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Old 08-19-2014, 06:34 PM   #1
DSNYfam4
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What would you do?

Back story... All summer I have been dealing with a bullying issue with my DD at her school and getting nowhere with the principal. Long story short, I asked my DD if she would feel comfortable telling the principal some of her concerns and information she shared with me regarding this issue.
She immediately became upset and told me "NO!" When I asked her why, she told me that one time at school a boy pulled is pants down in front of her (she said she only saw his underwear) and when she reported it and was sent to the principal to discuss it, was told..."it was your fault for looking, and you are making a big deal out of nothing."

This is the first I have heard of this and it makes the bullying issue almost a non issue in comparison. But it does open my eyes on why my DD 9 is so upset about starting school. She seems hopeless that anything will get better at school in regards to the bullying and she cites this example as why she is so upset that she is in the same class as her bully because "nothing ever gets better if I tell, I just get in trouble."

I have requested a meeting with the principal.

Any advice on how to deal with this.

I was upset before, but now I am just all out MAD!
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Old 08-19-2014, 08:51 PM   #2
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I'd say, first and foremost, don't go in on the offensive. Try to start the conversation with some diplomacy.
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Old 08-20-2014, 06:11 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DSNYfam4 View Post
Back story... All summer I have been dealing with a bullying issue with my DD at her school and getting nowhere with the principal. Long story short, I asked my DD if she would feel comfortable telling the principal some of her concerns and information she shared with me regarding this issue.
She immediately became upset and told me "NO!" When I asked her why, she told me that one time at school a boy pulled is pants down in front of her (she said she only saw his underwear) and when she reported it and was sent to the principal to discuss it, was told..."it was your fault for looking, and you are making a big deal out of nothing."

This is the first I have heard of this and it makes the bullying issue almost a non issue in comparison. But it does open my eyes on why my DD 9 is so upset about starting school. She seems hopeless that anything will get better at school in regards to the bullying and she cites this example as why she is so upset that she is in the same class as her bully because "nothing ever gets better if I tell, I just get in trouble."

I have requested a meeting with the principal.

Any advice on how to deal with this.

I was upset before, but now I am just all out MAD!
Wow. Lots of first-time posters with major problems lately. Welcome to the Dis.
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Old 08-20-2014, 06:46 AM   #4
littlejimmy
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I am usually in the camp of letting kids deal with things themselves. But a 9 year old should be looking forward to starting school. I agree with a previous poster about not going in on the offensive. Ask the principal about the incident and let him tell you about it in his words. Then say, "this is what my daughter heard you say"...and see where it ends up. Good luck
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Old 08-20-2014, 07:12 AM   #5
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Interesting thread.
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Old 08-20-2014, 07:57 AM   #6
Nettester
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Hi, Can you give us a little more information? How have you been dealing with this school-mate bully all summer? Is he/she a neighbor or in activity circles your child attends in summer? What do you mean you have been getting nowhere with the principal? Did you ask your DD not be in the same class as the bully, and principal told you they won't separate them? Document whatever non-help you've received.

Under the circumstances, I suggest not to keep encouraging your DD to seek out the principal. What about the teacher? Can you share your DD's anxiety with the new teacher and just ask that he/she keep and eye on things? Seat them far away from one another? Keep them in separate groups at appropriate times?

Back to school anxiety is tough. You may want to consider seeking a good therapist for your daughter, who can help her with some positive strategies for dealing with difficult situations. I hope it goes better than she fears. My youngest is 12 and though she always likes back to school, last spring was a lot of drama, and she is definitely worried about all of that starting up again.
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Old 08-20-2014, 08:47 AM   #7
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If this is real:

First, remember there are usually several sides to a story and while your child might not be outright lying, they do tend to alter stories to make themselves look better in situations to try to keep themselves out of trouble.

Second, if the principal is really that cavalier about kids pulling down their pants at school, that probably needs to be addressed with the superintendent...however, I would not do so without full confirmation that really happened that way...

Third, remember, kids are totally different at school than they are at home so before you do anything, make an appointment with her TEACHER and see if there are issues on any side that need to be address....get the full story before proceeding....
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:10 AM   #8
DSNYfam4
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Thank you to all who took time to give their advice. I appreciate it.
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:43 AM   #9
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Meet with the principal and find out if the story your daughter is telling you is accurate.

If the principal is acting rude to you as well, I would start looking for alternative school options for my child. No way I would leave my child in a situation I didn't feel good about.
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Old 08-20-2014, 04:28 PM   #10
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If the principal is acting rude to you as well, I would start looking for alternative school options for my child. No way I would leave my child in a situation I didn't feel good about.
This.

Meet with the principal; go from there.
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Old 08-20-2014, 07:28 PM   #11
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First sit down with your daughter and listen to all of her concerns. Have her give detailed information about incidents - names, places, what was said, what happened, any adults she told, what they said, etc. Take notes for reference during the meeting so you're sure to remember everything.

Meet with the principal. Calmly explain your concerns. Use your notes if necessary. It's important to get it all laid out on the table and give the principal a chance to respond. At this point, everything that's happened is in the past. You need to know what steps will be taken to prevent these kinds of incidents from occurring in the future, and how the bullies will be dealt with if anything does happen. It's most important for you and the principal to assure your daughter that school will be a safe environment for her. She needs to know exactly who to go to when she has a problem. And she needs to know that she will be taken seriously and not brushed aside.

Making accusations and coming across as angry won't help the situation. You can be direct and firm, but emphasize that you're looking for prevention and solutions to what's happened in the past.
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