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Old 01-24-2015, 08:48 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 86

Mum I miss you...


I posted a while ago because my mum and my MIL were both ill. MIL has cancer and my mother had COPD (end stage apparently)
Well I went home to the UK at thanksgiving to visit my mum - she was being discharged from the hospital on the day I arrived there. We took her home and shockingly in the early hours of the morning that I was due to come back to the USA she was taken back into hospital and we were asked to come to the A & E department as she was dying. What happened next was heart wrenching. My mother was in the resuscitation room for 2 hours while they worked to save her. She was sat up in bed with a CPAP mask on while they tried in vain to remove the carbon dioxide from her system, She was semi conscious ,eyes rolling, and trying to fight back. We were all willing her on but sadly after 2 attempts they told us it was no good and they were going to have to let her go.
I am devastated , my world has collapsed, how the heck do you move on from this. All I see very night and every morning is the scene in that room - I can't get past it - I keep asking myself if she knew what was going on ( I pray that she didn't) The hole in my heart is massive, I can't ever see it healing.
Its almost 2 months ago that this happened. Am I normal to feel this way? Anyones experience of grief would help - how long does the hurt and pain last for?
Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-24-2015, 09:49 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 400

Oh no I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm an ER nurse and unfortunately these scenes happen often and you can't unsee something you have seen. Oh how I wish we could.

It sounds like your mother was hypoxic and I doubt that she even understood what was going on. That's pretty common. Try and think about her in happier times and not about that day if you can.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. :-(
POFQ, April 22-27, 2015!
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Old 01-24-2015, 10:36 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 483

We lost my Mom to stage IV breast cancer in September (it had spread to her lungs, plus she had emphysema, so her breathing was pretty bad, especially at the end). My Dad, brother and I were there when she passed, and although it was peaceful (I live 2.5 hours away, and by the time I arrived she was already unconscious and her 02 sats had dropped into the 80s; she just gradually breathed slower over 4-5 hours), it was still difficult. I haven't noticed the grief getting any better, and I'm not sure I expect it too. I suspect it is the price we pay when we love someone dearly.
Melissa + E (14) R (12) & I (8)
now including D + A (18) & A (15)
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