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Old 10-29-2014, 01:27 PM   #1
keypooh90
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Coming Out advice

I'm 24 but I still live at home and I'm bisexual. I'll only be living at home until February and then I'm moving out of state. I've come out to my best friend, my other super close friends, and 2 other friends. They all took it really well and are very supportive and caring and open. I'm not really certain on what my aunt/uncle's view point is on LGBTQA issues. I think they are fairly conservative however. I do know that my grandmother is EXTREMELY CONSERVATIVE. Her opinion of one of my best friends completely changed when she found out that he was gay and I'm terrified of her opinion of me changing because of this.

Anyone have advice?
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Old 10-30-2014, 03:32 AM   #2
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Hey there! This is going to be one of the toughest decisions of your your life, and timing and bravery are crucial. I had my first relationship in my early 20's like you, and even though my family is liberal and Californian, my mother did not approve. 10 years later when I settled with my life partner and told my mom, she was completely supportive. I asked her why she had been so against it before. She said because she knew the other woman was not right for me.

Family members may surprise you. You may get support from where you don't expect, and you may get rejected by those you expected to support you. You have to run all this through your head -- run through possible scenarios -- what if your grandmother freaks out? what if she doesn't? same for other family members. Decide what you will do in either case. Some people may not be surprised, and some may be taken completely unawares.

Be confident in yourself and who you are. Be brave enough to face anything. My family supports me 100%, and I have friends whose families have disowned them and never speak, I feel so sorry for them. Have a support network in place of the friends who do support you. I wish I could help you more, but this is a personal and major event for everyone individually. Expect nothing and be ready for anything, is the best I can say. Good luck to you!
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Old 10-30-2014, 08:31 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by StarOfVulcania View Post
Hey there! This is going to be one of the toughest decisions of your your life, and timing and bravery are crucial. I had my first relationship in my early 20's like you, and even though my family is liberal and Californian, my mother did not approve. 10 years later when I settled with my life partner and told my mom, she was completely supportive. I asked her why she had been so against it before. She said because she knew the other woman was not right for me.

Family members may surprise you. You may get support from where you don't expect, and you may get rejected by those you expected to support you. You have to run all this through your head -- run through possible scenarios -- what if your grandmother freaks out? what if she doesn't? same for other family members. Decide what you will do in either case. Some people may not be surprised, and some may be taken completely unawares.

Be confident in yourself and who you are. Be brave enough to face anything. My family supports me 100%, and I have friends whose families have disowned them and never speak, I feel so sorry for them. Have a support network in place of the friends who do support you. I wish I could help you more, but this is a personal and major event for everyone individually. Expect nothing and be ready for anything, is the best I can say. Good luck to you!

Thanks for the advice! I'm so happy to hear your family supports you and is there for you. I appreciate the advice.
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Old 10-30-2014, 09:43 AM   #4
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I am older now so look at things from a different perspective. I am sure when I was first coming out I was worried about what every family member would think and how they would react. I didn't want rejection from the family or extended family. And when you are younger and have the family as a support group it can make a big difference. Now I would choose MY life over what anyone in my family would object too. Luckily the immediate family is supportive but if they had any issue with me marrying my partner than they can deal with it or I would not deal with them anymore. You will need to balance how much of the family you are willing to put behind you should they react horribly vs. just keeping it in a small circle of people around you. What is most comfortable to you. As you get older you may see other ways for you do deal with grandma (or your feeling for her) if she rejects you.
I have gotten a bit impatient and grumpy with this issue as I have gotten older. It is like "If you don't like it and are going to make an issue out of it, fine. You are out of my life."
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Old 10-30-2014, 03:01 PM   #5
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I am older now so look at things from a different perspective. I am sure when I was first coming out I was worried about what every family member would think and how they would react. I didn't want rejection from the family or extended family. And when you are younger and have the family as a support group it can make a big difference. Now I would choose MY life over what anyone in my family would object too. Luckily the immediate family is supportive but if they had any issue with me marrying my partner than they can deal with it or I would not deal with them anymore. You will need to balance how much of the family you are willing to put behind you should they react horribly vs. just keeping it in a small circle of people around you. What is most comfortable to you. As you get older you may see other ways for you do deal with grandma (or your feeling for her) if she rejects you.
I have gotten a bit impatient and grumpy with this issue as I have gotten older. It is like "If you don't like it and are going to make an issue out of it, fine. You are out of my life."

Yeah I'm starting to think about not telling my nana at all, but I live with her during the week for school so I feel like I should tell her at the same time. I just don't want her to completely change her opinion of me like she did of my friend.
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Old 10-30-2014, 03:21 PM   #6
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Does Nana really have to know? Will it be worth it to possible loose the relationship you have with her? Has she established 'house rules' where this situation could become too uncomfortable for her in her own house if you were too open about it? There are a lot of things to consider, especially when you're living in her home.
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Old 10-30-2014, 03:59 PM   #7
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Does Nana really have to know? Will it be worth it to possible loose the relationship you have with her? Has she established 'house rules' where this situation could become too uncomfortable for her in her own house if you were too open about it? There are a lot of things to consider, especially when you're living in her home.
Those are all things to consider. I am just so conflicted about all of this. On the one hand I want to tell her and on the other I want to keep it as quiet as I can be. She hasn't really established house rules or anything like that. She has a "helper" who does her groceries and cleaning who is lesbian and she loves her and welcomes her into our home so I just don't know.
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