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Old 02-06-2007, 11:39 AM   #1
Philagoofy
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Too long for you to read, mainly me rambling.

I know people have far worse problems than I have. So this is just me writing how I'm feeling right now, so maybe I can get some out, maybe look at it later. Maybe delete it later.

How much negativity, drama & sympathy attention behavior can a person take. I know there are so many different situations & people's empathy, tolarence, etc is different so I guess I'm just blowing off some steam.

It really gets so tiring being around a negative person, who I also feel amplifies problems to where I start believing something that happens is such a tragedy. I realize he has a lot of medical problems but they seem to get worse when it's time to do something he doesn't want to do. In the past 3 weeks, he's only been to work 2 maybe 3 days. He lost a lot of time last year, some of it warranted, some I'm not so sure.

I really feel for him & his medical problems but any thing that goes wrong, like last night the heater broke, it's like a major catastrophe. I don't see this with other people, not that I'm privy to their whole life, but it just gets to be too dramatic.

I know I have to learn how to respond, tune out sometimes & go about my way without it affecting me so much, but I'm not a strong person. I get so tired of it. The one thing in my life I really used to look forward to, that I practically lived for, I don't have much interest in anymore.

How long can you keep telling someone that it'll get better, you'll get healthier. I don't believe it anymore, not after 20+ years. Not when there's a new ailment, a new problem time after time.

I go over this stuff in my mind over & over & can't come up with a way to become stronger & not let it bring me down. So I eat whatever I feel like, my cholestrol is probably sky high, don't much care. I can't imagine another 20-30 years of living like this. Can't leave, he has no one. He's thoughtful in some ways, always willing to help anyone, he's not a horrible person, but he's very needy, dramatic. I know I'm no where near perfect & don't expect him to be either.

It's like an endless cycle. He thought things would be better after his parents died (she was mentally ill, always sick, very needy, put him down & sf was not the most loving man), but things aren't all that much better. Actually, he does take things alot better than he used to, used to get big time depression, now handles things better but still, the medical issues, still gets mad about everyday things like the heater. How is it my fault. Guilt trips, another thing he got from his mother.

Well, I feel a little better. I'll get back to work cleaning up the house before dh gets home. Nice quite time. I shoulda been a hermit.
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Old 02-06-2007, 12:01 PM   #2
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Philagoofy-- I'm sorry. I guess I'm gonna assume that this is your DH you're talking about?

Anyway, just from reading your post about him, it almost sounds to me that he suffers from a long term depression/anxiety disorder (you probably know this I'm betting).

Has he hever sought any help or considered any medications?

I, myself, suffer from an anxiety disorder and I know that when it is really bad, I can often react like this person you describe. If his health is truly not so great, it spills over and into everything. And then small things (like the heater) just become massive obstacles.

It is VERY hard for the people that surround the depressed/anxious person. I know you were just venting and not looking for answers, but has he even considered or tried some type of assistance?
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Old 02-06-2007, 01:12 PM   #3
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Hi Christine, thanks for your thoughts & suggestions. Yes, it is my dh & he is on many meds, a couple of which are for bi-polar & depression. He really has improved in the depression part quite a bit from years ago but still, the drama of a broken heater, things happen. He should be glad we don't have any children to worry about. I know that he has it tough. I know I shouldn't complain, it's not always bad but I don't know when he's dramatizing or if it's real.

Example, last year he complained of chest pains & shortness of breath. He had his heart checked several times & it came out alright. I told him it was probably stress cause I had chest pains years ago from my job. When I changed jobs it went away.

Well, it turns out that it really was a heart problem. If he had listened to me... So I don't know when it's real, when it's being blown out of proportion for sympathy or exagerrated to get out of doing something (which I know has happened in the past). So now I have to believe everything is real. It just gets tiring. I don't know how other people deal with it day after day.

I always used to tell him, there are people a lot worse off than you. I didn't mean to minimalize his problems but they really didn't seem as bad as what some people have. I know now that that didn't help & was not the right thing to say. And now I have to remember that & just try to get stronger & try to be more positive, whether he is or not.

Hope you are doing ok.
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Old 02-06-2007, 04:23 PM   #4
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it's tough for everyone when someone has health problems and i think mental health are some of the worst to have a loved one have. it's hard to put yourself in their place( have this with daughter who has clinical depression) and hard to deal with moods, knowing what to do/say. i have a number of physical problems and really wonder how hubby puts up with it, it's gotta be tough ( he gets stuck most of the time with the housework etc). so nothing to recommend, just try to hang in there. can you maybe get a hobby or something to let you escape from the situation( ie take a class, something)?
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Old 02-06-2007, 09:00 PM   #5
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I have a person in my life similiar to who you are describing. My loved one has depression but keeps stopping the meds the doctor perscribed. In addition to this they have alcoholism. A few years back I found ALNON. I am by no means suggesting your DH is an alcoholic, but perhaps a support group of some sort to help you help you. I can not begin to describe how it has helped me. My loved one hasn't changed one bit, my patience, outlook, attitude, love for life have all changed.
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Old 02-07-2007, 07:03 AM   #6
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No words of wisdom, just a caring hug to help you get through the day. People do listen, so talk to us if it makes you feel better.
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Old 02-07-2007, 03:03 PM   #7
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Sending hugs and prayers. Please remember to be good to yourself. Please feel free to come here and vent. It really does help.
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Old 02-09-2007, 08:16 AM   #8
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I hear ya on many plains.. I too have some in my family that are like this, some I have just broken away from because it is too painful to be around all the time...

Now not with my immediate family would I ever do that.. they are my life, I think it is the nature of life that some go through it wearing rose colored glasses and are way more optimistic than others.. I have that in my children....some are more optimistic than others.. I myself try to get on the optimistic side, but tend to hang out on the worrying side of negative. I do try to keep a positive attitude, but it is not always easy for me. I think it is the nature of the person to either be the optimistic or negative type, then add in the others to the mix, bi-polar, anxiety, depression, and it can be overwhelming..

Hugs to you and yours, please come here anytime you need to vent, we are here for you....even with just a hug or to let you know what you are feeling is normal.....take care of yourself too...do some things for you..
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Old 02-10-2007, 08:31 AM   #9
Philagoofy
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A thanks to everyone who has offered their compassion & suggestions. It does help to talk about things & have someone listen, it's most appreciated. Thinking postive, today will be a good day.

To all of you, I hope each & every day is a better one for you & your loved ones who are hurting.
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