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Old 02-07-2009, 09:20 PM   #1
dizneychik
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Need your prayers and guidance for a child and funeral

Hi everyone,

Friday night at 11:00 I received a phone call that my dads brother passed away he was only 45. He was awaiting a new heart. Needless to say I have not gotten but about 3 hours of sleep 4 am to 7 am with wake ups in between and I am pregnant so I am really stressed out.

I also received a call this morning at 10:30 that my cousin has also passed away on my mothers side. I told my 5 year old about our uncle (she doesn't know the cousin) that we had just spent time with on the 19th of January. She understands life and death and we believe in Jesus and she believes that her uncle is in heaven. But this evening she had a break down and started crying because she now realizes she won't get to play with him again. It was hard to get her to stop. She also saw her great grandmother very sad and that had an even worse effect on her causing her to cry harder.

So this is where I need your help. No one has passed away in my family in 7 years so this is the first time she is experiencing what death really is. Should I take her to the funeral? Also my stress level is high now and I am dealing with chest pain, should I go to the funeral? I am 31 weeks (7 months) pregnant. Some of my family is saying no. But I would also like my disboards family opinion. TIA
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Old 02-08-2009, 06:08 AM   #2
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So sorry on your losses. I honestly would not go to the funeral. Being that your pregnant and already very stressed out I would stay home and try to relax a bit. I know easier said then done, but would be a far worse situation if you were to go into premature labor or have worse health problems. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 02-08-2009, 07:33 AM   #3
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As the Mom of a pregnant daughter, she is almost 7 months...if she was experiencing what you are experiencing, I would tell her not to go. You are carrying this child to term, stress can bring about many things and you want to take this baby to term. I would stay home with my 5 year old.. read books, relax, if she wants to talk, she will talk to you about it. I would not "not discuss it" as I am firm believer in discussion, but let her come to you.. I know there are lots of children books out there on dealing with death....maybe someone could pick up one for you. Just a thought.

As the Nana of a preemie, 7 weeks early, 3 weeks in the NICU after birth, I would say relax, stay home and know in your heart that he will be missed and that if you were not pregnant, you would be there, but right now what is important is your health and the baby's. That is my opinion, that is what I would say to my daughter, who right now is on modified bedrest awaiting the birth of our second grandchild with an almost 2 year old.. that little preemie, who is doing great. He is a pistol and so funny and the apple of his grandparents' eyes.

JMO and hugs, I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 02-08-2009, 10:40 AM   #4
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Thank you

Thank you guys so much for your response, your prayers and thoughts. I believe we will stay home I will just have to let my family know.

Also, this morning my poor baby lost her fish of almost 2 years. Its a beta fish and the only pet she has. I have not told her yet and I do not want to especially after last nights' episode. Ugh..why does life have to be so difficult sometimes!
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Old 02-08-2009, 03:46 PM   #5
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I agree I think you should stay home and try to relax. Then maybe you and your 5 year old could have a quiet time together where maybe you could answer questions. When my mom passed my grandkids were 5,3 and 3. They wanted to know where great grandma was. She wasn't that old and played with the great grandkids all the time. We answered their questions honestly but on their level. Kids are great at telling us when they are done talking about something. Go with your feelings and try to relax. You are in my prayers.
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Old 02-08-2009, 06:15 PM   #6
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Thank you so much for your prayers kimis. They are much needed.
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Old 02-09-2009, 03:16 PM   #7
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Prayers and hugs to you, I'm so sorry for your losses
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Old 02-09-2009, 07:44 PM   #8
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Prayers and hugs to you, I'm so sorry for your losses


Thank you so much.
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Old 02-09-2009, 09:17 PM   #9
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Ill keep you and your family in my prayers. Whatever you do, take care of yourself and your little ones first. My mom died when my daughter was young, too - I couldn't stay away from the calling hours but one of my parents' neighbors came to pay her respects early - and took my daughter home to play with her two girls for the evening. What a kindness that was! She knew it would help us both! I believe anyone who cares about you will understand whatever choice you make.
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Old 02-11-2009, 09:22 AM   #10
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Ill keep you and your family in my prayers. Whatever you do, take care of yourself and your little ones first. My mom died when my daughter was young, too - I couldn't stay away from the calling hours but one of my parents' neighbors came to pay her respects early - and took my daughter home to play with her two girls for the evening. What a kindness that was! She knew it would help us both! I believe anyone who cares about you will understand whatever choice you make.


Thank you so much for your prayers.
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Old 03-01-2009, 10:29 AM   #11
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My condolences...and a suggestion

I'm sorry to hear of your losses. My daughter was the same age when we experienced the death of several close family members. She'd already lost both of her grandfathers in prior years, but this was the first time she was old enough to really feel the loss. A counselor recommended a book to me called, "The Fall of Freddy the Leaf." It explained things in a way that really helped her understand the loss without frightening her. If your daughter continues to have trouble, perhaps this book would help her too.

I'll say a prayer for you and your family,
June
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Old 03-01-2009, 10:50 AM   #12
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Sorry to hear of your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 03-03-2009, 06:57 AM   #13
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I'm so sorry that your family has experienced two terrible losses.

I agree with the others who feel it might be best if you don't attend the funeral. It sounds like your little one had quite an amazing Uncle. Now is the time to focus on the fun times you all had together and the abundant love you shared.

It also sounds like a trip to the pet store might be in order. Your little one might enjoy getting a small fish tank and picking out some new fish to replace the Beta.

I'll be praying that your family finds the strength to get through this difficult time.
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Old 03-04-2009, 05:47 AM   #14
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You and your family are in my prayers. Remember that you need to take care of yourself and your family at this difficult time.
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