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Old 05-30-2013, 07:54 AM   #196
Colleen27
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Originally Posted by pacrosby View Post
I always find this point of view to be interesting. As if most kids just desire sex so much that they will screw anything that stands still. Girls just want to date so they can get laid, so if their parents won't let them date they just hook up with anyone who will give them the time of the day. Twelve year olds need it so bad they will hop off into the woods with any neighbor boy who will have them so they get their fix. I don't know if this attitude stems from an attempt to justify their own bad behavior as a kid or what but......sorry, that's not the way of the world. Even today.
I don't think it is really about the sex so much as everything else involved in a sexual relationship. Teenage romances are passionate and dramatic and intense by their very nature and unless you somehow find a way to keep your teen from forming any romantic attachment to anyone they're eventually going to want to have sex with the person they have such strong feelings for. That doesn't mean they'll run off and have sex with a random stranger, but it does mean that there's a will looking to find a way for most dating-age teens.
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:54 AM   #197
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Originally Posted by pookybean View Post
from what i understand he will come home and the gf will go to the shore for the weekend, with her family.
I'm curious - most kids here go away prom weekend. Some have parent supervision, some don't. Would there be any circumstance where you would allow your ds to go away prom weekend? I mean, in the situation with the gf, there would be 2 parents to supervise 2 teens. And they are her parents - her DAD! Would you only be comfortable letting your (legal adult) ds go away if you, yourself, were present?

Lots of kids this age are going off to college, where they have the freedom of fornicating whenever they want, behind closed/locked doors, with no chance of a parent coming in. Most parents are okay with sending their 17/18 year old off to college.
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:59 AM   #198
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Originally Posted by pookybean View Post
i have told him that if he is having sex with her that

1. he does not respect her
2. he does not respect her mother (as they are sneaking in her house)
3. he does not respect himself
Okay, this lost me... I can understand #2 - if they're breaking a house rule in her mother's home that is disrespectful. But why do you think that you should be able to decide for your son what does and does not constitute caring or respect in his personal relationships?
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:27 AM   #199
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You didnt want advice? Why on earth did you post on disboards then? What exactly did you think was going to happen? When you post a story like that, you have to expect both thoughts, opinions, and advice. To say "sorry i didnt ask for advice" is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. When posting here, you will get both. Im not sure what you thought was going to happen. Wow.

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Originally Posted by pookybean View Post
op here....

i didn't ask for advice, i asked for opinions and thoughts.
Sorry but your way of thinking is incredibly backwards. I feel sorry for your son and what your teaching him. With the below, youre basically saying that sex is awful and dirty and disrespectful and that he should be ashamed of himself. Incredible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pookybean
i have told him that if he is having sex with her that

1. he does not respect her

2. he does not respect her mother (as they are sneaking in her house)
3. he does not respect himself
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:46 AM   #200
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Originally Posted by NoSoup4U View Post

Sorry but your way of thinking is incredibly backwards. I feel sorry for your son and what your teaching him. With the below, youre basically saying that sex is awful and dirty and disrespectful and that he should be ashamed of himself. Incredible.

I don't think the OP is saying sex is dirty. She is saying that she believes that sex without marriage or without a committed relationship is disrespectful of each other. I think that there is nothing wrong with her values, but that under the circumstances, she needs to be realistic and not let the fact that her son is sexually active color how she handles his prom.

She is entitled to her beliefs and she is entitled to ask for certain behaviors while he is under her roof. I did the same thing. She does need to make sure that in her zeal to keep to her moral standard, she does not confuse an outing with a sexual opportunity. She went from sleeping together is wrong to sleeping under the same roof is wrong.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:58 AM   #201
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pookybean
op here....

i didn't ask for advice, i asked for opinions and thoughts.
Well my opinions and thoughts are that you are going to be in for a rough couple of years because Prom weekend is not likely to be the end of this.

If he continues to date this girl, she and her parents probably go to the beach cottage often and they will continue to invite him. Right now he's 18, then he'll be 19, 20, etc etc. Either you'll eventually give up, you'll eventually cave and give him some freedom, or he'll eventually say screw this and move out.

When he goes to college he is likely going to make friends, be invited to parties, want to go on Spring Break and all kinds of things where a High School like curfew isn't going to cut it. You are possibly going to be butting heads quite a bit, especially if he gets a job and doesn't need your money to finance his social life.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:15 PM   #202
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Originally Posted by Nancyg56 View Post
I don't think the OP is saying sex is dirty. She is saying that she believes that sex without marriage or without a committed relationship is disrespectful of each other. I think that there is nothing wrong with her values, but that under the circumstances, she needs to be realistic and not let the fact that her son is sexually active color how she handles his prom.

She is entitled to her beliefs and she is entitled to ask for certain behaviors while he is under her roof. I did the same thing. She does need to make sure that in her zeal to keep to her moral standard, she does not confuse an outing with a sexual opportunity. She went from sleeping together is wrong to sleeping under the same roof is wrong.
This couple has been dating a year. It's hardly a driveby.

The way the OP describes her son's life, it's pretty bleak. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. No money, no car. They live in a bad part of town. He's supposed to sit there and play video games all night, it seems.

It's hardly any wonder then that he's become attached to this girl, who is offering some sort of affection and support for him -- even if it's ill advised.

And the OP (apparently) snoops to find pictures, make it clear she's not good enough for him, and then also tries this guilt trip of "you don't respect yourself or her."

Last edited by jodifla; 05-30-2013 at 09:37 PM.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:02 PM   #203
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I read the first few pages, then skipped ahead, so sorry if I missed anything.

This is coming from a young person, so I know how young people can be. But, I also know my family and the way they raised me. I firmly believe that no matter the age, as long as someone is under your roof, even if they are home from college, heck, even if they are married and visiting...that it is your house, your rules. (within reason)

I am not saying parents can dictate a bedtime for a 22 year old home from college. But, if for example, you don't have alcohol in your house, and your 22 year old is home from college over Christmas break and has friends over, I think parents are well within their rights to say, "No alcohol."

Question for OP: does your son's school have a Post Prom. I know in my area, most schools host a Post Prom which runs until the following morning, drug free, alcohol free, good clean fun type of stuff. At my particular school, most everyone did Post Prom, with the exception of the "troublemakers." There were no trips or weekend getaways or anything like that. For me, and many of my friends, it was post prom or straight home, no ifs ands or buts. I never questioned it.
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Old 05-31-2013, 06:15 AM   #204
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Originally Posted by NoSoup4U View Post
To say "sorry i didnt ask for advice" is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard.
Really? Ever? I've heard more ridiculous things this morning.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoSoup4U View Post
Sorry but your way of thinking is incredibly backwards. I feel sorry for your son and what your teaching him.
Nice blanket statement. Keepin' it classy!

You know what one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a while is? This woman raising a son in a dangerous area in the city being judged by people that likely can't relate one bit to her situation.

Everyone has an opinion. Just because you have yours doesn't make it right. By the way, judging and name calling is NOT an opinion.
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Old 05-31-2013, 06:25 AM   #205
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Originally Posted by jodifla View Post
This couple has been dating a year. It's hardly a driveby.

The way the OP describes her son's life, it's pretty bleak. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. No money, no car. They live in a bad part of town. He's supposed to sit there and play video games all night, it seems.

It's hardly any wonder then that he's become attached to this girl, who is offering some sort of affection and support for him -- even if it's ill advised.

And the OP (apparently) snoops to find pictures, make it clear she's not good enough for him, and then also tries this guilt trip of "you don't respect yourself or her."
Oh I agree that this is not going to end well for the OP, IMO. I do understand that she has her own beliefs and that she can try to instill them in her son, and she can enforce them in her own home. I think she has stretched her reasoning, going from no "sleeping" together to no sleeping under the same roof.

I do not think that she has chosen the appropriate way to help her so make positive choices because she is looking for trouble. You are right, she has taught her son that she is going to try to catch him breaking her rules, and has snooped her way to being correct. You have to wonder if her son was proving his own point, because getting rid of pics is not that difficult.
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