husband who wanted more kids. I wish we would have started sooner but we didn't. I love my two kids and feel blessed to have them but I will always wonder what it would have been like to have three. DH has a daughter from a previous marriage that is 14. I have known her since she was two but we do not see her much since she lives five hours away. He said he has three so he didn't need anymore kids. I found that comment a bit selfish but what can I do?

I say go for it especially if your DH is longing for another! Anything can go wrong at any age you are pregnant and with the great prenatal care and screening now it is a good chance of a healthy child. Good luck in your decision
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Old 03-09-2009, 01:39 PM   #17
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I have three kids and it is wonderful!! Any extra hassle of dealing with hotel rooms, bigger cars, seating in restaurants, etc. is totally worth it for us. My three are very close in ages and I wouldn't have it any other way. The are (usually) best buddies and learn so much from each other. I love having three and can't imagine life without any of my babies!!!

I strongly believe that the gift of having siblings is one of the best things that I have ever given my children.
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Old 03-09-2009, 01:56 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by t1gger1968 View Post
Dh and I have two kids - age 7 and age 4 and just recently, dh said he might want another one but just can't decide for sure. I wouldn't mind a third one, but I will be 40 this year, and just not sure if pregnancy at this age is a great idea. So would you have another child at 40 if you already have two children? WHy does this decision have to be such a difficult one? I have an appointment with my ob this month, so I guess I could talk to her as well. I thought I was done with two kids, but I really wouldn't mind having another one...wish I was younger.
God bless you! I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old and I'm 40, I couldn't imagine starting over again. I love the fact that we are a family of 4. Especially when we go to Disney, lol.
With that said, no I don't think 40 is too old as long as your OBGYN says it's ok. I would consult with them first just to make sure they give you the all clear. I wish you lots of luck and whatever you decide, many blessings!
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:00 PM   #19
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Two perspectives

While there are certainly pros and cons to each, I certainly don't think you're too "old" to have another child, especially if you're in relatively good health and at a good weight now. My mother is only ten years older than you are and my grandparents still ask my parents if they're sure they're done!

I was born when my folks were 21 and 25, and I had DS in my early twenties, as well. For them it was an adjustment, and when all of their friends were doing a lot of "free spirit" stuff, they were being Mommy and Daddy. Fast forward fifteen years, though, and they're the ones declining invites because of their own childless plans. Plus, at their age, they have way more money and free pet sitters in their grandkids!

The flip side is this: I sometimes regret not having another child. I'm fairly certain that I'm done now, especially due to our current economic climate, and the fact that there would be a large age gap for another child. I had always imagined being done having children by thirty, so I think the window is rapidly closing for me.

You should do what is best for you and your family. It's a hard decision to make; don't do anything because of how you feel in this moment. With time and prayer the answer will come. Good Luck!
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:11 PM   #20
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In the same boat

I am soooo in the same boat except I am having the urge for #6. We have 4 living children and a deceased son who passed in utero at 16 weeks from a 5ths disease infection.

We are so blessed to have 4 healthy living children but we teeter on #6 daily. We enjoy having a larger family so the whole 4 person rule does not apply to use. It does make trips more difficult and expensive but we still go many places.

My ob has some concerns after 40 but I have had 4 healthy sons and our son who passed was genetically perfect.

Follow your heart.

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Old 03-09-2009, 02:21 PM   #21
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Dad's point of view:

I might get flamed here but really don't care as I am speaking my mind.....

Maybe I am just being defensive or overreacting here but some of the posts sound kind of selfish to me like "You will be very old when they leave the house", or "I need more sleep", ugh. As Dr. Phil says... It's not about you. Yes I realize you may want to consider health risk factors, finances, like we did, but we never gave any thought to how old we would be when they graduated or you know what?... Maybe we should pass on this third child because we may not get to sleep as much. That thought infuriates me. (Our first had colic so I know what it feels like to get maybe 2-3 hours a sleep a night).

The world is built for 2 child families? Maybe so, but that thought just seemed to not make our list of reasons to not have a child. Hey honey, "The world is built for 2 child families so we should not have a third now, what do you think?" (SMACK across the face is what I would get probably, and the same thing if I asked about the I might lose sleep!)

My wife had our third when she was 37 and he was actually healthier and less problems than the first 2. I know the risks are higher but my wife followed all the rules the OB gave and hopefully this helped us. I think you do all you can during your pregnancy and God will take care of the rest.

Also, I do not think you have to know 100% (as one poster suggested). Who really knows for sure anyways? You factor in the things that matter most and go from there. Personally, we were on the fence with our third and decided to go ahead and so glad we did.
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:36 PM   #22
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Don't let your age hold you back. If you are in good health and you both think you want it, go for it. I will be 40 this year also, and I would love to have a 3rd. DH, however, does not. I, personally, disagree with the poster who said you will never miss what you don't have. I think about the 3rd child that I'll never have all the time. However, I am extremely grateful for the two beautiful, healthy, smart children that I am blessed with. So I know I can't complain, because there are those who are not as lucky.
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:45 PM   #23
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hi there, first, no you are not crazy...i am "young"-39 and i have 3 teenagers....dd-almost 18, ds-15, and dd-13....i always knew i wanted three, and was blessed with 3....i STILL have the urge to have another...we are done, my husband had the big V 13 years ago...i do kind of wish i could have another, but for me anyways, that baby bug will never go away...I think that age, while it may increase the risk of some problems, should NOT stop...i had my children young, and had lots of problems (lost my first baby when i was 28 wks pregnant, had a early miscarriage, and my youngest was born 7 weeks early with severe bowel problems and had 3 surgeries in her first 4 weeks-completely healthy now)..anyway, if and when you are as sure as you can be, i say go for it..babies are a blessing, and going from 2 to 3 i found was a piece of cake ...good luck in your decision making....i wish i was having 1 more!!!
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:47 PM   #24
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It is a personal choice and if you are healthy and feel you could handle it financially ,physically ,and mentally go for it. I only have 1 couldn't have anymore, though I did want them.I cam from a family of 3 kids and we didn't get along all that well...and still don't .I have thought about adoption but have not decided yet.. As you get older the risks of having a baby with complications increases.My good friend is 42 and pregnant with number 4.Unfortunately in her case they already know the baby has down's syndrome. Something to think about.
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:48 PM   #25
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Just wanted to say good luck with your decision. I am 34, will turn 35 in a few months and have a 4 and 2 year old. Dh and I always said we wanted 2 kids, but now that we have the 2 I'm kind of going back and forth between wanting a 3rd. DH says no way, he is done. I wish it were easier to decide. I know Dh is wavering too because sometimes he says he isn't sure. One thing I have heard is you never regret the children you have only the children you don't have!
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:16 PM   #26
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I am 35 and I thought very long and hard about having a third child and decided against it. We have a really great family dynamic right now, the kids are getting older and get along really well, and I didn't have an overwhelming need for more children. Also, I feel confident that I could provide for the two kids I have but less confident about providing for a third. I'm sure we could have made ends meet, but it would have been less secure.
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:28 PM   #27
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Just sharing my story:not giving advise.
I was 38 when I learned I was pregnant with our third child. Although, I was alot more tired with this pregnancy than the first two everything was great.
My DD was 18 and a Sr. in high school (working on college), DS was 14. This was an unplanned pregnancy; DH and I had talked about having a baby two years before. But, had decided our children were too old to start a new family. But, Nov. 2005 we learned we were pregnant and that DH needed a hip replacement at the age of 41. Very stressful year, DD graduating-turning 18, hip replacement to be planned for week after graduation and baby to come in July. Although, I was not happy when I found out I was pregnant HE is one of three of the best things that has blessed our family. God knew what he was doing when he sent us our little angel.

Your children are not as old as ours were and I bet they will enjoy having a baby around. My two love their brother but are so busy. He is so excited to see them when they are home and I find they a wonderful with him especially on days when I need a break. (STAH mom and watch two 2 yr old girls four days a week). The infant yr was wonderful to do it all again was so much fun. And the love is beyond any words.

Good luck in your decision -- let your heart be your guide. And you are not too old; I know I'm not too old! Enjoying life and feeling young with a 30 month old.

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Old 03-09-2009, 03:45 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hubb1972 View Post
Dad's point of view:

I might get flamed here but really don't care as I am speaking my mind.....

Maybe I am just being defensive or overreacting here but some of the posts sound kind of selfish to me like "You will be very old when they leave the house", or "I need more sleep", ugh. As Dr. Phil says... It's not about you. Yes I realize you may want to consider health risk factors, finances, like we did, but we never gave any thought to how old we would be when they graduated or you know what?... Maybe we should pass on this third child because we may not get to sleep as much. That thought infuriates me. (Our first had colic so I know what it feels like to get maybe 2-3 hours a sleep a night).

The world is built for 2 child families? Maybe so, but that thought just seemed to not make our list of reasons to not have a child. Hey honey, "The world is built for 2 child families so we should not have a third now, what do you think?" (SMACK across the face is what I would get probably, and the same thing if I asked about the I might lose sleep!)

My wife had our third when she was 37 and he was actually healthier and less problems than the first 2. I know the risks are higher but my wife followed all the rules the OB gave and hopefully this helped us. I think you do all you can during your pregnancy and God will take care of the rest.

Also, I do not think you have to know 100% (as one poster suggested). Who really knows for sure anyways? You factor in the things that matter most and go from there. Personally, we were on the fence with our third and decided to go ahead and so glad we did.
I'm not going to flame you at all, I respect your opinion completely. Maybe some of the reasons given seem trivial, but when we thought about having a third, we did think about the convenience. Why? Because it's a fact of life.
Also, I do not want to lose sleep anymore, been there done that, I do not want to have to change diapers and feed anymore, been there done that, I do not want to be bothered with car seats, diaper bags, strollers and all the other crap I lugged around for years, BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
These are the things I think anyone should consider when thinking of having another baby. Along with the financial and health risk factors. It's a fact of life, also it absolutely is a selfish decision. Am I being selfish because I know I do not want another child brought into the world that I am not ready to be completely devoted too? If the parent is not "up too" all that bringing a child into the world comes with, then there's your answer, or in this case, my answer.
For the OP, she sounds like she wants to take on the responsibilty and that's great for her. Bottom line, it's a personal choice for their family.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:23 PM   #29
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One thing that always sticks out in my mind is the argument that you may regret not having that "one more" child, but you'll NEVER regret having that child.

We are at a crossroads right now with almost 12 and 10 yr olds, and the baby just turning 1. My older two were best buds as little kids, and they will be leaving for college while the baby is still in elementary school. I would love for him to have a close sibling, and while we don't totally know if the time is right, especially financially speaking, we don't want to wait a couple more years and have another big age gap.

I will be 32 this year, so age isn't really an issue for me right now, because by the time I'm 35, I'm pretty sure I'll be DONE.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:37 PM   #30
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I just turned 40 last month and I couldn't see myself having another one, but my children are older than yours. If all of my children were younger, I might consider it. I have to say, I never considered some of the financial factors when we talked about a third child. Take Disney world, it cost a lot more to go to Disney with 5 than with 4 people from everything from the room to tickets & food. It's not cheap in the first place. Now we are in to cell phones & I have one child that just started to drive, and on her way to collage. This is where an extra child will hit you hard.

Having said all of that, I wouldn't change a thing.
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