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Old 12-28-2006, 08:40 PM   #1
Teacher03
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What to do?

My mom is dying from pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in September, and is not doing well. We were really surprised that she made it through Christmas. As soon as she was diagnosed, we knew what to expect as we lost a cousin to it two years ago. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am married with a family as are my two sisters. My dad has been the major caregiver, and now that things are getting worse, my sisters and I have been taking turns staying there. My sisters and I feel that it is time for her to go into a hospice, but my dad flat out refuses. It is getting more difficult to care for her at home. I am a teacher, and I have to go back to work soon. Mydad doesn't understand that I just can't spend the night there every night. (They live about 30 minutes away.) Plus I miss my kids. I want to be there for my mom, but I am so exhausted physically and mentally, I just don't know what to do. She could pass away at any time, or it could be a couple more weeks. I guess I am just looking for some advice, some prayers, some understanding. I just don't know what to do.
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Old 12-28-2006, 09:00 PM   #2
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Your a great daughter! Sometimes hospice can come to the home. Why don't you call around and see what's available? I went through this with my son (18). There are alot of feelings that are happening and are going to happen. Don't got through it alone.
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Old 12-28-2006, 10:44 PM   #3
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Whem my younger brother (17) was at the end of his battle we were able to get a hospice at the house. He really wanted to be in his room with his family when it was time and so we found a way to make it happen. Maybe a social worker could point you in the right direction.

You are doing an amzing thing for you family....just keep going....
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Old 12-28-2006, 10:53 PM   #4
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Thank you, it's comforting to know that we are not the only ones who have gone through this. We do have a hospice nurse that comes every other day, who has been an angel, but my dad can't do it alone, and it is just getting impossible for my sisters and I to be there all the time since we all work. We are hoping that he will have a nurse come in to stay with him if we can't be there. We also have some aunts that are willing to come, but my dad just can't seem to ask them. He is having a difficult time with it all, and isn't handling it well. My mom has never complained, not once. She is amazing. I am spending tonight home with my kids and husband, and it feels so good. I will have to go back to it tomorrow, but it is nice to somewhat think about something else for a while. Thanks once again for your kind words and prayers.
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Old 12-29-2006, 08:03 AM   #5
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I am so sorry....

I am not sure you know this but my husband has pancreatic cancer.....and we are battling right now ourselves.. I asked for this board for precisely your type of post. I want people who are the caretakers or the ones who are ill to know that on the Dis we have a place that you can come and talk about how you are feeling and get support, most of all get support..


I am not where you are right now, my heart goes out to your Mom and to your Dad and you and your sisters..I have 3 daughters myself who are involved in their Father's illness. Pancreatic is a horrible cancer and wreaks havoc on the families of those affected..

Recently, we had genetic testing to see if my husband had the gene that passes this disease on to his children, thankfully, he did not. So why he got this, who knows....

Help for your Dad and for you all, you have to get help. I would be looking into hospice coming more, finding out what my insurance will cover and try to do the best you can to make sure your Mom has the best care that she can....Maybe you will have to help your Dad and hire a nurse at night so that he can rest and you all can too.. You want to be there, but you have a family and a job, you will be there as much as you can.. There are no guidelines for this, you just do the best you can.

God Bless your Mom, I would like to add her to my prayer list....just her first name so that when I pray I will say her name..

OK.. getting weepy here, my heart goes out to you all... Stay strong...and most of all know you are not alone.
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Old 12-29-2006, 02:34 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mackey Mouse View Post
I am so sorry....

I am not sure you know this but my husband has pancreatic cancer.....and we are battling right now ourselves.. I asked for this board for precisely your type of post. I want people who are the caretakers or the ones who are ill to know that on the Dis we have a place that you can come and talk about how you are feeling and get support, most of all get support..


I am not where you are right now, my heart goes out to your Mom and to your Dad and you and your sisters..I have 3 daughters myself who are involved in their Father's illness. Pancreatic is a horrible cancer and wreaks havoc on the families of those affected..

Recently, we had genetic testing to see if my husband had the gene that passes this disease on to his children, thankfully, he did not. So why he got this, who knows....

Help for your Dad and for you all, you have to get help. I would be looking into hospice coming more, finding out what my insurance will cover and try to do the best you can to make sure your Mom has the best care that she can....Maybe you will have to help your Dad and hire a nurse at night so that he can rest and you all can too.. You want to be there, but you have a family and a job, you will be there as much as you can.. There are no guidelines for this, you just do the best you can.

God Bless your Mom, I would like to add her to my prayer list....just her first name so that when I pray I will say her name..

OK.. getting weepy here, my heart goes out to you all... Stay strong...and most of all know you are not alone.
I am so, so sorry. I didn't know this! It is a horrible disease as you know. My mom's name is Shirley, thank you for your prayers. I will keep you and your husband in our prayers. I didn't know about the genetic testing, this might be something we need to look into because my mom is the third in her family to have this type of cancer. Once again, I am so sorry
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Old 12-29-2006, 02:41 PM   #7
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I am so sorry your family is going through this.
I feel what you are going through. I am very lucky my mom should be ok.
But I know what it is like driving 45min in one direction everyday and staying out there.

Hugs and prayers
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Old 12-29-2006, 02:46 PM   #8
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Just for your information, our testing was done at Mass General Hospital. Your Mom will have to give vials of blood, I believe it is 4, for this testing to be done. If she has the mutation, then I believe you and your sisters will be tested......

I am ok with what is going on with us right now. I have my moments when I am not strong, but then I get strong again. Here is what I tell myself... I am praying for a miracle, that he will beat the odds, but I am prepared for whatever comes our way. Not saying I will not be crying, but I am mentally prepared....

Hugs to you... I will be praying for Shirley and her daughters and her husband as they go down this road.. Please know that you can come here and vent whenever you need to.....this is not easy....Hugs again.
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Old 12-31-2006, 08:52 PM   #9
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I just wanted to let everyone know that my dear mom passed away quietly in her sleep this evening. She was in alot of pain, so it was a blessing, but I will miss her terribly. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers. Mackey Mouse, I am praying for a miracle for your husband and everyone who is going through this.
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Old 12-31-2006, 10:20 PM   #10
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I am very sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family. I will add you all to my prayers.
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Old 12-31-2006, 10:55 PM   #11
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May your family find comfort and peace during this tumultous time.
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Old 01-01-2007, 12:45 AM   #12
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I'm so sorry, I will remember your family in my prayers.
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Old 01-01-2007, 08:53 AM   #13
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I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Please take comfort in your memories.
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Old 01-01-2007, 09:36 AM   #14
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I received your beautiful pm this morning letting me know about your Mom's passing.. There are no eloquent words that I can use here to tell you how I am feeling over this..

I know how horrible this cancer is and my heart went out to you when you said that is what she had and that she was in final stages. I thank God she is free of the pain and suffering from pancreatic cancer and that you and your sisters can remember her without sickness and just look back on the good memories.

I do know that takes a while to do as it took me a long to forget how sick my Mom was when she was dying and what I saw in the hospital etc....but now I do not even think of those days, I just remember her making bread pudding, loving my children, and being there whenever I needed her.

Please stay strong these next few days and we are here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on. I am praying for a miracle too for my husband and who knows what will happen. I am living my days with him, one at a time, taking them as they come and trying to enjoy and put it out of my head.. not always easy to do..

Hugs to you and your family, may God bless you all, you have been through a lot.
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Old 01-01-2007, 10:55 AM   #15
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So very to hear about your Mom's illness and passing. Losing a mother is just so difficult. All of us daughters who are now motherless understand the loss and what you will experience emotionally as you cope with your loss.

My own Mom passed 9 years ago, just after midnight, on January 1st. She also was diagnosed in September, so had a fairly brief illness. Hers was a primary brain tumor. She spent her last days in the hospital, Christmas included. We watched the Portland fireworks from her room at midnight, and when we turned back to her, she was gone.

The memory of her illness and passing and the thoughts of that horrible Christmas stayed with me for a few years, but eventually time eased the pain and faded the pictures of the really bad stuff. What used to come readily to mind, is harder to remember now, unless I really spend time thinking about it.

I'm just telling you all that, in the hopes that you will have faith that this will be your path also. Time will bring more peace of mind.

Blessings to you and your family.
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