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Old 02-11-2007, 08:44 PM   #1
anewvance
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Missing my grandfather & feeling guilty

As you might know, I lost my grandfather almost 2 weeks ago. The man who raised me from birth, the most wonderful man i've ever known. I'm just feeling sad tonight. But also a little guilty because I had a nice weekend.

On Saturday our whole family including my grandmother went to my mom's company picnic. These people put on quite a shindig. And we had a great time, my grandfather would have hated every minute of it, lol. My grandmother handled it pretty well, my mom had asked people not to offer condolenses at the picnic and most people complied.

And today I went shopping without my kids with my sister and got to have dinner at Outback Steakhouse which I had been craving since we'd had it New Years Eve. I felt such pleasure leaving Outback that it immediately made me feel guilty.

Does this feeling ever go away? Is it normal? Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 02-11-2007, 09:40 PM   #2
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First off, big hugs to you

It is never easy losing someone so close, and so dear. I think the old expression of time, is very true. When I lost my grandmother, it was like my life shattered (was 15). I cried, every little thing reminded me of her, and I cried more...I think you need to grieve, and this is part of the process, at least it was for me..After a while, you don't stop thinking, only you think and smile, and remember something you did, or he did, and you think and smile, and it does become less painful. It really does It never hurts as much as it does right now..

You have your family, and that won't erase the old memories, only make them more dear. Very often I think that my grandmother would have went crazy having fun with my kids. I am 37, so that makes 22 years she is gone, and I still think the way, but as I said, with a smile..

Everyone goes through their own grieving, and I think it is important to do so..

I hope I did not ramble too much.

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Old 02-12-2007, 07:00 AM   #3
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I think it is wonderful that you were able to slip away from your sadness for a little while. Never feel guilty! You know your Grandfather wouldn't want you to do that!
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Old 02-12-2007, 07:54 AM   #4
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I think that your Grandfather would have loved that you had a bit of fun since he passed away....Hugs to you, remember each day is a gift and we need to live our lives without guilt, going for the gusto, never having regrets....I am sure you do not regret your life with him and he would want you to look towards the future and live your life.. he lived his.. Cherish your Grandmother and enjoy your life.

I never felt guilty, I always missed the loved ones I have lost, but I never felt guilty...don't do that to yourself...remember the good times.
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Old 02-16-2007, 01:00 AM   #5
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I think it's pretty common to feel guilty in a situation like that, but you need to know: it's false guilt. You did nothing wrong, but somehow it just "feels wrong" to be having fun when you loved one has recently died. I'm sure your grandfather wouldn't have looked at it that way, but we feel what we feel. It will probably happen again, but just because you feel guilty, doesn't mean you ARE guilty of wrong-doing.

I'm glad you were able to go out and have a little fun. You've been so worried. Give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace. Eventually, your emotions will settle down and life will go on, differently of course, but it will go on.
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Old 02-25-2007, 01:41 PM   #6
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After my grandmother died in 1994, a friend told my DH "let her grieve in her own way, on her own timeline"

Best advice he ever got and now I'm passing it to you! You are the only one who can tell what is normal for you. I believe we are allowed to be selfish about this.

HUGS,

Melissa
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