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Old 05-01-2007, 06:01 PM   #1
kamgen
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Unhappy Today is 6months

My dad died on November 1 at the age of 55. Today is 6months and I don't feel any better. Sure I have good times in my life, but when I think of him, which is daily, the hurt seems like it is getting worse....
My dh is wonderful at being there for me, but other than that I feel really alone in dealing with my grief.
Just wanted to share. If anyone else is feeling this way, know that you are not alone.
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:17 PM   #2
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I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Your dad was very young!
I know it is difficult, just hang in there.
I lost my dad when I was 15, he was 67 years old! Somedays I still just sit and cry. I know your pain.
Here's a
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:36 PM   #3
kamgen
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Thank you so much Lisa.
I am too sorry for your loss. Does it ever get better??? I miss him so much and cannot help but sometimes dwell on all the things he will miss....My oldest son was only 14mths old when he died and my youngest was born 34 days after he died....
I know I will get through it....but it is hard. Thanks for the "virtual hugs"
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Old 05-01-2007, 09:43 PM   #4
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I am so sorry, and offer prayers to help you find a way to heal
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Old 05-02-2007, 06:05 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kamgen View Post
Thank you so much Lisa.
I am too sorry for your loss. Does it ever get better??? I miss him so much and cannot help but sometimes dwell on all the things he will miss....My oldest son was only 14mths old when he died and my youngest was born 34 days after he died....
I know I will get through it....but it is hard. Thanks for the "virtual hugs"
Does it get better? Yes, it does. Does the pain of not having your dad go away, no. You know, I am still so jealous of my sisters wedding photos. Isn't that terrible? My oldest sister is 14 years older than I am, my other sister 5 years older than me. They have wonderful photos of dad in their weddings, not me. I was stuck with my self centered brother.
I know dad was with me in spirit, I know he has been with me when I had my children, and you know what? I feel him around me sometimes.
I know it may seem weird, but I just know he is still checking on me.

I have to tell you this story...
My dad died Dec 16, 1977. Well, I was an obnoxious teenager and thought the world revolved around me. When dad died my world came crashing down.
I was very close to my dad.
Ok..so he was in WWII, and my brother, the one that walked me down the aisle, got his medals. Fast forward quite a few years, my mom gave me the flag that was on dad's casket. My brother in law made a cabinet for it, looks nice. My sister asked my brother, can you give Lisa the medals? Oh sure, yeah. Well, I am still waiting on them...
In the meantime, I contacted the government to see if I could get my dads medical records. I explained that I was only 15 when dad died, did not get to ask him a lot of questions cause I was a stupid teenager, etc.

On Dec 15, 2006( almost 29 years to the day he died) I received a small package in the mail. It had my fathers name and my name on it. I gave it to my 12 year old son to open. I was very apprehensive. Out came a copy of all but one of my dad's medals.
I cried for 2 days. I called my sister and she cried.
I thought she might have done it for me, but no, some nice guy at the records dept I think, took pity on me and my letter.

I showed my father in law the medals and he said, "Someone was looking out for you." I said, "Yeah, my dad."
I think my dad is tired of brother dragging his feet!!!

Sometimes it's the little things that take you back to remember your dad.
I don't cry as much these days, but you know, it still hurts.

My mom passed away this past Aug., and she and I were not close.
I don't cry over her like I still do my dad.
I think it has to do with the age I was and am now, and also how close I was to dad.

Take it a day at a time, remember the good times.

Lisa
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Old 05-02-2007, 06:26 AM   #6
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Hmmmmm...it has been a while, my Dad died at 52, he was the head guy in our family and our extended family, everyone who had a problem came to my Dad. I was 17 and it was hard as I never knew how when I came home from school I would find my Mother.. It was so hard on her, he was her world...

Anyway, it does get easier, it is just this part of it that was hard.. he was not there when I got married, my children do not know their grandfather, only through pictures and stories and I do try to keep his memory alive for them. The one other thing for me is one of my daughters looks just like my Dad, it is uncanny so when I do miss him, I can see his face in hers.....it is just amazing.

Hugs to you and the others that posted, it will get easier, and
he will always be with you...
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Old 05-02-2007, 09:14 AM   #7
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Thanks to all of you for your kind words and your stories. It means a lot that you shared them with me.
I know he is still with me in spirit and that he watches over me and my boys. I know he will be there to see them grow up, but they won't know him, and that is the hardest thing. I grieve more for what they lost, than what I lost. I am an only child, so I don't have a sibling to share this loss with. My mom is struggling emotionally and is completely shut herself off. That makes it even harder for me. It does help to know you guys are here to chat with if I need to.

Lisa- I am sorry about your mom. Last year was so hard. My granny died on August 1 and my dad on Nov 1. I hope 2007 will be better.
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Old 05-02-2007, 09:54 AM   #8
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Hugs, I haven't lost one of my parents, but I lost my maternal grandfather, he committed suicide when I was 2. I feel horrible because sometimes my Mom is so sad, but it's hard for me, I literally never knew him. My mom will say he would have loved to watch you & your sister grow, I ache more for my Mom's pain than anything, I'll pray for you that as time goes on the pain may lessen just a little, the most important is that you have your memories and you won't forget those.. ((HUGS))

PS to lisjl, your story brought tears to my eyes (not a hard thing to do the past week, but still what a touching story of love & a true angel, your dad!!) Prayers & hugs for you too!!
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Old 05-02-2007, 08:19 PM   #9
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I am sorry for your loss truly truly sorry. Some days it seems like the pain will never leave and it doesn't it lessens but it is always there ready to surface in those wonderful moments of life that come up such as the birth of children, weddings etc. I was 20yrs old when my Mom passed and I was pregnant with my first child talk about difficult I was 30 when my Dad passed and I was just 39 when my beloved Dh 44 died of lung cancer leaving me with three children ages 18,14, and just 2 (she was a surprise God gave her to me to get through it) It took me almost three yrs of struggle but the pain is still there it just not out in the open like before. You just learn to ive with the pain . You are in my prayers.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:00 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TomB'sWidow View Post
I am sorry for your loss truly truly sorry. Some days it seems like the pain will never leave and it doesn't it lessens but it is always there ready to surface in those wonderful moments of life that come up such as the birth of children, weddings etc. I was 20yrs old when my Mom passed and I was pregnant with my first child talk about difficult I was 30 when my Dad passed and I was just 39 when my beloved Dh 44 died of lung cancer leaving me with three children ages 18,14, and just 2 (she was a surprise God gave her to me to get through it) It took me almost three yrs of struggle but the pain is still there it just not out in the open like before. You just learn to ive with the pain . You are in my prayers.

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all that pain!
You have been through a lot. Actually, you sound like a friend of mine.
Her kids were grown but her mom died on the operating table during open heart surgery. Two months later her DH died from cancer, then her father died about 6 months after that.
Isn't it amazing all the things we can go through and still come out the other side?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa
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Old 05-03-2007, 07:43 AM   #11
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I am so sorry for your loss. And the losses of everyone on this board. My little sister only died two months ago, and I feel the same way. I miss her so much! She was the center of my world, and though it's been two months, I cannot imagine life without her. Also, my aunt died a month ago. My mother and grandmother are, understandably, complete wrecks.

Here is the URL to a whole messageboard of people who feel the same way and have helped me alot through this awful time:

http://dailystrength.org/support/Dea...g/Bereavement/

I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
Stay strong,
Alisa
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Old 05-03-2007, 08:02 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lisajl View Post
I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all that pain!
You have been through a lot. Actually, you sound like a friend of mine.
Her kids were grown but her mom died on the operating table during open heart surgery. Two months later her DH died from cancer, then her father died about 6 months after that.
Isn't it amazing all the things we can go through and still come out the other side?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa
Thank you, I appreciate that. Thanks
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Old 05-04-2007, 11:43 AM   #13
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Thanks again to all of you. Your stories, while heartwrenching, have made me feel less alone. I don't wish this pain on anyone, but I know it is part of life and it is normal.
I feel like many of you....so sad for all the things my dad won't be a part of. I jsut got remarried, had two little boys...I felt like my life was really just beginning and then my dad is gone.....the sadness is sometimes so overwhelming. Thanks for being here to listen and you are all in my prayers.
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:24 PM   #14
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To OP and all others who have posted - I'm so sorry for your losses. Yes, it is hard to think about living your life without that special person in it anymore. It will be 3 years in June since my Dad died. Op-I know how you feel about your kids. I get saddest when I think about them not growing up with their Pop-Pop. And although I still have times when I lock myself in a room and just cry because I miss him so much, I have to say it does seem a lot easier now than it did that first year. It's hard having to experience everything for the first time without someone - 1st Christmas without him, celebrating a birthday, etc. Although it may be hard to think about him or talk about him without being sad, I think we come to a point where we just have to be grateful for the time we did have with that person and do everything we can to make sure their memory lives on in our lives. I know your children are young, but talk about your Dad to them, show them pictures, etc. Just hang in there - you're not alone.
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Old 05-13-2007, 03:00 PM   #15
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Quote:
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I jsut got remarried, had two little boys...I felt like my life was really just beginning and then my dad is gone.....the sadness is sometimes so overwhelming.
You are not alone.


I was a typical moody teenager, thinking I would die some tragic death at 16, then look over my funeral and see all the "popular" boys crying over me.

Only 17th birthday I was fairly annoyed. From that day, I looked forward to 30. Got through my 20s with only that 30 mark helping me.

At last, 30. My life was starting, it was going to be fabulous. My mom and stepdad visited for my b'day that October. And then in November she was at last (*something* had been wrong for over a year, and repeated tests showed nothing, but she knew that *something* was wrong) diagnosed with leukemia. (and then my dad had a heart attack, that he survived) And then in Feb she was in remission, but in March the treatment got her.

The joy of being 30 was extinguished.


And my mom's dad died suddenly too. My mom was newly pregnant (with me!), and it was his first grandchild. She told him very early (she knew instantly, never took a pg test), and he took cigars to his work, celebrating a baby that wasn't even finished with the embryonic stage yet. And weeks later was gone.


So you're not alone in feeling that something was just getting started, and then another thing ends.

The grief, the sadness...well, the time between being overwhelmed will start getting longer. The feelings, when they come, will likely be the same. But they will start shortening, and the time between them will start lenghthening. You just have to get through the hard times...
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