OT How Would You Handle this?

[irishsharon]

Originally Posted by mistysue

I agree you need to confront them, but try not to be too rude sounding about it. If they are really convinced your child is the problem, they are going to look for anything in your behavior to "prove" that it's your family, not theirs, that is the problem.

Then try not to take it too personally if they still blame you for whatever their son's issue is. It's entirely possible they just can't handle it and need somebody to blame. I went to a private high school and met a girl my freshman year who was a little strange. Her parents decided it was my fault. Her mom complained to my mom and the school and at the end of the year due to a host of other issues she was asked not to come back. (I heard it was failing grades, but there was also a day where she was walking around in the halls during class talking about how she knew how to hack into the school's grading system.)
Years later, her family still blamed me even though she has been in locked up in mental hospitals a few times. But in their eyes, it's totally the fault of some random girl she knew for a couple months in high school.
Sometimes they want something to point to and your kid might just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am glad the other parents said something to you, that is a good sign that they aren't going to get everybody rallied up against your son. If you ever see signs of anything like that in his classroom, I would make a point of telling their teacher exactly what you have said here.

Thank you so much for sharing your story.Its funny you mentioned school because I started wondering what they may have said about ds to his teachers.However my child is a sweet kind boy and that is his teachers words and I have to agree with them most days

[kandb]

I hate to say it but it sounds like she can't deal with her own sons issues, so she is taking them out and blaming your son. You need to confront her.

[kirstenb1]

Originally Posted by kandb

I hate to say it but it sounds like she can't deal with her own sons issues, so she is taking them out and blaming your son. You need to confront her.

Kind of agree. It sounds like these parents are overwhelmed with their own son's issues, and haven't figured out a way to communicate his needs/idiosyncracies, so that it's a win-win. Our younger dd has ASD, so I'm not unfamiliar with difficult social situations. In a new situation, I try to be very candid about dd to the adult in charge. This takes a lot of faith in others.

I wouldn't confront them per se, but I'd try to engage them in conversation about how to help both kids fit into the troop.

[irishsharon]

Originally Posted by kirstenb1

Kind of agree. It sounds like these parents are overwhelmed with their own son's issues, and haven't figured out a way to communicate his needs/idiosyncracies, so that it's a win-win. Our younger dd has ASD, so I'm not unfamiliar with difficult social situations. In a new situation, I try to be very candid about dd to the adult in charge. This takes a lot of faith in others.

I wouldn't confront them per se, but I'd try to engage them in conversation about how to help both kids fit into the troop.

What confused me is that her son and my son where having a wonderful time. What is funny is they seem to be the ones with behavioral problems.

[irishsharon]

Originally Posted by kandb

I hate to say it but it sounds like she can't deal with her own sons issues, so she is taking them out and blaming your son. You need to confront her.

My ds is VERY social and was talking with the parents and their son many times during the day.I started trying to keep ds away from the parents.I really do not want ds talkiing to them at all, especially because they are so critical of him and ds being 10 does not see they are being unkind.I have no idea how I would even go about doing that except tell him he can no longer speak to them but that seems extreme.Just not sure how to deal with this.

[dzorn]

Originally Posted by irishsharon

My ds is VERY social and was talking with the parents and their son many times during the day.I started trying to keep ds away from the parents.I really do not want ds talkiing to them at all, especially because they are so critical of him and ds being 10 does not see they are being unkind.I have no idea how I would even go about doing that except tell him he can no longer speak to them but that seems extreme.Just not sure how to deal with this.

It's possible that they just do not realize how much 10year olds can talk. I would say something to the den leader. If you son has been in the troop for 3 years they know your child already so they can say something to the parents.

If there was another child in the class that was causing issues but since moved it is also possible that they have your son confused with the child that left.

Denise in MI

[melancholywings]

Originally Posted by irishsharon

The mom told my child to stop asking so many questions,told him he was the reason their son was not eating dinner.It was many small things that on there own no big deal but over seven hours on what is suppose to be a family fun weekend NOT fun.I did not witness everything that day I'm sure but I have known the other parents for three years and never had even one small issue with parents or their children.

She is bullying him. And it sounds like her talking to the other parents is trying to enlist them into her bullying, which validates her Queen Bee behavior. She sounds toxic.

I would talk to the den leader - because talking poorly about another child to the other parents is not acceptable behavior, then depending on how that goes, tell her that if she has a problem with your child she needs to talk to you directly about it and not your son. Raising your child isn't her responsibility.

[irishsharon]

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice.I have spoken to the den leader and since the meetings are small and in her home I know things will be handled well.If at the troop halloween party there are still issues I will firmly and politely tell her to address her concerns about my childs behavior to me and not ds OR the other parents.

[Fly4free]

Originally Posted by irishsharon

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice.I have spoken to the den leader and since the meetings are small and in her home I know things will be handled well.If at the troop halloween party there are still issues I will firmly and politely tell her to address her concerns about my childs behavior to me and not ds OR the other parents.

That's a good plan. Your ds should not be constantly badgered by these parents. If they protest when you address them, you can ask them why they feel the need to constantly correct your son. Like you said be firm but polite. Hope once they are made aware that THEIR behavior is unacceptable they will stop it.