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Old 03-13-2013, 09:38 PM   #46
Minerva Mouse
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Ladies and gentleman, you were outstanding on the boat today, but now I need you out standing on the dock.
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Old 03-13-2013, 10:32 PM   #47
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Old 03-13-2013, 10:55 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by cigar95 View Post
My all-time favorite is highly politically incorrect, and I haven't heard it used in years.

"Up ahead on the left is the African bull elephant, the *second most* feared animal in the jungle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (pause for a few seconds) . . . . . . And on the right, is the *most* feared animal in the jungle. That's his mother-in-law."

I completely forgot about that one. We heard our skipper say this on our last trip and it got everyone laughing.

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Old 03-13-2013, 11:19 PM   #49
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I really don't have a favorite. Most of the jokes are equally lame, which is what makes the ride so good. But some skippers definitely have a better delivery than others.


P.S. I do like the lack of reaction from some foreigners who obviously don't get some of the wisecracks.
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Old 03-13-2013, 11:38 PM   #50
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I can't believe no one has said, "People think that is water in the elephant's trunk, but it's not (it's snot)."

One time there was a backlog of boats, so we had time before we could get to the dock so the skipper told several jokes. One was, "Why does Ariel wear sea shells?" Kids said things like, "Because she's a mermaid," but the answer was: "Because B shells are too small and D Shells are too big." I thought that was hysterical, and I am sure some moms had to explain it to their small kids.
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:58 AM   #51
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Jungle Cruise Jokes

some of the ones that make me really smile are....

with the butterflies "look at those babies, their species is plastica-britanica you can buy them in the disney gift shop for 7.99 ... 1.99 at wallmart" lol

with the lion "dont worry kids, that zebras only sleeping," lol

at the end "as you leave you will notice a dock on the left and a dock on the right thats what i call a pair-a-docks" lol

as their going through the temple slowly singing "its a small world after all"

with the gorillas at the camp "well at least they got my truck to turn over" lol

headhunter "hes got a special on today... one of your heads for two of his" followed by "but its certainly not a way to get ahead in life"

with the gun at the hippos "dont worry ill scare the hippos" waves the gun and shouts "shooo!!" lol

"rememberr to take your kids with you... children left behind will be put to work.... on its a small world.... as a hula girl.... thats how i started.... now im a skipper.... going round.... and round.... and round.... all day.... for the rest of my life... stay in school" lol

"so its been fun guys but theirs only one thing left to say... get out of my boat... sorry where are my disney manners... get our of my boat now! have a nice day" lol

"dont forget if you slip and fall on the way out one of my fellow skippers will assist you... i will be rolling on the floor in hysterics" lol

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