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Old 04-12-2007, 08:28 PM   #1
Mr._The_King
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A cockroach biting my butt.... The End 7/21 #285

Set the tone for this trip report. Although it did not happen first chronologically, it still hurts the most.

This is the whetting of the appetite trip report.
One day visit in the World + Four Disney Freaks = what?

Is the answer to this equation torture or a special sneak peak into our full blown disboard flavored summer vacation?

Turns out it is a little of both.

Chapter 1 -page 1 post 1
Chapter 2 -page 1 post 11
Chapter 3 -page 3 post 31
Chapter 4 -page 4 post 55
Chapter 5 -page 6 post 77
Chapter 6- page 7 post 98
Chapter 7- page 10 post 146
Chapter 8- page 11 post 158
Chapter 9- page 12 post 173
Chapter 10- page 13 post 187
Chapter 11- page 14 post 200
Chapter 12- page 15 post 217
Chapter 13- page 16 post 239
Chapter 14- page 18 post 261
Chapter 15- page 19 post 285


The cast of characters
Mr. The King, My husband of 9 ½ years. He is a special Education teacher currently finishing up his Master’s. He is a little busy. I cut him no slack. He gets along with everyone, is very quick witted and thank God, dumb enough to marry me.

Me, Mrs. The King. I would prefer the screen name “Cinderella’s twin” or something sweet and girlie but he signed up first and racked up a staggering 79 plus post count, so I stole his id and will post this for him. I am a Stay at home Mom. It is the best job I have ever suckered anyone into giving me. I do not feel like I have done anything spectacular enough to deserve my amazing, endlessly beautiful kids.

DS 8 (Prince Charming..PC) ahhh, how do you describe this one? My son is the kindest boy on the planet. The beauty of his soul is achingly apparent in his sweet eyes. He loves cars, laughing and swimming.

DD 5 (Princess Stitch..PS) Stitch has nothing on this one. She can destroy a room in a few minutes flat. A ball of energy with a quiet side that speaks to animals. She has intuition that is flawless. She will tell you when you are sad and hug you into a smile. On this visit she curled up in my 88 year old grandfather’s lap and sang to him for what seemed like sweet hours.

Our set up is fantastic. My parents have worked for Disney for 7 years. We have a meager salary but we can roll like Kings in Disney due to all the freeness and discountness we tend to encounter. So we fit in with your coupon clippers and the Ritchie Richersons that have a 40 day visits in the Wilderness Lodge. You can all read this report.

So a little pre trip…

This trip to Disney is fitted in between a visit to my Grandfather and parents. We travel about 16 hours to get to Florida. This is a sneaky peaky visit. Snuck in there. No big planning. No succumbing to the craziness. No pupils turned into hidden Mickies. No prepping the kids for months before hand by coloring Disney pictures, playing the Disney Radio station, making the Disney paper chain and singing the “Oh Disney World song” (to the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree”) every time we take off a link. I am scaring myself here. Has it gotten this bad? Oh yes, it has.

So back to leaving..Mr The King is working late at the Middle school putting our departure time at around 3:00pm. I have picked up PC early from school and prepped the house for the dog sitter. The dogs looked worried. My very smart dog, Snowy is trying to stuff herself in the very clean van. Did I tell you my clean van story yet? Let me throw that in here…it is a fun one…

Mrs. The King goes to the car wash

like the blonde that she is. Due to the layout I had a nice big audience of gentlemen that work in the professional car wash. Lucky me. I pull up and pay, and then I remembered to pull off my antenna Mickey ears and Walt Disney World magnet, so I jump out while the machine is screaming "Pull up to the car wash" over and over. I run back around the van and hop in, pull in and Yup, you guessed it forgot to put my window up from paying. The super powerful faceful of water reminded me to press the up button for the window. Power windows are realllllly slow. My audience of men were when they saw how wet I was. But water and humiliation can't keep me down, so I drive over to the vacuum. I get out, shake off, pull out the mats, wave to my fans, and take my only cash, one dollar, over to the change maker. Four quarters and a big hairy spider plop out. So now I have to get the quarters away from the spider, who would like to keep them for himself. I hate spiders. I hate greedy spiders even more. So I am screaming, jumping and getting my freaking quarters. Now the boys are just watching the show Whatever, I got my money, plugged the quarters into the vacuum and get started vacuuming 6 weeks of crap and crumbs out of my giant van. I am very competitive. I want to win. I want to beat the vacuum at it's own game. I will make every spidery quarter worth it. So I am running around inside the van, vacuuming my butt off. Just at the very end, I jump out to do the mats and in my frenzy, and an ill chosen low cut t-shirt, my umm..girl .. pops out. To all the boys working in the car wash, you are welcome



So my van is clean and Mr. the King has repacked the van to his liking and we are off… Any of you that have been to Disney in the spring might predict what happened next to the ill planned Kings ...It involves punching, flicking and a Dunkin Donuts that was obviously hosting a casting call for a Quentin Tarantino movie…
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Old 04-12-2007, 09:00 PM   #2
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Hey look what I got for myself
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Old 04-12-2007, 09:25 PM   #3
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ok yeah, go on.....I am liking this.
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Old 04-12-2007, 09:38 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinderella's twin View Post
Hey look what I got for myself
Cool!
Keep the trip report coming...
Smiles, Diane =0)

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Old 04-12-2007, 10:18 PM   #5
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Wow, you are off to a wonderful start! Can't wait for more!
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Old 04-12-2007, 10:31 PM   #6
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Sounds fun to me....I'm in!
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Old 04-12-2007, 10:36 PM   #7
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Ready for more....
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Old 04-12-2007, 10:38 PM   #8
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that is probably the most entertaining thread I've read in a long time!!! I can't wait to hear the rest of it!!!
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Old 04-12-2007, 10:39 PM   #9
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Gaaaa!! That can't be it!!! More please!!!!!
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Old 04-13-2007, 06:33 AM   #10
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I am so glad you guys like it!!! I am putting my big toe the Dis pool here writing my mini trip report. I will write the whole thing, I promise
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Old 04-13-2007, 04:15 PM   #11
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Chapter 2


So my van is clean and Mr. the King has repacked it to his liking and we are off… Any of you that have been to Disney in the spring might see what happened next to the ill planned Kings… It involves punching, flicking and a Dunkin Donuts that was obviously hosting a casting call for a scary movie…

We leave our happy house. This time there were no lists, no carefully packed hand painted outfits for the kids, no Tinkerbell gifts hidden in the Stow n’ Go compartments. But we are not sad, this is a cheat visit. We have it in perspective. WE ARE FINE!!! I am pretty sure we will be able to control the tremors when we start to see Disney signs on the way to my Grandfather’s house . In case we start experiencing withdrawal symptoms, I have wisely packed Slim Jims, sunflower seeds, and chocolate . When used together these foods can ease the effect of the Disney signs on your psyche. Of course your punishment for the cure is the gas you pass that smells like burning bologna and cigars . You have to take the good with the bad in life.

Where was I?

Oh right, we are “on the road” Mr. The King and I disagree as to when “on the road” starts. I think it starts when you close the door to your van. He feels you must be at least 60 miles onto a main road that is heading in the direction of Florida . If there is a bathroom break, a quick stop in Wal-mart for zip lock bags etc, we become “off the road” And must start over again to try and be “on the road”.

Anyhooo, We are planning to put about 6 hours in “on the road” before settling into a comfy hotel with our green or red book coupon. Like always. When we go in August. April is not August. The Kings are about to learn the difference.

We go our allotted amount and pull off the road in North Carolina. The clueless Kings stare wide eyed at the very full parking lots in the Hotels. “Hmm, busy tonight” I say with a smile. Mr. The King knows our fate before I do. In our 9 ½ years of marriage he has learned to try to stay optimistic. Sometimes his wife can move mountains. He is a lucky man. I do the John Wayne walk of cramped legs up to the Country Inn and Suites. The Kings think they would love it here. I walk up to the receptionist. “Do you have any vacancies?” The sleepy not so friendly lady says “All we have is a Smoking handicapped room with one King bed left.” Well Mrs. King turns up her nose and thinks “My children won’t sleep in a smoking room”. “ No, thank you” and off I go. Had I only known. The receptionist should have lunged over her desk and grabbed me by the shirt screaming “YOU FOOL!! There will be no rooms anywhere on I-95!!! ALL THE WAY TO YOUR GRANDPA’S!! By the time you and that poor man that married you get done driving tomorrow you will wish not only that you took the room, you clean air snob, But you will have gratefully taken the room even if it had an actual handicapped man in the king bed with you smoking cigarettes with every hole in his body and a couple of your own holes too .” But she was quiet. And I was righteous and unknowing. So it starts…The ride that never ends.

Mr. The King and I have been awake and working our butts off all day Friday.
It is now 10:00pm. We will be “on the road” (either version) until 8:00am the following day. Our beautiful kids have become cranky and sleepy. They begin their fitful descent into dream world. Mr. The King and I begin our dance of delusion. We will stop every once in a while to get the coupon books for the state we are in. I will call hotels and be told “no vacancy” over and over. But we hang onto the hope until the end. We’re hopers . During the trip we dip into “The Cure”. We know we will be punished, but we snap into a Slim Jim. When it is time for another dose of “The Cure”, I have to crawl to the back of our van for the supplies. This sounds easy, and even looks like it might be easy. Then you get up and walk Alice in Wonderland style all crunched up . Mr. The King will then speed up, change lanes, and break quickly. I think he does this to amuse himself. Nothing funnier then throwing the wife around inside the van. Passive aggressive is what I call it.

During this trip report there will be Flashbacks to The Kings in prior years…To keep it from getting confusing they will start like so…

****Flashback*****

Not having a flash now, just setting it up for later.

There are two things I do not like on the way down I-95 (if you don’t count the tailgating crazies jumping from lane to lane ~ though maybe the wife is going for supplies )

The first is the “Adult signs” in Georgia. Really Georgia, lets clean up our act a little . You do know that this is the road we all use to get to Disney. Maybe you could advertise peaches or something else a little less perplexing to kids. What should I say to my kids when we pass those? So far, when they asked about it on the way up I explained that the “WE BARE ALL” sign really said “Webareall” which is much like a weeble.

The second is “South of the Border”. Well, I have a love / hate relationship with Pedro. He is really all talk. I do like to watch the signs go by. On the way down to Florida, passing South of the Border feels great! Look at that horrible excuse of a theme park! On the way back you almost want to stop, see if you can suck any fun out of the measly place. And I have never seen that roller coaster moving. Ever.

Of course this visit, we pass it all in the dark. We plod through North Carolina, South Carolina (thanks for dividing those Carolinas up) Georgia and as the sun is coming up, Florida. About an hour before sunrise, Mr. The King is looking droopy. Real droopy . Mrs. The King has stopped being entertaining about an hour ago. The best thing I can think of to keep him awake is punching him and flicking the back of his neck. He takes the pain because he knows he must stay awake to drive. We did quote the vacation movie a few times “Turn off the T.V. Clark and come to bed”. Finally, we arrive. A whole day early. What to do? I, of course, make a reservation in a hotel in my Grandpa’s town. I make reservations all the time now. Even if we are not traveling, just to be sure. We arrive at 8:00am. I beg for an early check in. They can give us a room at 10:00am. We have two hours to kill. We are numb, the kids are disorientated. So we head to the Dunkin Donuts. Just what “The Cure” needs. Donuts. We stagger into the craziest Dunkin Donuts I have ever seen. It is smashed inside a gas station and a gift shop that carries alligator heads and glass figurines. The line for the Donuts is almost out the door. Everyone is staring at us, not sure why. Maybe it is the scary red eyes, maybe because I ripped my uncomfortable bra off in South Carolina (Easier to get “the Cure” down if you don’t wear a bra) The stains on my clothes, or maybe the fact that Quentin had not invited us to this casting call. You have got the Mom beating her kid in the corner, the leathery-tan Floridian construction worker taking up the biggest table all by himself sneering at everyone, the six couples of old people getting there morning Donut on. The employees are fantastic at looking busy and doing nothing. The donuts get stacked, icing on icing and dropped into a bag. All breads are burned black. We eat our breakfast in the surreal setting. Then drive over to Burger King. They thankfully have a play set for the kids to run around on until our room opens up. We did it. Mr. The King and I. We never want to do it again.

Next up, interviews, food poisoning, my cockroach friend and riding the Maddahorn in Disney World (didn’t think there was a Maddahorn in Disney World?? There is!!)
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Old 04-13-2007, 04:31 PM   #12
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Omg, this is TOO funny....
You have a gift for writing and I am very much looking forward to the next installation of your trip!

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Old 04-13-2007, 04:38 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bamajill View Post
Omg, this is TOO funny....
You have a gift for writing and I am very much looking forward to the next installation of your trip!

Thank you so much, thanks for coming on this crazy ride
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Old 04-13-2007, 04:49 PM   #14
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still here, still loving it. Still wanting more.
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Old 04-13-2007, 04:49 PM   #15
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Smile

PLEASE POST SOON --SOOO ADDICTING
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