Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
Old 09-19-2013, 10:21 AM   #1
Myothername
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 525

Wwyd

Here is my problem. My SIL, who is my best friend, is asking my brother for a divorce tonight. They have 2 girls, elementary school age. I have known this was coming about for about a month but everyone in our close knit family has known they have had major marriage problems for years. It will be later in the evening when he gets home from work when she talks to him about it and the kids will be gone to stay with her mother for the weekend. I donít know if my brother will call our mother immediately but I know he will tell her at least tomorrow. I donít know how to handle my mother in all this. She has been very critical of my SIL for years ever since she got really tough on my brother about his health, personal habits, work habits, etc. She thinks SIL should cater to my brother like momma has always done and she did for years but she finally had enough. I totally back her in this. I also donít want to take sides in the divorce but I tend to take SIL side because I know her and I know my brother. He is not the easiest person to live with. I can handle him. My question is what should I say to our mother when she calls me all upset that SIL has done this to my brother and to their kids? It will totally be SIL fault in her eyes. In the past when momma has started complaining about SIL I have just said momma it is none of our business. What would you do in this situation?
Myothername is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:28 AM   #2
Janepod
The new dinning plan is out. Need to get those ressies in!
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Fairfield County
Posts: 3,479

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myothername View Post
Here is my problem. My SIL, who is my best friend, is asking my brother for a divorce tonight. They have 2 girls, elementary school age. I have known this was coming about for about a month but everyone in our close knit family has known they have had major marriage problems for years. It will be later in the evening when he gets home from work when she talks to him about it and the kids will be gone to stay with her mother for the weekend. I donít know if my brother will call our mother immediately but I know he will tell her at least tomorrow. I donít know how to handle my mother in all this. She has been very critical of my SIL for years ever since she got really tough on my brother about his health, personal habits, work habits, etc. She thinks SIL should cater to my brother like momma has always done and she did for years but she finally had enough. I totally back her in this. I also donít want to take sides in the divorce but I tend to take SIL side because I know her and I know my brother. He is not the easiest person to live with. I can handle him. My question is what should I say to our mother when she calls me all upset that SIL has done this to my brother and to their kids? It will totally be SIL fault in her eyes. In the past when momma has started complaining about SIL I have just said momma it is none of our business. What would you do in this situation?
I would stay out of it. Don't say anything to anyone. And don't ever take sides against your brother. Just.stay.out.of.it.
Janepod is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 09-19-2013, 10:32 AM   #3
wiigirl
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 15,974

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
I would stay out of it. Don't say anything to anyone. And don't ever take sides against your brother. Just.stay.out.of.it.
This...This...This. Trust me.
__________________
For the love of Disney...
wiigirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:33 AM   #4
zurgswife
WDW is my Shangrala...and I'm going...life is better!!!
 
zurgswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 15,357

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
I would stay out of it. Don't say anything to anyone. And don't ever take sides against your brother. Just.stay.out.of.it.
Double Ditto.
__________________
[IMG]

In Honor of Robin Costello I will miss you my dear friend.
zurgswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:34 AM   #5
goofyintoronto
Proud foot flusher
I really wanted to like it, but I didn't
 
goofyintoronto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 8,944

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
I would stay out of it. Don't say anything to anyone. And don't ever take sides against your brother. Just.stay.out.of.it.
I definitely agree, stay out of it! Its the best thing to do in this situation.
__________________





........."Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor, mantengase alejado de las puertas".........







AUGUST "2013" DINING REVIEW / AUGUST "2012" DINING REVIEW
goofyintoronto is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:36 AM   #6
Darcy03231
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,836

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myothername View Post
Here is my problem. My SIL, who is my best friend, is asking my brother for a divorce tonight. They have 2 girls, elementary school age. I have known this was coming about for about a month but everyone in our close knit family has known they have had major marriage problems for years. It will be later in the evening when he gets home from work when she talks to him about it and the kids will be gone to stay with her mother for the weekend. I donít know if my brother will call our mother immediately but I know he will tell her at least tomorrow. I donít know how to handle my mother in all this. She has been very critical of my SIL for years ever since she got really tough on my brother about his health, personal habits, work habits, etc. She thinks SIL should cater to my brother like momma has always done and she did for years but she finally had enough. I totally back her in this. I also donít want to take sides in the divorce but I tend to take SIL side because I know her and I know my brother. He is not the easiest person to live with. I can handle him. My question is what should I say to our mother when she calls me all upset that SIL has done this to my brother and to their kids? It will totally be SIL fault in her eyes. In the past when momma has started complaining about SIL I have just said momma it is none of our business. What would you do in this situation?
I would stick to this. If she keeps on it change the subject. If she still won't give it up, tell her you don't want to discuss it.

If your brother tries to involve you I would tell him the same thing - - you don't want to get involved.
Darcy03231 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:38 AM   #7
Myothername
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 525

Thanks. I am going to do my best to deflect. But my older brother and I are really close and he asks me all the time how things are going with them becasue he knows SIL and I are close. I am not worried about that. It is our mother. I don't know how to handle her. Her baby boy can do no wrong even when my other brother and I try to tell her. She has an excuse for everything he does.
Myothername is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:40 AM   #8
mickeyboat
Nothing like the cream and chocolate combination
Thank you for omitting the footwear today
Moons are a sign of intelligence and beauty
 
mickeyboat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Here!
Posts: 20,907

Yes, please stay out of it. Tell your mom that you can't even pretend to know all the ins and outs of their marriage, and that you have no influence over their decisions. Tell her that you plan to be there to support your brother, SIL and their children, and that is really all that anyone can do.
__________________
Enjoy yourself. These are the "good old days" you're going to miss in the years ahead. - Author Unknown

So couldnít we all come to the conclusion that itís not the PLACE that counts, itís the people who contribute to it? - Delswife
mickeyboat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:43 AM   #9
Janepod
The new dinning plan is out. Need to get those ressies in!
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Fairfield County
Posts: 3,479

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myothername View Post
Thanks. I am going to do my best to deflect. But my older brother and I are really close and he asks me all the time how things are going with them becasue he knows SIL and I are close. I am not worried about that. It is our mother. I don't know how to handle her. Her baby boy can do no wrong even when my other brother and I try to tell her. She has an excuse for everything he does.
Of course. He's her baby boy. So stop telling her. Just stay out of it, on all sides.
Janepod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:51 AM   #10
pryncess527
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 896

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myothername View Post
Thanks. I am going to do my best to deflect. But my older brother and I are really close and he asks me all the time how things are going with them becasue he knows SIL and I are close. I am not worried about that. It is our mother. I don't know how to handle her. Her baby boy can do no wrong even when my other brother and I try to tell her. She has an excuse for everything he does.
You said it yourself, no matter what you say she's going to make excuses for him because he can do no wrong.

My party line would be, "It is none of our business and my involvement would not be helpful to my nieces/nephews. I'm staying out of it"

And I'd say that exact thing with the exact same words and tone every time she brought it up until she was so tired of hearing the exact same response out of me that she stopped bringing it up.
pryncess527 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 10:57 AM   #11
mrsklamc
I apologize in advance, but what is a click clack?
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Husker living in Hoosierland.
Posts: 9,500

Quote:
Originally Posted by pryncess527 View Post
You said it yourself, no matter what you say she's going to make excuses for him because he can do no wrong.

My party line would be, "It is none of our business and my involvement would not be helpful to my nieces/nephews. I'm staying out of it"

And I'd say that exact thing with the exact same words and tone every time she brought it up until she was so tired of hearing the exact same response out of me that she stopped bringing it up.
This exactly. I might also add something about how I don't want to hear about it either, but the idea is not to make your mom angry, just to flatly repeat that you are NOT commenting.
mrsklamc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 11:17 AM   #12
cobright
DIS Veteran
 
cobright's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 920

This is just me, but I call a spade a spade. If asked for input I would question whether the person really wants to know what I think. If they do, then I tell them.

In this case it seems you have the view that the sil is justified. I would say so. If your brother is a hard man to live with, I would say so. If your mother had a warped view of your brothers worth, I would say so.

Right now your mother is certain in her belief that this divorce is the wife's fault. That's something she will pass on subconsciously to her grand kids and anyone she talks to about this. It's unlikely that your lone voice of reason will be enough to make her question herself on this, but its possible; and standing by what you know is right may embolden others to be frank with her on the issue.
cobright is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 11:26 AM   #13
Sadie22
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,089

Quote:
Originally Posted by cobright View Post
This is just me, but I call a spade a spade. If asked for input I would question whether the person really wants to know what I think. If they do, then I tell them.

In this case it seems you have the view that the sil is justified. I would say so. If your brother is a hard man to live with, I would say so. If your mother had a warped view of your brothers worth, I would say so.

Right now your mother is certain in her belief that this divorce is the wife's fault. That's something she will pass on subconsciously to her grand kids and anyone she talks to about this. It's unlikely that your lone voice of reason will be enough to make her question herself on this, but its possible; and standing by what you know is right may embolden others to be frank with her on the issue.
Absolutely. There is always hope.
Sadie22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 11:33 AM   #14
Wishing on a star
DIS Veteran
Another proud Southerner!
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 13,811

Triple, Quadruple, and a million dittos to everything everyone here has said, except cobright above.

Just say nothing.....
Bite your tongue....
It sounds like your mother is quite capable of wagging her tongue enough for you and for everyone else....

She, like everyone else, is gonna say (do) what she is gonna say.

Silence is GOLDEN!!!!!

Literally....
I wouldn't even be telling her that it is nobody else's business.
God knows that will be completely and totally lost and unheard by anybody who justifies their negative involvement and control and unwarranted opinions, 'because it's family'
Really, you KNOW that there is no hope.

Just look at her like, Hey, nothing I can do or say.....
And utter not one word.

Last edited by Wishing on a star; 09-19-2013 at 11:46 AM.
Wishing on a star is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2013, 11:41 AM   #15
DVCLiz
That's me - proud defender of the Mega roll
click here to use the trolldar
We saw "I pooted" and thought it was a "New York" thing!
 
DVCLiz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 10,724

Really, I'd prepare something and use it any time your mother engaged. Not quite a "say nothing and stay out of it" that everyone else is recommending - after all, this is a huge life changing event for your family and it's just not practical to simply stay out of it. I'd prepare what I wanted to say and then I'd say that and only that any time your mother talked to you about it. I'd probably even write it down beforehand.

It could be as simple as "I am sorry they are divorcing but I have seen the signs for many years and I support SIL in her difficult decision." or it could be "You are supportive of your son which is understandable but I have a different perspective and I will be supporting SIL as she goes through this long needed change."

Whatever you say, say it without a lot of drama or emotion. And stick to it.
DVCLiz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:17 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.