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Old 01-04-2009, 11:51 AM   #136
mommasita
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I am sorry on your loss. You were and are in my daily prayers.
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Old 01-04-2009, 11:42 PM   #137
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Thank you all so much for your condolences. Hospice was wonderful, in the short time we were there, they did everything possible for Jim, his parents and me. His last couple of days were difficult to watch, he was in pain and very fretful. During my last hours with him, he woke off and on but for the most part slept peacefully.

Everyone deals with loss in a different manner; Jim's parents chose not to go and see him after we got the calls that he was gone. I went, and I will forever be grateful that I did - every stress line, pain line, every muscle distortion from the disease was gone from his face and body - he looked like my Jim again. I hope that he knew a moment of this release before he died. When I saw that, I felt half of my stress just drain away.

I will love him greatly and miss him terribly until the day I die, and afterwards. I am very, very sad but grateful that his suffering is over. I am also unbelievably physically tired now that the need for my care is gone. I was told that this is normal and that I need to pay attention to my body while it recovers. I'd have been able to keep going as long as needed but the longer the work, the longer my recovery would be. Whatever, I am just grateful that I had the strength and training to see this journey to the end. And all through it, every Saturday after we married, Jim wished me happy anniversary, and he thanked me several times a day for my care. I cannot believe how unbelievably lucky I was to have him.

We're going to take a couples of week's to pull our lives back together before we do a memorial service for him. This is his daughter's first major loss; she's still trying to process it, living several states away and feeling bad that she didn't get down to see him more often. She was planning to come in another two weeks; we thought we'd have him for another month or two but it wasn't to be.
I want this to be what she wants it to be because I had my closure by seeing his face, and I've started healing. I want to make sure that she gets the closure she needs, and my daughter, too. Jim was a father figure to her.

Thank you all for your encouragement and compliments, too. it's easier for me to write my fears and misery than to speak (where crying often gets in the way) so I got more relief from this board than anywhere else.

In a couple of months, I think I may sign on with Hospice as a volunteer - I'm confident in my caregiving skills and after this experience, I certainly have some idea of what could be helpful for families.

I'm grateful to you all, and for this board, and for life in general!

Love,
Susan
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Old 01-04-2009, 11:51 PM   #138
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfstar View Post
Thank you all so much for your condolences. Hospice was wonderful, in the short time we were there, they did everything possible for Jim, his parents and me. His last couple of days were difficult to watch, he was in pain and very fretful. During my last hours with him, he woke off and on but for the most part slept peacefully.

Everyone deals with loss in a different manner; Jim's parents chose not to go and see him after we got the calls that he was gone. I went, and I will forever be grateful that I did - every stress line, pain line, every muscle distortion from the disease was gone from his face and body - he looked like my Jim again. I hope that he knew a moment of this release before he died. When I saw that, I felt half of my stress just drain away.

I will love him greatly and miss him terribly until the day I die, and afterwards. I am very, very sad but grateful that his suffering is over. I am also unbelievably physically tired now that the need for my care is gone. I was told that this is normal and that I need to pay attention to my body while it recovers. I'd have been able to keep going as long as needed but the longer the work, the longer my recovery would be. Whatever, I am just grateful that I had the strength and training to see this journey to the end. And all through it, every Saturday after we married, Jim wished me happy anniversary, and he thanked me several times a day for my care. I cannot believe how unbelievably lucky I was to have him.

We're going to take a couples of week's to pull our lives back together before we do a memorial service for him. This is his daughter's first major loss; she's still trying to process it, living several states away and feeling bad that she didn't get down to see him more often. She was planning to come in another two weeks; we thought we'd have him for another month or two but it wasn't to be.
I want this to be what she wants it to be because I had my closure by seeing his face, and I've started healing. I want to make sure that she gets the closure she needs, and my daughter, too. Jim was a father figure to her.

Thank you all for your encouragement and compliments, too. it's easier for me to write my fears and misery than to speak (where crying often gets in the way). In a couple of months, I think I may sign on with Hospice as a volunteer - I'm confident in my caregiving skills and after this experience, I certainly have some idea of what could be helpful for families.

I'm grateful to you all, and for this board, and for life in general!

Love,
Susan
Susan, your post made me cry. I just wish I could reach through the computer screen and give you a hug. You are so strong. Please know that I'll continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:32 PM   #139
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfstar View Post
. I went, and I will forever be grateful that I did - every stress line, pain line, every muscle distortion from the disease was gone from his face and body - he looked like my Jim again. I hope that he knew a moment of this release before he died. When I saw that, I felt half of my stress just drain away.
Thank you for your update on you. I hope you are taking care of yourself.

This post above really hit home for me. My father is going through ALS and I strongly feel this will be his last year living with this awful disease.
Sometimes when I see my father he is just a "shell" of what he used to be. ALS has crippled him completely.

Although I don't want my dad to go, I also know one day he will be at peace and be completely pain free from ALS --- just like your Jim is now.

Still thinking of you.
Take Care
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:37 PM   #140
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfstar View Post
Thank you all so much for your condolences. Hospice was wonderful, in the short time we were there, they did everything possible for Jim, his parents and me. His last couple of days were difficult to watch, he was in pain and very fretful. During my last hours with him, he woke off and on but for the most part slept peacefully.

Everyone deals with loss in a different manner; Jim's parents chose not to go and see him after we got the calls that he was gone. I went, and I will forever be grateful that I did - every stress line, pain line, every muscle distortion from the disease was gone from his face and body - he looked like my Jim again. I hope that he knew a moment of this release before he died. When I saw that, I felt half of my stress just drain away.

I will love him greatly and miss him terribly until the day I die, and afterwards. I am very, very sad but grateful that his suffering is over. I am also unbelievably physically tired now that the need for my care is gone. I was told that this is normal and that I need to pay attention to my body while it recovers. I'd have been able to keep going as long as needed but the longer the work, the longer my recovery would be. Whatever, I am just grateful that I had the strength and training to see this journey to the end. And all through it, every Saturday after we married, Jim wished me happy anniversary, and he thanked me several times a day for my care. I cannot believe how unbelievably lucky I was to have him.

We're going to take a couples of week's to pull our lives back together before we do a memorial service for him. This is his daughter's first major loss; she's still trying to process it, living several states away and feeling bad that she didn't get down to see him more often. She was planning to come in another two weeks; we thought we'd have him for another month or two but it wasn't to be.
I want this to be what she wants it to be because I had my closure by seeing his face, and I've started healing. I want to make sure that she gets the closure she needs, and my daughter, too. Jim was a father figure to her.

Thank you all for your encouragement and compliments, too. it's easier for me to write my fears and misery than to speak (where crying often gets in the way) so I got more relief from this board than anywhere else.

In a couple of months, I think I may sign on with Hospice as a volunteer - I'm confident in my caregiving skills and after this experience, I certainly have some idea of what could be helpful for families.

I'm grateful to you all, and for this board, and for life in general!

Love,
Susan
That was beautifully said. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and in awe at how you handled things.
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:57 PM   #141
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-05-2009, 09:11 PM   #142
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Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I'm glad you were able to write your feelings to us. As you found, aninimity is great for difficult conversations. I have to say, and I believe I echo other Dissers, you feel like family to us. I hope we have been able to carry some of your burden, and we will gladly continue. As others have said, please take care of yourself. Come back to us as you are able.
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Old 01-06-2009, 12:25 AM   #143
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I have been lurking, but feeling your pain for a while.

One thing I did after my father passed (thankfully quickly from pneumonia rather than slowly with mesothelioma - a type of very nasty lung cancer) was to take my daughter away on a retreat for a few days where nobody knows you or your story.

I was tired from the number of people who, while they said the "is there anything I can do to help" really meant - "tell me all about it, I wanna know" while offering nothing. Or otherwise just offered the same general comments which did nothing for the pain in my soul.

On the retreat I did not have to speak to anybody, I could just be quiet, allow my body to heal and start to process how my life had changed. Nothing fancy, just a bit of time out from the world for a while.
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Old 01-06-2009, 01:15 AM   #144
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Susan, so sorry to hear that Jim has passed on. Wishing you peace and healing.

Thinking of you.

Trish
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Old 01-06-2009, 07:27 AM   #145
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HI Elfstar! How are you doing? I totally understand what you said about being grateful for seeing Jim after he had passed. When my mom (my bestfriend) had passed from small cell lung cancer she had already had parkinsons disease for years. The minute she passed her face went back to the pre-parkinsons days. I had actually forgotten how she looked before the parkinsons disease. She looked so peaceful in her passing. I too am so grateful for the chance to see her after her passing. That is the picture of her I remember not the suffering face. I hope you continue to take it one day at a time and take care of yourself. You are in my prayers.
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Old 01-07-2009, 10:57 AM   #146
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Elfstar,
I have been following your thread from the start, and even though I've never posted, you, Jim and your families have been in my prayers....
I am so sorry for your loss and pray for your journey in healing.
Your absolute, complete love for him shines through and his life will be forever blessed by it.
May you be blessed as well....
Your thoughts to be a Hospice volunteer brought tears to my eyes, as your experiences have given you the complete compassion that other families so need. It would be a gift in Jim's honor that you would be able to provide.
My mother suffers with Parkinson's Disease, and had been a Hospice volunteer for many years....it has been suggested to us that she now enter the Hospice program soon...
life ebbs and flows in directions that we never expect to take us but always somehow touches us with the love and support of others.
to you!
Minniebeth
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:56 PM   #147
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Susan,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks goodness you were there for him, and that your last months together were so meaningful.

And I too know what you mean about the relief for your loved one. When my mom died last year after 10 years of living with a horribly debilitating illness, I got the chance to be alone with her at the wake. I told her how happy I was for her. I pictured her flying free of the body that had betrayed her.

And thanks for posting your story. You say it helped you, but also you are helping others. You remind me that I must make all I can of the time I have with my cousin.

Elizabeth
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Old 01-11-2009, 02:30 PM   #148
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Elfstar, I am extremely sorry for your loss. You are a wonderful woman, and always in my prayers.
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Old 01-13-2009, 05:32 PM   #149
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Susan I am so very sorry for your loss of Jim. I havn't been on my computer for a while so I did not know of Jim's passing. You are often in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. Shirley
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Old 01-14-2009, 10:20 AM   #150
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I am so, so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words to say.
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